The EADD I'm Fucked MEGATHREAD - Imaginations required from an imaginative mod/member

[Eveleivibe]

Eh? Why would you think you'd have to belittle your wife or devalue your relationship, to make friends?

Edit: your conversation is fascinating. It's interesting listening/ reading about people's thoughts n how they feel regarding people.

I like to be alone n yet I crave people hence my love of Internet forums. Less intermidating n less claustrophobic.

Evey

 

[Sprout]

Eh? Why would you think you'd have to belittle your wife or devalue your relationship, to make friends?

Edit: your conversation is fascinating. It's interesting listening/ reading about people's thoughts n how they feel regarding people.

I like to be alone n yet I crave people hence my love of Internet forums. Less intermidating n less claustrophobic.

Evey

I believe Allein was referring to the typical image of blokes in the pub complaining about 'the old ball and chain'.

People, culture, society and social interaction really do fascinate me, over 7 billion people walk this Earth and yet everyone is so different in how they navigate their lives and how they view and interpret the world.
It's a testament to the impossible complexity of the human brain.

Online forums have the advantage of providing both a sense of anonymity and social inclusion - it's paradoxical, but it's fantastic.
Over the years I've read tales, views and other posts from thousands of people on this forum, granting an insight into the lives of others, at their discretion, I've built up mental images of so many posters and have grown to care for a large amount of members in the same way I would care for my closest friends. And yet, we have the opportunity to leave our online identity at any point. We can open up to others, build solid friendships, but at the end of the day; we are but screen names.

Such a simple concept, and yet it allows for so much.

 

[Allein]

It's great that you recognise your own self image and the effect of it, even more so that you're working on improving it. It can be quite a depressing cycle, IME, isolation leads to low self-esteem, which leads to social anxiety, which then lends itself to isolation.
I don't think we've ever spoken much but you do seem like a fantastic guy, and a true gentleman in a culture where such a quality is a rarity.

I used to be a very sporty person, but I never saw it as any more than a hobby - certainly no reason to assault another person or define them by the person/team they support. My father was a great fan of football hooliganism and I think a lot of my views stem from that - watching the man you are supposed to idolise beat the shit out of a stranger for supporting a different team or destroy the house if his team lost a game is not exactly pleasant.
Disgusting. Primitive. Senseless.

I'm quite an effeminate guy I suppose, or rather more distant from being masculine - gender stereotypes annoy me greatly. Hell, I've worn dresses/corsets out in public simply to irritate those desperate to define other people. Never done much in the way of 'oily garage stuff', I imagine I'd be terrible at it, but I take an awful lot of pride in the state of my shed and the tools in it. Being able to build a kitchen, operate power tools and drinking Stella are just about everything I do that's typically masculine.

Aye, it's nice not to have to wear a social 'mask'. But over the years I've become more confident in who I am and so playing the 'pretend to be whatever and whoever is most applicable' game is less common.
Spent many years doing that and it is so, so tiring.

Recognizing it and dealing with it are quite separate, I despise self pity in myself, just one example of the cycle. It's a fine balance in truth, I think I'd rather struggle with thinking I'm worthless than believe I'm better than other folk.

I've never fitted any male pigeon hole, I have a natural ability for engineering, technology etc. I think it took a long time for me to understand that not everyone found it so easy to pick up and understand such things, people seem to have very different abilities, I don't have a university education but managed to work my way through the electronics and technology industry and make a decent living, I can't say it's very fulfilling but at least it pays.

Back in the day when I used to go to parties and clubs I would often get approached by gay men, I shaved my head as I do now and maybe my attire was an influence, never bothered me....in truth Mrs A would be the one to inform me that said man or lady had been trying to chat me up... partly due to me almost always being off my face and more interested in dancing like a loon and partly as I would view all at such events as just other friendly people I rarely cottoned on.

I to dislike labels, I don't see why I should even have to state if I'm straight or gay like it's some permanent declaration, I hoep that in time the human race will stop obsessing over gender and sexuality, why I would give a shit about anothers preferences I can't fathom, surely it only matters of you're attracted to them physically.?

