The Engagement/Wedding/Honeymoon thread

[LoveAlways]

Kate: Your wedding was a week before ours - we wanted to get married on the 23rd, but the place we had our heart set on (and our budget allowed) was booked on that date - so we went with the 30th, still a wonderful day - but we got engaged on the 23rd October, so now that whole month rocks (my birthday is on the 3rd)

10/23 is my hubby's birthday! It is a very special day indeed!!!! My "rock month" haha is May, that month is our anniversary, mothers day and then my brithday =) My husband hates it because he feels obligated to get me something extravagant for every date....i'm happy just to celebrate our love our children and of course ME hahahah

 

[Pure_XTC]

I have nothing to add to this discussion except...

Congratulations, Amy!!! So happy for you guys!

 

[joannie_mhm]

I'm getting married in bout ten weeks, yay!

I think the key thing to do when you start the process is to sit down and nut out the guest list, and work out what is most important to you. For us it was the location - we live in Sydney and our families are mostly interstate, so we wanted somewhere to show the city off - and the food and booze. As a result, and because we both have pretty big families, the cocktail reception is costing quite a bit. But that's balanced out by the fact that I didn't want a bridal dress that cost thousands of dollars. we don't want an overseas honeymoon. we don't want diamond studded rings and rare exotic flowers. i get why some people do, but that just wasn't what was important to us, and so that's lessened the costs in some areas.

I'm a project manager by day and don't want home to be like work, so our (my) philosophy when planning the wedding has been something along the lines of "Let's make this hassle free".

We researched venues on the net, took a look at one, loved it, booked it. Same with the celebrant. I tried on one bridal dress, decided it wasn't for me, researched other options on the net, found a shop with what i wanted, tried it on, ordered it.

Invites we designed based on a piece of art we love and our sense of humour (and have been told by a couple of people it's the best invite they've ever seen) - we were the people samadhi mentioned with the website save the date and then we had the invites printed from an online place which was quite cheap but looked good and printed on recycled paper.

my fiance's sister in law and his brother both used to do wedding photography, so they're going to be our official photogs for the short shoot we're going to have before the ceremony, and then we're going to ask a few close friends and family who we know have a good eye (hi trisse!) if they can take lots of shots throughout the night.

also, our ceremony is kick arse. a lot of people say your wedding day is mostly about the party, that the ceremony is just the formality, but ours is so awesome i'm looking forward to it more than you can imagine.

 

[Perpetual Indulgence]

^^YEA! Congrats.

 

[Samadhi]

I'm getting married in bout ten weeks, yay!

I think the key thing to do when you start the process is to sit down and nut out the guest list, and work out what is most important to you. For us it was the location - we live in Sydney and our families are mostly interstate, so we wanted somewhere to show the city off - and the food and booze. As a result, and because we both have pretty big families, the cocktail reception is costing quite a bit. But that's balanced out by the fact that I didn't want a bridal dress that cost thousands of dollars. we don't want an overseas honeymoon. we don't want diamond studded rings and rare exotic flowers. i get why some people do, but that just wasn't what was important to us, and so that's lessened the costs in some areas.

I'm a project manager by day and don't want home to be like work, so our (my) philosophy when planning the wedding has been something along the lines of "Let's make this hassle free".

We researched venues on the net, took a look at one, loved it, booked it. Same with the celebrant. I tried on one bridal dress, decided it wasn't for me, researched other options on the net, found a shop with what i wanted, tried it on, ordered it.

Invites we designed based on a piece of art we love and our sense of humour (and have been told by a couple of people it's the best invite they've ever seen) - we were the people samadhi mentioned with the website save the date and then we had the invites printed from an online place which was quite cheap but looked good and printed on recycled paper.

my fiance's sister in law and his brother both used to do wedding photography, so they're going to be our official photogs for the short shoot we're going to have before the ceremony, and then we're going to ask a few close friends and family who we know have a good eye (hi trisse!) if they can take lots of shots throughout the night.

also, our ceremony is kick arse. a lot of people say your wedding day is mostly about the party, that the ceremony is just the formality, but ours is so awesome i'm looking forward to it more than you can imagine.

