jsnake
Greenlighter
Straight shit in general gets me almost every time cos I stop noticing the taste and strength as much after I've had a few, but more recently Canadian Club got me maggoted at this event me and some mates are local at. Me and Z shared about 3/4 of the bottle, but I'm naturally a fast drinker cos I automatically keep sipping the fuck out of my drinks so I probably had a little more. Anyway, when we got to said place I had a shot and a pot together, then a little later I got another pint and after that everything's gone in my mind. Apparently though when we were in the smoker's area pretty much the whole time I was standing round pretending to punch my mates in the face, coming like a few inches short and actually hitting them a few times. This was in front of everyone else at the place mind, so I'm pretty lucky no-one stepped in and said something to me or God knows what I would have done. And for the record, I'm 55kg and I've never been in a fight in my life so I'm way short of a badass MMA expert. Don't think I woulda felt much though if I got dropped though and I don't think I'd remember getting hurt neither, at least till the next morning. A little further down, apparently I clocked my mate one too many times in the face and he cracked the shits, and after that I was all apologizing to him and everything like "I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to actually get ya! Here, you can smack me in the face as hard as you want to make up" and full pressing it, till he hit me, pretty hard as well by his account, and I was like "Sweet man, we're all good now" like he didn't hit me at all. Of course, after that I went to the toilets, came back and started up all over again...
Haha, funniest part ever was what happened when we went up to the balloon lady and my mate got like this really good balloon animal, like a giraffe or llama or some four-legged mammal of some sort. Apparently, I saw it, grabbed it off him, gave him this funny ass look and just popped it on him. He was pissed as about it as well cos according to him it was a really good design and he wanted to keep it. Anyway, I was staggering around, understandably, and I ended up assdown on a pot plant full of soil and ciggy butts, so the lady was like "I know what I'm making you!" and she pulled together a helmet for me! Then she made me a sword to go with it and since I now had a weapon I spent the next few minutes poking the fuck out of my mates with it, till I went away again and came back without either of em
Up to this point I was acting like a drunken idiot, completely out of character to how I am normally, and although I'd done a few stupid things like hit A and Z in the face a few times during my relentless barrage of punches, I hadn't really caused trouble outside my group. But the worst thing I did that night, one of A's friends, a guy he didn't know too well but well enough to speak to, came and had a chat with us. Still stumbling around and shit, I kind of fell down next to him and bumped him, probably spilt his drink too. He was all good about it, but apparently I started full like staring him down and stood up, like did the whole hand motion thing like "Come at me", and let me inform you that this cunt is pretty fuckin big, like I've looked up his profile pic on FB and he looks like he'd wipe the floor with me, let alone when I'm legless drunk with no sense of judgment. He was pretty good about it as well, like my mates got in there and were like "Look man, this cunt's had a fuckload to drink, he's been like that all night, don't even bother" cos he was staring me back down, but yeh he was cool about it, like "C'mon mate, sit down, here have a smoke" and I kinda calmed down and conformed. This part made me feel really bad cos like he was really good about the whole thing, but at some point he was holding his drink in my direction, and somehow I thought he was giving it to me so I grabbed it out his hand and started swigging it. He was good about that as well, like just shrugged it off like "yeah no worries mate", but shit, he had every reason to smack me square in the jaw that night, and the worst part is I barely remember a fucking thing that night, just brief flashes, and I was told everything second-hand, so I can't even begin to justify any actions or thinking on my part, not that I'd be able to. Hence all the apparentlys.
But one thing I do remember, my mate coming up to me at the bar and being like it's time to go, and I remember thinking at the time "God, he seems pissed off for some reason" lol. I had a beany on the whole time btw, the dress restrictions were pretty leniant, and I was sticking my head out the window pretty much the whole way, like full standing up and hanging onto the roof and shit. That coulda ended up really badly, but then again so could everything else that night. Too bad I didn't have my helmet still, just in case haha. Anyway, A, who's a mad hoon at heart, ended up racing this chick and maxing at like 130km, and since I had my head out the window my fucking beany ended up falling off! I really liked that beany too, it looked like a Where's Wally hat except blue and black and it felt really cool, so the whole way home after that I was like "My fucking beany man! It's fuckin gone!". It didn't occur to me at the time that we coulda pulled a U-bolt and gone back for it, but whatever, I have another one. Anyway, we ended up getting home, I made the crappiest Mi Goreng noodles in the world out of 3 packets cos apparently my "major issue was being hungry" in my words, had 2 bites and ended up on the couch out like a light.
