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The Mega-Merged "Friends With Your Ex?" thread

my ex and i were the best of friends before we got together, and when we did it just got that much better. then we broke up to go to college and remained as close as we always had. he was the first guy i had ever really loved. we just recently went through a horrible time (fighting nonstop) and it really took a toll on our friendship. we are just now getting back to where we can talk like we did back when we were first friends. the tough thing is that i will always love him, no matter what happens. he's starting to talk to me about the girls he's been dating, and as a friend i feel that i should be happy for him, but sometimes i feel so jealous b/c i still want to be with him. so, i do think it's possible to be friends with your ex, but with that comes a ton of emotional baggage....it's just hard to get over someone you love.
 
hrmz, I have only one X who I am friends with, Close friends that... and another one who i sorta talk to only cause my sister is engaged to his brother so its kinda hard to avoid.

I dont believe its sustainable to be friends with your X cause either you or the other person was the one hurt (the one dumped). And the one hurt will always be missing or longing for things to change and r/ship to be back the way it was.
I think it encourages false hopes and people can be disappointed and hurt even more because of this.
 
No matter how hard I try, it just never seems to amount to the warmth and closeness that would constitute a friendship for me. I think the past always gets in the way unfortunately.
 
its possible, but not likely.
there are a multitude of reasons why i usually find it to not be a good idea ... i will share some when im less fucked.
 
I am friends with all my exes ( i have five) bar one but that's only cos he was a complete cunt and even then if i saw him i would still say hi :p although one doesn't seem to want to talk to me at all even though he insisted on being friends (unless he has a new phone) *paranoid* :(
 
haste said:
No matter how hard I try, it just never seems to amount to the warmth and closeness that would constitute a friendship for me. I think the past always gets in the way unfortunately.
Click to expand...

Exactly.

The relationships are just not the same at all.
 
I'm really only friends with one of my exes but the rest of the ex crew are a bunch of assholes who I'm glad to not be associating with. Being friends with your exes is harder than trying to pass a kidney stone the size of a boulder
 
I am really close with one of my ex's. However, when we broke up there was much bitterness from him toward me as I was the one to call it quits. We were living apart from each other at the time and it was hard for me to continue. But, he recently moved back to Brisbane to be with his new boyfriend, and I had no problem with it. Of course there was the times I would remember our time together when I saw them both together, but we had both moved on from it.

On the other hand, I have one ex who I loath. :p This guy I think set out to intentionally to mess with my mind. However, my mind is a lot stronger than he thought. It started harmless between us and evolved into something that was feeling truly beautiful. That is until he became more involved with drugs (IV'ing) than I thought he should. And when I tried to tell him of my concerns, he pushed me away, put himself into a bubble and never let anyone get close to him. This was the first person I can say I loved unconditionally, and he denied me that because he desired drugs over me, and made me aware of that fact. Thats why, to me, he is the scum of the earth, and I wouldn't hesitate to act out of bitterness and revenge to shatter his little world here in Brisbane, and send him back off to Canberra which is where he moved from just before we met. =D
 
Haha I can't imagine doing this, I'm sure at first the situation is extremely tense and akward. From there you have to crush the feelings you still have for them while you watch them throw themselves out into the "cruel" world where you are no longer an option. OUCH! Reality bites hard. This is why this is not an ideal thing to be around for.

Watch Seinfeld, Jerry and Elaine successfully pull this off. Then again, it is a TV show... but anything is possible. Some people have their shit together enough to be able to pull this off without a second glance. It also depends on how the relationship was left off, and who left who in what state, etc. As with everything else, there are many factors to be considered here.
 
Thanks for all the replies everyone...I didn't expect that there would be so many. I finally decided to just call things off with my ex...I still have too many feelings for her and trying to be her friend has just been eating my up inside. It is without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever had to do.....again, thanks everyone...now it's back to sitting on my futon alone with some tears :(

-Z
 
I have a recurring ex. That's to say, we break up and go back out... repeatedly, always under the thin veil of friendship.

It starts out casual, then things get intimate. After that, it's back to relationship. Then tension, fighting, then finally resentment.

We don't talk for 2-3 weeks - She rings me and the process starts all over again.

Neat eh?

I'm sort of getting sick of it though.
 
It usually takes a while of no talking to really become friends with your ex. It also IMO depends if you were friends before the relationship. I think that if you were friends before the relationship, it's easier to be freinds after. I also think that both people definately need to take a while away from each other, and gain their independence before they can become friends again.
 
for me this is (yet) another one of these issues where it just seems impossible to generalise.

my last girlfriend's last words to me were "stay the fuck out of my life". i was happy to oblige - we are not friends.

the one before that (we were together for 5 years - mostly living together) is getting married later this year to a good friend of mine. we're still good friends.

alasdair
 
My last girlfriend and I dated for 3 years (we lived together for 2) and have been split up for 2 years now. We are still friends but neither of us have really dated anyone. When I met her, she really didn't have many friends so I brought her into my circle of friends and now my friends are her friends too. This made it kinda hard right after the breakup, but now things are cool. Since we have the same friends, we see each other quite often and we still talk on the phone occasionally and I still consider her a good friend. Since we broke up though, neither of us have really dated anyone and as far as I know , she hasn't slept with anyone either. Now I'm not really the jealous type, but I just found out that she got laid on Friday nite after a party that we were at and to tell you the truth it made my heart hurt. Now I know I shouldn't be jealous, after all we've been split up for 2 years now and we are both adults who need to move on but like ImpossibleDreamer said I feel protective of her and I kinda want to know some more info, like who this guy is and where she met him. I don't want to dwell on it but ever since Friday nite, it's been bugging me. I find myself thinking about it and hope it's not someone I know (that would kill me). I want to talk to her about it but I'm hesitant because (1) it's none of my business and (2) it might hurt our friendship. I'm slightly jealous, but more concerned for her health and happiness than anything else.
I'm not sure what to do, I guess it will just work itself out, I just don't want to lose my friend or see her get hurt.

thanks for listening
 
If u read the topic "love at first sight" then u will understand what ImpossibleDreamer is talkin bout. The topic of that thread is actually the couple he is talkin bout. I happen to be the guy that is with his ex. I didnt mean to ruin there friendship but people should move on. they will be friends again soon.
 
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