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-The- Heroin & Opioid Mega Discussion Thread (Volumes 1+2 Merged)

Not sure how much this is going to set me back now. I'm not sure if I literally have to start all over, or if I'll only have a certain percentage of symptoms, having just did one shot, as opposed to an entire bag.

In all truth I found if I took enough of anything strong enough to bring me out of withdrawal completely then I'd be back to square one with it until well past peak withdrawal, days 4 and out. Don't tempt it. Lower doses, only took the edge off, or different metabolism, you might get away with some of it but otherwise could easily be square one. Be better ready for it next time, get what meds you need will help you get through without caving, have a better go at it, but must be determined to succeed cos trying and failing makes it harder to come off when you try next time. It works like that. You can do it with a good plan, no question.
 
On day 3 and while not 100% I'm BETTER. Withdrawal is at a manageable point and now it's up to me not to screw it up. This is my new lease on life.
 
Good stuff Mzral. Day 3 is usually the worst by far for most heroin users and then things improve very, very rapidly over the following coupla days, days 4 and 5 being very manageable by comparison to peak withdrawal. If you're feeling better already should be a rapid improvement. Broken the back of it anyways. DO NOT reward yourself with a little taste once you're done just cos you can. Often fatal to recovery that, sucks you back in. Best of luck. :)
 
so hello, im nightlites==

been clean and suboxone for round a year maybe lil more, one or 2 slip ups...

but this week, i used 2 days in a row, did the 24 hour thing got back on subs, then the same day i said fuck it, called my boy got some more. 2 more days.. then 24hrs then back on subs.... today its two days later, so 2 days back on subs... i was straight this morn n all was gravy.... tonight just called my hook... of course hes taking forever so i havent met up with him.... i dont feel good about doing this honestly... im just i guess looking for some peopes opinions :/ thanks
 
Day 4 and I think that my body's just about healed. I just took an at-home drug test and passed. I then went into the toilet at a fast-food place and filled a few tiny bottles up with my urine and handed them off to my junkie friend. The top of one bottle came undone and she was standing there in the middle of the dining area with her hand covered in my urine. And the first thing out of her mouth was simply "RL, I think you might need to give me some more of your pee because I got it all over my hand." People were staring at us. It was just not what normal people get up to on a Monday afternoon.

I did not realise how rough it was going to be having just gone hard at it for about a week or so. Top-shelf heroin, though, and round-the-clock dosing for a week straight was a really foolish idea, I admit. I got the withdrawals, and even though they were still pretty tame, the phantom symptoms and the flashbacks made them feel just as intense. So I did what any rational person would do while trying to work a job on days 2 and 3 of heroin withdrawal - I drank. I drank all day at work Saturday and I drank all day at work on Sunday. I drank because it took away the pain for just a few hours, but now I'm hungover when I should be hitting the ground running. I hope my coworkers did not notice how drunk I was. They say that you appear sober to yourself in your own mind, when other people can tell. I feel like my digestive system is made of hot sauce. I haven't had the alcohol shits for a while.

I wish I could put my finger on what exactly it is about this substance that makes me keep coming back to it. It's not even that great of a high. Not nearly as euphoric as many other things. I just feel like every single cell in my body wants to be awash with heroin. But for what reason? The only thing stopping me from using today is the fact that I have to take a drug test Friday. Friday I might use again. Heroin will make everything okay. For a while.
 
And the first thing out of her mouth was simply "RL, I think you might need to give me some more of your pee because I got it all over my hand." People were staring at us. It was just not what normal people get up to on a Monday afternoon.

I have to head to the hospital due to what I think is a spider bite in the face. At least I'm enjoying the analgesic effects of heroin - and yet I'm still in severe discomfort and moderate pain.

Anyway, this reminded me of how I spent yesterday w/ one of my oldest friends. This friend has matured to become a smelly, punk rock train-hopper, albeit w/ a heart of gold. We went and did a survey through the University on IV drug users and collected our incentives; while waiting to cash them at the bank it became painfully clear my friend had no filter or volume control. By the time we left everyone knew where we were going. I mean, whatever. It made no difference in the day. But the way he was so tactless made me feel like he wanted every man, woman, and child in the bank to know he was a junkie - to seem cool or the like.

Anyway, I screwed up yesterday, but I think I'm still steadily improving.
 
