KiSsMYAsS
Bluelighter
aww soo sweet! welcome back! I'm new to BL. talk later then, ciao* 
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
The Mega-Merged "Friends With Your Ex?" thread
- Thread starter spun_in_wonderland
- Start date
ImpossibleDreamer
Bluelighter
I had started thread about this topic a couple months ago when I broke up with my ex....I can honestly say that it can be done. My ex and I took some time apart, but we're friends now and I still love her to death, just in a different way
Crashed Out
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2003
- Messages
- 256
I think the problem with this is the 'dumpee' which is currently me, has to forgive a hell of a lot. Im currently trying, but it dosnt really seem to be working. I make an effort yet it feels she dosnt.
It seems easier to just stay away from her.
It seems easier to just stay away from her.
ImpossibleDreamer - seems we just may be in the same boat 
Crashed Out - that really blows. What do you need forgive her for?
KiSsMYAsS - so what's up darls? Tell me about the relationship and the break-up (if you like) *lends a listening ear*
Crashed Out - that really blows. What do you need forgive her for?
KiSsMYAsS - so what's up darls? Tell me about the relationship and the break-up (if you like) *lends a listening ear*
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frizzantik
Bluelight Crew
i think it's possible but you've got to take a break from each other until you don't think about dating them
I'm not thinking about that any more. The more I think about that, the more it hurts... somehow I've managed to not think about it any more.
Maybe I'm strange, but I find spending a fair ammount of time with her (my ex), is helping me come to terms with the fact that we're just friends now.
By sunday I will have seen her 3 times in a week (I'm lucky I guess, we live about 10 min away from each other).
Maybe I'm strange, but I find spending a fair ammount of time with her (my ex), is helping me come to terms with the fact that we're just friends now.
By sunday I will have seen her 3 times in a week (I'm lucky I guess, we live about 10 min away from each other).
LahLahGatecrasher
Bluelighter
I never have stayed friends, they are lucky to even be in speaking terms with me... I try not to be bitter about it, what they are fuken wankers now, and I dont have time for there shit anymore..
Enuff said, If I was to break up with my boyfriend now I know we would stay friends becoz we are soo more connected and relax with each other, and we have the same friends * nearly*..
Enuff said, If I was to break up with my boyfriend now I know we would stay friends becoz we are soo more connected and relax with each other, and we have the same friends * nearly*..
Crashed Out
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2003
- Messages
- 256
Well ever since we broke up shes treated me like shit. Saying she will do stuff but never does.
Two days after we broke up on NYE she goes out to a club with me having slept with me first, then when her friends arrive she shuns me off, leaving me to go home alone. Then she kisses another bloke.
She tells me she is sleeping with the said bloke two weeks later.
We meet in a pub, where we talk chat get on fine. Then she starts bringing this bloke up, saying there seeing each other. Tells me im nothing without her and thats why she left.
Since then weve been exchanging e-mails/calls/texts when it suits her. We havnt actually 'met up' since we broke up 4 months ago although i have bumped into her.
Bear in mind we were together for three years, loved each other deeply and shared everything.
Maybe she dosnt deserve forgivness?
Two days after we broke up on NYE she goes out to a club with me having slept with me first, then when her friends arrive she shuns me off, leaving me to go home alone. Then she kisses another bloke.
She tells me she is sleeping with the said bloke two weeks later.
We meet in a pub, where we talk chat get on fine. Then she starts bringing this bloke up, saying there seeing each other. Tells me im nothing without her and thats why she left.
Since then weve been exchanging e-mails/calls/texts when it suits her. We havnt actually 'met up' since we broke up 4 months ago although i have bumped into her.
Bear in mind we were together for three years, loved each other deeply and shared everything.
Maybe she dosnt deserve forgivness?
Firecrotch
Bluelighter
I was with my ex for 2 years, and I was the one that got dumped horribly. I would love to still be friends with the girl, but she would delete a message as soon as she hears my voice, or delete an email just by seeing its from me. So in 2004 Ive only tried to contact her maybe 5-6 times, all unsuccessful. She dumped me last August
A few important things:
She had been cheating on me for two months with a much older person than us when she did dump me.
She is still with this guy(her ex-boss)
When it first happened, she seemed determined to make our friendship last. before we got together, it scared her that she might lose a friendship with someone she had known since we were starting elementary school. So she said we'd be best friends.
After 2 months, she told me she didnt want to talk anymore or be friends and to leave her alone and that she hated me. ( I guess I can blame myself for the extreme outcry of emotional damage, and telling her that I really was considering death, that was not the only reason. I tried to give her space and not bring shit up, but it hurt way too much.)
