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Social The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

n3ophy7e said:
5th year chem! That is awesome! Always great to hear of another science nerd 🙂 I've got a Science degree and a Psychology degree :) Never did anything with them as I'm a vet technician. I just love studying.
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Thats super cool. Science is really fun i use to do alot of math aswell but i cooked myself on to much mdma before i could finish my math major aswell.
 
rebound depression hit me pretty hard today with alot of hate and anger idk if it was truly good doing those shrooms it bought up to much shit had buried or thought i was over with but now i gotta deal with these complex emotions.

everyday i have to put on a mask and pretend to be strong. Fake it to i make it right?.

Yet today when i went to get some bread and milk i was appoarched by a older dude who was south African for 30 cents but i didnt have any coins but talked to him could barely understand him i think he also had a speech problem but i felt the kind gentle soul doing his thing and i felt compassion for his struggles.

i wonder if i have just perma fucked myself from previous mdma abuse over the years and will never feel serotonin.
 
I know people who took loads of MDMA and they always got better after some time off. Your serotonin levels should come back to normal after being off MDMA for awile
 
TripSitterNZ said:
rebound depression hit me pretty hard today with alot of hate and anger idk if it was truly good doing those shrooms it bought up to much shit had buried or thought i was over with but now i gotta deal with these complex emotions.

everyday i have to put on a mask and pretend to be strong. Fake it to i make it right?.

Yet today when i went to get some bread and milk i was appoarched by a older dude who was south African for 30 cents but i didnt have any coins but talked to him could barely understand him i think he also had a speech problem but i felt the kind gentle soul doing his thing and i felt compassion for his struggles.

i wonder if i have just perma fucked myself from previous mdma abuse over the years and will never feel serotonin.
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Heavy trips often need a fair bit of processing afterwards, which for me often involve different emotions from one day to the next. It might help to write down your thoughts/feelings over the next week or so? I'm really big in to journalling, I find it really helps me a lot.

And no I don't think you would have done any permanent damage to the serotonin system in your brain from MDMA abuse. I abuse THE FUCK out of mdma and other party drugs back in the day. And I mean ABUUUUSED THE FUCK OUTTA it. But after a good long break, plus now taking good care of myself, my brain is doing pretty well.
 
i really abused it aswell 150 + rolls. though depression has been a thing and runs in my dads family aswell.

If there was one good thing i achieved in this life was protecting my younger brother from the fucked up place we grew up i fought like a solider every day til my rep was so bad no 1 dared mess with me or my family because i became a stone cold heartless evil person as a teen. He achieved everything in life and never had to deal with mental health issues due to my protection he never had to be subjected to everything i did. Im glad he did so well and got the fuck out of the hood got a PHD and lives in Europe and travelled the world. I could of been just as smart if i did not try numb myself every day with drugs for over a decade. over half my existence has been spent on drugs and im truly done i managed to get clean from stims in 2018 and only just managed to free myself from mdma in 2020. But i still drink and smoke shit loads of cannabis and crave meth every day.

I just wish god had sent me a guardian angel to protect me during those times growing up instead i had no one to protect me and i missed out been a child having to grow up so fast and be street wise while dealing with intense abuse.

when my lifes ambition before even hitting the age of 10 was to become a 1% gangster riding with M.Cs repping crips at 13-14 wearing blue with some hood kids carrying knives while my friends got sent away for commiting armed robberies to pay for drugs then getting into trouble with skinhead 1%ers for stealing weed i lived it all at 14 i was fucking crazy but that period of my life haunts me to this day.

Been up never able to sleep because i had murder on my mind at 14 to stop the bullying then i got fucked over by the police aswell kicked out of school. The world was against me so i hated the world till i took acid at 19 but i could never remove the darkness fully or the shadow aspects of myself.

i should of found a better time to take these mushrooms they made me confront to many times for this time period.

I don't want to be another statistic at the end of the day.

If i could just manage to get a good job and some money together and escape this country and find a place that is better to live i would be happy.

Im lucky my dad was strict on me because the values he instilled in me at least i did not join a gang because fuck i sure would of if i didnt get put on a better path when i was a teen.
 
Bit drunk bit high, but I had a beautiful daydream of playing with a child in the sunny grassy back yard. I sing a silly song and dance then collapse in joint childish laughter I look at the woman and have silent but spoken expression of "this is what I want". Hard not to tear up.

