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The Pursuit

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
1,297
Location
Looking-Glass Land
Do you all go out of your way to find love?

Or do you settle?

I tend to take what comes. Not sure why. I want to try going out of my comfort zone to find someone i like as opposed to attracting people who might not be good for me. I try to convince myself that my lovers are the one for me. The tend to idealize me, and in return, because of the attention and stroke to the ego, i fall harder for them.

But that's not what i want. I want some give and take. Someone i want because i like them, all of them. The whole deal. Their quirks, their bad days and their entirety.

Anyone have advice on how i should start this process? Maybe more community involvement? Part of me is afraid of rejection, as well.
 
madness00 said:
Do you all go out of your way to find love?

Or do you settle?

I tend to take what comes. Not sure why. I want to try going out of my comfort zone to find someone i like as opposed to attracting people who might not be good for me. I try to convince myself that my lovers are the one for me. The tend to idealize me, and in return, because of the attention and stroke to the ego, i fall harder for them.

But that's not what i want. I want some give and take. Someone i want because i like them, all of them. The whole deal. Their quirks, their bad days and their entirety.

Anyone have advice on how i should start this process? Maybe more community involvement? Part of me is afraid of rejection, as well.
Click to expand...
I never stop looking but madness I must say that you will never "Find love" and by "you" I am really talking about myself (BECAUSE not everyone's experiences HAVE TO BE JUST LIKE MINE of course...).... so let me rephrase

I was never going to find love until I found self-love and then people were attracted to me for being a self-loving individual.

It's ... so hard to put into words that make it seem believable. But it's true.

I do look for it. I am devastated the last person I loved does not love me back. But I met someone new and *really special* and I could see them being, at least, a good friend for hooking up w/ even if we don't "love each other" in an intense way or whatever.

"The one" is not really a concept I believe in, it's part of the societal crony capitalist lie "diamonds are forever". You can't buy love. Others may never love you as much as you love them because your heart might be bigger than anyone else's <3

Sometimes you just have to accept the experiences you are having and learn to love the experience, the universe, yourself and others and not just focus on a love connection between you and another person. When you're more in tune with everything, that connection forms easier.

I don't really know how to say it. I had it very deeply with someone but they are toxic for me and it devastated me to have to leave it in the past.

The most important advice I can give you is to have a loving relationship without sex with someone you trust, and then fuck people for fun, and then eventually learn to merge these two relationship phenomena into "the one" if and when you "meet them one day". If that makes sense.

Must go for now.

My other advice would be to never fear rejection because the thing is if somebody isn't into you it's their loss because likely they have too many issues to be able to be cool with you after I work on myself quite a bit I'm sure I could hang out with almost anybody in real life as long as they weren't complete sociopathic monster (like human sex traffickers, violent pimps, pedophiles or fausty's).

Some people know they aren't ready for our jelly.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Some people know they aren't ready for our jelly.
Click to expand...

Right on.

In regards to the rest of your post, yeah self love is important. I think that's part of the reason why i'm not going out of my way right now. I am trying to get myself out of a shit hole still, and don't have the time to help someone else the way i'd like to.

Not sure if i am afraid of rejection as much as i just don't enjoy it. But i guess that's everyone.

I like what you said about just being friends with people and seeing where it goes. That's great.

And like you and wolf said, maybe it's not about finding love, but just finding connection and seeing where it takes me on the journey.

Word.
 
Rejection is scary because we think we lost our one perfect chance, but the thing is I've been rejected a lot by somebody that I liked before (and would still fuck) but they keep crawling back as soon as I don't give a shit about them any more, trust me: rejection is part of the game as part of a grand flirt some people want to have to reject you at first to see if you're still cocky enough to keep going for it and are confident enough and so if you like take no for an answer (as you should in that immediate moment) and let it be ... well, that's not what they want ... but take it from me, if the answer is no let it be, but then go back for it when the time's right again or when you come across them again and you're feeling confident. Try again, because people can change their mind, people may want to see you not give up so easily, there is a concept especially for straight women that love is worth fighting over and working through the problems of instead of just jumping on the best thing possible and staying on the best thing possible or next-best no matter how many people it takes your genitals through in life.

So really confidence and cockiness isn't the key but when people are playing hard to get they may really be saying "no". Sometimes they are seeing how hard you'll work for it.

How hard do you want to work for it? etc.
 
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Speaking of the pursuit...

madness00 said:
Why do only gay men hit on me?

CH though I can't get enough of ;)
Click to expand...
Something about forbidden fruit tasting sweeter, and also sometimes it's an elaborate flirt/act that they know will not end in copulation but hopeful lovers still hope. Probably how I flirt/act with women when I sense they're digging it. *shrugs*

I'm so... so much in pain. Going through grief too. Need sleep and took a benzo. NEED. IT. TO. WORK.

a fam member passed away (they meant the world to me, still do) and I am a bit emotionally numb and have been not crying too much but I can tell I need to work on acceptance.

===========

Was thinking about this. Abandoning the pursuit and letting them go after you when they want it is pretty nice. Something about the manly solidarity appealing to someone in need of that D and then you really get to give it to them. I dunno. Even if you "don't think you wanted to go that far" you could easily couch surf across at least half of West Hollywood easy.

I imagine gay guys would just want you AROUND them to PRETEND like things happened because you're that manly. Not sure.

I might be wrong. I've been wrong about a lot of things. Gay guys generally do not hit on me unless we've already done it and they want it again. The difference is probably that you are forbidden fruit and, well, I'm just a fruit that's been around the block a few times.
 
I wait in the cut like a lion not interested. Eventually there comes by an opportunity to eat or fuck.
 
Both, usually. At first it's like "I can't stand you but you're tolerating me so that's a start" then gradually I start spending a lot more quality time with an 80lb bag
 
I thought I had settled, but as wolgang put it, love is a journey, not a destination. I don't think it's really love unless you've put in the work over years and years. Building that trust, that bond... despite all the obstacles; that is love.
 
Cream Gravy? said:
I thought I had settled, but as wolgang put it, love is a journey, not a destination. I don't think it's really love unless you've put in the work over years and years. Building that trust, that bond... despite all the obstacles; that is love.
Click to expand...
I've always thought of it as a destination more but I don't get to feel loved a lot so yeah
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I've always thought of it as a destination more but I don't get to feel loved a lot so yeah
Click to expand...
To each their own eh? I’m content with what I have with my wife. Some men need to run around their whole life. I’m one of those guys that enjoys commitment and stability I guess.
 
I am not a social butterfly by a damn sight, so my relationships tend to come by chance encounters. I met my current girlfriend in county jail, we began flirting when we saw each other, then we started boomeranging letters. She is a sweet girl, and she loves me. I love her. I never had a bad girl before, so this is something new altogether.

I tend to go full tilt into relationships, even if I can see they will be toxic. If my heart is being cared for at the time, that is all that matters. I am very committed, and emotionally very needy. I love a girl to be clingy, exhibit public displays of affection, etc...
 
Usually women pick me up, I hardly ever go out of my way to chase them. I'm not really a huge fan of the whole peacocking act, to me it's a grand act of bullshit. I don't like participating in bullshit tbph. Some might think that makes me unromantic, but that isn't true. If we both come out of the gate with clear cut intentions I become quite charming. A confident woman who knows what she wants really turns me on. Believe it or not this usually works out quite well for me.
 
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