I wish I could put my finger on what exactly it is about this substance that makes me keep coming back to it. It's not even that great of a high. Not nearly as euphoric as many other things. I just feel like every single cell in my body wants to be awash with heroin. But for what reason? The only thing stopping me from using today is the fact that I have to take a drug test Friday. Friday I might use again. Heroin will make everything okay. For a while.

I feel the exact same way.

I can't get myself to stay on sub, though I pretty much have to at this point. I didn't realize how terribly how shooting dope would bring my tolerance and how much sub I needed to hold me over. I took 24mg in a little over 24 hours and I was still miserable and going through hot and cold flashes. I feel so hopeless right now. I've fucked up so much and am feeling this terrible self-loathing and guilt in addition to just feeling awful. I don't have an appetite. I don't have any energy. I just don't know how to get back to normal at this point.
 
Hi guys. First off, I had 10 months clean yesterday (:.

Second off, I NEED YOUR GUYS' HELP!

I'm a fellow recovering heroin addict. I'm taking an abnormal psychology class and our teacher assigned us a project to make an anti-stigma campaign for anything we believe in. It's only worth 20 points, but this is something that really means something to me.

I'm planning on giving the facts and statistics of how heroin/opiate use has been increasing the past years shown in the massive increase of overdoses in my county, state, and nationwide. I'm going to also talk about the people who are currently in recovery. Then i'm going to give my message about how people need to treat both active and recovering addicts with dignity and like humans and give them information on public outreach programs and assemblies for schools that help prevent use not with the scare tactic, but with real information and real accounts from heroin addicts.

Where you guys come in: First and foremost, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT FOR THIS! I want to have a slideshow of you guys holding up a sign saying "I am ________" and put in there anything that you are personally proud of. Some examples could be: "I am a proud mother of 3", or "I am a football player", or "I am a guitar player". You get the idea, anything and everything you are proud of, put it on a poster and take a picture! If you want to remain anonymous you can crop the picture so your face doesn't show. You can even put your clean date and how much time you have at the bottom of it.

Also, if you guys have any suggestions for how I can make this campaign any better, feel free to let me know!

Thank you guys so much! Stay strong!

If this is in the wrong thread, let me know. I just need as many contributions as possible.
 
We often hear people talk about death and being reunited with family in Heaven. They draw up this calming idea that the beginning of the other side is this heartwarming reunion with loved ones up in the soft and gentle clouds, surrounded by holy notions of love and whatnot. Well this is how it is for me whenever the heroin enters my body. I love heroin, but even more it loves me (and I forgive it for the pain it also has put me through, for it cannot help its dark traits. Nobody is perfect...). And I cannot imagine a religion that could provide an afterlife with as sweet of a first chapter as that reunion with heroin. It's that feeling of being lost and alone in this world, abandoned by the robustness of young love or childhood innocence, but then being suddenly forgiven of all that has gone wrong and that pure joy that is unadulterated and untrained love taking over your mind, body and spirit once again. Heroin is the peace and the serenity that we addicts know, and the peace and serenity that sets the bar often impossibly high for us when we try and do the whole "recovery thing." Its romance and sex appeal is an enigma, but it loves you in feelings in a way that those around you only ever really have in words. It gives you hope that you're not just a completely fucked up bastard of a pathetic loser, but that you are a highly-evolved spiritual being capable of the purest for of love.

carl: I think you need to go to any length at this point to chance your people, places and things. You've probably been using long enough that you've used around all of your friends/family, used in most parking lots in your area, done most of your favourite activities high, etc. I'm the same way, and even when I go through long stretches of not using, everything triggers bad memories for me. I'm doing everything I can to put a plan into action that will get me as far away from her as soon as possible. I know it sounds drastic, but have you ever thought about doing anything it took to start over fresh? Rehab or sober-living out-of-state maybe?
 
carl: I think you need to go to any length at this point to chance your people, places and things. You've probably been using long enough that you've used around all of your friends/family, used in most parking lots in your area, done most of your favourite activities high, etc. I'm the same way, and even when I go through long stretches of not using, everything triggers bad memories for me. I'm doing everything I can to put a plan into action that will get me as far away from her as soon as possible. I know it sounds drastic, but have you ever thought about doing anything it took to start over fresh? Rehab or sober-living out-of-state maybe?

Oh most definitely yes, yes, and yes to having used for a long time around family/friends, in lots of places around here, and whilst doing lots of my favorite activities. You're not the first to suggest moving out of state and I think that's probably the best solution. I stayed around because I only need to pass 2 more classes to graduate college, but I ended up dropping both of them this semester because I couldn't handle school and my progressively out-of-control IV habit. It also didn't help that my dealer is literally right around the corner from where I park at school.

