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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The EADD Sickness and Pain Thread ver Pain of the Wrist & Cock

Ah yeah, that sucks in this particular situation. Hope you feel less shit soon in that case, or can at least get some rest soon.
 
Eveleivibe said:
I'm starting to think that pain is a trigger.
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Pain is always a trigger. It is for every addiction. Probably the root cause of them too in most cases. Pain comes in various forms of course. As far as physical pain goes, in relation to opi-addiction it's a major trigger. Opies are painkillers so it's the most natural thing in the world to crave painkillers when in pain. You don't even have to have been addicted to opies to want painkillers when in pain. The difference is that once you've been addicted to opies your perception of pain multiplies exponentially. What for a person who's never used strong opies would be painful but bearable is completely unbearable for a person who has used strong opies. I can't tell you what you feel but becoming hypersensitised to pain is a very common - perhaps inevitable - side-effect of prolonged use of any opies. And yes, it is a shitty side-effect that's rarely mentioned.

Eveleivibe said:
Anyway I think I'm going to stop going to the recovery group. I'm not an addict like them. I've never been an addict. I wanted the codeine today it wasn't some force taking over me. I take responsibility for it. I wanted it.
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Spoken like a true addict ;)

Don't take that the wrong way - it's not mocking it's relating. That's the way more or less all of us will feel. I hate to admit it but admission and acceptance really is the first step towards recovery. You are an addict. I have no qualms stating it so bluntly because it is a fact. You had to go on to a Suboxone script to deal with opioid addiction - that makes you an addict by definition. It makes no difference which opioid brought you to your script - the fact that you need a script confirms addiction.

I can understand what you mean when you say you are not "like them". There is a certain... type of addict who makes the rest of us cringe and want to distance ourselves from them. From what I've seen you post about your recovery group it sounds like you know a few of those. We all do. But we are not all like that. You don't have to be that way to be addicted. You don't have to be sitting around talking about how grateful you are for having been rescued or how terrible your addiction was and how you could never go back to being that way. There are many of us with very mixed feelings about the whole thing. There are positives in addiction. Not necessarily over the longterm but there is obviously a good side or nobody would ever get far enough down that road to reach addiction. It's perfectly natural to be conflicted - to remember your addictive behaviours fondly, to gloss over the less good aspects and focus on what kept you going throughout that period. Addiction is a very powerful force and it is incredibly seductive. It does seem to solve problems and it does seem to be harmless and it does seem to be a choice. It is and does none of those things over the longterm but it does and is all of those thing over the short term. That is the part we all tend to remember best and focus on most clearly.

Addiction is nothing to be ashamed of or nothing to feel bad about and in no way a failure of anything. It's what happens when you take addictive substances too often - often intertwined with personal and/or social issues but not necessarily. You take opioids every day and they are a big part of your life in one way or another. You couldn't currently live without them, I suspect. At least it doesn't feel that way to you - or to me or to anybody in that situation. Don't feel ashamed and don't feel guilty and also don't try to avoid reality. You are an addict - I am an addict to and have been for many years now - neither of us have a damn thing to be ashamed of. The important thing is what you do with that knowledge. You can spend years going around in circles or you can try to take control and face it head-on. It's a struggle and not an appealing thought. It does seem far simpler to go back to previous behaviour patterns - to go back to using codeine in your case. In the short term it is easier, I hope you don't have to go too far down the road to see how much harder it actually becomes when you do take that path. Take control when you can - sooner rather than later - cos it gets worse. It gets very much worse and it doesn't care whether you realise or accept your status as an addict or not.

Whilst I'm talking on addiction, saying stuff like "Alcohol isn't the same as opiates. It makes me make a fool of myself. Alcohol will this horrible pain away." worries me slightly. That's pure addict talk - taking the pain away. Replace 'alcohol' with 'codeine' or 'heroin' or 'cocaine' or any other drug of addiction there is. There is pain in all aspects of life. You can't take it away completely. There are ways of mitigating it - alcohol and other drugs can even play a part in that without it being a problem - but relying on booze and pills and powders and potions to do that for you is a dangerous path. It's not sustainable. Those things start to take over and then they become the pain you try to escape only you have no escape capsules left. There are better, more sustainable ways of dealing with pain. Pain from a tattooed arm will fade soon enough - use OTC painkillers and maybe a bottle of wine too. But try not to think of these things as being ways to escape pain - they really will cause you far more pain than they ever relieve over the long term.