I believe Allein was referring to the typical image of blokes in the pub complaining about 'the old ball and chain'.
)

Indeed I was, I've been with Mrs A since we were 15 and I've never even thought of straying. I don't regard her as 'her indoors' , I don't feel she nags me or any such shit. We have our ups and downs and 30 years takes constant maintenance, I'm not easy to live with in many ways but we find ways to work around our individual failings. Obviously she knows I struggle with drugs, it;s not a secret between us but she doesnt just get all moody about it, we talk and move forward. I don't make promises I can't keep and she doesnt expect me to become someone else.

I'd never discuss our problems with someone else in a negative manner, or slag her off behind her back and speak of her like someone I despise. I see couples like this and honestly can't see the point. Cheesey as it sounds love is what holds us together

 

[ColtDan]

IME, isolation leads to low self-esteem, which leads to social anxiety, which then lends itself to isolation.

True that

Aye, it's nice not to have to wear a social 'mask'. But over the years I've become more confident in who I am and so playing the 'pretend to be whatever and whoever is most applicable' game is less common.
Spent many years doing that and it is so, so tiring.

Agreed, & likewise, the older i get the less i give a shit about social masks, tis very nice, liberating

 

[Eveleivibe]

Allein you've just gone up in my estimation. Ive a lot of respect for people who respect their parters n stuff. Ive never understand men who bitch about their wives n disrespect them like that. A relationship should be equal. No wonder your relationship has lasted soong, Allein. You don't find that a lot these days.

Evey

 

[felix]

Well now, imagine this thread getting interesting.

Allein: you and I are very similar in many ways, believe it nor not. We'd probably get on quite well in real life.

Just to touch on one subject, i.e. men's attitude towards women: you'd probably be fucking horrified if you ever worked a trip on an offshore oil installation. I'm not easily shocked or offended, but the attitudes of many men working there is fucking horrific, and is one of the many reasons I'm never going back to work in that toxic environment. I didn't want to turn into one of those people on their 4th marriage, complaining that women are just "snakes with tits". That's a direct quote btw.

 

[Sprout]

Recognizing it and dealing with it are quite separate, I despise self pity in myself, just one example of the cycle. It's a fine balance in truth, I think I'd rather struggle with thinking I'm worthless than believe I'm better than other folk.

I've never fitted any male pigeon hole, I have a natural ability for engineering, technology etc. I think it took a long time for me to understand that not everyone found it so easy to pick up and understand such things, people seem to have very different abilities, I don't have a university education but managed to work my way through the electronics and technology industry and make a decent living, I can't say it's very fulfilling but at least it pays.

Back in the day when I used to go to parties and clubs I would often get approached by gay men, I shaved my head as I do now and maybe my attire was an influence, never bothered me....in truth Mrs A would be the one to inform me that said man or lady had been trying to chat me up... partly due to me almost always being off my face and more interested in dancing like a loon and partly as I would view all at such events as just other friendly people I rarely cottoned on.

I to dislike labels, I don't see why I should even have to state if I'm straight or gay like it's some permanent declaration, I hoep that in time the human race will stop obsessing over gender and sexuality, why I would give a shit about anothers preferences I can't fathom, surely it only matters of you're attracted to them physically.?



Indeed I was, I've been with Mrs A since we were 15 and I've never even thought of straying. I don't regard her as 'her indoors' , I don't feel she nags me or any such shit. We have our ups and downs and 30 years takes constant maintenance, I'm not easy to live with in many ways but we find ways to work around our individual failings. Obviously she knows I struggle with drugs, it;s not a secret between us but she doesnt just get all moody about it, we talk and move forward. I don't make promises I can't keep and she doesnt expect me to become someone else.

