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🌟🌟 Social 🌟🌟 The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

Went to see a friend today. His wife tried to stab him to death recently. He's not in a good place. He was a fucking disaster today. My heart bleeds for the guy, but I need to cut him loose... It's strange (incidentally) being in the other position on this. I always blamed people for cutting me loose, but I always knew it was the right decision. I think that's the most hurtful thing: knowing that you're toxic.

I have too much anguish in my life.
 
birdup said:
Went to see a friend today. His wife tried to stab him to death recently. He's not in a good place. He was a fucking disaster today. My heart bleeds for the guy, but I need to cut him loose... It's strange (incidentally) being in the other position on this. I always blamed people for cutting me loose, but I always knew it was the right decision. I think that's the most hurtful thing: knowing that you're toxic.

I have too much anguish in my life.
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Wow man, that's dark. I know exactly the feeling. I have like an abandonment complex since I was a kid, but at the same time I almost can't blame people for dipping out on me because I'm such a fucking mess sometimes.
 
deficiT said:
Wow man, that's dark. I know exactly the feeling. I have like an abandonment complex since I was a kid, but at the same time I almost can't blame people for dipping out on me because I'm such a fucking mess sometimes.
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This was exactly me for my entire adult life, until recently when all my many many years of therapy all lined up and clicked in my head. I still have abandonment and neglect issues, but I no longer self-sabotage.
 
What the FUCK is wrong with me? Your boy just took a piss test for my ASAP intake that's probably gonna pop for benzos. I didn't even fucking think to use the stinger I had.

I don't know what the fuck to do. I've got hella shit hanging over my head, and my personal life is getting to be so fucking stressful dealing with my gf and my roommate.

I feel like the biggest dipshit in the world right now.

Should I just tell my PO or the lady from ASAP about It? Or just wait for them to find out?

FUCK me
 
deficiT said:
What the FUCK is wrong with me? Your boy just took a piss test for my ASAP intake that's probably gonna pop for benzos. I didn't even fucking think to use the stinger I had.

I don't know what the fuck to do. I've got hella shit hanging over my head, and my personal life is getting to be so fucking stressful dealing with my gf and my roommate.

I feel like the biggest dipshit in the world right now.

Should I just tell my PO or the lady from ASAP about It? Or just wait for them to find out?

FUCK me
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First of all, you are NOT "the biggest dipshit in the world right now". Not even close :)

Secondly, Don't tell. I think you should wait for the test results and go from there.
 
deficiT said:
What the FUCK is wrong with me? Your boy just took a piss test for my ASAP intake that's probably gonna pop for benzos. I didn't even fucking think to use the stinger I had.

I don't know what the fuck to do. I've got hella shit hanging over my head, and my personal life is getting to be so fucking stressful dealing with my gf and my roommate.

I feel like the biggest dipshit in the world right now.

Should I just tell my PO or the lady from ASAP about It? Or just wait for them to find out?

FUCK me
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I agree with everyone who says to wait and not admit up front.

I would use this time to put together a story of how your gf and roommate are causing anxiety in your life so you popped a benzo once and promise not to do it again. Don't have to go into detail or lie per se, but I would prepare to give them just a tiny bit of enough info to try to gain whatever shred of empathy and understanding they may have.
 
I am gonna ride this long board I got on discount from Marshall's pointed tip love it feel like a Z-Town dog boy riding her on the high school track arena down a trail from my parents house I will invite girls over if any are playing hookie/r getting high behind the sports fields now made of astro turf beautiful marsh reed place off a big pond

New hobby long boarding but my psyche is as healthy as Ted Nugent during his heyday
 
I used to be in a much darker place, environmentally.

My life is bright and hopeful now, but I am not.

It used to be the complete opposite.

I maintained a state of blind optimism despite everything.

Now, I have lost that ignorant bliss.

I find myself, more and more, having to live for other people.

This materialistic world makes everything that was once wholesome - including parenthood - into something passable but ultimately dissatisfying.

I can do something about it.

I will do something, but for the time being: it is exhausting.

I idolize life before technology. I dream of farm life. I want to not be able to see my neighbours. I live on a fifth acre. That's a normal sized block around here. But, we're going to subdivide and sell the back yard. If we do that, we own the place outright in a couple of years and we can move to the country.

For now, I am numb. The weight I am bearing as a father and a partner and an addict and a son and a brother and a grandson and a citizen. I don't want any of this weight. It's too much. I am compromising too much of myself for this world, which I don't like very much.

I love my family.

...

