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The Dark Side GLBT Support Thread
- Thread starter herbavore
- Start date
hgwells
Bluelighter
yeah, i love this idea. As a gay dude I think it is perfect for people who want to talk specifically about GLBT topics, and for seeking help.
:D
:D
Dexter-- I'm not sure what you meant by that? Sarcasm, I hope. Straight people enjoy a level of privilege over non-straight folk of any stripe that is, frankly, staggering. Removal of unjustified privilege is not the same as oppression.
I identify as being essentially straight, but am comfortable with acknowledging that I find some men attractive and have enjoyed sexual fantasies along those lines at times. Do I think that I'll ever actually act on it? Probably not, but who knows? I'd probably say that I'm around a 1 on the Kinsey scale; I trans-identify about as much as I consider myself homosexual, which is a whole separate kettle of fish.
That said, I've been a strong supporter of LGBTQetc.. rights since I've become aware that it was an issue, back in uni. The concept of privilege is a relatively new one to me, that I've only really become aware of in the past year, and the more I look the more I am shocked at the level of both overt and covert privilege that I enjoy as a white, (essentially) hetero male in my early 30s. The funny thing about privilege is that one often isn't aware of it until it is challenged or removed, when the reaction (by many, but not all, thankfully) is aggression and accusations of counter-discrimination. I never felt like I was exercising undue privilege, and I didn't consider myself in any way elevated over my LGBT friends, but when it was pointed out how much easier life is as an essentially cis-gendered, essentially straight man, as compared to someone who is even covertly LGBT, it was an eye opener. I'm still learning the extent of this effect, but it saddens me at how deep it runs.
I identify as being essentially straight, but am comfortable with acknowledging that I find some men attractive and have enjoyed sexual fantasies along those lines at times. Do I think that I'll ever actually act on it? Probably not, but who knows? I'd probably say that I'm around a 1 on the Kinsey scale; I trans-identify about as much as I consider myself homosexual, which is a whole separate kettle of fish.
That said, I've been a strong supporter of LGBTQetc.. rights since I've become aware that it was an issue, back in uni. The concept of privilege is a relatively new one to me, that I've only really become aware of in the past year, and the more I look the more I am shocked at the level of both overt and covert privilege that I enjoy as a white, (essentially) hetero male in my early 30s. The funny thing about privilege is that one often isn't aware of it until it is challenged or removed, when the reaction (by many, but not all, thankfully) is aggression and accusations of counter-discrimination. I never felt like I was exercising undue privilege, and I didn't consider myself in any way elevated over my LGBT friends, but when it was pointed out how much easier life is as an essentially cis-gendered, essentially straight man, as compared to someone who is even covertly LGBT, it was an eye opener. I'm still learning the extent of this effect, but it saddens me at how deep it runs.
Sappy_6794
Bluelighter
I definitly think this is a great thread, because drug abuse and the LGBT community go hand in hand because they are shunned from society. Its sad, this is 2012 and there is still sexual and racial hatred. I myself am bisexual, but thats nothing compared to what everyone else has to go through.
I have thought about it, and my conclusion is that homosexual activity will become very popular in the next few decades. The societal view on homosexuality is changing very rapidly, and those who are supressing their homosexual urges are going to be less prone to do so once the stigma has come down some. I am serious. I really think a lot of people will end up at least spending sometime in the GLBT scenes of the world. Homosexuality does have its benefits, too. You know how to get each other off, and such, you know each other's sexes and genders better. I really think the % of self-identified homosexuals will sky-rocket in the next few decades. I think it is about to be a very historic time for us in GBLT community, and I say this seriously. We will much more accepted in society in even 10 years than today.
Sepher
Bluelight Crew
Been meaning to come back to this Dexter, though you were maybe asking it more properly of N3o than me?
Might be TMI, might be a bit rambling mode, so bear with me . . . . It's not without its difficulties. My ex was bi too. We got together on a swinging site where we'd got to know eachother on the forum over a few months, both putting ourselves down for a party hosted by a bi / transgender couple reputed to be pretty damn hardcore and feeling a need for some hand-holding knowing we might be out of our depths. That was when I first began to self-identify as bisexual at the ripe old age of 35. Pretty hard not to when pictures of you doing something quite intimate with a good-looking CD appear on the internets over subsequent days.
