Have been in pain. Variform pain. This particular type of pain probably best sits here though...
Some of y'all probably know I have partial facial paralysis from a viral infection of one of me cranial nerves dating back to summer 2001. Okay, y'all probably don't know all of that but bits of it.
Anyhoo, it came back. Face semi-collapsed again over the weekend and brought
insane levels of pain to left side of head (initially in the ear but subsequently mostly around and behind it), left side of face (mainly jaw) and left side of neck (along with various shooting pains up and down left arm and numbness and tingling down up and down left side of chest and back). Found out recently all of this shit comes from herpes. No. Not
that kinda herpes. Although I guess it is. Just that I didn't get it from dipping my wick. HSV (herpes simplex virus). Cold sores, chicken pox, shingles... fukker can fuck you all over the shop
The way the fukker hit me this time was as before only different. Face froze, tensed, collapsed... all kindsa stuff... but thankfully not as bad as last time... so far. The semi-paralysed side of my face is significantly more paralysed than it has been for years but seem to have caught the underlying infection earlier than before. Which is good cos it seems this time it's gone to the brain as well as the face
Doc suspects brain infection. Which scares the living shit outta me. But also seems to have been caught early cos meds have (so far and apparently) held off the facial paralysis since I started taking 'em. Dunno how much more damage has been done but is not looking as bad as I initially thought...
Speaking of what I previously thought... one thing I have noticed is that I've been fukkin deranged this week (since Sunday afternoon or so, specifically - very specifically, in fact cos was like a switch got switched (in hindsight, at least)). Have been down and stuff due to other stuff... but was perfectly manageable and within reason. Sunday afternoon I started feeling... just plain fukkin odd. Had acquired two "Superman" pills a few days previous. Decided to take 'em cos wanted to start feeling again and come back and chat and stuff and thought they'd be a good way in. Apparently not cos I just went... strange.
Depression and mood swings I'm more than familiar with but this was just alien to me. I felt unhinged. But so... alien... that I went along with it. Did and said some very weird shit indeed. Anybody who witnessed either (and such people would be very few and far between indeed) will be thinking this is an excuse. Bullshit, in effect. It may be. I don't think it is though. High dose antivirals (backed up with high dose steroids) have been bringing me back to... "me" each day since I started taking 'em a couple days back. Waking up each day fukkin deranged but gradually feeling closer and closer to me as each additional dose kicks in. Backsliding overnight... But starting each day a lil better than the day before...
Today is the closest to "normal" I've felt for a while. Had my CT scan today (to confirm diagnosis) and only felt like that... other me... for the morning. Best day so far since this thing started. Am kinda fukked inna bogstandard drunken bum way but none of that freaky shit seems to be with me. I'm sure it is, but am hardly the best judge of such things at the moment. More tests and docs tomorrow. For now I drink bourbon and celebrate a return to feeling down. Cos am down. Legitimately so. But no longer feel deranged. And I really don't think I will feel deranged tomorrow. A pattern has been developing. Kinda hope it lasts cos I
really don't like the idea of brain damage.
And for anybody who happened to be caught up in my lil febrilic meltdown bullshit... no excuses cos I really don't know for sure myself it was that... but I kinda think it was. Either way, feels like I'm me again. Just about. Ain't gonna be dropping me meds early though
