• 🇬🇧󠁿 🇸🇪 🇿🇦 🇮🇪 🇬🇭 🇩🇪 🇪🇺
    European & African
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Joke Thread - Try and make it funny, eh?

heres a long one better told in person but sure i'll give it a shot


There was a man one time , and he loved tractors . he loved anything to do with tractors . He has tractor wall paper, tractor crockery , tractor bed sheets , tractor everything basically ...
But there was one thing he loved more than tractors and that was his beloved Dog Massey .
One day he was taking his david brown 1100 tractor out for a spin and as he backed out the driveway he felt a thud.
Jumping from the tractor his worst nightmares came to fruition and he realised he had ran over the one living entity that he truly loved . Massey !
Feeling great anguish and deep pain he naturally took this out on the tractors ... He got rid of the tractor memorbelia and swore to never own a tractor again



So a few months later a man went into a pub .
The man had respitory problems and this being the time before smoking bans he was coughing quite a bit .
As the man sat spluttering a coughing at the bar An old fellow walked up and put his hand on his shoulder.
"its alright" he said and with one massive movement the man sucked in all the smoke from the bar, walked to the door and exhailed it all.

Obviously extrememly shocked and confused by this the man asked how the hell he did it !?
To which the old man replied .
"Im an Extractorfan"


Hiyooooo que sound of plane crashing into ground
 
oh man, I have told that tractor joke to any and everyone I know over the past 4 years.

...and I drag that bitch on like a mother fucker everytime!

Apart from my version goes with his mum finally letting him got o a farm and have a go on a tractor. The tractor flipps over and leaves him wheelchairbound.

It's all about doing the wheelchair motions with your arms as you wheel yourself out of the bat to exhale the smoke :D
 
It never gets old ! NEVER ever ever ... Told it to a good 200 peoples i reckon .

Never heard of the wheelchair bound version though , Only ever stuck with the good old dog one
But whatever way you tell it .. You can make it last for fuuuucking ever ...

Leaving a big pause between tractor killing dog/near fatal farm injury scene and the part with the pub always leads to great confusion and suspense ...
Also
Did you here about the spaceman who ran out of air ??
Luckily enough he brought a packet of walkers crisps with him .
 
Your vagina should be called Jasmine, cos it always has Alladin.

Saw it on facebook, debating the power tag with some lucky bird in my friends list, probably bit harsh though.
 
John Terry at a press conference..... "i like them em, they taste nice and make my breath smell great" Reporter shouts back "TACTICS YOU THICK CUNT".
 
my black mate finally snapped at me today. "Im sick of your little jokes, digs and piss taking ,being black makes no difference , i can do everything you can do,and do it just as well as you,if not better "
OK mate, I replied......."GROW A FRINGE".
 
NEW FROM ANDREX.........ABU HAMZA toilet paper ! not only is there a picture of him on every sheet,but every time you wipe your arse you get to colour him in.
 
i see Jimmy savilles family have removed his gravestone along with all the flowers growing around it as a sign of respect to his victims.
so it just leaves a small hole with no bush around it.............which is just what Jimmy would have wanted.
 
strungout2010 said:
i see jimmy savilles family have removed his gravestone along with all the flowers growing around it as a sign of respect to his victims.
So it just leaves a small hole with no bush around it.............which is just what jimmy would have wanted.
Click to expand...

=d!
 
I love my new job as a impressionist ..........................so far my blind sister ,thinks shes fucked David Beckham,Johnny Depp and Brads Pitt.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top