I want to thank all of you for allowing me to vent and not being mean to me about it. Ohshea, I get it, believe me, I know bitching about something doesn't change the situation, though this is the "bitch about your dealer thread" and all.
I want to tell you a little background...I am proactive, believe it or not. I literally walked the streets of this town in the bitter cold, looking for the house I thought the friend may have pointed out to me. I know that any house that is dealing will have alot of in and out traffic...be it all kinds of different people going in and out, or one or just a couple leaving and coming back, meaning the dealers going to meet people.
I stood there, freezing my ass off for three hours, trying to look "non-chalant"....I went to the corner store, got a cup of coffee, etc...a few times. Please, do not tell me that "bitching gets you nowhere". My husband a.ka. "dopeboymajik" is an Iraqi combat vet....when he was medically discharged, ...we lost everything because the military didn't release his checks and his disability wasn't set up yet...we were homeless. I am the reason we have somewhere to live. I made all the phone calls, went and spoke directly to whom I was supposed to speak to, went to the VA every single day and argued w this dickhead named "manny"....that was wearing nice clothes, had pictures of his family in their beautiful home on his desk, while I was living in a homeless shelter...."manny" kept trying to encourage me to move to a shelter where my husband only would live in a nice apt...and it was like a compound if you will, for vets...where a restaurant was there for them, etc...but spouses aren't allowed to live w them. "manny" wanted me to live in a woman's shelter, while my husband lived in a nice apt...I had to go over his head, and tell his superiors to have him stay away from me. It is literally written that he cannot come within six feet of me at the VA. The guy would follow us around. And listen, that is only ONE thing I have been through in my life....so, I respectfully am thanking anyone that has listened without criticism. Bitching is a luxury, just like crying is....which I have done alot of. When I was in a homeless shelter, in the dead of winter, I refused to sleep inside. I cannot sleep lying down, due to a medical condition. Lying down is a trigger that causes blinding head pain for me. So, I"d sit in my car at night, staring....wondering how the hell I was ever going to get out of this...I know it can take a year or more for a soldier to get disability. My husband tells me I am the strongest woman he's ever known...even in the midst of all that, I still laughed, joked around...because that is my nature. I am a funny person...I say that, because I've been told that my entire life. I didn't find one thing funny about anything. So I don't know how on earth I projected that.
You know that kind of crying from the very bottom of your toes? Where you're bent over and no sound is coming out? Over this entire situation. I told this so-called "friend" awhile back, that I had had a problem in the past w H. It had been years, until eight mos ago that I have done it. My husband lost two Dr.s...leaving us to depend on my little Rx for MS Contin...at the VA he was getting a crazy amount of fentynal(sp?), 30mg instant release morphine, temazapam, xanax, and one other benzo I can't remember right now....on top of that, he was going to a second dr. for patches..Ok, fast forward...
The VA, due to the DEA, has either stopped or cut down dramatically, on giving the guys in pain management pain meds....and doing super rapid detoxes. We know noone should be taken off of 175mcgs of fentynal in four mos, and morphine.....then, he lost the second Dr. recently. My nerves are shot. Between the meds , the amt of money, the H....I talk to NOONE about this because I can't. Other than my husband of course, who is no help.
When I was running low on meds one month, the "friend" comes over w H. What friend does that when they know you've had a problem? Right.. We know the answer. Next thing I want to be clear about...it is entirely my fault I am in this situation. The friend didn't put the needle in my arm. I did. Fooling myself into thinking it would just be until my rx got filled.
Also, I am so in awe that I got inheritance...this should be the movie of the week on Lifetime. My mother passed away three years ago. My father followed eighteen months later. He's been gone over a year now. However, while he was dying in the hospital, he was telling his siblings he hated me, they were getting everything. He didn't want me there. To say my heart is shattered, and glued back together about ten times over is an understatement. I couldn't even go to my childhood home after my father passed away....his siblings were sitting in there, going through it.
Again, fast forward, the day of the reading of the will comes of which I was not present....why would I be? My father made it clear he hated me. Then, Sherri____________, is named as heir, along w my daughter that got a percent. I have alot of stories in my life that are like this. What I am telling you and have told you is only the very tip of the iceberg.
I can't stand spending my money like this. I become physically ill. How it worked out that the friend waved H infront of me, right at the time I was about to receive this money I can't believe. I have shared all of this, because I don't want anyone thinking I'm some novice that's clueless to the crap that's going on. I am seasoned. Intelligent...yeah, I know, that sounds dumb as shit at this point. Which makes this worse...I am so disappointed in myself, and unnerved. For me to post all this is a big deal...but I have nowhere to go w all of it. Whom exactly can I talk to about it? Noone in my life. Noone. I can't believe I found a website that I can actually "talk" about this.
So I carry all this around, stand in the kitchen at night, crying my soul out. Again, I thank you for just letting me "bitch". Like I said, it is a luxury. This is a build up of alot of months coming out....so when Oshea said "we" have to be proactive, which I know it is coming from a good place, it was like "are you kidding me right now? Telling me this?" I have f'd up...and I believe I said that in my OP. Again, thankyou Oshea, and everyone else.
