jancrow
Bluelighter
I agree that animals are way too available. Bring back the dog licence says I, also a far more widespread programme of cat sterilisation would be a good thing.
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The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo)
- Thread starter Mugz
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Uncle Robert
Bluelighter
Agreed, I like the fact microchips are to become compulsory as well.
jancrow
Bluelighter
I'm sorry! My thing you now don't want to mention has always been a bit like that due to its position but the forgetting etc sounds very lame. I will think tender and sympathetic thoughts in your general direction if that is any use.
Thankies 
This thread is very cathartic, even if I do end up deleting it afterwards haha.
Bit sadsnoo in that a mate of mine has posted what sounds like a very sad and doom laden FB status. The influx of people going 'oh god just heard so so sorry' etc isn't helping. Trying to get hold of her and praying it's nothing to do with her kids, or her husband who I'm good mates with but who is prone to the odd bout of recklessness
This thread is very cathartic, even if I do end up deleting it afterwards haha.
Bit sadsnoo in that a mate of mine has posted what sounds like a very sad and doom laden FB status. The influx of people going 'oh god just heard so so sorry' etc isn't helping. Trying to get hold of her and praying it's nothing to do with her kids, or her husband who I'm good mates with but who is prone to the odd bout of recklessness
jancrow
Bluelighter
Hope it's OK. Goddammit there should be a rule that nothing huge gets conveyed via social media. I found out that one of my best friends as a teenager had died (smoking v pure heroin) through seeing a lot of other mates' statuses saying things like 'Thinking of Xxxxxx' and 'Xxxxxx, can't believe it' because no motherfucker had phoned me to let me know. It was the worst possible way to find out.
For real, social media fucking sucks sometimes, awful having to hear about stuff like that second or third hand I had a whole post typed up here but BL ate it. Thanks for well wishes, hope it's all just something overly dramatic like one of her pets died again, but somehow I doubt it
edit: turned out her mum died loved that woman. bad times.
editmore: talking to her now, feel so so fucking bad. managed to crack a few jokes and make her laugh, but I just can't believe it. said if she needs me i'll be there, just can't believe it. the woman was maybe in her late 50s and nothing wrong with her. apparently she was on the phone with her dad and then BANG, gone
really, really gutted.
I had a whole post typed up here but BL ate it. Thanks for well wishes, hope it's all just something overly dramatic like one of her pets died again, but somehow I doubt it edit: turned out her mum died
loved that woman. bad times.editmore: talking to her now, feel so so fucking bad. managed to crack a few jokes and make her laugh, but I just can't believe it. said if she needs me i'll be there, just can't believe it. the woman was maybe in her late 50s and nothing wrong with her. apparently she was on the phone with her dad and then BANG, gone
really, really gutted.
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hexagram
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2012
- Messages
- 1,712
is it normal to feel completely over your ex for months, been with someone else for a while, and then to suddenly out of nowhere remember something small about them, just some thing we used to do together, and burst into fresh tears over it?
BecomingJulie
Bluelight Crew
I am sad because one of my cats passed away today Shelley had been poorly for a long time, starting with an abscess in her mouth and very bad ulcers. She responded at first to antibiotics and painkillers, and returned to normal for a few days; but then the ulcers returned with a vengeance. The vet prescribed more antibiotics, but she was never really right. A recent blood test showed positive for Feline Calicivirus. This was weakening her immune system, allowing bacterial infections such as the one which caused the ulcers to take hold.
A younger, fitter cat might have stood a chance of recovery; but Shelley came to me as a stray and also was somewhat physically disabled, unable to move her back legs properly, and she was on medication for hyperthyroidism. The infections were simply too much for her.
My Partner-in-Crime accompanied me and Shelley to the vet's for the last time. I signed the consent form. We stood there, stroking her, and she purred as the fluid went in; then she became silent and fell asleep. Her breathing slowed, she fell down softly onto the table, and that was the end.
