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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo)

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Whilst it's easy to say "it's to be expected" etc etc, it don't make it any easier does it, feelin for you try and think of the good times and how he would want you to carry on and live a life, That sounds a bit hollow but its the best I can do, I'm so so sorry:\
 
No that's perfect atm, that's all anyone can say. That is what has got me back to work and back socialising again :) that and the awareness that this is a slow process and is not necessarily linear..

Thank you <3
 
brimz said:
not by me

Smack heads in BL meet up shocker

who would have thought two of the most disfuctional ;) EADDers were actually capable of such organisation ?
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And a brilliant time it was! :) I needed it, as i've not spent any quality time with friends in a long time and I'm so lonely. One of them recently barged into my flat, pushing past me when I'd said I don't want anyone coming in, said to me I'm a smack head, and that he was one of the last ones to give a fuck about me and that nobody else gives a fuck. He wrote a comment for all my family and friends to see about pinning up on my Facebook. That caused a lot of hurt for my family, as not all of them know. He also said that I seem to make it seem like i'm the only one having a hard time, I do not do this at all as I bottle my shit up. The fact I'm missing a boy I used to love, who died a day after staying with me two months ago, but my friends don't give me any sympathy as yes, me and him once had a fiery relationship, but we'd healed those things and he was still a human being who didn't deserve to die young. If you look past the drug, there's always a reason underneath why some is using it.

I'm sick of fucking crying, and i've just started again.

Fuck it, time to block it out.
 
If you look past the drug, there's always a reason underneath why some is using it.
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indeed

But it takes much humility & patience to look past the illness
By the time you have tried you need a new prescription (for glasses ) cos your eyes would hurt i expect ?
 
^ <3 to you both

Really sad night so am off to bed I think. Tomorrow is another day...
 
brimz said:
indeed

But it takes much humility & patience to look past the illness
By the time you have tried you need a new prescription (for glasses ) cos your eyes would hurt i expect ?
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Even if the people i'm talking about are drug users themselves, with addictions? But I suppose I do take 'the two big bad ones', the ones with a stigma and I inject, that makes things a whole lot different. Addiction is addiction, no matter the substance. It just hurts me that i've had one friend say to me thy don't even believe I have a habit, and that I can stop whenever I want. Maybe that's partly my fault, as they don't see how much I use, but they've seen me in WD's, with sweat dripping off me and soaked bed sheets from hot and cold sweats. Ack, nevermind, it's one of those things that until you've experienced it, you're never going to understand.

My friends just been arrested. Saw him get gripped, I refused to be part of his idiocy. I've only got a little bit of sympathy for him, as I told him four times it was a stupid idea and I was having no part in it, but we were both full of Heminevrin (Strong sedative, really nice actually, fucking painful on the nose when it's first coming on) so was feeling king of the world and didn't listen to my wise words. I said I was going nowhere near the place as I know two other mates who've fallen into the trap. He should have stuck with me, as I've just managed to make 30 quid and it only took me half an hour.
 
You can never see something completely from someone else's point of view IMO, it's intrinsic to the human condition.

In some ways they are right you could stop right now, you wouldn't die...probably so in their simple understanding they are correct.

Obviously I don't agree and I don't even do opiates and never have, by some lucky twist of fate they have just never crossed my path apart from a bit of DHC but never brown, I was always more of a stims person but these days I could start on it tomorrow so I avoid it like the plague.

There has to be more to life than what you seem to describe Cherry, I know little about what support is available to you, but you have to get off this shit or at least get into some kind of stable existence where you can start to really look at your choices.

It seems your living hand to mouth, with most of your cash going on drugs and spending most of your time either alone and unhappy or with others with the same habits.

Is there really no decent program you can get on to at least stabalise your needs, the white just has to go, you know that its and indulgence you could well do without. But the brown is a longer term thing in my little experience with others but they go together these days it seems, which just feks people up even more.

It just feels like your at that cross roads no one can tell you which way to go either way its not going to be pretty but one way leads to a life the other doesn't :\ you do have a choice and only you, there is no one else to blame even if there is they aren't there now to help you one way or another.

