Spent last night at my friend's house, well we were at his girlfriend's house for the first part of the evening. They live in the same town but both have kids from past relationships, so no room to live together. His girlfriend's friend was round too, with her two kids from her broken relationship. What a mess!
Obvious set-up, and the lassie was nice enough, we got on well but she came out with some really blinkered shite about how junkies should be sterilised. She has a sister with a habit and she was talking about how she has unwanted children, yet she was tanning the booze and drugs quite happily with her own kids upstairs! But it made me think about my own hypocrisy, I cane the drink and drugs but I was saying that a more palatable course would be a temporary contraceptive implant rather than sterilisation, while they get themselves sorted. Yet I wouldn't want to give up getting wasted if I had kids. I might tone it down a bit, but I can't see me going straight edge if children came along. Same logic applies for heroin addicts. I spent a while today examining my prejudices, I think it's quite a healthy thing to do. So, I detected some of my own bullshit and labelled it appropriately.
Also was the most relaxed and at ease with myself as I have been for literally years. I was able to see and let go of my own anxiety and uptightness. Things, including myself and other people, may not be perfect, and improvement is always welcome, but there's no point being anxious about it. I think I've been anxious about things for too long. There's a difference between caring about things and wanting to make things better, and being worked up and stressed about them. Hopefully I can hold on to this new, more relaxed way of being.
Oddly enough I think I got to this Zen state with the aid of stimulants - 4-FA to be specific. It's actually a very fucking relaxing drug. Gets bonus points from me.