No matter how many pets you may have looked after in your lifetime, nothing ever prepares you for this. Amd that is why I am sad today.
Shelley had been poorly for a long time, starting with an abscess in her mouth and very bad ulcers. She responded at first to antibiotics and painkillers, and returned to normal for a few days; but then the ulcers returned with a vengeance. The vet prescribed more antibiotics, but she was never really right. A recent blood test showed positive for Feline Calicivirus. This was weakening her immune system, allowing bacterial infections such as the one which caused the ulcers to take hold.A younger, fitter cat might have stood a chance of recovery; but Shelley came to me as a stray and also was somewhat physically disabled, unable to move her back legs properly, and she was on medication for hyperthyroidism. The infections were simply too much for her.
My Partner-in-Crime accompanied me and Shelley to the vet's for the last time. I signed the consent form. We stood there, stroking her, and she purred as the fluid went in; then she became silent and fell asleep. Her breathing slowed, she fell down softly onto the table, and that was the end.
No matter how many pets you may have looked after in your lifetime, nothing ever prepares you for this. Amd that is why I am sad today.
Shambles
Bluelight Crew
Am sorry to read above antisnoos and wish I could offer more than an emoticon but can't right now cos am all full of antisnoo woes too which makes me a bit of a selfish prick. But, FWIW, the emoting is still here 'neath the icon
My current antisnoo is the same one I've had for some time now. Only more so. As I've mentioned recently, Occasional Mrs Shambles is not long for this Earth. She got over the septicaemia (cos she iz well 'ard) but she's not gonna get over the massive liver cancer flare-up. I already knew this and has been slowly sinking in for quite some time now. Far too slowly though. Have also said a number of times that I needed to be spending more time with her. I wish I could say I tried but I know I didn't try half as much as I should've done. De Nile not just a river and all that...
Just couldn't quite accept or believe the end really was coming and really is gonna be final. It is though. And it really does seem I left it too late cos her ex-husband moved in again when she got out of hospital and is gonna be looking after her till the end. Is good really cos she needs proper care cos she really is in a very bad way. At least I hear she's in a very bad way. I really don't know cos her ex is a very jealous and controlling ex and nobody gets to contact her other than through him now and I ain't invited.
I know she doesn't want anybody to see her the way she is now. She wants people to remember her how she was before it got this bad. I can even understand and respect that. In a (horribly selfish) way I'm grateful cos the last time I actually saw her she was still doing great and looking great and feeling as close to great as she possibly could be. Is a horrible thing to say but I'm almost glad she doesn't want me (or anybody else for that matter) to see her now she's just a shell. I'm clearly not handling this well as it is and I just can't bear to think of her in so much pain
However, all this time I've dithered and buried my head in the sand has kinda come back to haunt me cos now it's looking like I'm not gonna get the chance to say goodbye. Can't go visit her cos I've been told that she's not receiving visitors of any description. Don't know if that's entirely her decision or it's her ex making decisions on her behalf. He really is the controlling type. He even kicked out one of their own children until "after" cos he doesn't want him around at the moment cos they don't get on.
I'd literally just gotten her new phone number this week too but just don't know what to do now. Was gonna call and either try to arrange a time when she felt up to receiving visitors or at the very least try to say my goodbyes to her over the phone if face to face is not an option. Any phone calls will have to go through him now though so that ain't looking too likely. Thought about writing to her but is also gonna have to go through him. Even if he decides she's "allowed" to see it he's probably gonna have to read it to her. Just don't know what to say. Don't even know how to start. Has been driving me nuts trying to find the words to say in person but through her ex who is hardly fond of me at the best of times? Fuck knows.
