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  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo) 2 - Tory Britain in Flames

Yeah, it's frustrating, especially if mobile credit or minutes are precious, i'm often down to my last 20 free minutes, and end up rinsing them before I even get through. I've had many an argument with doctor receptionists. Some of them are judgemental as fuck as soon as they clock you as a blue scripter druggy.

When I was trying to get used to working again back in April after a long time off work, and maintain a script, the doctors receptionists made it virtually impossible for me to get an appointment to renew my meth, around work hours, and work woudn't have me have any time off. Needless to say, things didn't work out, mostly for script reasons, and it being a bit too soon for me to return to work. But, I think if it had been easier for me to maintain a script and keep it on the down low from work, things would have been A LOT easier.

My shared care worker made it difficult for me too. I had to get an advocate involved, who managed to get me away from shared care, and scripted by my decent doctor, who saw me after my working hours. I should have complained her, but it gets nowhere with agencies like that. Considering that only 17 per cent of people who are in shared care in Bristol are working (A fact my doctor who is actually decent told me), I'd have thought she'd have snapped me up to keep me on her books especially as she'd just started in the job, but no, she had always been a bitch to me and continued to be so once I told her i'd found work!
 
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I have to log out, because my boyfriend is home, and does not like me using BL, because he cant understand why I'd want to talk about drugs, or understand the fact i've made friends here. Maybe it's time I woke the fuck up.
 
I really don't know what the hell to do tonight, this is so dumb to say but I will type it anyway. For all the time I've been on EADD I find it like a kind of online home in a way. In real life everyone I call a "mate" are fucked up & so deep in addictions of OP8's they are no use to talk to about real life stuff, they only care about getting their gear for the day, I find on here people though they have their own issues tend to listen to the issues of others & offer advice & kind words alot more & actually mean it. I remember for example when Jamie (Mrs Norway) was having the issue with the Norwegian child services & I was out there & had to go to court to speak for her & try to save her child from being taken away & into care. I can recall Mailmonkey, Knock, SHM chatting to me on PM's & really going beyond the average forum user in talking to me on a proper human level. At that time I will admit I was really torn in my heart & soul, I felt so sad for what was going on & what my woman would go through if she lost her kid, sadly you all know what happened in the end & some of you lot on here really went out of your way to help me & speak to me, I will never forget some of the messages I got from Mailmonkey over that time in my life, also SHM I owe a huge thanks to as he also took time out of his day to chat with me & try to help me keep a balanced mind, it's no secret where I come from & the history of my real parents, hence why I took that child services case so badly.

Well it's yet another thing I've been hit with today sadly & I feel like my whole world has stopped sadly & I really don't know what the hell I am going to do, I just hope someone on here that knows me can help. It's strange how people on a forum know me far better than people I actually call "mates"
You lot know about my Swedish mother, the issues I had with my birth parents heroin addiction etc. Though 1 CUNT on here who I won't name did his best to troll me a few months back & said some really bad stuff about me & Jamie (Mrs Norway) I am not going to let one stupid cunt wreck it for me as I find 99.9% of EADD great, smart people & that 1 person should remember Karma is a bitch.

Some of you know about my "mom" (i'll call her that from now on as she has raised me from a baby) had cancer & had to have her breast removed alongside some things called mammary glands, it was quite a close call as she was quite ill, after having it removed she seemed ok for a while, she had her check up's etc & for a while everything was fine. Sadly she had a slight issue a few months ago & the family was thinking it had come back again & she had to go back for more tests, lucky enough it wasn't cancer again.

I found out a few months ago she was having a issue with her throat, she was finding it hard to swallow her food & drink but being a "hard woman" she didn't go to the doctor for whatever reason she felt was right. Over time it got worse & worse, my stepdad made her go to the doctors & get it checked out which she did. The doctor just blagged her off but the issue has stayed with her & is getting worse. Well to cut it short she has had tests etc & has been told yesterday she has an emergency booking to go to some special doctor in Birmingham, long & short it looks like the cancer did go away from her breast but has come back else where. I only found out this afternoon & I feel like my fucking, shit world has stopped. It's rare I cry, last time I really broke down & cried proper was when me & Jamie broke up but this afternoon I've been a real fucking mess. I really don't know what I am going to do if she is given a terminal diagnosis. I really don't have that many people in my life I can trust, though she hasnt been the best mom ever she has been good to me over the last 18 months & all the shit I've gone through growing up as most of you know about has kind of had closure to it, me & my stepdad still don't get on & we never will but me 7 my mom have come alot closer.

The limited few people I call "mates" are so fucked up in their own heroin addiction I can't turn to them to talk, I have to carry really fucking heavy burdens with nobody to really talk to, anyone that knows what heroin addiction is like will know it's no good trying to talk to your mates when they are on gear, they are so self centered. I find EADD like a kind of cyber home in a way, everyone here is open about stuff & I've shared alot about myself a few times, I know you lot think I am joking about it but sadly I am not. My God even Marmz knows stuff about me that I've only ever shared with 2 partners which I find so deeply personal but it's different on here in some way.
Yeah i know I am pathetic but that's the cards I have.

I really DON'T know how I am going to cope with this issue with my mom, she is all I really have. atm I am really sad, heart broken, worried, just all mixed up i the head & i know smoking all this smack isn't going to help me that much. atm I just feel like God has pulled the rug out from under my feet.

Sorry to rant, Cancer sucks & of all people my mom doesn't deserve this, I've cried my heart out at points today.
Backroll you fucking dare troll me on this, your a bigger cunt that I took you for with your last messages about Jamie.
 