It'd be hard to leave now, even if I completely forgot about school, but I have no money to my name. I owe about 2 grand on my credit card and don't have the means to move out of state at this point. I definitely need a few months of clean time to get back on my feet.


Edit: If I could move then Colorado would seem like a good choice right now
 
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RedLeader while i respect your opinion. And i often romanticize the shit. The reunion with heroin is seldom as sweet for me now that i've had clean time. Don't get me wrong i still relapse. I still enjoy it. But the grip heroin had on me loosened a little bit. I'm not really currently working a program either. I still have some faith,peace, and serenity gained through what i learned in AA/NA... i'd rather be wrong on the insight i gained there then the false belief that being high all the time was somehow me living my life truly free consuming what i wanted to.

I'm not picking on you. Heroin is hard to find where I'm at right not now so i can't say if i could still get it all the time i wouldn't be high. But im kind of hoping i crossed some barrier to where i just can't rip and run anymore. I'll get good dope after not doing it for a while and just feel guilty the next day after being high. Thats probably what it is. The reward just isn't worth even my own conscience these days.

I still think about it or i wouldn't even read the thread. I aint gonna lie i wan't to. I just know ill pay for it if i do it
 
I have one dose left right now. I cannot sleep and though I'm not in WDs yet, I know that doing that dose would put my mind at ease and my body into a place where it can drift off to sleep. But that means that I won't be able to wake up tomorrow with the luxury of having a morning dose all ready for me. Because we all know that there's nothing better than waking up to the strange occurrence that there is a nice dose waiting there for ya. I wouldn't even have to get out of bed to do it. I do, however, know that I have enough money to go and buy another gram tomorrow as soon as I can line it up. I thought I was going to be just a bit short. But then I found the money to cover it, so making the deal happen tomorrow won't be an issue, at least not financially. I mean sure, he'd probably let me buy a half, but I alway like to at least make it a gram to be as good of a customer as possible. Sure, I'm enabling myself thinking that way, I'll admit it. Anyway, it's past four in the morning and I'd do the deal just after noon, so if I did this last dose to help me get to bed, it's not like I'd even be sick before I'd have that next bag in my possession. That next bag, which is going to be my last because I need to once again get my system clean for next Friday. So I will get that last gram tomorrow and do a rapid taper with it across tomorrow, Friday and Saturday morning. I'm kidding nobody, I'll still feel a WD from that type of detox, but I think I'll be able to time the sleeping right to get me about to the 36 hour point before I really feel like I'm doing battle, and my diet will be better this time around as well. I wish I could take the Suboxone I have, as even one 8mg dose would make this taper nearly painless. Alas, they will test for Suboxone and with its halflife as it is, I cannot get that help if I am using the dope as long as I possibly can. Like everytime. Fuck, I just got hit with the realisation that I am going to have to go through a few days of the sickness this weekend. Fuck, I swore last time that I'd spread those doses out in a way that I could dodge the physical part of it the next time I had to get my system clean, but as always I screwed up. And it's that PAWS that I really don't want to have to deal with. Those dreams I'm going to have as I try and sleep away as much of it as I can (and thank god that the WD is still bearable enough that sleeping part of it is possible). But ya, I don't want to have those dreams. And I don't want to deal with that apathy either. It's amazing how good I feel right now about my future goals, but how bleak and pointless everything will feel in just a few rotations of the clock, as my eyes will become wet not because of emotions but because of a process that also strips away my emotions entirely. I'll turn my phone off to the world and everyone will be offended once again when I go off the radar. But I won't care, because getting to that 100 hour mark clean is the only thing that will be on my mind. I'm sure that I'll plan everything perfect again this time - the food, the meds, the entertainment. And then I will follow almost none of it, and make the PAWS as painful as possible by lying in my bed doing nothing but thinking, worrying and being afraid for the brunt of it. A WD of just under two weeks of daily use is going to feel like a proper kick because I'm going to work it up that bad in my own mind. But anyway, back to that dose for tonight. Should I do it? I'll probably do it and still won't be able to sleep. Maybe I'll do it and stay up all night and morning doing pointless stuff in my bedroom, stay up until I can meet up with my dude for that last gram. I'd better wait until I get home to start on that last bag too, because I know if I stop somewhere and do some before I get home, I'll do way too much. Anyway, that's for tomorrow. Right now I think it's time to take that dose. My mind is flying with all of these thoughts, and that's the only thing that will calm it down. I hope it's big enough. There's never enough, I'm afraid. There's never enough...
 
