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The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo)

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cherrycolouredfunk said:
Thank you.

I've been given anti-biotics for both. Injecting street crack = bad. Dirty dirty dirty.
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no worries, get the boots cream from boots, i just replied an update and the stuff really works well !

the pills might be agood idea for u too if u are in that bad a way ,im lucky i only have one serious citric burn on the top of my foot the rest is bruises and trapped fluid and bumps
 
cherrycolouredfunk said:
Thank you.

I've been given anti-biotics for both. Injecting street crack = bad. Dirty dirty dirty.
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Helen, ouch. Stick in there buddy. You know your BL family is always here to give you a slap if you get tempted.

Luckily I never got an abcesse when speedballing. But I know rock is a nice distraction from the H so I'm not judging. I hardly gave one test in my whole time in treatment for H that didn't come back dirty for coke. Shit I slipped up a week or so back with the crack again too. 8 days off the subs, 12 days since last did any crack now. Would shit myself doing it now, the way I bang and smoke crack I'd need to resorte to opiates.

Stick with it.

Spirits and weed are a good temporary distraction.
 
cherrycolouredfunk said:
Rails, I can't find them. I've come off them.

But, actually, today is the first day in 6 days that i've not used gear, and methadone held off the mental want. Can't say the same for crack though.

I have a stabbing painful kidney infection (as always), and an abscess/ black and blue arm. I've hit rock bottom, the only way on the ladder is up from here, and i'll climb it. Sometimes it takes rock bottom to actually realise you need to check your fucking self before you wreck yourself!
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Hope you start on the way up CCF, My advice would to be careful on relying on hitting rock bottom to bounce back up. In the end you just keep going down and down, the lights can go out and you no longer have a ladder to climb back up. Guessin you already know this, just a bit of concern on my part<3
 
Feel down , i got gear at the weekend and in an argument i gave in and told my dad i spent alot of money on gear and now he has to pay a debt to keep me out of the shit so guilt is deep within and it just pisses me off that gear has changed what i used to be to someone that has to have alife where you are always working hard to try stay clean and i wonder can i really go the rest of my life trying to stay clean

i know i learned to take it day at a time in rehab but all them days added up is a long fucking time ... i know i cant go back to my old life where i could do what i want with out having to worry oh will this lead to using ... fuck im not even up at that level any more ive dropped to the level of just fucking buy it and fuck the consequences and ive just done something worse , ive got 400 blues on its way and fuck knows where thats going to end up taking me
 
Looks like the lovely sunshine is going to be lost here soon,the amount of sea harr hovering over us and actually blocking the view for my window to the sea, yes even though im in the subs and 4 miles away i can see through to the north sea well all i can see about a mile away is pure sea harr and if it gets here it will block the sun no problem ,its so thick, ive never seen it like that before on a day like this
 
smackcraft said:
Feel down , i got gear at the weekend and in an argument i gave in and told my dad i spent alot of money on gear and now he has to pay a debt to keep me out of the shit so guilt is deep within and it just pisses me off that gear has changed what i used to be to someone that has to have alife where you are always working hard to try stay clean and i wonder can i really go the rest of my life trying to stay clean

i know i learned to take it day at a time in rehab but all them days added up is a long fucking time ... i know i cant go back to my old life where i could do what i want with out having to worry oh will this lead to using ... fuck im not even up at that level any more ive dropped to the level of just fucking buy it and fuck the consequences and ive just done something worse , ive got 400 blues on its way and fuck knows where thats going to end up taking me
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Smacky , what the fuck is wrong with you ? Your 30 years FFS & and your relying on the old man to bail you out, I don't want to sound harsh , but where's your dignity ? Ain't you caused your parents enough shit already ?
Come on son , get a grip !
 
