Although mushies barely had any mental, visual or tactile effects while on Abilify, I might give 5-MEO-DMT a go anyways. I'm thinking maybe it will be able to penetrate that 5-HT "barrier" better than psilocybin, because its a stronger psychedelic. I'm not sure if this is how it works, though. Anyone that can give me some input regarding that?
No, it doesn't work like that. Even if you find a psychedelic with greater affinity for the 5-HT2a receptor than aripiprazole, it doesn't mean that the psychedelic makes the presence of the aripiprazole irrelevant. All it means is that the psychedelic gets greater chance and time at those receptors, but the ariprazole is still exerting effects and modulating the neurons to a degree. Not to mention the effects at the dopamine receptors, which also modulate the whole experience.
This will completely distort the effect of the psychedelic (if you manage to take a high enough dose to break through the aripiprazole). If you have only ever taken psychedelics whilst on aripiprazole, then I'm afraid you have no idea what the psychedelic experience is all about. Yet.
Well, the odd thing is that if I take drugs that have recreational value, it makes my "psychosis" worse. Same thing if I slack around, treat people badly or do bad deeds... I think something is telling me "No, don't quit the antipsychotic. You are supposed to take it. If you don't take it, then you will be punished." Really, I am not sure if the cause had anything to do with my brain chemistry. More like some higher entity speaking to me. Now if you believe in that kind of stuff I have no idea, but I do at least...
No, this is just your thoughts and your ego. It really is. Your subconscious is using such rationalizations in order to stay in the comfort zone of the aripiprazole. Think about it rationally: aripiprazole - and all synthetic antipsychotics - are very recent inventions of man. There was never any packets of abilify hanging off trees in the jungle for tribespeople to use millenia ago when they got scared.
I know it can be terrifying coming off of psychiatric medications. I was a 10 year benzo addict, taking up to 100mg of diazepam every day. I quit cold-turkey and went through utter hell. Complete delerium tremens. Pain and suffering beyond description was experienced. But it had to be done. I also quit an 8 year dependence on venlafaxine later on, which my brain is still healing from (although the worst is over).
I'm sorry, but the only way out is through. You just need to batten down the hatches, stay centered, and get though it, without getting tossed back in to the revolving door of psychiatric care by meddling do-gooders. You won't get better as long as you are relying upon these things, unfortunate as it may be. The despair you feel is largely as a result of a deep knowing that it is not sustainable to stay on such medications and in the so-called "care" of the psychiatric institution, because it will never bring you close to happiness.
Luckily, I could still trip whilst on benzos, and I was able to see a way out of it. But on antipsychotics, you can't even trip properly in order to get those insights that would give you the kick up the arse to quit depending on meds. It will require an act of faith. I would suggest going to a 'natural hygeine' doctor to find out the best course of action, or maybe start with a naturopath or a chinese or ayurvedic medicine practitioner. These folks seem to know a whole lot more than western medicine about re-discovering your centre through wellness. Once you have come off the abilify and reached a reasonable level of homeostasis through more healthy living, then you can think about tripping.
Of course, you're probably going to get paranoid and think that posts like mine are trying to deceive you or something. But you must hold on to your centre and realize that these are just thoughts, no matter how real they all seem. There is no "higher power" telling you what to do. Please remember this.
Psychedelics will show you that there is no such thing as wasting your life, because there are no true values or standards, and time is eternal. But how long do you want to spend numb to the awesome beauty around you. If there was a global natural disaster and the psychiatric institution (and it's tools of choice) completely crumbled tomorrw, you would be forced to deal with existence without aripiprazole. So why wait? It takes a lot of inner strength and willpower, but you absolutely can be free of the shackles of that institution, and you can turn your life around to the point where you can't even believe you ended up in that situation in the first place.
BottleInABottle said:
It is really a shame I'm not allowed to quit the abilify
Yes you are. No one can tell you what you are or are not allowed to do. You may think that the doctors know what is best for you, but they don't. On the contrary, you (and others taking this and similar so-called "medicines") are just their guinea pigs which they can test their new money-making creations on.
Just a couple more points related to a few things you said in your post:
BottleInABottle said:
It'd be a major shortcut to enlightenment
There is no permanent enlightenment. That is a fool's pursuit, whther you are trying to do it via mediation or psychedelics. You can achieve a temporary state of transcendence, sure. And you can defnitely bring back something each time to increase your understanding and thus happiness. But achieving permanent nirvana or buddhahood whilst you are a living and breathing human being is simply a fantasy. These two things (survival as a living human biological organism, and pure permanent nirvana) are utterly incompatible.
BottleInABottle said:
but I guess I'll rely on meditating now. Wish I could meditate in a relaxed state, though, but that seems so impossible.
Trying to meditate whilst you are on aripiprazole is going to be like trying to learn how to balance properly on a bicycle by riding a tricycle. It's a good thing to start meditating indeed, but you won't properly understand the process of biofeedback until you come off the "medication".
I've been in that state myself, numerous times. Taking a psychedelic (cannabis in particular) was never a good idea whilst in that state. Maybe you should get some gabapentin or pregabalin, and see how that goes toward making you feel better. After you're feeling well enough, maybe you can try again 