God, that ended up being long. Few things about that night I thought were weird, how the fuck did I not get kicked out by security?? Or rejected drinks by the bartenders, cos mind you the whole time I was drinking as well, spilling them quite often. Only time my mates saw security eyein me was when I fell in the pot plant, and that was like going to church compared to what else I got up to there. And also, at no point did my mates see me throw up, although I could have gone for a shot in the toilets and no-one would have known. Well, apart from those randoms that were present in the dunny at that time
Well since this is already too long I'll wrap it up, but the one thing I'm certain about, I'm now a fucking legend at said place 
Edit: Upon reading the OP I realize that this doesn't really fit this thread as I could, in fact, down another bottle of CC and do the whole thing again if I wanted to, but it took me ages to write this and I'm sure it's good to stay for shits and gigs
Haha, funniest part ever was what happened when we went up to the balloon lady and my mate got like this really good balloon animal, like a giraffe or llama or some four-legged mammal of some sort. Apparently, I saw it, grabbed it off him, gave him this funny ass look and just popped it on him. He was pissed as about it as well cos according to him it was a really good design and he wanted to keep it. Anyway, I was staggering around, understandably, and I ended up assdown on a pot plant full of soil and ciggy butts, so the lady was like "I know what I'm making you!" and she pulled together a helmet for me! Then she made me a sword to go with it and since I now had a weapon I spent the next few minutes poking the fuck out of my mates with it, till I went away again and came back without either of em
Up to this point I was acting like a drunken idiot, completely out of character to how I am normally, and although I'd done a few stupid things like hit A and Z in the face a few times during my relentless barrage of punches, I hadn't really caused trouble outside my group. But the worst thing I did that night, one of A's friends, a guy he didn't know too well but well enough to speak to, came and had a chat with us. Still stumbling around and shit, I kind of fell down next to him and bumped him, probably spilt his drink too. He was all good about it, but apparently I started full like staring him down and stood up, like did the whole hand motion thing like "Come at me", and let me inform you that this cunt is pretty fuckin big, like I've looked up his profile pic on FB and he looks like he'd wipe the floor with me, let alone when I'm legless drunk with no sense of judgment. He was pretty good about it as well, like my mates got in there and were like "Look man, this cunt's had a fuckload to drink, he's been like that all night, don't even bother" cos he was staring me back down, but yeh he was cool about it, like "C'mon mate, sit down, here have a smoke" and I kinda calmed down and conformed. This part made me feel really bad cos like he was really good about the whole thing, but at some point he was holding his drink in my direction, and somehow I thought he was giving it to me so I grabbed it out his hand and started swigging it. He was good about that as well, like just shrugged it off like "yeah no worries mate", but shit, he had every reason to smack me square in the jaw that night, and the worst part is I barely remember a fucking thing that night, just brief flashes, and I was told everything second-hand, so I can't even begin to justify any actions or thinking on my part, not that I'd be able to. Hence all the apparentlys.
But one thing I do remember, my mate coming up to me at the bar and being like it's time to go, and I remember thinking at the time "God, he seems pissed off for some reason" lol. I had a beany on the whole time btw, the dress restrictions were pretty leniant, and I was sticking my head out the window pretty much the whole way, like full standing up and hanging onto the roof and shit. That coulda ended up really badly, but then again so could everything else that night. Too bad I didn't have my helmet still, just in case haha. Anyway, A, who's a mad hoon at heart, ended up racing this chick and maxing at like 130km, and since I had my head out the window my fucking beany ended up falling off! I really liked that beany too, it looked like a Where's Wally hat except blue and black and it felt really cool, so the whole way home after that I was like "My fucking beany man! It's fuckin gone!". It didn't occur to me at the time that we coulda pulled a U-bolt and gone back for it, but whatever, I have another one. Anyway, we ended up getting home, I made the crappiest Mi Goreng noodles in the world out of 3 packets cos apparently my "major issue was being hungry" in my words, had 2 bites and ended up on the couch out like a light.
God, that ended up being long. Few things about that night I thought were weird, how the fuck did I not get kicked out by security?? Or rejected drinks by the bartenders, cos mind you the whole time I was drinking as well, spilling them quite often. Only time my mates saw security eyein me was when I fell in the pot plant, and that was like going to church compared to what else I got up to there. And also, at no point did my mates see me throw up, although I could have gone for a shot in the toilets and no-one would have known. Well, apart from those randoms that were present in the dunny at that time
Well since this is already too long I'll wrap it up, but the one thing I'm certain about, I'm now a fucking legend at said place Edit: Upon reading the OP I realize that this doesn't really fit this thread as I could, in fact, down another bottle of CC and do the whole thing again if I wanted to, but it took me ages to write this and I'm sure it's good to stay for shits and gigs
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