Definitely feel pretty dead inside and have been for several years now. People close to me have either died or quit speaking with me after joining a Christian/political cult. Kind of used to feeling terrible all of the time.
Your post sounds like a huge grief - am so, sorry your feeling, so alienated ATM. Never, let that take-over your strength, bud. You don't deserve to feel terrible all the time, it will change -how you coping/what measures you taking to cope ?

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