I'd never discuss our problems with someone else in a negative manner, or slag her off behind her back and speak of her like someone I despise. I see couples like this and honestly can't see the point. Cheesey as it sounds love is what holds us together

Very true. But you cannot address an issue you're not aware of. I am far from perfect, but I have been much happier since I took stock of my actions and realised that loathing oneself for perceived or actual misdeeds is destructive, accepting it and working to address my own problems is far more productive. Escaping the whirling chasm of cyclic depression is difficult, and made all the more so by the exacerbation of the negative emotions that led to it in the first place, but stepping outside that bubble and putting the effort into changing my perceptions, and thus my actions, has made a massive difference to my life. Sure, life ain't peachy, but after hitting rock bottom last year: the only way is up!

You're right about the massive differences in how people learn and grasp concepts. I like to consider myself an intelligent person (who doesn't? ), but I struggle with things as simple as putting a lock on a gate and rearranging furniture. Not a chance on Earth I could perform the work you do, my spatial awareness is abysmal. However, it's a trade-off as I seem to perform better in scenarios regarding in depth analysis and logical order than some people. Biochemistry? Sure. Simple Mechanics? Not a chance. An education is unnecessary if one has the enthusiasm and passion for a subject - I see too many people get stuck in dead-end jobs because they never follow their 'true calling'. I've worked in many fields and done countless odd jobs in my life, but always kept learning on the side. From apprentice joiner on half the minimum wage to disabled carer to academia. I'm not particularly materialistic so my salary is almost irrelevant to me, provided I wake up in the morning and look forward to the work at hand. Though I know the feeling of doing something you can't stand simply to get by, was working three jobs whilst studying my A-Levels just to keep a roof over the heads of myself and my ex-fiancee. Starting work at 6am and not getting home until 10pm, 7 days a week, it was tough but it had to be done.

Congrats on 30 years! Your relationship sounds incredible, it makes me so happy to see people genuinely in love. To spend 3 decades with someone and still love them completely, as is obvious from the way you speak about Mrs A, takes a massive amount of determination and commitment. Finding someone who accepts both your successes and your failings and is willing to work through the issues that life presents is a very rare find indeed. I'm not surprised you have such a strong relationship, as you are clearly one of the few gentleman left.
I've gained a great deal of respect for you recently and I really do hope to have a relationship as strong as yours one day.

Whilst privacy and respect are vital for a working relationship, I will say it can be beneficial sometimes to get an outside perspective. Obviously there are things that should always remain private, but I'd rather confide in someone I trust and be told I am/was in the wrong than be unable to work through an issue with my partner. That way I can make up for my mistake, apologise to my partner and alter my own views or behaviour to avoid a repeat.

I am very prone to fucking up and being unable to recognise it, so it helps me to be told bluntly and honestly when I do.

Yeah, seeing people wasting their time on a relationship that any idiot can see isn't built on respect, affection and appreciation is quite saddening. Every single person deserves to be happy and have someone to share in their happiness - people in relationships like you describe are depriving themselves and their partners of the chance to enjoy the short time we have on this planet. You know what they say, Mr A, true love conquers all.

Aaaaaand that's enough soppiness for today, people will think I have feelings and what-not.

 

[Allein]

Well now, imagine this thread getting interesting.

Allein: you and I are very similar in many ways, believe it nor not. We'd probably get on quite well in real life.

Just to touch on one subject, i.e. men's attitude towards women: you'd probably be fucking horrified if you ever worked a trip on an offshore oil installation. I'm not easily shocked or offended, but the attitudes of many men working there is fucking horrific, and is one of the many reasons I'm never going back to work in that toxic environment. I didn't want to turn into one of those people on their 4th marriage, complaining that women are just "snakes with tits". That's a direct quote btw.

I'm not in the least surprised we have a similar view, we will meet some day I'm sure. I get up to Dundee from time to time I'll have to check just how far you are from there.

I started out in Sat Comms and did a lot of work on sites around Europe much of it on my own but sometimes with others, the usual work, hotel bar till 3-4am, work, hotel bar till 3-4am...........home.

