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Bluelighter
I hear ya man. Sounds good. Feel fortunate your escaping the opiate cobweb. I have very legitimate pain. I have old krusty blood clots from my belly to my knees and in my groin its occlusive so the imflamation and pain is horrendous. With opiates i can walk but without them i cannot. Then last summer they took out my colon and im amazed but it still hurts. If i sneeze or get out of my chair it feels like somebody is stabbing me. No pain in the ostomy. Thats my fear something goes wrong with my ostomy and ill be back in surgery. I dnt think i can take another one. Ive had 3 on my clots that were unsuccesful and 2 with ostomy. First one i had terrible abdominal pain so went to ER and after CT scan she comes in and says youll need emergency surgery. Had diverticulitis, infection of colon and it was preforated so shit was leaking into me. They had to get my blood down cause i take thinners so they gave me a new drug. My mom was with me and worked in transfusion so she knew that. She said that med is around a million dollars. It worked and i woke up with a bag. Supposed to be 6 months but my surgeon told me i needed to quit smoking so put the surgery off anther 6 months. I quit begrugendky and passed my nicotine test and went to have bag reversal and the big part of your colon that attaches to the rectum. I was in hospital short time but i remember eating and pooping. I was really doped up and they were giving me the wrong phyc med. my buddy made a scene when he came to get me and said look at him, hes not ready to go. I didnt know till later when i went back to that floor and asked and they had me on a strong antiphycotic. Anyway 3 days passed and my dad came in town and the pain started. Intense stabbing pain in my gut and bloddy uncontrollable diareaha. I couldnt even make but that was just a pain, the real pain started 10 that night and it was probably the worst pain of my life.
So its 2am and my dads in the room sleeping and i couldnt move so i called him and he came out and i said we need to call an ambulance now!! He said cant we wait toill morning and ill take you. My dad, i love him but sometimes. We did and them getting me onto the gurney was sheer tourture. Plus one of the muscle bound paramedics kept asking me if i had drugs. I said just my pain meds and he said no coke or heroin and i went off on that bald jerk. We get the er and i could feel myself dying. Baldie tried to tell nurse i had injectable morphine and i said thats Lovenox, it prevents clots you jack ass. He left and i said please dont listen to that man and she smiled and said dont worry we dont. Back to room and tons of dilaudid which barely touched it. It was a trauma room so ct scan showed 8 holes in my colon and i was septic then went into shock. I remember them putting in a PIC line in my neck but nothing else. Surgeon talked to me and my dad but i dont remember. Woke up in ICU in horrendous pain. I had a dilaudid pump but those things are set so low. I talked them into oxys too. In ICU you have your own nurse. I was soooo thirsty and for a weeek i could only have ice chips every hr. It was miserable. They said if i waited an hr more i woulda died. I remember my mom being there and holding my hand. I had to walk everyday but had so many lines and tubes it took them forever to get me up. Tons of pain. What i feel now is a ite version of that. Was in hospital 2 months and nursing home for month which was horrible. Those poor old people. I did pt in gym and these old people cant keep their heads up and their trying to get them to play catch. It was sad. I was happy to get home and went to pain clinic and she wanted fentanyl patches but i said no. Fentanyl is toxic. So she raised my er morphine cause its the only one my insurance covers. And my dilaudid. Its short acting but works well for me unlike oxy that makes me naucous. Before colon shit i was on oxy a long time. 15mg every 4 hrs but id take 30 of course
I tell my story to let yall who dont know i need opiates to function. Im also addicted to there effects. I always have been. I think i had 3 months between my last drink and my opiare use. Its pretty bad now, im not gonna lie. I honestly didnt up my dose to get high but to get better pain relief. So im a tough case. Im seeing an addiction councler every Friday and shes a former junkie so she knows whats up. Shes been helpful so far. She admits im a tough case but can get me to take as prescribed. Thats all i want. My pain dr is awesome and i feel terrible lying to her but shes still testing me for weed in Jan so it would be a dismissial. I could not function without these so being honest,, as much as i want to, aint happening.