Apologies if that comes over as... not quite sure what it will come over as but probably won't go down too well. I can promise you it's because I give a shit and nothing else. There is no personal attack or slight here. There's no accusation. There is observation and there is personal experience and there is hope that you will pull back from the brink of a very dark place indeed <3
 
We'll agree to differ, shambles as I don't n will never class myself as an addict. I made myself think of codeine. Addicts can't help it, a voice comes to them.

Anyway thank you for your advice n support it means a lot. I hope I can return the favour one day.

Evey xxxx
 
Something somebody said to me a while back has always stuck in my head.

" If you take the easy path, things will only get harder. Take the hard path and it will only get easier"

Not that ive put it to much practice but it is so true, of alot of things I guess but certainly for addiction.

We addicts will always find ourselves in the position you're in now Evey, thinking to hell with it "pass me them drugzzz". Its what we do. Refer to that quote above though and see if it rings true. It will.

Recovery groups arent for the masses, very few get it, I think some more fake it to make it and the majority just do not get it at all. Im in the latter camp, I dont get it, ive tried twice. I was going to a 12 step for months, I didnt do a step because it wasnt for me.

Try another approach, but dont kick the subs to go back to the codeine, for one codeine is inferior to bupe, your bupe is either free or a helluva lot cheaper than a codeine habit, theres no (dodgy) CWE to be messing about with.

Yeah beinh tied to the treatment servives is shit, I know, but its better than the alternative.....

X
 
That's a different spin on it but also one I'd agree with. A script is better than scoring elsewhere in the vast majority of cases. You get your drugs free (in almost all cases) and - more importantly - it breaks the link between scoring (whether that be from chemist or other dealer) and whilst it does make you reliant on your pharmacist and prescribing doctor it is a regular and managed affair. You don't get refused, you don't have bad days cos everybody got busted or you couldn't hustle up enough cash to get you through. You get by. And you get stronger. And you find other ways to deal with whatever issues there are. Takes time but you do get there step by step. I am by no means "there" (wherever that may be) yet, but I am a helluva lot further closer to "there" than I was before I fully accepted my addicted state. I have my slips and I sometimes wonder whether any of this is worth it. I generally end up deciding it is worth it. Cos it is. And that applies to any and all who are addicted to anything whether they yet realise it or not. Addiction is slavery by another name.
 
Eveleivibe said:
A lot of people on here have been right over the months they said to me "You're on suboxone why on earth did you not try heroin or something stronger?" I've no answer to that...
I should have done.

Evey xxxx
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Don't know who you've been speaking to but they're not right. They should be on the "Harm Increase Forum", if there is such a place
 
Hmm my leg is basically falling to bits, the NHS attempt to rebuild it after I so carelessly smashed it into numerous pieces has been officially considered a failure. It's now affecting my other leg and more recently my back.

I get codeine and morphine for pain but I'm getting fed up with it all now and I've had to take up my employers private health shite to get it sorted as the NHS waiting list for the first of 2 planned ops is 38 weeks.

I'm fortunate that my work isnt physical but it has had an impact on my life, I can't walk very far, I can't drive a manual car or stand for any period of time, I'm lucky not to have stayed in that fekin wheelchair TBH.

I've an appointment next week with the private consultant, it will be good to get a second opinion, my tibia need to be broken and reset and ideally a knee replacement as I've broken this one!
 
ScotchMist - I appreciate your support n advice but I am upset, n drunk at mo so can't really read your posts properly if they are long.

Not trying to be mean to you - I appreciate your help n advice but it's best kept for the morning.

Do you have any pics of hot, sesy, women?

If so, bring to Gibbs n lets have fun, eh????

Evey xxxx
 
Why should you have done, Evey? How would you be in a better position now if you had? You think people would respect you more? You'd be just another junky like the rest of us. Heroin is but an opioid. Codeine metabolises to morphine and so does heroin. There are frilly bits around the edges that make them quite different but it's mostly morphine in either case. It's all poppy product. Even the man-made synthetics are but variations on a theme. Opies are opies. Any suggested hierarchy is bullshit and anybody who thinks there is has a lot to learn. Addiction is addiction - it matters not what specific thing you are addicted to for the most part. Nobody gets to be King of the Shitheap. It's all shit we wallow in.

It appears some people have skewed your view of such matters. I would suggest this reflects more on their ignorance than it does on anybody or anything else.
 
Please ignore anything I say as I've had a drink. I just used to love the "art" of obtaining codeine, without saying much, as obviously 'tis against BLUA.... but at least with H I wouldn't have had to answer to pharmacist, in the twenties, looking their nose down at me just for wanting some codeine.... Codeine is morphine anyway, when I was tested for it in my drug n alcohol place, it came up as morphine I swear. My key worker told me it did....