You bet your effing life, gorgeous one

I find it hard to put into words how excited and happy I am to be sharing in this day with you and P1. The friendship shared between the 4 of us is so special to me and something I cherish (and considering the connections between all of us, worked out quite nicely, don't you think? ) . This wedding will be so very Team Pretend Yelling - and I really hope that people thought the same of our wedding, even the crazy priest made it very us, lol

 

[n3ophy7e]

joannie that is so awesome and exciting!! Have a fantastic day, I can't wait to see some photos

 

[User Name Here]

Getting married to my Marine Officer before we move to D.C. in Oct. It was going to be Aug. but it changed.

I only want a small wedding and I don't want it to be religious.

Here's my only problem: I will only have bridesmaids, close friends and immediate family at mine (in addition to the family and groomsmen/friends he wants... no more than about 40 people basically). He has a huge family and doesn't want many (if any at all!) to come as they are... how do I put this delicately... crazy/trashy/insane. I have met a lot of them and I wouldn't mind having his mother as she is a doll and some of his siblings but to be honest there's always tons of drama surrounding them and I don't want that to be going on at my wedding. If they can promise him that won't happen I have NO problem with them coming and I would love to have them! THe will also have to pay to fly each one of them down and pay for their hotels because none of them can afford it themselves so there's that to consider as well... He has five full siblings and two half siblings in addition to something like six or seven nephews/nieces so far (two are pregnant again though so...). He doesn't want them to come at all but I think it's important for at least his immediate family to.

That's the only issue so far =/ We aren't fighting over it at all, we just can't figure out what to do!

 

[AmorRoark]

I think it's totally reasonable to let his family know that they are invited but you cannot afford to fly them all out and you hope that they understand. That might solve the problem altogether?

It's definitely a conundrum though. Both my fiancee and I have small families who luckily get along so it isn't something we've had to deal with. Good luck and congrats on the engagement.

 

[User Name Here]

I think it's totally reasonable to let his family know that they are invited but you cannot afford to fly them all out and you hope that they understand. That might solve the problem altogether?

It's definitely a conundrum though. Both my fiancee and I have small families who luckily get along so it isn't something we've had to deal with. Good luck and congrats on the engagement.

Well, affording it is not a problem but we don't wanna pay thousands to get them here if they're going to end up getting blackout drunk, arrested, whatever

It's nice your families get along! Ours haven't met yet due to the fact that they live so far apart (all of his family is in upstate NY and my immediate family is scattered throughout the world). He hates to admit it but he's embarrassed by them and even worries that my family won't understand them. I try to tell him that every family has at least one member who causes problems so they will not judge him but he's all on edge about it... It makes me sad. He didn't even want me to meet them for a long time! He almost wants nothing to do with them and the few times he goes home every year, he always gets saddled with their problems and guilted into paying for his siblings children's needs and such =/ I mean how can you say no to a child who has nothing to do with the situation??? That's getting off topic though!

I just don't want all of these things to blow up in our faces on such a special day. It's hard to figure out what we should do.

Thanks for your response =)

 

[n3ophy7e]

UNH I didn't know you were engaged!! Congrats hun!

Well, affording it is not a problem but we don't wanna pay thousands to get them here if they're going to end up getting blackout drunk, arrested, whatever

I think what Amor was getting at was (correct me if I'm wrong A!) that you can invite all of your fiance's family but tell them that you can't afford to fly them all down....that way they can't then blame you guys for not including them in your wedding, because you invited them. But then it will be difficult for them to actually come.....

At the end of the day it's your wedding so you and your fiance need to do whatever makes you both comfortable and minimally stressed, AND ensure that you guys will have the most fun

 

[AmorRoark]

^ Yeah, that's what I was saying. However, UNH may be responding that the family knows they can afford to fly them down. Regardless, if anyone complained to me about not paying their entire way to and from a wedding I'd probably reconsider my relationship with them altogether.

I agree w/ n3o, your happiness on this day is most important. Fuck the haters.

