ErikTheRed
Bluelighter
Totally agree. With that kind of taper plan you retain some of your functionality, which is very important when managing school/work in the middle of WD's.
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-The- Heroin & Opioid Mega Discussion Thread (Volumes 1+2 Merged)
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Totally agree. With that kind of taper plan you retain some of your functionality, which is very important when managing school/work in the middle of WD's.
Some people may need maintenance....I think everyone should have the goal of getting clean. And when I say clean, I mean no opiates, PERIOD. Sub actually gets me a little high, so that is not clean. I'm worried about my taper right now. I've been on 100-120mg of oxy a day, then about a week ago was on 4mg sub, tapered, now I'm at around .5-1mg so far today and I kinda feel shitty but not unbearable. I'm thinking about jumping off tomorrow and seeing how shitty I feel. When you do this shit for 10 years, you just can't jump off in a week but I'm going to see how I feel.
vortex30
Bluelighter
I only slammed for the first time 2.5 months ago, but your description makes me cringe with temptation. September 21st, ~4mg Dilaudid (started with 6mg, but kept not-registering and wasted some in the process). I should have been shooting 16mg as that's where my tolerance stood, but I was being safe. It still felt great and over the next few times I worked up to 16mg. Since then I've missed twice, once with OxyContin, that hurt for a week and kept me off opiates entirely for 8 days, didn't shoot for 3-4 weeks as I scared myself so badly! Of course I went back to it though, just promised to only shoot Dilaudid, always eat OCs. Then again on Monday I missed with Dilaudid (hurt for a day, much better pill to be shooting clearly).
Anywho, I haven't had opiates since Tuesday when I ate 200mg of crushed OxyContin (we still have the old formulation in Canada). Was expecting some last night, and again tonight, but nothing. I'm lucky that my withdrawals are still as tame as they are, I've been on the cusp of dependency for about a year now, but due to finances and will-power I've managed to not use daily for more than 2-3 days tops and then take a week off usually, or I use every 2-3 days for a few weeks. I always get the aches and pains, crackily bones, but no RLS, I sleep well, and gastrointestinally it's just more frequent, more uncomfortable craps, no diarrhea or anything terrible.
Funds are drying up, and I missed for that second time even after the first time with OC scared the crap out of me. I start school again in January. I think this is the time to detox. I'd like to go clean for the next 3.5 weeks, use a few times over Christmas (no IV, of course), and then go completely sober for school. I'm hoping I can do it, as I won't be able to handle school coupled with this shit...
batmanplaybaseball
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2009
- Messages
- 1,306
I understand. People are different. Even the same people are different at different times. I also would never disagree with the fact that maintenance drugs help a user to stabilize parts of their life. My only point is to stress to people who are considering this option that the withdrawal can be, even probably will be, worse if you take this route. For example, one member of this board, i think Captain Heroin, has got his dose down to around 0.1mg and he still finds it impossible to make the jump to complete sobriety. People should at least think about that before beginning on this route.
Im currently on methadone, 55mg, have been since Oct. 25th, and was wondering if it would be worth it to switch to suboxone (or subutex). My sister offered to fly me out to where she lives and set me up in a long term rehab facility. My fear is the fact that you need to detox before going into the rehab. Detox's are usually 7 day max facilities.
My thinking is (or assumptions rather) is that methadone withdrawal wont even start until 3 or 4 days after cessation of the drug. And then when withdrawal does start, it will take a considerable amount of time (im guessing 1-3 weeks) for acute withdrawal symptoms to subside. Is this assumption correct? Or even in the same ballpark as correct?
If my assumptions are correct, then I would really like to switch to a maintenance drug such as buprenorphine as I hear it is much easier to detox from this drug. Should I ask my methadone doctor if I can do this? I really want to go to rehab, and this damn Methadone seems to be getting in the way.
My thinking is (or assumptions rather) is that methadone withdrawal wont even start until 3 or 4 days after cessation of the drug. And then when withdrawal does start, it will take a considerable amount of time (im guessing 1-3 weeks) for acute withdrawal symptoms to subside. Is this assumption correct? Or even in the same ballpark as correct?