Evey
 
Shambles said:
Why should you have done, Evey? How would you be in a better position now if you had? You think people would respect you more? You'd be just another junky like the rest of us. Heroin is but an opioid. Codeine metabolises to morphine and so does heroin. There are frilly bits around the edges that make them quite different but it's mostly morphine in either case. It's all poppy product. Even the man-made synthetics are but variations on a theme. Opies are opies. Any suggested hierarchy is bullshit and anybody who thinks there is has a lot to learn. Addiction is addiction - it matters not what specific thing you are addicted to for the most part. Nobody gets to be King of the Shitheap. It's all shit we wallow in.

It appears some people have skewed your view of such matters. I would suggest this reflects more on their ignorance than it does on anybody or anything else.
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^^ the words of the wise.

It's sad to hear about the way some have treated your codeine issue, making judgements based on the substance is bizarre to say the very least. I'm not well experienced with opiates other than the pain meds I've had to use the last couple of years, my illicit dabblings have been limited.

I don't find a great deal of difference between morphine and codeine in terms of effect, not surprising given the pro drug thing, heroin does seem to be more problematic but that doesnt mean you can't get into problems with codeine, many people do.

Don't let the fucker grind you down but at the same time resolving the situation by starting up with codeine again isnt going to help you, hang in there girl %)
 
Uncle Robert said:
For the love of God evey don't try heroin.
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I've had a drink - so take what I say with a pinch of salt, please. I am basically venting. All I wanted was a bit of codeine n the pharmacists humiliate me like this - no wonder people go up the opiate ladder. If it wasn't for my daughter, I would try heroin. She's the only reason that I won't.

Evey
 
Allein said:
^^ the words of the wise.

It's sad to hear about the way some have treated your codeine issue, making judgements based on the substance is bizarre to say the very least. I'm not well experienced with opiates other than the pain meds I've had to use the last couple of years, my illicit dabblings have been limited.

I don't find a great deal of difference between morphine and codeine in terms of effect, not surprising given the pro drug thing, heroin does seem to be more problematic but that doesnt mean you can't get into problems with codeine, many people do.

Don't let the fucker grind you down but at the same time resolving the situation by starting up with codeine again isnt going to help you, hang in there girl %)
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I know your meds from our E-mail/pm Saturday 4th January - and I'll always be grateful to you for that (of course will not discuss that, here). You n Shambles, that day, introduced me to EADD n the benefits of the forum. I know that I have argued with both of you over various things - but I''ve regarded you both as firm friends since that day. You both took time out for me - and you did not have to do that, plus other E-mails, that I will obviously NOT discuss on open forum... But you are both Gems. And I couldn't wish for better mods... Even though, Allien, you and I went for same role, I'm glad you got it to be honest. You're both doing great jobs.

Evey xxxx
 
Eveleivibe said:
Please ignore anything I say as I've had a drink.
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So have I. You - and all - are free to ignore anything I say or not as you please <3

Eveleivibe said:
I just used to love the "art" of obtaining codeine
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Me too =D

My alltime fave score was when me and my bestest buddy convinced a couple British Gas salesmen who had a stall set-up just down from the chemist at our local shopping centre to swap our signatures on his "Interested in swapping to British Gas" salesheet for a bottle of Gee's Linctus each. And another one apiece acquired by his co-worker :D

There are always many fun memories associated with addiction. As I said, if it wasn't fun people would never get to the stage of being addicted. A huge part of that fun is all the sneaking about and doing things you shouldn't. This is actually one of my primary pieces of evidence as to why legalisation would probably reduce drug use rates over the long term. If you can just walk into a shop and buy it it's not quite as much fun as having to dodge the chemist each time and try to catch the noob who doesn't recognise you.

Codeine is not morphine but it metabolises into morphine in vivo as well as a number of other opioids. I'm not convinced morphine is the most important of those opiioids but that is an entirely different topic. For what we are currently discussing it's right to think of codeine and morphine as being in many respects interchangeable. You could put any other opiate or opioid in there too and the argument would be precisely the same.

Eveleivibe said:
If it wasn't for my daughter, I would try heroin. She's the only reason that I won't.
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And that is a very fine reason indeed. I wish I had reasons like that. Perhaps one day. You do have that reason already. YOu have other reasons beside - you have yourself. You may not always care about you but others do. That's an important factor and not one to overlook <3
 
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