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The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo)

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Smackcraft.

First of all , I'm sorry if my post upset you !
It's just iv looked on B/L and every other thread had you sayin the same old thing.
That's where my comment came from.

I know plenty about recovery mate iv been in treatment several times, and still not been successful.
I just don't think you realise how lucky you are to have a loving family wrapped round you, who want to help.

Anyway I wish you all the best this time and really hope you can , walk the walk, and not just talk the talk.
Good luck son. !
 
strungout2010 said:
Smackcraft.

First of all , I'm sorry if my post upset you !
It's just iv looked on B/L and every other thread had you sayin the same old thing.
That's where my comment came from.

I know plenty about recovery mate iv been in treatment several times, and still not been successful.
I just don't think you realise how lucky you are to have a loving family wrapped round you, who want to help.

Anyway I wish you all the best this time and really hope you can , walk the walk, and not just talk the talk.
Good luck son. !
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thats cool man apology accepted

your so right its so easy to say your going to do something but doing it is the difference

if alot of my posts of recent have been the same its probably ive forgot what ive said if its anything prior to the middle of this week because sorry need to say it again lol but i was really wasted and tbh i aint got a clue what i have wrote but now im actually aware of what im typing soif i was writing the same thing over and over from last week to a month back then im sorry that would of been me wasted but i will try not to keep repeating my self unless i really have to let it out because you guys are the only people i cam talk about this kind of things to at the moment until i start the meetings again ,i cant talk to my family about everything i tel you all here at BL and i as you probably have read a hundred times and sorry again lol but i havnt had anyone else to talk to and thats why im starting the meetings so i have other people i can talk to ,its different when you are typing to people you have never met but see as your online friends and support and to actual face to face people which apart from my family i have had no one so this has been the only place i can say certain stuff so thats why ive probably been repeating and repeating my self over and over , but at least once i start the meetings again i will have different people to talk to and be able to have vocal conversations about these things and it will make a huge difference in things in a very good way.

I know im lucky mate about the family side but i havnt seen my mum for weeks who moved out cos of me and my dad is always either working or goes to my sisters to help my mum with her new born as she had a C-section and is very weak just now and there was some problems with the baby too so i feel even more ashamed that ive done all this shit at the time when i should be a good brother and help my sister after all im unemployed so i could of been helping her instead ofmy parents who have jobs but instead i was in that mess so the guilt about that is like a ton of weight on me , i feel so selfish that i could of done all this at such a time i was suh a mess i still havnt seen my niece and i feel so bloody awful that my sister felt she couldn't come and stay here and didnt want to be around me with her new born cos of the mess i was in even though we have never seen eye to eye since she turned 16 and is now 26 but i sent my mum a message telling her i am clean again and why not bring my sis and the baby over for a while so i can finally see her , im a disgrace to my family that she couldnt come here to recover because im a junkie but thats another reason im trying to get my self sorted out i want to try fix things between me and my sisted and be a real uncle not one that my sister doesnt want her child to be near cos shes scaredi will be a mess .. that really fucks with my head so i have to do this for her and my self if i want to be seen as a decent human being because just now im a piece of shit for what ive done at such a time

thanks for teh best wishes ... im going to fucking try ..tonight was a mistake but not any more i need to walk the walk as you say and fucking do it !!!
 
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fek, its not going well, started a pretty brutal Diaz taper today, and ongoing relations with Mrs atm are at an all time low....basically I'm on the sofa and we've hardly spoken in about 3 days.

I never thought I'd say it but I'm looking forward to going to back to work on Monday
 
have u both been off work for a while ? maybe just need time apart so you have stuff to talk about ... i dont mean a break but like just you going to work and her going to work then when u get home have stuff to talk about ?
 
^^^

its a shit load more complicated than that unfortunately and hasnt been rigth for a long time in lots of ways.

Maybe it will work its way out only time will tell ...at least I havent fallen off the wagon yet...but Tesco's is still open !
 
smackcraft said:
ah is the mrs anti MRatm taking toxins by any chance ?
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That would be simple compared to whats going on, as it is i don't take any drugs anymore...I've been off the booze for 6weeks and on a Benzo taper , but thats it.

I guess its not just one thing but the last couple of years have seen me develop more serious problems with anxiety and depression and its driving us towards braking point

And what up to you and toxins this evening.....
 
well as you know i buggered up by getting a bit of H even though i wasnt meant to im not going to throw it down the bog so yeah im actually putting aside all the guilt etc and just going to let my self enjoy which "should" be my last but if not last ever last for a very long time at least and im feeling a very strong gouch come on as im typing this
 
badandwicked said:
^ you really need to stop blaming others for your problems and stand up and take responsibility for your life & your bad choices & mistakes.
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wanted to quote this because it is a common thing for people to do, I haven't read too much about your problems smackcraft, but I see myself doing what badandwicked said quite often too, and it is not the way to go. I am trying to stop blaming others for my problems and take responsibility for my own life, is hard to change after a lifetime of dong it the other way though. It absolutelly has to be done though.
 
smackcraft said:
well as you know i buggered up by getting a bit of H even though i wasn't meant to im not going to throw it down the bog so yeah im actually putting aside all the guilt etc and just going to let my self enjoy which "should" be my last but if not last ever last for a very long time at least and im feeling a very strong gouch come on as im typing this
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One last blow outs no bad thing, I have an empty bottle of scotch in the kitchen which I look at many times a day.

Best of luck with getting straightened out, you and Cherry teaming up sounds like a great idea, but don't let her down or she'll come round on her BMX and kick you fekin face in =D
 
Mugz said:
wanted to quote this because it is a common thing for people to do, I haven't read too much about your problems smackcraft, but I see myself doing what badandwicked said quite often too, and it is not the way to go. I am trying to stop blaming others for my problems and take responsibility for my own life, is hard to change after a lifetime of dong it the other way though. It absolutelly has to be done though.
Click to expand...

Its great advice but self pity and self loathing can follow if your not careful and that can be a road to hell. There is no easy answer but blamming others is rarely helpful if ever.....so says the lecture of atm today;)
 
yeah, is a hard one to get right, as sometimes there is fault from others that contributes, but most of the time the responsibility is on yourself. I think the self pity and self loathing that follows is also a risk, but can be eliminated if once you start to take responsibility for your own actions you actually do something right away to rectify any mistakes you have made rather than ignore them and let them grow into something worse. This can make you feel good as you can see that you have taken some positive steps. Again, hard to do though when you are in a depressed and unmotivated mindset.
 
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