yeah well i ws promised a job starting this week and thought i was finally getting on my own 2 feet to pay back debts on my own , why do you think i posted that i feel guilty as hell that i have to fall back on my dad once again . i hate having to rely on them fuck ive been on suicide sites because i feel so damn low about my situation so yes i know all the shit i have done and have to deal with it in my head every single fucking day and you think im happy, try reading all my posts on how low i feel , believe me am not proud , i had a real life once , a house ,a great job a car a fiancee and lost it all , i dont need a lecture on how shit i am and how crap a son i am , dont u think im trying to pull it together , ive made my first steps after a year and a half of being completely mind fucked and isolated and paranoid that no one will accept me in the real world but now ive finally made a step towards looking for work and signing on to get some income instead of totally relying on my folks ... theres alot of things about me people do not know on here and i will never ever share them on here but believe my dignity , guilt, the hole lot ive been through and im trying my hardest , i really thought i was going to have an income over the past few weeks and all i have been is fucked about so i dont need to be told about how shitty ive been because believe me i already know, i did not ask for the way things went but i am trying my best to get out of that path , this is the last way i wanted to be and i fucking hate every single day of it !
 
smackcraft said:
yeah well i ws promised a job starting this week and thought i was finally getting on my own 2 feet to pay back debts on my own , why do you think i posted that i feel guilty as hell that i have to fall back on my dad once again . i hate having to rely on them fuck ive been on suicide sites because i feel so damn low about my situation so yes i know all the shit i have done and have to deal with it in my head every single fucking day and you think im happy, try reading all my posts on how low i feel , believe me am not proud , i had a real life once , a house ,a great job a car a fiancee and lost it all , i dont need a lecture on how shit i am and how crap a son i am , dont u think im trying to pull it together , ive made my first steps after a year and a half of being completely mind fucked and isolated and paranoid that no one will accept me in the real world but now ive finally made a step towards looking for work and signing on to get some income instead of totally relying on my folks ... theres alot of things about me people do not know on here and i will never ever share them on here but believe my dignity , guilt, the hole lot ive been through and im trying my hardest , i really thought i was going to have an income over the past few weeks and all i have been is fucked about so i dont need to be told about how shitty ive been because believe me i already know, i did not ask for the way things went but i am trying my best to get out of that path , this is the last way i wanted to be and i fucking hate every single day of it !
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Please go easy with those blues when u get em mate.<3brimz
 
@ Smacky.
What do you want to hear mate ?
You don't realise how lucky you are with a loving family wrapped round you , stop taking them for granted.
If you want to get out there , bang at it , then do it on your own , stop dragging your poor folks into it.
Your not a child anymore, Stop relying on them.
Come on son. sort it out !
 
exhausted and failing to cope. i just want to be at home to support my boyf. he barely slept last night, all shit has hit the fan and the bitch who has blighted his and his families life (technically is in their family) is making everything worse. he's missed the deadline for a job he really wants because of all of it. i can't go into details its too personal and fucked up. life is fucking shit.

haven't had a drink, wasn't a problem.
 
smackcraft: why don't you go on Subutex, instead of methadone? Then you can't use anything else. Then you can't get into debt. Then you can prove to people that you're making the best possible effort. I don't understand why people continue to take methadone, if they never end up coming off it. It sounds awful.
 
Treacle said:
smackcraft: why don't you go on Subutex, instead of methadone? Then you can't use anything else. Then you can't get into debt. Then you can prove to people that you're making the best possible effort. I don't understand why people continue to take methadone, if they never end up coming off it. It sounds awful.
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Are you on Subs Treacle ? If so when or did you make the change from Methadone.
I got down to 30ml maintenance n was put on 8mg of subs that eventually got up to 24mg ,n i did want it 2 work .
I don't no why but it just didn't work out , maybe cos of the amount of years i'd been on Methadone.
Its quite a traumatic thing switching n unless you are in areally stable place i would think it be a bad idea.

You need the stability b4 you can make huge changes like that.
 
Work! :!

It's getting too much, this new job is a nightmare far too difficult with terrible training totally underprepared. I'm coming out of work every night feeling like my head is going to explode & stressed out my mind. There's too much to deal with for £6 an hour and we're expected to take on far too much responsibility as well. Everyone in my team is having mental breakdowns, no one should need to leave work feeling the way I am and definitely not for a shitty min wage job. I'll not last much longer.
 
Can hardly bosh benzos every night though, imagine where that'll lead. Drinking tonight though, needed to do something to destress.
 
Alprazolam in that situation sounds like a terrible idea, when it would be tempting to do them regularly with stress and they're probably the easiest and worst benzo to get addicted to.

I've been off the heavy drinking for 10 days now. Aiming to continue it over the weekend despite having tickets to the football on Saturday.
 
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