Anyways, the fuck buddies thing became more of a genuine relationship over time, and we were both still able to give expression to our bi sides by attending parties and massive socials where there'd be an after party with people we knew and were happy playing with together. That was enough for me, but over time we started to attend less frequently, mainly because the green-eyed monster thing had started to raise its ugly head. My other half clearly wasn't comfortable sharing me anymore after a while. We still occasionally went out, but she wasn't comfortable with anyone I'd known socially or sexually before we got together, and I didn't fancy anyone in her circle, so there was less playing even when we did.
It started to become more of an issue for me. She seemed able to just drop her bisexuality preferring a life of cosy heterosexual domesticity, but I've not explored mine nearly enough. I was just getting started after coming to acceptance of it so late in life, she'd explored most of her limits before we got together so wasn't nearly so arsed. We still made attempts at putting meets together, but half-heartedly, because the people I actually wanted to meet knowing I was comfortable exploring my sexuality with them were out of bounds, and I can't just fuck anyone. There needs to be a connection. She was insisting more on random partners and that doesn't work for me. Nothing came of anything.
I think the problems I had towards the end of the relationship had a lot to do with the feeling that I'd been sold a pup, in that I'd hoped to be able to explore things together with someone who understood, but instead I just felt more and more limited. Attempts to 'play act' bisexual sex, like playing with roles and sub/dom stuff just didn't work, cos the head-space isn't anything like the same as sex with another man. I started looking for prospective partners on my account, that I could play with independently, though never acted on anything cos I wouldn't cheat on her. That was a warning sign for me that the problem was getting over big. The lessening of my heterosexual desire for her being more and more in full-on bi mode the longer this went on, dealing with that by pretending to be almost asexual, was probably one of the nails in the coffin as far as the relationship went, though not the only one by any stretch. My drug and alcohol issues were bigger ones by far, but even so, the above is still plenty significant for me, if not for her.
It's hard being in a relationship when your sexuality moves back and forth, only able to give expression to one side of it. I don't know what happens now, whether I just take advantage of opportunities that come my way now I'm single and see if I can work this out of my system, which may well happen, who knows, before embarking on another relationship or what? Difficult.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
^interesting read, Sepher. It sounds hard to put together for sure (the full range of sexual expression you need and a more committed relationship). For me it has never been that complicated. I find that my sexuality is completely dictated by who I am in love with-period. So when it was a woman, I was gay. When it is a man, I am straight. I guess that's what I meant when I said I feel fluid--it's not like I miss one when I am living the other.The old Stephen Stills song "Love the One You're With" is playing my head.
Just goes to illustrate again how varied it all is!
Just goes to illustrate again how varied it all is!
fakeplastictrees4
Bluelighter
I am in the process of coming to terms with my bisexuality. About 2 months ago I had my first bisexual experience with my best friend. We have since then been together many times. But things are complicated between us. This is new for both, and i don't really know what to do. We have not made anything really concrete so boundaries aren't set. I am not sure if I want things to be more commited because I value our friendship more. But I've never felt so strongly about anyone before. it seems a shame to put that away. It's hard to commit to something I'm so up and down about.
^^ That is indeed a bit of a tricky situation. Have you discussed this with her?? If so, how does she feel about it? If you haven't yet discussed it with her, do you think you could, soon? I think it is really important for you to both get all of this out on the table so to speak, so that you're both clear on what you want to happen from here. Good luck
Sorry Dex, I didn't see this post until now! Honestly it hasn't really affected my relationships at all. I've been open about my sexuality to all of my long-term partners and it hasn't been an issue.DexterMeth said:
DexterMeth
Bluelighter
Ya, it doesn't bother me at all tbh. If anything, it does the opposite. :D -not sorry at all
-ya I was talking to n30, but I just finished reading your write up Selher. Good read indeed
-ya I was talking to n30, but I just finished reading your write up Selher. Good read indeed
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Very interesting read Sepher. If I were you, go and explore and take on those opportunities that come your way. You've only experienced your bisexuality whilst being in a relationship, which is naturally limiting. See what it's like to be with another man when it's just the two of you. And when you find the next man or woman you want to form a relationship with, be open about your sexuality from the beginning and things might just turn out fine.
