First off let me say I do believe in afterlife. I'll get back to that in a minute. Here; on this earth, we don't really know what each other's motive are. Bad people and good people look the same. For example, so people got to church because they think that they raise theier eputation. Other's go because they think that's what gets them into heaven, no matter how they act outside of church. Others go simply for the sake of their loved ones. Others go simply becuase they truly love God at heart and waht a relationshhio with him. Other's may go bc they are running for office in a small town and that's what gets them votesl
Now, most of the motives are different, and mostly selfish. So while goodand selfhish ppl look the same to us, we have no way of knwoing someones hearts and thorughts.
Going back to your past. We all have a past. And much of it is horrible. But Hearing you say that means you learned from it. So mistakes are made to learn.. If you never made mistake, you never grow. And then most of of us reach a time in our life where we are sow low that is when we turn to spirituality And stat asking th big questions. As the bible said, "noting done in the dark will be hidden from the light. and no whisperer will be shouted from the rooftops". I believe when we pass on, we, along with an audience will uncover not only what we did, but what we were thinking when we did it. So all those selfish motives will come out. That is the privilege (if you want to call it that) OF BEING HERE ON EARTH). I truly believe we loss that way in the afterlife. What we think is for all to SO threre's no wondering who's being sincere and who isn't. So right now Im working on making my inner left match my outer self because I don't want to have to work on it after this life. I do believe n a hello but not of fire and brimstone of of people who put themselves there because they saw themselves as they truly were and can't fathom being with the simple and sincere at heart. So they find the community that they relate to. so In a way, I do understand what yo are saying....true inner peace is when your outward nature matches your inward nature. And that's tough to do on Earth when you're taught to act one way but your heart wants to do another I hope I made sense.
We are ll in this together. Im 39 and still havent found myself. But I have a very strong feeling that life s putting me in stiutaitons that that I cannot miss my purpose Alls happened when Istarted to bring my innter self closer to my outer self. And let me tell you, we are so strungup on our ourter selves (our ego) that it isa JOB to figure out who we are inside truly. but work on it--and Im tell you--there's whee you will find your peace

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And trust me, I have a past that I would say I deserve NO happiness for the rest of eternity---but thta's not truel You EITHER. None of us deserve anything great. It's the actions we take to noticfe where we went wrong and we do do to change that's going to dountl