After she told me to fuck off permanently, I did try to end it, and she knows, She tried to tell my parents, but when she called, I was here to answer and convince her not to. I have seen her since, and it took every ounce of my engery to not attack that 26 yo pedaphile fuck on the spot. Were both 18 by the way.
Lastly, I don't want to be with her anymore, but I have known this girl longer than any friend I have. She was both my best friend and gf, and it seemed everything in our lives was on the same page. I deeply love her, and care for her wel being even now. But I am truly lost as to how to get her to hear me, and understand I dont miss her ass, I miss talking to her. I dont miss romantic shit, I miss friendship. I dunno, just my experience with the only long term gf Ive had, im young and niave tho.
A few important things:
She had been cheating on me for two months with a much older person than us when she did dump me.
She is still with this guy(her ex-boss)
When it first happened, she seemed determined to make our friendship last. before we got together, it scared her that she might lose a friendship with someone she had known since we were starting elementary school. So she said we'd be best friends.
After 2 months, she told me she didnt want to talk anymore or be friends and to leave her alone and that she hated me. ( I guess I can blame myself for the extreme outcry of emotional damage, and telling her that I really was considering death, that was not the only reason. I tried to give her space and not bring shit up, but it hurt way too much.)
After she told me to fuck off permanently, I did try to end it, and she knows, She tried to tell my parents, but when she called, I was here to answer and convince her not to. I have seen her since, and it took every ounce of my engery to not attack that 26 yo pedaphile fuck on the spot. Were both 18 by the way.
Lastly, I don't want to be with her anymore, but I have known this girl longer than any friend I have. She was both my best friend and gf, and it seemed everything in our lives was on the same page. I deeply love her, and care for her wel being even now. But I am truly lost as to how to get her to hear me, and understand I dont miss her ass, I miss talking to her. I dont miss romantic shit, I miss friendship. I dunno, just my experience with the only long term gf Ive had, im young and niave tho.
Firecrotch - that is one thing that shits me to tears - when someone won't even hear you out (guess this is someone not giving you "the benefit of the doubt").
Fuck I at least hear what someone has to say - and even question it if need be - before judging.
Man, I don't know what you're going to do to get her to come back to you as friends. Maybe a letter, but it'd have to be short, and then you don't even know if she'd get it. Do you still speak to any of her friends who can pass a message on?
Fuck I at least hear what someone has to say - and even question it if need be - before judging.
Man, I don't know what you're going to do to get her to come back to you as friends. Maybe a letter, but it'd have to be short, and then you don't even know if she'd get it. Do you still speak to any of her friends who can pass a message on?
EverythingsEventual
Ex-Bluelighter
I'm stuck in this situation just now.
I'd been with my ex for a year and a half, waited for him to get out of jail, supported him thru the shit...
Then he dumps me for someone else, after telling me he wanted to get engaged, have kids, run club nights, make music... blah blah blah.
Basically he told me I was the 'One' then he turned around and threw all the love I gave him back in my face.
Now he wants me to keep in touch with him as we won't see each other ever again when college finishes.
I don't know if I want to or not. He hurt me really bad.
I'd been with my ex for a year and a half, waited for him to get out of jail, supported him thru the shit...
Then he dumps me for someone else, after telling me he wanted to get engaged, have kids, run club nights, make music... blah blah blah.
Basically he told me I was the 'One' then he turned around and threw all the love I gave him back in my face.
Now he wants me to keep in touch with him as we won't see each other ever again when college finishes.
I don't know if I want to or not. He hurt me really bad.
y'know, I used to think there was this thing called "unconditional love". now I don't know whether this means the kind of love between bf+gf or the kind of love between 2 people co-existing on this planet (me and my ex, right now).
or if it exists at all.
EverythingsEventual - this may seem very hard to swallow, but maybe he doesn't mean the things he's saying right now. I don't understand how somone can change so much, or at least change so much without reasonable explanation...
or if it exists at all.
EverythingsEventual - this may seem very hard to swallow, but maybe he doesn't mean the things he's saying right now. I don't understand how somone can change so much, or at least change so much without reasonable explanation...
EverythingsEventual
Ex-Bluelighter
I don't understand it either, I don't know how someone can wake up in the morning and decide they don't love someone anymore.
He always told me that he didn't know how he'd live without me, or how he would have got through all the bad shit (his dad died of cancer in January) without me.
He used to be this cool guy who I ran a club night with, who I loved, who I was moving in with...