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It can be easier to share stuff with people online. Theres things ive said and personas ive been that would never see the light of day in 'real life'. If you are going to confide though please be sensible with whom.. Not saying theres anyone iffy here but you know how little wars can start..wouldn't want you sharing ammo hun.

Getting closer to you lately sweet<3 so sad to see you upset. Add me on msn or yahoo if you have it and you need to unload.

Prayers, healing vibes, peace and love to you and yours.
 
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NightsEpiphany said:
It can be easier to share stuff with people online. Theres things ive said and personas ive been that would never see the light of day in 'real life'. If you are going to confide though please be sensible with whom.. Not saying theres anyone iffy here but you know how little wars can start..wouldn't want you sharing ammo hun.

Getting closer to you lately sweet<3 so sad to see you upset. Add me on msn or yahoo if you have it and you need to unload.

Prayers, healing vibes, peace and love to you and yours.
Click to expand...

Thank you, I usually keep silent with my issues unless they are really bad but as I said NP my "mates" are all fucked up junkies & really don't give a toss how I feel & trying to cope with this issue.
Thank you for the kind words it means alot, I mean it :)

Just scoring again & got to go see my man, I think I deserve a few grams of smack tonight.
 
I'm sorry to hear about your mom, bodda. Give her all the support she needs, I felt bad when my parents had cancer as I basically ran away and hid because I was so frightened by the situation. I've forgiven myself now and probably made up for it in spadefuls as I'm always helping my mum & dad and other family with stuff now but I wish I'd been more supportive at the time. And go easy on yourself too, don't be blaming yourself for anything.
 
Hey bodda,

I don't really know you very well, but yeah.... you guys all probably know me better than anyone in my real life. I guess because most of us have struggled with one thing or another.

This though.... I can only imagine how scared you must be. On the other hand, she beat it back once and it sounds like you don't have enough information yet. I'd be expecting the worst too, wouldn't be able to help myself. But I hope you can manage to find some hope.... and though it be a wall of text, we're always here to support or just listen. I'm sure it'll be good for you both to see each other.
I could say 'using isn't the answer' but instead I'll say 'be careful' -- because sometimes we all need some short term relief when it's just too much to bear. But do take care.
<3
 
Aw man fucking hell Bodda :( Just read all that, dunno what to say, am terrible at this kinda stuff. Been in that situation and you just dunno what to do with yourself and how to deal with it. She sounds like a hell of a strong woman, really hope it turns out ok. Thinkin of ya, for what it's worth <3 And yeah, just try and be there for her. I did the same thing as Knock, though it was my Grandma, she had a huge hand in raising me and helping me with my anxiety and depression when no one else thought it was worth bothering with and I was ruined when I found out she had cancer. Wish I'd gone to see her more, that's my only regret in life. Everything else, who cares? But that fucks me up so spend time with her and keep her mind off shit and do whatever you can to make it easier for you both.
 
Thanks, it's a heavy thing to carry & I won't lie I am worried & scared. It's only been the last few months that we have really began to see eye to eye on stuff, though we still clash a bit things aint as bad as they used to be & she even said sorry last week for the way she behaved when I was younger.
Seems just as things are getting better "fate" goes & throws something into the mix & fucks it all up.

Thanks to the above posters & PM's, you know who you are.
 
Sorry to hear that man, don't really know what to say, dread to think what you're going through with that news. All I can say is hold on strong.
 
Tough one Bodda, i dont know how the fuck I'll cope when one of my close relatives gets ill. I guess just try to spend as much time with her as you can, and try to be strong for her, i know thats easier said than done. Infact im not really qualified to talk about this as i havent been through it...
 
So I thought taking a bunch of dissociatives would make me feel better but nope, not at all :) Tom is still gone and he's still never coming back and there's still nothing I can do about it. And then my dad still has cancer and today's the death anniversary of my best friend 4 years ago, and he's never coming back either.
Don't even know what else to say.
 
<3

Hang on in there. Get into your studies. Battle through! Chat to me and others when you need to. I'm going to bed soon tonight though :(

And yeah, drugs work temporarily, but they're definitely not the long-term solution. Or medium term. Just the odd night.
 
Old family friend died this morning. Like, didn't really expect it. Mum's been helping look after her alongside her carers for the past few years, taking her out shopping and sorting things round the house and went round this morning to see the police and ambulance there. She had to identify the body and she seems p traumatised. Fucking hell :( I thought I heard someone crying this morning but I was half asleep. She's been around since I was like two, got a Christmas present and everything and only seen her last week, she was in proper high spirits. Really fuckin sad, but at least she had Christmas with her sister in law I spose.
 
Thanks <3 She was p old and had dementia kicking in but yeah she seemed fine like yesterday so me mum says. Good age though.
 
R.I.P Tamra

I will always remember when you were staying with Zoe n u would come round n give me a taste n say "don't tell Zoe whatever "

Little did you know Zoe was pulling the same trick on you

Coss 9 times out of 10 she would be round later saying the exact same words but like this "don't tell Tamra whatever"


I know we didn't always see eye to eye n you were a bitch a proper bitch @ times n i mean that as a compliment a lot of blokes were scared of you ;)
Thing is i knew you since we were 11 n u knew that wouldn't fly with me .

Miss ya <3

Big Luv

apt song 4 u


[video=youtube_share;9A3wO1o3lds]http://youtu.be/9A3wO1o3lds[/video]
 
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Going by this page alone it looks like you and yours have had an especially bad run of things lately, Brimz. I can't even pretend to know how you must feel cos I've never known anybody (other than family) for that long. Don't know what to say but know you are in my thoughts <3
 
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