 

[User Name Here]

I appreciate both of your responses =)

N3, we are in the way that we know we're getting married this fall. We have already discussed it in detail (as you can see!) and quite a few people already know about this. However, he has yet to ask my dad in person (he's a six hour drive from us and we can't go more than 'x' amount of miles unless he is on official leave which rarely happens) so we are sort of waiting on that to officially "come out" with it!

Anyway, his family does know we can handle it and unfortunately they're the kind of people who would probably get upset and make an ordeal out of it if we were to not at least chip in =/ He has been making up where they lack since he was 15 and had to get a job at Burger King to pay his mom's rent =/ He had to work there until he was old enough to move away for college and even then I think he still helps out but doesn't really talk about it...

The way I see it, there's almost no way whatsoever to avoid at least a little bit of "drama" with this wedding. Ultimately we will probably extend an invitation to everyone and offer to simply provide accommodations while they're in town. It's their choice if they want to save the money to fly to their son's wedding. They have almost a year to save up for two plane tickets and absolutely nothing else. Unfortunately this will probably end up in many of them--if not all--not showing up at all so he'll end up getting hurt but at the same time they've never really been around for anything so he is both used to and expecting it... It's sad.

It REALLY makes me appreciate my family. Everyone gets along (parents, stepparents, siblings and step-siblings), everyone works hard and can take care of themselves, they're all mature and wouldn't dream of disrupting a wedding for anything, etc.

Once again I really appreciate your responses! It's nice to vent about this somewhere because I have yet to really discuss it with anyone except for my mom and fiance.

 

[Perpetual Indulgence]

Anyway, his family does know we can handle it and unfortunately they're the kind of people who would probably get upset and make an ordeal out of it if we were to not at least chip in

That is pathetic. This is now going to be YOUR family. Yikes.
Personally, I would not fly anyone in except his parents.
This sounds like a perfect reason to elope

We never worried about how our wedding decisions would affect our family members. We just told them how it was going to be. We were paying for everything. Then again our families are pretty cool overall.

 

[_a_A_C_c_]

UNH, can you and your husband travel to ny and have a reception there for his family? you could do a cookout or something causal that doesn't need to cost a whole lot of money.

i almost had two receptions because my mother and i could not agree about what family to invite. i have a large amount of cousins and my mother is close with the cousins around her age. but most of them have kids (my age) and grandkids. my mom thought it was rude to invite only the older cousins and not their whole families. i wanted a small wedding and inviting 60-70 people i barely know isn't my idea of small. after much arguing and debate, my mother had a family reunion type thing a few months before the wedding and didn't invite the cousins to the wedding.

joannie_mhm, your wedding sounds awesome. can you share any details of what will make your ceremony kick ass?

 

[joannie_mhm]

a_c: We've always been a couple more up for a laugh than anything else, so we've worked with our celebrant to create a ceremony that reflects that. We make fun of ourselves and joke around, before moving on to the lovely solemn part. (deliberately vague to keep it a surprise for samadhi!)

It's just perfect for who we are, and our celebrant is the perfect person to deliver it, she's got such an infectious manner, every time we see her we spend the whole time laughing together.

UNH that sure sounds like a pickle. I would never expect someone to pay my way to get to their wedding... if you have enough notice you save up and go. If not, you politely decline. A wedding invitation is a privilege, not a right, as far as I'm concerned.

 

[User Name Here]

@ Perpetual: We have actually toyed with the idea of eloping and then having a formal ceremony at a later date. The reason we want to get married by next fall is because my s.o. is getting stationed there. Marines have lots of benefits for being married (higher pay, dirt cheap housing, insurance for their family, etc.). Speaking of, mine just lapsed... My meds (for epilepsy) cost around 2k a month without insurance so being able to have it again will be an absolute godsend. This is all in addition to the fact that we're madly in love and more than ready, of course

@ animal: In all honesty he will probably not be for that idea if none of them can at least have the decency to start saving up and making plans. He sees it as this: "If they're not going to put any effort into it, why should I?" and I understand that 100%. It still makes me sad though =/

@ joannie: You're absolutely right about it being a privilege. I guess I just have all of these qualms swirling around in my head because the whole situation just depresses me. It shouldn't be like this during what is supposed to be such a special day for us. It even makes me a little resentful towards them because they've been so awful his entire life...

