the shift

[jameslovesyou]

i realise the rhyme scheme is weird, but when read outloud, it goes fairly smoothly. any suggestions are appreciated.

warm browns and reds
and the occaisional blue
my filters make everything
richer
softer
very very
"everything is just perfect"
i mean i realise there is suffering and starvation
rape
murder
and mass manipulation
but the way i see it~
it's all perfect
or it wouldn't be
see
it is humankinds fate to endure these trials
and if you think about how far we've come in just a relatively little while
and i know we've got a long way to go
but even so
evolutiuon is starting to stack
and i know you've got my back
cause everyone is starting to feel it
this
shift
i mean
i suppose one could try to ignore it
but at some point it's going to come like Jesus
and every eye will see...
on which side of the line will you be?

 

[colicolo]

nice write. the rhyme is unimportant to the message. great work dude.

 

[(Wordy)]

cause everyone is starting to feel it
this
shift
i mean
i suppose one could try to ignore it
but at some point it's going to come like Jesus

This section is really powerful - and the linebreaks give it extra punch.

So what shift do you see occuring, or what kind of shift would you like to see? (I'm interested)