If my assumptions are correct, then I would really like to switch to a maintenance drug such as buprenorphine as I hear it is much easier to detox from this drug. Should I ask my methadone doctor if I can do this? I really want to go to rehab, and this damn Methadone seems to be getting in the way.
oliphill
Bluelighter
I think the rehab would definately give you some kind of detox. I went in on a high dose of methadone + other stuff and they still took me. I think that if I had tried to cut down before or detox before I never would have ended up going. I'd just go man! It completely changed my life and was best decision I've ever made
Ligaturd
Bluelighter
ok tried replying but bluelight went down for a minute. how effective jas naltrexone tablet treatment been for opiate/opoid users and i have taken 20 mgs of methadone, 150mgs of pregabalin, 0.5 mgs of alprazolam, 60mgs of codeine, and 8-10shots of rum. all of this has been fine before i started naltrexone. but i took it for 4 days and stopped for 36 hours before i took all of this and am wondering if therr is going to be some significant danger with me falling asleep tonight..
i took 3 OC 40's last night and didnt feel much, mostly wondering if the blocking effect from naltrexone will hage diminished enough for all of this to be a problem, should i take sublingual naltrexone to avoid deadly reprocussions?
i took 3 OC 40's last night and didnt feel much, mostly wondering if the blocking effect from naltrexone will hage diminished enough for all of this to be a problem, should i take sublingual naltrexone to avoid deadly reprocussions?
Ligaturd
Bluelighter
ok, well i am going to be very cautious and take a 12,5 mg dose of naltrexone to be on the safe side. its the most sensible thing i believe i can do, the half-life of naltrexone is pretty short but its metabolites last much longer. i can feel that the opiates/opoids arent having any kind of euphoric effects as of right now but ita better to be safe than sorry i guess. these last 2 posts have been pointless so i am sorrybabout that. g'night.
Ligaturd
Bluelighter
I believe i will be fine without taking Naltrexone tonight. but if anybodybcan give me some input into the VIVITROL injections and their efficacy that would be great. the responsibility of having to take a pill every day just doesnt seem to over come the desire not to abuse opiates/opoids ajd benzos along with many club drugs anr alcoholn...this is so hard for me. ive been using drugs since i was 11, using dexedrine and ritalin to stop thinking or dealing with past sexual and physical/emotional ttauma. i was an alcoholic for 5'years from age 14 to 19.
I traded that addiction for opiates and after having been through detox twice and put on naltrexone i keep fucking up. does anybody thinkbthat a time release naltrexone shot will help me become normal again? will one.month of sobriety help me re-evaluate my life and give me a better chance of quitting?
I traded that addiction for opiates and after having been through detox twice and put on naltrexone i keep fucking up. does anybody thinkbthat a time release naltrexone shot will help me become normal again? will one.month of sobriety help me re-evaluate my life and give me a better chance of quitting?
It will give you a way better chance than if you were still using for that month. I really don't know the efficiency of using naltrexone to improve things in your life. I know that some people on here that had the naltrexone implant seemed to be overwhelmed with the idea of not being able to get high, that they focused more on that than they did on rebuilding their life. For that reason, I think that Suboxone or Subutex is a better drug to use in helping transition from a life of drug abuse to sobriety. It will suppress cravings while leaving you somewhat content since you will have an opioid in your system, and of course it will also block other opioids from working so you won't be able to get high.
As with any drugs used for treatment of addiction, they don't do all the work for you. It's up to you to make the proper changes to improve your life, and drugs like Suboxone will just help to keep you from focusing on getting your next fix, so that you can focus on things pertinent to improving your quality of life while on the road to recovery.
If Suboxone or Subutex isn't a viable option for you, then I would wait to here what others have to say about Vivitrol. I saw that xanax was in your cocktail of drugs from the other night, so be really careful about benzo addiction, or any other drugs addiction for that matter.
Ligaturd
Bluelighter
I am going to see how I do this month with the naltrexone, I see my doctor in a few weeks and I will have a better idea as to wether or not buprenorphine is a viable option for me. I have read that it has some of the anti-depressant and anti-anxiety properties that I used other opiates for, now that I don't have that I tend to start abusing other drugs to compensate for these problems. I really had my heart set on not going on maintainance drugs so that I could deal with my anxiety and depression sober and resolve them myself. I guess I will just have to try my hardest to resolve my issues while sober and if I can't over come that then I guess it is time to go the maintainance route.
XTCAKE
Bluelighter
Why would you want a street drug in the mean time, just wondering? If anything, can't you just find something like Opana's or Dilaudid or something? Those are much safer because you know the purity.
