Dealer was in a situation where he had to discard the bags he got for me. He called me tonight finally saying he had them for me. Only problem is, I'm going in for gallbladder surgery tomorrow, so I worry using 3 bags 12 hours before surgery will cause an overdose once anesthesia is applied. I wanna go grab them tonight as I don't know what shape I'll be in tomorrow. But the temptation will be great.
What's up guys? Hope you're all doin well...Johnny, Mizzy and Effect...Me, I'm just ridin that Sub train...playin a gig in a few hours here...
I figured something like that happened if he was usually reliable...sometimes it happens; the dope biz is like that. Hope you got your stuff and held on before the surgery, you don't know what effects it'll have with the anesthesia...my sister is a nurse anesthetist and she's told me stories about people who did drugs before their surgery and they weren't too good...Dealer was in a situation where he had to discard the bags he got for me. He called me tonight finally saying he had them for me. Only problem is, I'm going in for gallbladder surgery tomorrow, so I worry using 3 bags 12 hours before surgery will cause an overdose once anesthesia is applied. I wanna go grab them tonight as I don't know what shape I'll be in tomorrow. But the temptation will be great.
What's up guys? Hope you're all doin well...Johnny, Mizzy and Effect...Me, I'm just ridin that Sub train...playin a gig in a few hours here...
^PMe if you want to man....it's tough to pass up free dope...It's tough to pass up doin it when you're driving to meet one of your old dealers in the same spot you always went yourself...Certain things really do trigger cravings
^Yeah, that what I was thinkin too...."People, places and things"...I get kind of annoyed with 12 step stuff, but the thing about getting triggered by "people, places and things" is absolutely true.....Some of them you can't avoid...but your old dealer isn't one of them! Unless he's a relative or a co-worker...
Yeah I did NA/AA for the longest time and was sober for about 5 years. Then, when I went back to Umass Amherst to finish my bachelor's after a 15 year school break, I relapsed, and relapsed hard. Then I detoxed near Amherst MA. After that I moved to Manchester NH to stay in a sober house, to be close to Boston, and to get back into NA/AA. But when I got to Manch, I realized it wasn't AA/NA that kept me sober before, it was having a life I wanted that helped the most. So when I moved to Lowell, I started dabbling again. Except this time, I'm just chipping. It doesn't call to me like it used to. It used to be I had to have it as soon as the day started. Or if I had money, I had to have it as soon as the g I just blew through was gone. Nowadays, I'll use maybe once a week, sometimes 2x. And then I'll lay low for a few weeks before I get any again.
I don't like the heroin hangover anymore (not the sickness, no one likes that) - the tiredness, the teeth grinding, the numb body, I also don't like the fucking game that goes along with copping the shit. But I think the big thing that keeps me from using more often is that I really dig my life and my job right now. I get preoccupied with living life so I keep getting sucked into my life rather than sucked in by dope.
I never thought I could chip. I thought it would be impossible. But ironically enough, it's what I've been doing for about the past year. Its like when you want something, but you want it so much it becomes impossible to obtaina. However, when youre not paying attention, thats when you get it. Knowhatimsayin??
Hopefully that made sense.
props on that ..It's killer not getting dopesick anymore and I've had no problem chipping at all. I've even been offered free dope and have had to turn it down because I used a day or so previously. Not even trying to catch a habit again. I know peoples feelings on chipping and how it leads back to addiction but it's been working for me and having suffered to get to this point I feel I have way more discipline not to use on a regular basis because I will undoubtedly get sick again. We'll see how life goes...
that is what i strive for..ive never really thought about quitting for good. whenive taken breaks it is generally probation and money or tolerance as the reasons not me wanting to quit for good. i figured its taken me years to get to this point that it could take months or years for all i know to ghet back to being normal..That's why I asked man. I just always figured it would take longer to get all the way back to square one. To where you want the drug but, don't physically need something. I think that's a fantasy that a lot of us have. How long were you hooked if you don't mind me asking? Did you feel at all sick after you first used again?
Anyways be careful man. I hope this works for you.
this is why i dont talk about BL with my friends..this shit is like fight club, you shouldnt talk about it outside of BLYo mzral I had no idea you were so local. i know a lot of dudes who were at that detox recently.
i know you prolly already had surgery but i really hope you chose not to do the dope before you went in for anesthesia and surgery..your not even supposed to eat or drink water..dope or any opiate could possbnily cause you to have an overdoseDealer was in a situation where he had to discard the bags he got for me. He called me tonight finally saying he had them for me. Only problem is, I'm going in for gallbladder surgery tomorrow, so I worry using 3 bags 12 hours before surgery will cause an overdose once anesthesia is applied. I wanna go grab them tonight as I don't know what shape I'll be in tomorrow. But the temptation will be great.
ive thought about this cause my family did just move to atlanta cause my mom transfered at work and well i have nothing out there and thats why i chose to move in with my uncle and not go with them. i havent really even givin it much of a thought except for "how long would 5grams of raw last me?" " would i have enough to last me until i found a connect down there" or "that wouyld be an opprotunity to start fresh and get clean and not know anyone and just get a job and get back to life instead of just livin as a dope addict.i mean how often do you get a chance to start over 100%, i dont have a job or a girlfriend and so nothing is really keeping me here except for my little brother and just my friends and my life even though i havent really lived it for 2 years."Very true. That's why it's so hard to stay sober if you're still living in the same environment you were when you were using. People, places, and things. Hah. Corny but true.
this is where i really want to be, back to chippin once maybe twice a week. but just buying like a 1/4gram and using it all in one day and then not having an sickness or WD or anything when i wake up 2 days later or anytime after that. just get high on friday night and go about the rest of the week just smokin some weed and then come next weekend the same thing. by getting back to work i will have all that freetime used up and with no freetime and jsut work i would love to just come home, eat dinner and smoke a bong or 2, go to bed and wake up and do it again.Yeah I did NA/AA for the longest time and was sober for about 5 years. Then, when I went back to Umass Amherst to finish my bachelor's after a 15 year school break, I relapsed, and relapsed hard. Then I detoxed near Amherst MA. After that I moved to Manchester NH to stay in a sober house, to be close to Boston, and to get back into NA/AA. But when I got to Manch, I realized it wasn't AA/NA that kept me sober before, it was having a life I wanted that helped the most. So when I moved to Lowell, I started dabbling again. Except this time, I'm just chipping. It doesn't call to me like it used to. It used to be I had to have it as soon as the day started. Or if I had money, I had to have it as soon as the g I just blew through was gone. Nowadays, I'll use maybe once a week, sometimes 2x. And then I'll lay low for a few weeks before I get any again.
I don't like the heroin hangover anymore (not the sickness, no one likes that) - the tiredness, the teeth grinding, the numb body, I also don't like the fucking game that goes along with copping the shit. But I think the big thing that keeps me from using more often is that I really dig my life and my job right now. I get preoccupied with living life so I keep getting sucked into my life rather than sucked in by dope.
I never thought I could chip. I thought it would be impossible. But ironically enough, it's what I've been doing for about the past year. Its like when you want something, but you want it so much it becomes impossible to obtaina. However, when youre not paying attention, thats when you get it. Knowhatimsayin??
Hopefully that made sense.
the more dope you have the more dope you will do.