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We often hear people talk about death and being reunited with family in Heaven. They draw up this calming idea that the beginning of the other side is this heartwarming reunion with loved ones up in the soft and gentle clouds, surrounded by holy notions of love and whatnot. Well this is how it is for me whenever the heroin enters my body. I love heroin, but even more it loves me (and I forgive it for the pain it also has put me through, for it cannot help its dark traits. Nobody is perfect...). And I cannot imagine a religion that could provide an afterlife with as sweet of a first chapter as that reunion with heroin. It's that feeling of being lost and alone in this world, abandoned by the robustness of young love or childhood innocence, but then being suddenly forgiven of all that has gone wrong and that pure joy that is unadulterated and untrained love taking over your mind, body and spirit once again. Heroin is the peace and the serenity that we addicts know, and the peace and serenity that sets the bar often impossibly high for us when we try and do the whole "recovery thing." Its romance and sex appeal is an enigma, but it loves you in feelings in a way that those around you only ever really have in words. It gives you hope that you're not just a completely fucked up bastard of a pathetic loser, but that you are a highly-evolved spiritual being capable of the purest for of love.

carl: I think you need to go to any length at this point to chance your people, places and things. You've probably been using long enough that you've used around all of your friends/family, used in most parking lots in your area, done most of your favourite activities high, etc. I'm the same way, and even when I go through long stretches of not using, everything triggers bad memories for me. I'm doing everything I can to put a plan into action that will get me as far away from her as soon as possible. I know it sounds drastic, but have you ever thought about doing anything it took to start over fresh? Rehab or sober-living out-of-state maybe?

I can kinda relate to this but imo it's fake
The H numbs your feelings and emotions out so much, masks your true personality and limits your potential and personal abilities so much

Yeah when you've been up 30 hours dope sick and you finally cop in the morning and fix up, it's pure heaven like you said, not a care in the world, feel like you could do anything or go anywhere as long as you have the heroin flowing through your bloodstream

But it's when I get clean is when I feel all those true feelings you talk about, they and everything else just feels more genuine some how.
And then I can almost feel the natural endorphins and dopamine working again, it makes me wanna get out and do things, lay in the sun with some pretty girl while smoking a joint or anything like that, not waking up sick everyday, copping, driving home and sitting there nodding out all night...
 
^ Oh ya, no doubt it's fake. It's just when you've lived a life where the real love that you've experienced has always seemed rather artificial and trite, especially in reflection upon having grown up in a strange family, the fake opiate love felt very real in comparison for a long time. The heroin sponsors the disillusionment that is the disingenuous real love that your family has raised you to believe is the purest form of love showing itself to really be nothing special at all. Everything feels backwards - the fake love feels really good, and the real thing feels like a letdown, if not a lie. So yes, definitely I have learned from opiates that I need to pursue real love in my future relationships and (hopefully) healed familial bonds so that real love will be able to top even the best opiate-warmth I've ever felt. So in a way I am glad that the heroin gave me the proverbial kick in the ass I needed to realise that I don't need to accept my current relationships for all that they are (and all that they are lacking), and that real love has no bounds if I pursue it for what it is. I just got to keep reminding myself that it's good to crave real love and that I do deserve it and should place it at the very top of my priorities for finding the best future that is out there for me.
 
I agree Bill. That's the appeal of H for many: its ability to regulate emotional highs and lows and stabilise mood, or elevate mood. Trouble is it does that so effectively as to put a limit on how much real euphoria you're able to experience while you're on it, and as the drug-induced euphoria diminishes over time so too does your capacity for any joy in life. That's the trap isn't it? Its seductive promises soon turn out to have been lies, condemning you to a miserable existence on it, short to medium term misery trying to get off. In any event, even in the early days of H use your capacity for joy is in no way the same as that you rediscover once you quit. As an ex-addict a real emotion pisses all over any that H ever produced, always will.
 