OverDone
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2008
- Messages
- 5,404
sorry, we can't help you with suggestions on what 'street drug' to take. suboxone, is a legally prescribed medication that many have found useful. Maybe give that a try?
RedLeader
Bluelight Crew
Ugh...
My most intense cravings and inner-struggles since I quit my addiction months ago are happening tonight. Found out today that all I have to do is say the word and I have free heroin given to me tomorrow morning. And even if I turn it down, I still gotta briefly be face-to-face with the dude tomorrow. No way around that.
It's easy coming on BL and talking about recovery, or giving others advice. This unexpectedly-in-your-face shit is not easy, not at all. I know more so than ever how bad/risky it would be to even consider this, but it's amazing how the old brain and it's rationalizations and justification comes back.
I can almost taste the drip in the back of my throat. My hands feel all clammy, my heart racing. This really sucks. I'm going to go for a run and then lift weights, but I can't tell you that I'll stop thinking about heroin.
My most intense cravings and inner-struggles since I quit my addiction months ago are happening tonight. Found out today that all I have to do is say the word and I have free heroin given to me tomorrow morning. And even if I turn it down, I still gotta briefly be face-to-face with the dude tomorrow. No way around that.
It's easy coming on BL and talking about recovery, or giving others advice. This unexpectedly-in-your-face shit is not easy, not at all. I know more so than ever how bad/risky it would be to even consider this, but it's amazing how the old brain and it's rationalizations and justification comes back.
I can almost taste the drip in the back of my throat. My hands feel all clammy, my heart racing. This really sucks. I'm going to go for a run and then lift weights, but I can't tell you that I'll stop thinking about heroin.
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
^^The most testing of times. It is so gross how fast it comes back. I was in a store recently and a song I used to find humorously symbolic "Mr Blue Sky" came over the radio and I instantly began to crave so hard. It is the absolute worst. I never received free heroin. I usually had to go through several loops to acquire mine. I could not even imagine that struggle of it being handed to you without any hassle or side note holding you back like money or a ride or anything. I know you can do it though. Be strong!! 
DexterMeth
Bluelighter
I am in the same boat as you. I would talk specifics, but I'm not going to risk that. Idle hands is certainly the devil's play thing. I myself have gotten back into exercise and eating healthy big time. Meditation comes after, as well as a stable sleep schedule.Ugh...
My most intense cravings and inner-struggles since I quit my addiction months ago are happening tonight. Found out today that all I have to do is say the word and I have free heroin given to me tomorrow morning. And even if I turn it down, I still gotta briefly be face-to-face with the dude tomorrow. No way around that.
It's easy coming on BL and talking about recovery, or giving others advice. This unexpectedly-in-your-face shit is not easy, not at all. I know more so than ever how bad/risky it would be to even consider this, but it's amazing how the old brain and it's rationalizations and justification comes back.
I can almost taste the drip in the back of my throat. My hands feel all clammy, my heart racing. This really sucks. I'm going to go for a run and then lift weights, but I can't tell you that I'll stop thinking about heroin.
In my situation, I had to break off a lot of friendships and "friendships" to obtain a MORE-managable level of sobriety. Some of those people won't be leaving you alone for some time, but just don't give in. I fully realize how hard it is, but really it's not.. if that makes any sense. Just say no. "Cliche but true. Saying "fuck you" works as well, but the may lead to violence.
RedLeader
Bluelight Crew
Ya, I am with you Dex in that I don't want to really tell the full story here, even if it could mean more specific advice. Let's just say that legally he and I have to be at the same place at the same time weekly, so there's no getting out of it. People who go that low to better sling their drugs, it's just not cool. I am going to try and keep a mentality like that - that I am, despite all of the horrible things I've done and all that I don't like about myself, better than that. He can try and use the psychology on someone else.
That is one thing that I've really noticed about myself post-addiction. I can only not use because I have "things to live for." Fear of consequences does not work on me, nor does emotional guilt (why would you want to use again Red after all you put me through last time?). All of that negative-based stuff ultimately just gets me depressed and makes me want to run away again. Accepting the past for what it is and assuming responsibility is one thing, but bathing in it each time you get a craving, that does not work for me. This is where the exercise, eating well, earnestly working a real job, saving money and so on come in a guess. I need that stuff constantly or I won't make it.
You only receive free heroin after you've quit for a while. It's all dealer/addict tug-of-war. And it's usually better heroin too, which makes it even harder to resist.
