I think I bring a lot of my depression upon myself. Feeling like "poor me" because my husband's gone, I'm 800 miles away from family, and I get overwhelmed raising our 2 children by myself, at least for now.
I need to concentrate on what is good in my life. Make a list of everything I have to be grateful for. I'm also going back on my meds, Wellbutrin and Prozac... I probably shouldn't have gone off of them.
What I am grateful for:
* I have a wonderful husband who loves me, and would do anything for me. He is my rock, and I love him with all my heart. We've just celebrated our 4th anniversary (though he was in Iraq for that), and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.
* I have 2 healthy children, though they drive me nuts at times. I love them, and am truly happy I have them.
* I do have some education, I'm an LPN, even though that's a long way from being a nurse practitioner, its more than some have.
* We are financially secure. Finally. This deployment has sucked, but at least the pay is good. We've bought a new car (paid in cash!!!) and paid off debt, and still have a decent savings. Its nice not to live paycheck to paycheck anymore.
* I have family who loves and supports me. I should lean on them more, but I don't like worrying them.
* In less than 2 weeks I'll be at my sister-in-law's, and won't have to be alone all summer. I'll be surrounded by people who understand me, know the struggles I've dealt with, and will help me become more in control of my addictions.
* And my husband has been ordered to drill sergeant school when he comes home! I can't wait, that'll be 3 years that he's non-deployable. The hours suck, but its a hell of a lot better than him being gone for 12 months.
I think those are the main things. I'm human, so I can't expect to always look at the glass as half-full, I know I'll have another feel sorry for myself day, but that's okay. I feel that writing (typing, really) this all down will help me deal with my emotions better. At least I hope it will.
~October
I need to concentrate on what is good in my life. Make a list of everything I have to be grateful for. I'm also going back on my meds, Wellbutrin and Prozac... I probably shouldn't have gone off of them.
What I am grateful for:
* I have a wonderful husband who loves me, and would do anything for me. He is my rock, and I love him with all my heart. We've just celebrated our 4th anniversary (though he was in Iraq for that), and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.
* I have 2 healthy children, though they drive me nuts at times. I love them, and am truly happy I have them.
* I do have some education, I'm an LPN, even though that's a long way from being a nurse practitioner, its more than some have.
* We are financially secure. Finally. This deployment has sucked, but at least the pay is good. We've bought a new car (paid in cash!!!) and paid off debt, and still have a decent savings. Its nice not to live paycheck to paycheck anymore.
* I have family who loves and supports me. I should lean on them more, but I don't like worrying them.
* In less than 2 weeks I'll be at my sister-in-law's, and won't have to be alone all summer. I'll be surrounded by people who understand me, know the struggles I've dealt with, and will help me become more in control of my addictions.
* And my husband has been ordered to drill sergeant school when he comes home! I can't wait, that'll be 3 years that he's non-deployable. The hours suck, but its a hell of a lot better than him being gone for 12 months.
I think those are the main things. I'm human, so I can't expect to always look at the glass as half-full, I know I'll have another feel sorry for myself day, but that's okay. I feel that writing (typing, really) this all down will help me deal with my emotions better. At least I hope it will.
~October