I've been in the bottom of that dark place for different reasons (we all have our reasons) you think there is no way out and all you can do is to block out the pain with whatever is your choice, booze / stims / H / coke / cutting / not eating / eating / throwing up....the list goes on and on. But you can find your way back out into the light. It will take a long time but once you start to see that the way things get easier of that I can promise you, stay down there and things will only get darker and I'm betting you already think they are about as dark as it gets.

Find some help, keep looking for it, fight for it, fight for your life back piece by tiny piece they all start to add up in the end <3
 
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Shit atm thats just fukin gold mate

You may have a talent as a Community Drug guy Thingy they only get about £20,000top though.

Think about it ?

When you get off the benzos you may be able to give something back problem is the money though
 
My good mate and using partner is surrendering to his bail today, and at court tomorrow is ASKING to be sent to Jail for minimum of 12 months so he can get clean, he's using it to HIS advantage. I'm fucking terrified as i'm flat out at the moment, averaging about 90 quid a day, and i'm going to be left on my own. He pretty much carries me to help fund my habit, and i'm scared of what i'm capable of on my own as I've already been there done that once.

Plus, my usual way of making money, i'm due some sort of sentence for myself as I've got a warrant out for me. I'm sat here in tears as i'm clucking so i'm off to fuck my emotions off back into submission as I can't handle them. I'm skint, as dole have fucked up as they closed my claim and put me over to sick, but i'll sort it out. I don't give afuck that i've let all this out here. I needed it out of my head, and im not due a session with mykey worker for a few days, though I think she made me an early one tomorrow as she's worried about me. I need help.
 
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cherrycolouredfunk said:
My good mate and using partner is surrendering to his bail today, and at court tomorrow is ASKING to be sent to Jail for minimum of 12 months so he can get clean, he's using it to HIS advantage. I'm fucking terrified as i'm flat out at the moment, averaging about 90 quid a day, and i'm going to be left on my own. He pretty much carries me to help fund my habit, and i'm scared of what i'm capable of on my own as I've already been there done that once.

Plus, my usual way of making money, i'm due some sort of sentence for myself as I've got a warrant out for me. I'm sat here in tears as i'm clucking so i'm off to fuck my emotions off back into submission as I can't handle them. I'm skint, as dole have fucked up as they closed my claim and put me over to sick, but i'll sort it out. I don't give afuck that i've let all this out here. I needed it out of my head, and im not due a session with mykey worker for a few days, though I think she made me an early one tomorrow as she's worried about me. I need help.
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stay on line a sec i'll pm u
 
And it's off to court I go. Bench warrant, niiiiice.

Well I wasn't going without a fix, and dealers smoke to much weed to get up before mid day, it's been hard work!


My mate is dragging his feet, as he knows these are his last hours of freedom as he's asking for Jail time. If he dosent hurry his shit up soon though i'm gonna kick off, as i'm not harboring someone with a warrant, again, they'll come here straight away, even if he's not mentioned my address to them. My front doors still fucked from the last time and I've already got one myself.

EDIT : NOW IM ANGRY AS HE'S REFUSING TO GO!! Time to be a bitch.
 
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Urrrgghh. Good luck, Cherry. Not the kind of scene I have or wish to have any experience of, but hope it works out for the best.
 
I'm very fucking annoyed at him. He's got one more chance to listen to me and fuck off to court, or i'm going to get another mate who knows him too to sort it out. This isn't fair on me, and he fucking knows it too.

In other sad news, just stood on the scales, 8 stone 5. I was 9.3 stone in hospital 3 weeks ago, I was gaining weight thanks to nourishment drinks, but I've stopped eating again now i'm back to my own devices. My tits are pancakes :(
 
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If it helps Cherry I just came back from the mag court and can confirm its a lovely day in that part of town. I drove back past christmas steps and was tempted to park and have a mooch at the shops by St Michaels hill. Good luck, but remember if they keep seeing you again for the same thing they do get mighty pissed off ;) If your run of luck has ended its time for a sane & sensible plan B :)
 
^ Yeah, I've just been up to the courts to go to Tesco,I live just a five minute walk away :)

He's still here, but i've got my mate here now who has known the person for years, and wont take any shit. We'll get him out and on his way to the big house by this evening. I've done him enough favors for putting him up for the past 3 days.
 
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