I know what you mean about the quickness of it all coming back. I was just thinking at work today about how all of my feelings were beginning to harmonize and feel strong yet manageable. I was in a great mood at work. Then that happened and I went from amazing to planning my relapse in minutes. As soon as it went from I could get heroin if I wanted to...I have money in the bank, a dealer's number in my head, a safe place to use...but I'm dedicated to my recovery to no bank, no dodgy drive, no giving the middleman a line...just free heroin in my otherwise normal life, I started to taste it (I had partially forgot the taste until then) and my hands got all clammy, my heart was pounding, stomach in knots...my body wanted heroin SO BADLY, despite obviously being months out of WD.
I also get that with things that remind me of Cold Turkey withdrawal. I tried watching an NCIS marathon on TV during my worst WD, and if I even see a commercial these days I feel the terror. Same with a few other things. I hope that goes away over time, because I hate having to live in fear like that.
F- heroin, seriously. This one's got an entirely new level of addictive-pull. And the high's not even that good.
This is not easy at all, and honestly I'm intimidated right now by how difficult tonight has been. But I don't want to let you guys down, so I am going to do everything I can to not use tomorrow.
That is one thing that I've really noticed about myself post-addiction. I can only not use because I have "things to live for." Fear of consequences does not work on me, nor does emotional guilt (why would you want to use again Red after all you put me through last time?). All of that negative-based stuff ultimately just gets me depressed and makes me want to run away again. Accepting the past for what it is and assuming responsibility is one thing, but bathing in it each time you get a craving, that does not work for me. This is where the exercise, eating well, earnestly working a real job, saving money and so on come in a guess. I need that stuff constantly or I won't make it.
^^The most testing of times. It is so gross how fast it comes back. I was in a store recently and a song I used to find humorously symbolic "Mr Blue Sky" came over the radio and I instantly began to crave so hard. It is the absolute worst. I never received free heroin. I usually had to go through several loops to acquire mine. I could not even imagine that struggle of it being handed to you without any hassle or side note holding you back like money or a ride or anything. I know you can do it though. Be strong!!
You only receive free heroin after you've quit for a while. It's all dealer/addict tug-of-war. And it's usually better heroin too, which makes it even harder to resist.
I know what you mean about the quickness of it all coming back. I was just thinking at work today about how all of my feelings were beginning to harmonize and feel strong yet manageable. I was in a great mood at work. Then that happened and I went from amazing to planning my relapse in minutes. As soon as it went from I could get heroin if I wanted to...I have money in the bank, a dealer's number in my head, a safe place to use...but I'm dedicated to my recovery to no bank, no dodgy drive, no giving the middleman a line...just free heroin in my otherwise normal life, I started to taste it (I had partially forgot the taste until then) and my hands got all clammy, my heart was pounding, stomach in knots...my body wanted heroin SO BADLY, despite obviously being months out of WD.
I also get that with things that remind me of Cold Turkey withdrawal. I tried watching an NCIS marathon on TV during my worst WD, and if I even see a commercial these days I feel the terror. Same with a few other things. I hope that goes away over time, because I hate having to live in fear like that.
F- heroin, seriously. This one's got an entirely new level of addictive-pull. And the high's not even that good.
This is not easy at all, and honestly I'm intimidated right now by how difficult tonight has been. But I don't want to let you guys down, so I am going to do everything I can to not use tomorrow.
DexterMeth
Bluelighter
Ya, I agree. I'll be getting a regular job and eventually career once again myself. You know what is not at all ironic? I will probably never make as much money as I was when I had no job. Go figure.
Where you talked about "bathing in guilt" each time you get a craving. +1 and hell no. Not me anyways.
RedLeader
Bluelight Crew
True, but money's not the only positive aspect of a job. You meet good people and make genuine friendships with coworkers. You establish dignity for yourself and your place within the community. It helps you keep yourself in a routine, which ultimately is good for recovery and health. And hopefully you're doing something you enjoy. None of these things really hold true for the shenanigans we get up to when we don't have a taxable income. And it will feel like more money when your drug habit is reduced to morning coffee and the occasional hookah.
What's money anyway? A necessary evil. An addiction to quick cash is in many ways worse than heroin, IMO.
Anyway, good to say that I made it through today without relapsing. I wish I could say that it felt empowering to turn down free heroin, but it didn't. But I was able to do it, so that's progress.