I dont do this so yall feel sorry for me but theres new folks out here who can know and maybe help, or not. Just posting helps me and for me posting all this helps. I love this site so much and have been helped and also helped people. I believe on the right track. I have the counclers number so i can call her anytime. 12 step programs are no longer an option for me. I spent 10 long yesrs in AA and my problems with these programs is too much to write. There are other ways believe it or not. Society here in US doesnt think so and jugjes, drs, and shrinks seem to think theyre great and send people to them. They have a 3% sobriety rate. Thats not good. I still have guys who would be here in a sec if i needed them but since this doesnt involve alcohol they wont mess with me. 2 have already told me to go to NA and he had to go. Whatever. Im also mentally ill in 4 different ways so im on about 13 different meds a day. I get sick of it all and the meds and pain and voices and anxiety. But im breathing and everyday is a fresh day, a new start. Thats my creed. Ive overcame a lot in my life as we all have. But were all here. Some are doing better than others but were all family and i really do care about all of you, even our new brave men whos outlook i anticipate. Well folks thats it from me. I think ive overrun my time slot. If any of you read all this i appreciate it. I know i feel better. Ive been very antsy today but wrote a good song. Yall take care of yourselvs and may the pain God have mercey on us?
So its 2am and my dads in the room sleeping and i couldnt move so i called him and he came out and i said we need to call an ambulance now!! He said cant we wait toill morning and ill take you. My dad, i love him but sometimes. We did and them getting me onto the gurney was sheer tourture. Plus one of the muscle bound paramedics kept asking me if i had drugs. I said just my pain meds and he said no coke or heroin and i went off on that bald jerk. We get the er and i could feel myself dying. Baldie tried to tell nurse i had injectable morphine and i said thats Lovenox, it prevents clots you jack ass. He left and i said please dont listen to that man and she smiled and said dont worry we dont. Back to room and tons of dilaudid which barely touched it. It was a trauma room so ct scan showed 8 holes in my colon and i was septic then went into shock. I remember them putting in a PIC line in my neck but nothing else. Surgeon talked to me and my dad but i dont remember. Woke up in ICU in horrendous pain. I had a dilaudid pump but those things are set so low. I talked them into oxys too. In ICU you have your own nurse. I was soooo thirsty and for a weeek i could only have ice chips every hr. It was miserable. They said if i waited an hr more i woulda died. I remember my mom being there and holding my hand. I had to walk everyday but had so many lines and tubes it took them forever to get me up. Tons of pain. What i feel now is a ite version of that. Was in hospital 2 months and nursing home for month which was horrible. Those poor old people. I did pt in gym and these old people cant keep their heads up and their trying to get them to play catch. It was sad. I was happy to get home and went to pain clinic and she wanted fentanyl patches but i said no. Fentanyl is toxic. So she raised my er morphine cause its the only one my insurance covers. And my dilaudid. Its short acting but works well for me unlike oxy that makes me naucous. Before colon shit i was on oxy a long time. 15mg every 4 hrs but id take 30 of course
I tell my story to let yall who dont know i need opiates to function. Im also addicted to there effects. I always have been. I think i had 3 months between my last drink and my opiare use. Its pretty bad now, im not gonna lie. I honestly didnt up my dose to get high but to get better pain relief. So im a tough case. Im seeing an addiction councler every Friday and shes a former junkie so she knows whats up. Shes been helpful so far. She admits im a tough case but can get me to take as prescribed. Thats all i want. My pain dr is awesome and i feel terrible lying to her but shes still testing me for weed in Jan so it would be a dismissial. I could not function without these so being honest,, as much as i want to, aint happening.
I dont do this so yall feel sorry for me but theres new folks out here who can know and maybe help, or not. Just posting helps me and for me posting all this helps. I love this site so much and have been helped and also helped people. I believe on the right track. I have the counclers number so i can call her anytime. 12 step programs are no longer an option for me. I spent 10 long yesrs in AA and my problems with these programs is too much to write. There are other ways believe it or not. Society here in US doesnt think so and jugjes, drs, and shrinks seem to think theyre great and send people to them. They have a 3% sobriety rate. Thats not good. I still have guys who would be here in a sec if i needed them but since this doesnt involve alcohol they wont mess with me. 2 have already told me to go to NA and he had to go. Whatever. Im also mentally ill in 4 different ways so im on about 13 different meds a day. I get sick of it all and the meds and pain and voices and anxiety. But im breathing and everyday is a fresh day, a new start. Thats my creed. Ive overcame a lot in my life as we all have. But were all here. Some are doing better than others but were all family and i really do care about all of you, even our new brave men whos outlook i anticipate. Well folks thats it from me. I think ive overrun my time slot. If any of you read all this i appreciate it. I know i feel better. Ive been very antsy today but wrote a good song. Yall take care of yourselvs and may the pain God have mercey on us?