^ Oh ya, no doubt it's fake. It's just when you've lived a life where the real love that you've experienced has always seemed rather artificial and trite, especially in reflection upon having grown up in a strange family, the fake opiate love felt very real in comparison for a long time. The heroin sponsors the disillusionment that is the disingenuous real love that your family has raised you to believe is the purest form of love showing itself to really be nothing special at all. Everything feels backwards - the fake love feels really good, and the real thing feels like a letdown, if not a lie. So yes, definitely I have learned from opiates that I need to pursue real love in my future relationships and (hopefully) healed familial bonds so that real love will be able to top even the best opiate-warmth I've ever felt. So in a way I am glad that the heroin gave me the proverbial kick in the ass I needed to realise that I don't need to accept my current relationships for all that they are (and all that they are lacking), and that real love has no bounds if I pursue it for what it is. I just got to keep reminding myself that it's good to crave real love and that I do deserve it and should place it at the very top of my priorities for finding the best future that is out there for me.

5 mother fucking star post, RL
I couldn't have said it any better

You have a very insightful way at looking at it and yeah every one has different circumstances that possibly led them into this life and maybe they benefited from it some how in some way or maybe not

You're smart though, you know what needs to be done and I'm sure eventually you can be strong enough to obtain everything you hope for in life with out having to be dependent on anything

Yeah Sepher you said it well too, it puts you into that place where you're most comfortable, that warm opiate blanket where everything is alright whether you're a young new user or a strung out bum living on the streets

Edit: I wonder if RL tooted that last hit he has yet lol
 
^ I did it right about the time you made that edit, in all likelihood...

...My reasoning being that if I took my last dose at that late of an hour, WD wouldn't start until dinnertime today, and I would for sure be good by then as I had my money and my supply, and just needed to line up a ride. Well that ride become more of a problem than I thought it was going to be. That's one thing that really sucks when you don't currently have a license/car - if you're an introverted opiate user, having to consistently get rides with others to go cop/buy can take you out of your comfort zone quite regularly. I enjoyed for years the luxury of being able to obtain my drugs on my own, just me meeting the dealer and doing a quick exchange. It helped me keep the double-life going and it really helped save time. But now that I've screwed up and am not allowed to legally drive for just a bit more time, I'm required to join forces with my fellow users and absuers to gather together amid the social forces of our culture and together seek out the chemical treasure that keeps us going. And I don't so much like it, because I'm always like the only one with his shit still together. Someone always wants 5$, another wants money for cigarettes, another is begging for a third of a bag if I can share. Everyone always has that additional something, except for me because I try and keep myself smooth and easy for everyone else's comfort. But yet I question why I bother, I really do, as everyone else's just an absolute mess. I'm not trying to brag, no, but I am trying to say that other people make this lifestyle seem way more inconvenient than it already is. It is orders of magnitude harder to maintain a normal and responsible life within society and yet be an addict without his or her own transportation resources.

So I did that last line but could not enjoy it because the ability to relax due to the afternoon transportation being straightened out never came. And for a while it was looking there like my detox was about to come two days early, which for a selfish addict like myself is absolutely unacceptable. And yet like the hopeless addict that I am, I was ready to give up by dinnertime, when to my very surprise a route to the chemical treasure had opened up. A friend was going to go a bit out of his way to help me out. Imagine that, there is a bit of love and reciprocity in my otherwise junkie hell of a day. Two hours later I had it in my hands, two hours and change later I had it in my body. Oh, and I also did what I said I shouldn't do. I didn't wait until I got home to dose. Which not only is going to force my taper to be a bit more uncomfortable, but made my stomach a bit uneasy as I dosed on the high-end of my comfort zone tonight.

Tomorrow I take half as much at noon, and then a quarter as much at midnight. And then just a little dusting Saturday morning. Then naked and into the unknown.

Amid all of this, though, something amazing happened to me today. What? I'm actually not going to go into it here, but I found a great additional reason for me to get clean again this weekend. I found another reason why I need to do it. Or should I say, I found another soul who can benefit from me getting clean. To much of the world, whether I in particular am sober or high matters without any real significance. But to a few people, their immediate lives can and will benefit from me detoxing the diamorphine from my dying body. This additional someone is actually very special to me, and knowing what we will share after I get clean is enough to inject some feeling into my apathetic heart. It's definitely something that is catching me off-guard, but in a good way. Us junkies doesn't very often get caught off-guard in good ways. So perhaps that means I'm less and less of a junkie each passing day? If not that, then the lowering of my doses could at least indicate that...
 
Day #4 of withdrawal...

