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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Joke Thread

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First real glimpse of Muslim Pussy...

NSFW:
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Chuck Norris once ate a cake before his friends could tell there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

On his birthday Chuck Norris randomly selects a child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer!
 
felix an admi now

very fancy schmancy

hope ur pumping lots of your oil dollars into paying the hosting bills for this kip ye cunt
 
Three guys are sitting in a bar
First guy: I have four sons, one more and I got a basketball team
Second guy: I got you beat, I have ten sons, one more, bam! I got a football team!
Third guy: That's nothing, I got both you beat, I have 17 daugthers one more and I got a golf course...
 
tryptafiend said:
Three guys are sitting in a bar
First guy: I have four sons, one more and I got a basketball team
Second guy: I got you beat, I have ten sons, one more, bam! I got a football team!
Third guy: That's nothing, I got both you beat, I have 17 daugthers one more and I got a golf course...
Click to expand...

lolz. you only need 9 daughters for a golf course though imo. 9 or 6.
 
A man goes to the Antiques Road Show with a tampon.

He sits down at a table and dangles it in front of the expert's face.

The man says, "You think you're a clever cunt, eh? So what period's this from then?"

;)
 
i just discovered the sharm el sheik as we know him was made in a cellar like a fine wine
eric and tim are having sex
eric says to time "by the way i have aids"
tim looks back "WhaT! what the fuck man!"
eric laughs and says "im only joking i just like how you tighten up like that"
 
The Chuck Norris jokes were funny at first, but because the Americans actually believe them to be true it's no longer funny.
 
Mum jokes.... No I just literally received this from my mum..


I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'
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I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'
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I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'
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I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.'
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My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.
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I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'
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I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R.
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I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
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I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.
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The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'
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I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'
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I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said 'I careered off the road'
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I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.
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I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar' I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'
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I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'
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A waiter asks a man, 'May I take your order, sir?' 'Yes,' the man replies. 'I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?' 'Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.'
 
Amy Winehouse and Jeremy Clarkson meet at a party..

Amy asks Jeremy, " So what do you do?"

Jeremy, " Oh, I do Top Gear.."

Amy, " Great, I'll take 2grams please!"
 
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