I have to say something. Can't let her go without saying a word. Have already left it almost too late. Fuck this is hard. And I've been a prick. Think I'm gonna have to try to find the words to write to her and just hope she gets to see it. Try to call too. The whole having to go through an intermediary now thing is not making this any easier. At all. Just can't seem to bring myself to be able to pick up the phone or put pen to paper. Am pathetic. Pain is quite literally crippling... but is no excuse. Have to find the words and have to at least try. Will never forgive myself otherwise
Sorry for splurge. Just venting a bit is all. And hopefully by saying something publicly it'll help force myself to take some kinda action cos am a bit of a rabbit in the headlights of late![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
My current antisnoo is the same one I've had for some time now. Only more so. As I've mentioned recently, Occasional Mrs Shambles is not long for this Earth. She got over the septicaemia (cos she iz well 'ard) but she's not gonna get over the massive liver cancer flare-up. I already knew this and has been slowly sinking in for quite some time now. Far too slowly though. Have also said a number of times that I needed to be spending more time with her. I wish I could say I tried but I know I didn't try half as much as I should've done. De Nile not just a river and all that...
Just couldn't quite accept or believe the end really was coming and really is gonna be final. It is though. And it really does seem I left it too late cos her ex-husband moved in again when she got out of hospital and is gonna be looking after her till the end. Is good really cos she needs proper care cos she really is in a very bad way. At least I hear she's in a very bad way. I really don't know cos her ex is a very jealous and controlling ex and nobody gets to contact her other than through him now and I ain't invited.
I know she doesn't want anybody to see her the way she is now. She wants people to remember her how she was before it got this bad. I can even understand and respect that. In a (horribly selfish) way I'm grateful cos the last time I actually saw her she was still doing great and looking great and feeling as close to great as she possibly could be. Is a horrible thing to say but I'm almost glad she doesn't want me (or anybody else for that matter) to see her now she's just a shell. I'm clearly not handling this well as it is and I just can't bear to think of her in so much pain
However, all this time I've dithered and buried my head in the sand has kinda come back to haunt me cos now it's looking like I'm not gonna get the chance to say goodbye. Can't go visit her cos I've been told that she's not receiving visitors of any description. Don't know if that's entirely her decision or it's her ex making decisions on her behalf. He really is the controlling type. He even kicked out one of their own children until "after" cos he doesn't want him around at the moment cos they don't get on.
I'd literally just gotten her new phone number this week too but just don't know what to do now. Was gonna call and either try to arrange a time when she felt up to receiving visitors or at the very least try to say my goodbyes to her over the phone if face to face is not an option. Any phone calls will have to go through him now though so that ain't looking too likely. Thought about writing to her but is also gonna have to go through him. Even if he decides she's "allowed" to see it he's probably gonna have to read it to her. Just don't know what to say. Don't even know how to start. Has been driving me nuts trying to find the words to say in person but through her ex who is hardly fond of me at the best of times? Fuck knows.
I have to say something. Can't let her go without saying a word. Have already left it almost too late. Fuck this is hard. And I've been a prick. Think I'm gonna have to try to find the words to write to her and just hope she gets to see it. Try to call too. The whole having to go through an intermediary now thing is not making this any easier. At all. Just can't seem to bring myself to be able to pick up the phone or put pen to paper. Am pathetic. Pain is quite literally crippling... but is no excuse. Have to find the words and have to at least try. Will never forgive myself otherwise
Sorry for splurge. Just venting a bit is all. And hopefully by saying something publicly it'll help force myself to take some kinda action cos am a bit of a rabbit in the headlights of late
That is such a sad post Shambles, I feel for you mate.
You should try & find the strength to write her a letter and see if someone can get it to her for you.
You don't want to regret never telling her the things you want to let her know.
I'd give everything to have been able to tell my wife how much i loved her etc but didn't have the chance as she died suddenly in a car accident.
You at least have a chance to say what u want to and i think you should try to tell her if you can find the strength mate.
You should try & find the strength to write her a letter and see if someone can get it to her for you.
You don't want to regret never telling her the things you want to let her know.
I'd give everything to have been able to tell my wife how much i loved her etc but didn't have the chance as she died suddenly in a car accident.