I woke up nauseous, and not in kindly way. No, lights turned on bright, elephant in a china cabinet type rampage through my stuff ... Their heart was in the right place, but the forced sleep I got (13 hours) was my first sleep in 2 1/2 days since quitting, and I really wanted to stay there awhile longer.

Having been a chronic pain patient for so many years, my first thought was "I must have missed my morning dose of medicine" -- which happens from time to time -- power goes off, if I use the computer as an alarm clock windows update reboots the PC... Before I even thought about it I was looking for my pain meds, which is a bad idea -- I have like 5 bottles of them sitting across the room, but I managed to remember "Oh yeah, I feel like this because of withdrawal, and its day #4".

I have no illusions that the boundaries between pain management, and addiction can get quite blurry. The real challenge isn't even these next few days. I have to think that day #4 is the peak of withdrawal (or at least I hope it is!). Even so, I kicked my sheets off last night, and threw my pillows on the floor from the violence of my kicking and body movements. Not a pleasant thought, and one that keeps me from heading over to the girlfriends for comfort. I know that even if I did manage to sleep over there -- I would likely keep her up. However, there is still a part of me that feels a twinge of resent in the "I've helped you through the hard things ... when I'm going through them ..." part of the deal. I'm not sure that I need to rethink my relationships, but I am sure that the mellowness, and even keel that I've had to things that would otherwise be great, and otherwise be unacceptable has been greatly masked by 100-500mg of MScontin every single day for the past 5 years. I'll know more when I hit the end of the tunnel, my head isn't fuzzy from the MSC, and the withdrawal symptoms have worn off.

The truly hard part is going to be -- I'm likely still going to need opioids on occasion for pain, and how the hell do I manage that and not abuse them? Knowing that this is my 2nd attempt (my first I lasted 3 days and into day 4 before I gave into RLS and insomnia), and the misery endured during will help, but how many days consecutively can I use these before it becomes another mild dose of withdrawal? I never really had that issue. I went on long acting pain drugs in roughly 2001, and didn't ever imagine anything would improve enough to where even this effort would be realistic. I honestly didn't expect to live this long; I figured the disease would kill me the second five years, and that I would kill myself from the pain the first five years...

If not for gabapentin, this attempt would have been much more painful -- just like my first. I hope day 4 is past the hump, and its all downhill from here as far as the physical side of things goes. I'm starting to realize just how much of the mental side of things will still be with me. As much as I want a therapist for some of this stuff; I don't want anything going into my health records about it. Even health records I thought would never resurface from 20 years ago have come back to bite me in the butt. My other reason is that I may still not be out of the woods with the main disease, and it may strike with a furious vengeance (and it could keep me from getting pain management then).

I've lied to myself for the past year that it isn't a problem, and isn't hurting anything -- in the face of mounting evidence. I know the truth, and at least one other soul on this earth does; that is a start. I have a feeling I'm going to have to do a lot more to maintain keeping this from becoming a regular habit again. I at least have the advantage that I don't have a lot of friends into the partying lifestyle, but then again, I no longer have that many friends period due to long periods of confinement due to the disease.

I don't know what else to say. I'm just trying to make it through the day, and the next while avoiding the temptations right in front of me. I've done it with other things, why should opioids be any different? Except those things didn't make me soak my sheets, and kick the sheets & pillows off of the bed to get off of them! It is different whether I want to admit that fully or not. A decade of habit doesn't change overnight, but this decision didn't come to me overnight either.
 
Waking up after forced sleep during acute withdrawal is painful it a unique way. It is like there is no chance of falling back to sleep like on a normal morning and you just get jabbed by the physical pain and then uppercut by the depression.

Day 8 clean and sleep is still very difficult. At least not sleeping means not dreaming about heroin. I swear I have dope dreams every night for weeks on end each time I quit. Last night I dreamed that a baby elephant sold me dope. Yep, a baby elephant. Took my cash with its trunk. God damn.
 
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Waking up after forced sleep during acute withdrawal is painful it a unique way. It is like there is no chance of falling back to sleep like on a normal morning and you just get jabbed by the physical pain and then uppercut by the depression.

Day 8 clean and sleep is still very difficult. At least not sleeping means not dreaming about heroin. I swear I have dope dreams every night for weeks on end each time I quit. Last night I dreamed that a baby elephant sold me dope. Yep, a baby elephant. Took my cash with its trunk. God damn.

I have really bad nightmares so I know what it's like.

Congrats on going 8 days man, you're surely going to be over the hump of this soon. Keep your head up and stay positive. :)
 
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