Mobile phones are toxic. We don't need this much stimulation. Now we have streaming networks. What next?

I want to start a new Amish society.

The Amish have the right idea, they just set the date wrong.

We should stop somewhere around 1980/1990.

Fuck churning butter, but I also don't want ultra fast speed holographic internet bimbos at the click of a button.

People are better than machines. That also applies to when you are speaking to people through machines.

I hate video chats. I think everyone does.

There's something more intimate about a phone call.

I don't need to see your face all the time.

I have no idea what I'm writing now or what thread this is.

I've had a long day.
 
birdup said:
I used to be in a much darker place, environmentally.

My life is bright and hopeful now, but I am not.

It used to be the complete opposite.

I maintained a state of blind optimism despite everything.

Now, I have lost that ignorant bliss.

I find myself, more and more, having to live for other people.

This materialistic world makes everything that was once wholesome - including parenthood - into something passable but ultimately dissatisfying.

I can do something about it.

I will do something, but for the time being: it is exhausting.

I idolize life before technology. I dream of farm life. I want to not be able to see my neighbours. I live on a fifth acre. That's a normal sized block around here. But, we're going to subdivide and sell the back yard. If we do that, we own the place outright in a couple of years and we can move to the country.

For now, I am numb. The weight I am bearing as a father and a partner and an addict and a son and a brother and a grandson and a citizen. I don't want any of this weight. It's too much. I am compromising too much of myself for this world, which I don't like very much.

I love my family.

...

Mobile phones are toxic. We don't need this much stimulation. Now we have streaming networks. What next?

I want to start a new Amish society.

The Amish have the right idea, they just set the date wrong.

We should stop somewhere around 1980/1990.

Fuck churning butter, but I also don't want ultra fast speed holographic internet bimbos at the click of a button.

People are better than machines. That also applies to when you are speaking to people through machines.

I hate video chats. I think everyone does.

There's something more intimate about a phone call.

I don't need to see your face all the time.

I have no idea what I'm writing now or what thread this is.

I've had a long day.
Click to expand...
In the early 1980s, I was a child and my grandfather, (a youngest son of tenant farmers) said that materially things were more comfortable now, kids had shoes, more schooling and free time, but he was glad he'd grown up when he did even though they were only ever one bad harvest away from ruin. I asked why, he shrugged and said, things were simpler.
I've spent most of my life yearning after that simpler life.
I've mostly stripped it down to basics, including self employment because I don't get on with bosses. Simple as I can.
Now I've time on my hands which makes my polyaddict brain rejoice and I've got a bigger battle to keep it under control.
Life just isn't simple, we forget how much worse things are when you chuck in poverty.

Maybe we miss that side effect of poverty that means people depend on each other more, help each other out of necessity and friendship, families end up living closer or leaving completely. It creates a community feel that this year of restrictions has made illegal for those of us who live a little further away.
I hated being really poor more than I hated the thought of living clean, that memory I cling to in the hope I can use in moderation, lol.
 
birdup said:
I used to be in a much darker place, environmentally.

My life is bright and hopeful now, but I am not.

It used to be the complete opposite.

I maintained a state of blind optimism despite everything.

Now, I have lost that ignorant bliss.

I find myself, more and more, having to live for other people.

This materialistic world makes everything that was once wholesome - including parenthood - into something passable but ultimately dissatisfying.

I can do something about it.

I will do something, but for the time being: it is exhausting.

I idolize life before technology. I dream of farm life. I want to not be able to see my neighbours. I live on a fifth acre. That's a normal sized block around here. But, we're going to subdivide and sell the back yard. If we do that, we own the place outright in a couple of years and we can move to the country.

For now, I am numb. The weight I am bearing as a father and a partner and an addict and a son and a brother and a grandson and a citizen. I don't want any of this weight. It's too much. I am compromising too much of myself for this world, which I don't like very much.

I love my family.

...

Mobile phones are toxic. We don't need this much stimulation. Now we have streaming networks. What next?

I want to start a new Amish society.

The Amish have the right idea, they just set the date wrong.

We should stop somewhere around 1980/1990.

Fuck churning butter, but I also don't want ultra fast speed holographic internet bimbos at the click of a button.

People are better than machines. That also applies to when you are speaking to people through machines.

I hate video chats. I think everyone does.

There's something more intimate about a phone call.

I don't need to see your face all the time.

I have no idea what I'm writing now or what thread this is.

I've had a long day.
Click to expand...
You ever heard of a somewhat famous writer called Ted Kaczynski?

You might enjoy his work.
 
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