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Mental Health The Rant Thread Vs. Really? How Does That Make You Feel?

All this serious hopelessness started when they started hateful lying about my boyfriend I used to have. They kept lying nonsense babble about how I did things "wrong" so they had to hurt me

I just wanted thistrash to shut up and leave me alone
 
The people in the hospital will just hurt me, they already told me they would not protect my life I went to them over and over again
 
After another night of ups and downs, dosing 20mg at 10am yesterday and being up sick at 4am today, I'm really starting to feel like bupe may have run it's course in my life and it might be time to go to methadone. I know as a person who would like to one day be free of opioids, this is probably the last thing I should want to do, but I just went up from 16 to 20 which stove off early wd's for all of a WEEK lol...and now I'm back where I was, just with a higher baseline habit. My life is straight shit right now tbh, I'm next up on a waiting list to get into another long-term residential program, one that thankfully accepts MAT patients at the clinic down the road, but I really feel like if I don't have this aspect thoroughly on lock for the next little while, things could get real nasty, really quick. I live in a hot spot for fent/tranq on the East Coast and I've been on maintenance for a long fucking time, so this new breed of poison is uncharted territory, but I also know myself well enough to know it wouldn't take much for me to wander back out there. And some new sibilant cocksucker of a personal coach having taken up residency in my head telling me to go ahead and do everyone else a favor, take that dive... It's fucking tiresome as shit and i just want ONE thing not to have to worry about for a while.
 
I have to go ask a goddamn ĥomeless person to buy my beer if I give them money bc I lost my id

I hope they don't stab me
 
Fuck fucking xplornet and their goddamn data cap. My internet was so bad yesterday even loading youtube was a hassle that was some dial up shit. It's faster today but still to slow for movies. Fuck this shit
 
Ignorant pieces of trash demanding my tourettes syndrome is actual racism are committing cruel and unusual felonies against me while acting proud of themselves
 
On dxm

Ew I sat there drunk and gave my vape and lighter to a methhead?

Reality doesn't make any sense to me, I don't know what waking up is
 
Jeanpauldash said:
I don't like movies or tv
Click to expand...
I haven't watched TV in many, many years, and I seldom watch movies.

Otherwise... I feel like some switch was changed inside my brain recently, and I can't figure out which one, or what did it. I won't say it's a bad thing, it has happened to me before and most times it was for a good reason. But the time between realization of the fact, and understanding of the what and why, is a little confusing.
 
It just seriously started to look and sound like shit to me. Like....worthless and creepy.

Plenty of animals around to pay attention to

Someone take me off the grid
 
Sitting here dying of an ear infection and the fungal lesions

Found a sore on my ankle

I think people are picking me apart in my sleep
 
Required previously missing pony tail holder container....obtained

Should I use narcotics on the sidewalk??
 
I think people are hurting my ear in my sleep thinking they have the actual fucking right to make me deaf. I had a middle ear infection that was healing and when I woke up it was a bad inner ear infection. I think stupid psychopaths are trying to prevent me from fucking hearing music.
 
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