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the relationship paradox, does anybody else get this?

pastelcircus

pastelcircus

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so, i was talking to a friend and she gets this too, so that makes two of us. however, i'm curious as to whether or not anybody else gets this.
it's pretty simple to explain but weird to experience, and it goes like this- when i'm in a relationship, i don't want to be in one. when i'm not in one, i slightly entertain the idea of having one but realistically know that it's not really what i want at this point in time.

anybody?

i know i have trust issues and all that, i'm just curious if anybody else goes through periods of time like this.

thanks in advance!
 
I've felt like this before; but usually it was because the person who I was dating and I were not compatible so I'd break up with them or stop seeing them. Right now I like the idea of a relationship but I am not ready for one at all since I have other things I'm working on or towards that are more important.
 
A lot of my friends, both male and female, seem to be like that although I'm not - but don't worry, it's not uncommon. We always have to wish for what we don't have don't we :\
 
Some people are more in love with the idea of being in love than actually experiencing it.

Another thing to consider is that you haven't ended up with the right person yet which is why relationships are anti-climactic.
 
Not really - I've always been pretty content either way, and I've enjoyed the benefits that come with both being single as well as having a partner. I've never actively sought a relationship and have always been happy single, but sometimes someone comes along and the rest is history.

When I've been single, I've always been busy focusing on things other than relationships ie. friends, family, job, education etc. I am still only in my early 20s though, so this may not be applicable to some older people seeking companionship. Both of my relationships have been long-term, so I've generally been very happy to be in them. I make it a point however to hold on to everything that enriched my life when I was single, and I make sure my partner does the same...so I don't really miss anything tbh.

I think the main thing is to be happy with yourself and your own life, otherwise you'll always be seeking something. If you're not content with what you have now, you're not going to be content for very long even when partnered with someone else.
 
In my experience, the idea is better than the reality. Then again--as others have said--none of my relationships were really with compatible people. It's difficult to distinguish between intimacy issues and just plain old friction...
 
I'm pretty happy in a relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years and I'm happy as it is. I have not had that relationship paradox lately.
When I was younger (like, teenager), and never dated before, I wanted a boyfriend, but that's just because I wanted to know what it was all about. Back when I was all shy and innocent and stuff. Hahah.
 
Maybe you are just getting into relationships with individuals you realize you don't want to be in one with. Spend more time finding the right girl and maybe you'll realize the people in the past were just not for you.
 
Foreigner said:
Some people are more in love with the idea of being in love than actually experiencing it.

Another thing to consider is that you haven't ended up with the right person yet which is why relationships are anti-climactic.
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this is exactly why I think it happens. the other thing that gets to me is when you're taken, everyone flirts with you and checks you out. when you're single, they could care less.
 
this is why i'm not with anyone. people just are not satisfying enough on average. you need to wait for someone where their personality doesn't bore you besides how physically attractive they are. i'm fussy, i sleep around, get bored quickly so i completely see where you are coming from. if i could have 5 men that i saw each one day a week i would be happy.

i'm designed for polygamy- some people/countries are
 
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Serotonin101 said:
this is exactly why I think it happens. the other thing that gets to me is when you're taken, everyone flirts with you and checks you out. when you're single, they could care less.
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This is so true, and frustrating.. lol.

It even reached a point where one girl bluntly asked if we could have sex, nothing even remotely close to that has happened while I've been single..
 
Serotonin101 said:
this is exactly why I think it happens. the other thing that gets to me is when you're taken, everyone flirts with you and checks you out. when you're single, they could care less.
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Lol so true.

Also this is why I prefer dating people I've been friends with for a little while. You kinda already hang out with them for a while so you know if they will annoy the shit out of you.
 
Lysis said:
Lol so true.

Also this is why I prefer dating people I've been friends with for a little while. You kinda already hang out with them for a while so you know if they will annoy the shit out of you.
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well a girl like you has the free reign of choice of guys ;) sooo do I annoy the shit out of you? :)
 
Pagey said:
We always have to wish for what we don't have don't we :\
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What does that even mean

I don't have HIV, yet I am in no way compelled to wish for it. Indeed, I wish I remain without having it. (and, I take action beyond wishful thinking to that end.) Similarly, I don't yet have my M.sc, but I am taking tangible steps to earn it, and do not wish to have it magically appear, but to earn it.

No one is compulsed by some inviolable law of nature to wish for/to be something they are not/do not have. Indeed, many of those wishes, if one was compelled by some intrinsic feature of the universe to wish for what one doesn't have would be internally inconsistent. I.e. I'm an atheist, and therefore not a monotheist. Nor am I a polytheist. If I wished for what I am not, I'd be wishing to be both of those. Which are mutually exclusive and would likely lead to a lot of cognitive dissonance.
 
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