I am a bisexual girl, in a 5 year relationship with another bisexual girl. So obviously there are times when we are interested in men, and thankfully we both acknowledge this and understand that this is something the other just can't give. As a solution we sometimes have threesomes with a guy - no strangers or swinging parties, always someone who is a friend, someone who we like to hang out with non-sexually as well. Still this is tricky, you have to watch out because feelings might start to develop. The key is communication. Always talk about your feelings, desires, fears, ... understanding that because your sexuality is fluid, it does not mean that you love each other any less.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
^ wow. Congratulations to you on working that out. Sounds like you and your partner are a great match!
rangrz
Bluelighter
I am not GLBT my self, but I am having to deal with an issue of homophobia, and the fact that it happened at all is pissing me off. I'm a supervisor/ Have a command position over a sub unit (an under strength platoon) One of my members is a gay man, GLBT are allowed to serve openly in Canada and have been for years. This gentlemen, a Master Warrant Officer, is truly an outstanding member and excellent at his job and an all around cool dude. However, another member is homophobic to the point he protests working together with this man, and uses a lot of mean slurs and hateful comments.
It infuriates me. I am torn between trying to work it out with him man to man, vs charging him with disobey lawful command, conduct prejudice to good order and discipline. But I really don't want to essentially ruin his career by doing so. But I want to because he is angering me very much, we are suppose to all be a team who support each other.
Anyone have any idea of what to say to him to hopefully end his homophobia, so I can avoid the drastic and draconian measures?
It infuriates me. I am torn between trying to work it out with him man to man, vs charging him with disobey lawful command, conduct prejudice to good order and discipline. But I really don't want to essentially ruin his career by doing so. But I want to because he is angering me very much, we are suppose to all be a team who support each other.
Anyone have any idea of what to say to him to hopefully end his homophobia, so I can avoid the drastic and draconian measures?
Tell him to grow a brain, or risk having his career ruined. Neanderthals don't deserve, and don't respect, kid gloves. If he wants to be a hateful prick on his own time, that's his business; but when he's at work he will show equal respect to all of his colleagues, or face the consequences. Period.
That's what I'd say, but I have zero patience for homophobia, and don't particularly care if I offend a homophobe. If you're his boss, you can set the point at which actions have consequences. I'd say that it's fair game to give him warning first, but that should count as his only chance.
That's what I'd say, but I have zero patience for homophobia, and don't particularly care if I offend a homophobe. If you're his boss, you can set the point at which actions have consequences. I'd say that it's fair game to give him warning first, but that should count as his only chance.
rangrz
Bluelighter
I will give him one written warning tomorrow to shape up and do his job, or face the charges for not doing so. I can't stand the fellow though, he is so...slimy... but I feel obliged to give him a warning as I would to anyone else.
It just really pisses me off that he would show such disrespect to the gay fellow, who is orders of magnitude better at his job then the bigot.
It just really pisses me off that he would show such disrespect to the gay fellow, who is orders of magnitude better at his job then the bigot.
badfish45
Bluelight Crew
People just don't understand rangrz. I can only imagine how infuriating it can be especially in a position of power. Usually I just make fun of homophobes for being heterosexual (mainly to get across the point of how stupid and ignorant it is that people find it a decent insult). Like it's unbelievable how some people think and that is why many times religion angers me, mainly the churches and faiths that preach fundamentalism and hate. It's disgusting, and it's too bad because homosexuality used to be a very largely accepted practice, and thankfully things are turning out that way as we progress. Sadly not in Colorado. We're smart enough to vote for medicinal cannabis but too dumb to vote for human rights.
That's the fun of bigotry-- all he sees is the homosexuality, and is therefore blind not only to his colleague's abilities, but also his own lack thereof. But then again, homophobes tend to not be too self-aware, practically by definition.
Good call with the written warning-- that way there's a record of the fact that you've warned him. Gave him every chance.
Good call with the written warning-- that way there's a record of the fact that you've warned him. Gave him every chance.
rangrz that is a good decision. Let us know how it turns out.
I cannot understand people like him. It just doesn't make sense in my brain how someone can be so prejudiced!! I hope he snaps out of it, or gets dismissed. That kind of bigotry is completely unacceptable.
I cannot understand people like him. It just doesn't make sense in my brain how someone can be so prejudiced!! I hope he snaps out of it, or gets dismissed. That kind of bigotry is completely unacceptable.
Are you suggesting everyone is bisexual ?