Then I spoke to him the other day and he was speaking about his job, about 'meeting targets' at work and shit like that... shit that really isn't him.
I don't know, maybe he feels like because he was in jail (8 years) he had to pay off a debt to his family for standing by him. (I met him when he was on day placement at college in case you're wondering)...
If we do stay friends, I don't think things will ever be the same again because I can't trust him, I can't open up to him and I can't be the person I am around him.
Speaking to him was like speaking to a stranger and I've heard from a mutual friend that it's like that because he feels so much guilt.
I just want to tell him not to feel guilty - it was his choice to jump from one relationship to another and that it's too late to feel bad about it because even though I know he'd cheated I was willing to give him another chance.
He always told me that he didn't know how he'd live without me, or how he would have got through all the bad shit (his dad died of cancer in January) without me.
He used to be this cool guy who I ran a club night with, who I loved, who I was moving in with...
Then I spoke to him the other day and he was speaking about his job, about 'meeting targets' at work and shit like that... shit that really isn't him.
I don't know, maybe he feels like because he was in jail (8 years) he had to pay off a debt to his family for standing by him. (I met him when he was on day placement at college in case you're wondering)...
If we do stay friends, I don't think things will ever be the same again because I can't trust him, I can't open up to him and I can't be the person I am around him.
Speaking to him was like speaking to a stranger and I've heard from a mutual friend that it's like that because he feels so much guilt.
I just want to tell him not to feel guilty - it was his choice to jump from one relationship to another and that it's too late to feel bad about it because even though I know he'd cheated I was willing to give him another chance.
2 things:
- I think some people suddenly come to a realisation... something about life and love and this earth suddenly "clicks".
whether they have this before a relationship, or during it. If this realisation is not discussed properly, drastic things can happen (break-ups). this brings to mind this "unconditonal love" thing. Can you continue to love someone after you've had this realisation?
- some people hide their real emotions. I strongly beleive if things can be discussed, anything is possible. Some people are just not patient enough.
err... rambling on, it's late.
- I think some people suddenly come to a realisation... something about life and love and this earth suddenly "clicks".
whether they have this before a relationship, or during it. If this realisation is not discussed properly, drastic things can happen (break-ups). this brings to mind this "unconditonal love" thing. Can you continue to love someone after you've had this realisation?
- some people hide their real emotions. I strongly beleive if things can be discussed, anything is possible. Some people are just not patient enough.
err... rambling on, it's late.
EverythingsEventual
Ex-Bluelighter
s'ok...
it's nice to have someone NOT say
"he'll come crawling back"
"he was too good for you"
"you deserve so much better"
"you might get back together... you never know..."
etc etc etc...
I think I just want to be able to accept it and move on.
I suppose I don't really understand why he wants me in his life if he doesn't care about me.
When we broke up he didn't even want to be friends.
it's nice to have someone NOT say
"he'll come crawling back"
"he was too good for you"
"you deserve so much better"
"you might get back together... you never know..."
etc etc etc...
I think I just want to be able to accept it and move on.
I suppose I don't really understand why he wants me in his life if he doesn't care about me.
When we broke up he didn't even want to be friends.
Firecrotch
Bluelighter
Those were the only phrases I heard for months. It drove me crazy. Especially "give it time, wounds heal" ya but a scar can always be seen.
I want to be friends with my ex, she simply will not have it. She simply believes that I am a jealous prick intent on getting between her and her new guy. It doesnt matter when you've known someone your whole life and all your really looking for is that best friend you once could confide in. She has broken contact with all of our mutual friends. The few people she does hang out with are her friends that used to dislike me and talk shit about me, but when we together she told them off and all this shit. she knew who I was.
I see people staying in relationship that have huige problems compared to how i remember mine. Yes, we had arguments, but we always came to the realization that blame and getting upset wasnt worth it, and wed have long talks when those kinds of things did happen. they were not frequent, especially in compoarison with some of these other relationships I speak of.
If I could find a way to just get her to hear me out, I would leap at the chance, but its hard cuz if I do stick my neck out and try to make a little effort, shell make it out to be me still obsessing over that shit and being psychotic and shit.
I hope to talk to her one of these days, cuz no matter how far I go, I know when Im dying, Ill remember my first love and how it felt, and how it changed me, and Ill welcome death having never heard from this person that told me I was their world, couldnt live without me, shes mine as long as i want her. ya all that shit, Im just as lost as you
I want to be friends with my ex, she simply will not have it. She simply believes that I am a jealous prick intent on getting between her and her new guy. It doesnt matter when you've known someone your whole life and all your really looking for is that best friend you once could confide in. She has broken contact with all of our mutual friends. The few people she does hang out with are her friends that used to dislike me and talk shit about me, but when we together she told them off and all this shit. she knew who I was.