A man can dream. And I do. How much is this is subconsciously projected?
 
one of my close friends lost his job today due to failing a drug test for meth yet he turned up every day. I have been one of the few ones who have stuck by him all these years because i took him under my wing when he first moved to the hood with his foster family, He has no family expect for a younger sister and a daughter and a partner but if she finds out man he reached out to me and i gotta look after him idk what id do if i lost him hes a brother to me no 1 understands his pain a orphan from the age of 10 judged by everyone for using drugs. When his so called foster parents kicked him out i was one the few who tried to help feed him while he was homeless while i lived far away.

Now i gotta be strong and be there for my friends. We are hood soldiers but im just scared out of everyone he still been fighting through. I lost all my hood friends to suicide over the years battling through addiction.
 
I'm a bit down today too. I really just wanted to stay in bed. My best friend Dan (who died nearly 4 years ago) visited me in a dream last night, and it's always really really hard to wake up and get out of bed after I dream about him. I miss him SO MUCH it still physically hurts. Especially at times in my life when really good shit happens, like me and Kev getting engaged (Dan and Kev were really good friends as well), Dan would be SO HAPPY and excited for us!!!! I can picture the excitement and happiness on his beautiful face when we tell him we're engaged.
I just fucking miss him so much 😞
 
my friend is holding up well but fuck i also replased started smoking methylone on tin foil. Been a long time since i got cooked on stuff like that.
 
^^ Hrmmm, how you doin' on that shit TS??

How're all my Dark Siders doing? 💖


I've gotta find some energy and motivation to do some housework while my partner is at work.....come onnnn caffeine, do your thang!!!
 
it was pretty interesting but id prefer mdma. Been microdosing alot of lsd every day aswell feeling a bit manic but i need the energy to get things done. my drug use is quickly escalating though ima try detox asap and get clean by the end of june again. I smoke far to much cannabis aswell. i just wanna be numb though and stop feeling everything. Though i have not drunk in two weeks so thats a plus. tonight ima start by detoxing from cannabis stop microdosing has i now see it has a few dangers i don't what will happen if i continue and get more manic.

i have to dig deep and find some inner strength not to fall down to these drugs its hard doing it alone. idk what is happening but im getting reverse tolerance the longer i microdose for in a row.

gonna get through this day and try my best to sober up took a microdose of lsd in the morning at 11 ish am got ready for my day and now its 1 pm. Time goes by to quickly under alot of pressure.

i just hope i dont fall into amphetamine usage again.
 
Yeah man I really hope you don't fall back in to amphetamine use again too. Stims are gross. So bad for your brain, heart, kidneys etc too :(
 
TripSitterNZ said:
it was pretty interesting but id prefer mdma. Been microdosing alot of lsd every day aswell feeling a bit manic but i need the energy to get things done. my drug use is quickly escalating though ima try detox asap and get clean by the end of june again. I smoke far to much cannabis aswell. i just wanna be numb though and stop feeling everything. Though i have not drunk in two weeks so thats a plus. tonight ima start by detoxing from cannabis stop microdosing has i now see it has a few dangers i don't what will happen if i continue and get more manic.

i have to dig deep and find some inner strength not to fall down to these drugs its hard doing it alone. idk what is happening but im getting reverse tolerance the longer i microdose for in a row.

gonna get through this day and try my best to sober up took a microdose of lsd in the morning at 11 ish am got ready for my day and now its 1 pm. Time goes by to quickly under alot of pressure.

i just hope i dont fall into amphetamine usage again.
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First, you aren't alone bro.

What is your psychedelic tolerance like?

Dude microdosing and reverse tolerance sounds disturbingly familiar.

I pm you
 
yeah my heart is forever fucked doing meth and speed from the age of 14. My resting heart rate is 120 bpm. Somehow i rose above it and got my self educated in chemistry where i met many addicts in my class who were doing speed meth mdma aswell. Chemistry attracts very different people. There is the good kids who came from well to do places and are very smart then you got some in the class like me who are so addicted to drugs they love them so much they want to learn how they work.

My psychedelic tolerance is wack. But ima put it a end to this version of myself with about 5-6 tabs maybe 10 if god tells me to do it mid peak.
 
TripSitterNZ said:
My psychedelic tolerance is wack. But ima put it a end to this version of myself with about 5-6 tabs maybe 10 if god tells me to do it mid peak.
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What's the longest you've gone without dosing in the last year or so? I'm a bit concerned tbh friend.
 
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