Anyway, enough about that though. I forgot to mention that all of the photos in this thread are beautiful. PI, I LOVE your dress! I love the fact that you went with such a bold color and were able to use it again. I'm pretty sure I'll end up getting a light light champagne/white colored dress as I am so virginal But seriously... I guess once again it's the traditional part of me that rears its ugly head on occasion Anyway, your dress is pretty much exactly what I want in a dress: strapless and fitted up top in addition to being dramatic on the bottom (but not too dramatic).

Has anyone started reading any wedding magazines? I look through the dresses in some of them and can't help but think, "Who the hell would wear a dress like THAT???" They even advertise dresses that are couture gowns meant for the runway and it boggles my mind that there's a market for them.

 

[Samadhi]

UNH - Joannie and I had many a laugh at some of the wedding dresses in magazines - specifically the way the models posed - our favourite was the hands on the hips with the shoulders hunched forward "Oh i have the worst period pains on earth" pose. I only bought one magazine and after that, used the internet to research. As it was with my dress - i found it off the rack at a boutique - very unlike what i was thinking of wearing but the moment i saw it i feel in love with it and it really was very me

As for traveling for weddings - since most of our good friends are interstate - they flew to our wedding - and we'll be doing the same (specifically for Joannie & P1's wedding) - i fully agree with Jo, a wedding invitation is a privilege and an honour. Like Jo, i'd never ask to be flown to a wedding, and if you give enough notice - (we gave about 7 months formal notice), then it makes it much easier for the guests to plan.

UNH, i really empathise with your situation - we had a couple of potential situations to face at our wedding - luckily nothing materialised, but right up until the day before the wedding, i was really stressed about it - it was frustrating because nothing about the actual wedding was stressing me; i was a complete non-bridezilla It was only the family stuff. There were a couple of tense moments at the reception, but nothing that stands out now. I really hope your situation works out

 

[AmorRoark]

(but not too dramatic).

I hope you're not talking about my dress. lol, nah, I know what you mean.

As for the actual dress - 10 weeks isn't that long. How are you planning on getting it? I know bridal shops are really fussy about timing with buying dresses. I'm guessing with your figure you may be able to buy off the rack and just get it tailored. Just know, tailors like at least a month too to get your dress exactly right.

 

[User Name Here]

Samahdi, I'm glad your wedding went so well =) It seems like too many weddings end up perpetuating a lot of drama. I'm not about to let that sort of thing occur at my wedding!

Another thing worth bringing up: How do you guys go about weddings and alcohol? Obviously there will be an open bar and I don't mind people celebrating at all, but there's always a couple of people that have the nerve to get absolutely trashed. The last wedding I was at, the bride's sister (who was the maid of honor) got so tanked that she started tearing her dress to shreds in an effort to cool down. The dress was expensive and she didn't pay for it, and that's not to mention how embarrassing this was for the bride! She made a huge, huge scene and this went on the entire night.

I've been to too many weddings where this sort of thing has happened and I've already promised myself that no matter who it is, if they get shit-faced drunk at the wedding, they will be asked to leave immediately. A cab will be called and that's that. I am not going to have someone's drunken antics ruin my day =)

So anyway, how do you guys approach alcohol at weddings??

AmorRoark, I will be getting my dress this summer it looks like, so it'll be a good three months in advance. I think that's enough time! I can't wait to get one though... I can, however, wait for the price tag. True, I won't be paying for it (once again, tradition takes hold of my southern family so my parents will foot most of the bill for this), but I hate knowing they're going to have to pay so much for a dress! My fiance thinks it's CRAZY that women spends thousands of dollars on a dress they'll [usually] wear once despite me trying to explain that it's perfectly normal

 

[User Name Here]

While I'm in here, how about a wedding survey?

How long are/were you engaged for?
How many months before you start(ed) planning details?
How many people will/did you invite?
Is/was religion incorporated into the ceremony?
Are/were there any disagreements between families regarding details?
Will/have you used a planner?
What kind of venue will be/was used?

Feel free to add on to it. I just wanted to know the basics.