I see people staying in relationship that have huige problems compared to how i remember mine. Yes, we had arguments, but we always came to the realization that blame and getting upset wasnt worth it, and wed have long talks when those kinds of things did happen. they were not frequent, especially in compoarison with some of these other relationships I speak of.
If I could find a way to just get her to hear me out, I would leap at the chance, but its hard cuz if I do stick my neck out and try to make a little effort, shell make it out to be me still obsessing over that shit and being psychotic and shit.
I hope to talk to her one of these days, cuz no matter how far I go, I know when Im dying, Ill remember my first love and how it felt, and how it changed me, and Ill welcome death having never heard from this person that told me I was their world, couldnt live without me, shes mine as long as i want her. ya all that shit, Im just as lost as you
EverythingsEventual
Ex-Bluelighter
*hugs*
EverythingsEventual & Firecrotch - big HUGS to you both.
People can be cruel, and not even realise it sometimes. It really does help if you (or they, in this situation) can put yourself in someone else's shoes.
On another note, I've been thinking, it's ok for me and my ex at the moment, cos we're both single. But what happens when one of us gets a partner? I think (and am dreading) that this will be extremely hard to see someone else where you once were.
We both told each other tonight that we love each other soooooooo much (as people, not bf/gf). yay which brings me to another question - what is the difference between loving someone as a friend (esp. the opposite sex) and loving someone as a partner? Obviously, you know it when it happens, but... I dunno. My mind is asking all these questions now that this has happened...
Is this maybe that "closeness" of a partner? I think that's what I'm missing at this point in time. It was just such a "warm" feeling, and now that's gone.
sorry if I'm blabbling on... it really does help to discuss this.
People can be cruel, and not even realise it sometimes. It really does help if you (or they, in this situation) can put yourself in someone else's shoes.
On another note, I've been thinking, it's ok for me and my ex at the moment, cos we're both single. But what happens when one of us gets a partner? I think (and am dreading) that this will be extremely hard to see someone else where you once were.
We both told each other tonight that we love each other soooooooo much (as people, not bf/gf). yay
which brings me to another question - what is the difference between loving someone as a friend (esp. the opposite sex) and loving someone as a partner? Obviously, you know it when it happens, but... I dunno. My mind is asking all these questions now that this has happened...Is this maybe that "closeness" of a partner? I think that's what I'm missing at this point in time. It was just such a "warm" feeling, and now that's gone.
sorry if I'm blabbling on... it really does help to discuss this.
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Bass_baby_bass
Bluelighter
How 2 get ovr an ex but stil stay friends?
Me and my boyfriend broke up a few months ago now, was a short relationship, about a month and a half. We stopped speaking to each other and saw each other a little over a week ago at a club and started speaking again. He has called me a fair bit, we have been catching up on a few things that have happened with each other, and I feel like Im starting to like him again.
I gather that he must want to be friends, or maybe even still has feelings for me, due to the fact that he has been calling and stuff, but we broke up for a reason.. And I keep forgetting that! He didnt call me yesterday, and I was really upset and thinking about him all last night. Me and a friend went to a club and I spent the whole night asking "is that ?" So because of that realised that I must stil like him a bit or I wouldnt be thinking about him as much as what I am.
I really want us to stay friends, but I want to be able to get over him.. when Im not speaking to him I miss his friendship so much! But when I do speak to him I miss him even more because hes not my boyfriend any more..
If any one has any suggestions on what I can do, it would be much appreciated
Me and my boyfriend broke up a few months ago now, was a short relationship, about a month and a half. We stopped speaking to each other and saw each other a little over a week ago at a club and started speaking again. He has called me a fair bit, we have been catching up on a few things that have happened with each other, and I feel like Im starting to like him again.
I gather that he must want to be friends, or maybe even still has feelings for me, due to the fact that he has been calling and stuff, but we broke up for a reason.. And I keep forgetting that! He didnt call me yesterday, and I was really upset and thinking about him all last night. Me and a friend went to a club and I spent the whole night asking "is that ?" So because of that realised that I must stil like him a bit or I wouldnt be thinking about him as much as what I am.
I really want us to stay friends, but I want to be able to get over him.. when Im not speaking to him I miss his friendship so much! But when I do speak to him I miss him even more because hes not my boyfriend any more..
If any one has any suggestions on what I can do, it would be much appreciated