You at least have a chance to say what u want to and i think you should try to tell her if you can find the strength mate.
quidamsoul
Bluelighter
i failed a class this past semester
and i have grafted and consumed $4000 from an account i'm not supposed to have access to, and will probably have to come up with it in the medium term
sigh
and i have grafted and consumed $4000 from an account i'm not supposed to have access to, and will probably have to come up with it in the medium term
sigh
WithMyLife
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2013
- Messages
- 236
Shambles -- I want to say something, but I don't know what to say. Words seem inadequate. I'm really sorry - such a sad situation. Phoning sounds like a good idea - at least find out if she really doesn't want to see anyone, or if that's coming from the ex. He sounds like a prize dick, but hopefully not so much of a dick that he can't see that there's a bigger picture.
Rooting for you, hope you manage to get in touch and spend some time together. Take care
Rooting for you, hope you manage to get in touch and spend some time together. Take care
curious_24
Bluelighter
Shambles, I don't have anything constructive to say but I'm thinking of you.
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
Ah Shambles, I'm so so sorry
I think you should really try whatever you can to get through to her - call, write a letter, go visit frankly, it's all worth a shot on the offchance you get to see her. If you end up writing, tell her whatever you want, without taking the ex into consideration. It's a letter to her, not him, and it doesn't matter if he reads it or not - you need to do this, both for yourself and for her. You need to tell her exactly what you want before it's too late - or at least try. I know it's much easier said than done but I know you've got it in you too...just try to not even consider the ex as a factor here until you've at least tried everything. I really hope you get to see her again.
I think you should really try whatever you can to get through to her - call, write a letter, go visit frankly, it's all worth a shot on the offchance you get to see her. If you end up writing, tell her whatever you want, without taking the ex into consideration. It's a letter to her, not him, and it doesn't matter if he reads it or not - you need to do this, both for yourself and for her. You need to tell her exactly what you want before it's too late - or at least try. I know it's much easier said than done but I know you've got it in you too...just try to not even consider the ex as a factor here until you've at least tried everything. I really hope you get to see her again.
RC Enthusiast
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2013
- Messages
- 97
Why are you persevering?
Bodda
Ex-Bluelighter
I've avoided this thread as I'm a brutal depressive & have alot of empathy for others but Shambles my best wishes to you.
Just had a brutal phone call whereiI got slated for my physical appearance from someone I truly loved which atm has caused a black spell of self loathing.
It's really not cool to use stuff people can't help to slander them & truly hurt their soul.
I really feel I'll never heal from this broken relationship, not even industrial quantities of smack make me feel ok anymore.
Just had a brutal phone call whereiI got slated for my physical appearance from someone I truly loved which atm has caused a black spell of self loathing.
It's really not cool to use stuff people can't help to slander them & truly hurt their soul.
I really feel I'll never heal from this broken relationship, not even industrial quantities of smack make me feel ok anymore.
swampdragon
Bluelighter
So sorry to hear that Shambles - thinking of you and hope you find a way of getting in touch. Take care
WithMyLife
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2013
- Messages
- 236
Sometimes I honestly don't know if I'm going to survive this. I lost someone so special to me this year. I was checking my old PMs to find out when the last time I saw him was, and read a bit where he said "I couldn't live without you as my friend". I'd give anything in the universe to turn back time and be a better friend. I got my answer, 27th October 2012. The day I took him back to his home and kissed him goodbye for the last time.
It's just all so fucked up. All I know how to do now is work and do drugs. The only time I feel a moment of peace is when I'm off my face. Home isn'tm a sanctuary anymore -- it's the place where my thoughts catch up with me and rip me to bits over and over. I don't know how to start putting the pieces back together. There are so many things I wish I could have done differently and my whole life is just full of regret.
It's just all so fucked up. All I know how to do now is work and do drugs. The only time I feel a moment of peace is when I'm off my face. Home isn'tm a sanctuary anymore -- it's the place where my thoughts catch up with me and rip me to bits over and over. I don't know how to start putting the pieces back together. There are so many things I wish I could have done differently and my whole life is just full of regret.
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