The only real offshore work I've ever done was on a metal pontoon / barge thing on the Bosphorus in Istanbul, I was maintaining some seismic survey equipment, it was in the middle of the shipping lane and we had to keep moving every day or so to drill another bore hole. You may know a bit bout such stuff as it's usd for allsorts of exploration, this was for a pipeline route. We had this mental airgun thing as a seismic source, fuk did it go off with a bang !

Never really experienced what I assume a oil rig or maybe a fishing boat would be like, I suspect the conversation might me a little course :D

 

[mydrugbuddy]

hmm, looks like the hype might have been right about MD Red Kratom being one of the most awesome and powerfully relaxing and sedating strains. It seems to be kicking in now, just feeling some nice warm and fuzzies. With my tolerance i need strains like this to enjoy the effects again, though of course using extra strong kratoms regularly will just raise my tolerance even more anyway, and then even those wont work properly.

The good news is that stem and vein really does seem to work as a quick neuro-transmitter receptor resetter. It holds off w/ds but doesnt seem to have much in the way of mood lifting properties so i didnt stick at it for very long, but the results of a very short stint are encouraging, ive already noticed some of kratoms nice effects, like music enhancement returning slightly. I do also need to taper as well though, just taking s & v doesnt mean you dont need to, it just speeds up recovery time. Fucking wonderful magical compound, is an absolute godsend.

If i could do a 2 week strictly only stem and vein plus taper as aggressively as i could stand im sure that that would make a huge difference to my kratom tolerance.

 

[felix]

I'm not in the least surprised we have a similar view, we will meet some day I'm sure. I get up to Dundee from time to time I'll have to check just how far you are from there.

Well, that's the wrong coast and a bit far too north, but a lot closer than where you are now, probably.

And we weren't talking about offshore work, we were discussing our FEELINGS, god dammit! Don't you know this is the "I'M FUCKED THREAD"; stay on topic for god's sake.

I'm drunk. Finally, we are back on topic. :D

 

[Allein]

And we weren't talking about offshore work, we were discussing our FEELINGS, god dammit! Don't you know this is the "I'M FUCKED THREAD"; stay on topic for god's sake.

I'm drunk. Finally, we are back on topic. :D

I was kinda on topic, the ramblings of someone who hasn't had more than a couple or hours sleep since Tuesday, feeling surprisingly chipper TBH all things considered. Rekon I'll try and get a few hours tonight though...probably:D

 

[felix]

This is why people love EADD. :D

 

[Allein]

I'm thinking my rambling hasnt yet entered it's ultimate and totally incoherent stage, I think the casual observer may still think it's just long winded and low on actual content without realising that is the one and only purpose

 

[felix]

How interesting. Tell me more, please.

 

[Allein]

How interesting. Tell me more, please.

To do so would require intake of the wrong substances, I really must drop a couple of these cheap blues and retire to my bed.

This may result in sleep or just more rambling but with more spelling errors, I'll check it out tomorrow, I have no shame.

What has been this evening's tipple Felix ?

 

[foolsgold]

well i did it again i just cant get the fucking stim monkey of my back 3 g of mpa again for the morning or saturday not like ive not got enough chemicals coming as it is

 

[Allein]

What kinda dosing do you use with MPA FG, I only got a g a couple of times and back then people were suggesting very low dosing so when I just blew through a G in no time I didnt bother again although I found it OK as RC stims go

 

[foolsgold]

i vape it so i don't know it gets like mdpv in the chasing sense and ive never had any scales till the ones ive just ordered but it will last me roughly 5 to 6 days with out stopping

 

[felix]

What has been this evening's tipple Felix ?

For us? MXE and Stella. In light doses, of course.

 

[Allein]

Hmm, I did quite enjoy MXE but then decided to try low dossing daily for treating depression. I can't say if it helped but I got a sense after 2 weeks that it had potential to become a problem. I've done K a few times since and think I preferred MXE, neither really my bag though, ore interesting than enjoyable TBH.