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The Dark Side GLBT Support Thread

herbavore

herbavore

Bluelight Crew
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Jul 26, 2011
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This thread is intended to be a place for those in our greater Bluelight community who are gay, transgender, bisexual or lesbian to come together to support each other through issues pertaining to our sexuality or gender identification. Whether your issues are with your family members, a homophobic workplace, a rigid community or just confusion within your own mind, this is a safe place to reach out for support. The Dark Side is a place where we take compassion very seriously; advice is welcome, humor is great, gentle challenges to self-defeating thinking is empowering; absolutely no flaming. Welcome!<3:)<3
 
I was very happy to see that this thread was created. As some of you may know, I have recently come out about being bisexual. I remember first telling my brother and he said that he felt the same way at my age but for him he became gay. That worried me, but then I gave it some deep thought and I realized the emotional and physical bond I feel for girls. At the moment, the only feelings that I can experience from men are physical, as I have never attempted to make an emotional relationship with one. I am indifferent on the subject, and perhaps one day I will, but for now I am much more geared towards women. I do intend to again sexually experiment with men at some point.

I am happy that I accepted myself and came out.
 
^^ That is so awesome that you're comfortable with this aspect of yourself badfish. Yet another reason why you are such an amazing young man :) <3


I too realised and accepted that I am bisexual, at about age 14. Actually, one of the biggest contributors to my tumultuous teenage years, depression, self-harm, eating disorders etc, was the fact that I was in love with one of my girl friends. It was a daily battle, deciding whether or not I should tell her how I felt, if she would disown me as a friend, if others would find out and tell her, the heartache of wanting her so badly, but knowing she would never be mine etc etc. I never did tell her I loved her, and I think it was maybe for the best. I told one of my other closest friends though and she was supportive and accepting (and later came out as being a lesbian herself!).

As an adult I've become increasingly open about my sexuality. Most, if not ALL of my friends know, all of my partners have known, and I've been totally open about it online. However, I have never told any of my family or relatives that I'm bisexual. I've never had a long-term relationship with a woman so it's never really been something that I've needed to tell them! I know for a fact that my siblings would be totally accepting of it, but my parents...? I'm not so sure... I've kinda just always told myself that until I NEED to tell them, I won't.


Thank you herby for starting this very important thread :) <3
 
That little segment you wrote badfish is amazing. I really love this new found support the GLBT is getting from basically the masses of society. I am so happy you have accepted yourself and you are open and willing to make yourself happy (whatever you find your preference to be ultimately). I really love this thread because my best friend who I adore with all of my heart (she is my soul mate the friend version of course) was afraid of me judging her the first time we met. She felt as though she had to hide from me the fact that she was bi and was dating a lesbian woman. She disguised this girl as her "roommate" to me for very long. When I found out I felt so upset and saddened that she thought I would be that shallow to dislike her on the fact that she was having a relationship with someone of the same sex.

And N3o, that is awful about your parents. I know my friend and I have discussed a few times about her parents and how she KNEW her father would disown her. He was a very strict parent as it was, a military man. I was so saddened by that as well.
I have always felt that my parents loved me unconditional. I don't know what it would feel like to know my parent would stop loving me because of the way I was. That is such a difficult thing to have at the back of your mind.

I feel that the vast majority of society is actually "bi". I feel as though I could be bi just because I feel as though given the right situation and the right person I believe I could fall in love with another woman and could carry on a full life long relationship with them. (if it was the right person) I am in a relationship with a guy now, so that is not the case, but hypothetically.

Or perhaps I'm not bi simply because I only think these actions and don't actually do them.
 
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I would not say that the majority of people are bisexual or are somehow sexually attracted to both genders but don't know it or repress it. If this were true society would be a lot different and people who are LGBT would not be in a small percentage of the human population like we are and there wouldn't be a stigma or wouldn't even be self loathing or issues that people oftentimes have about being LGBT at first.

I'm a gay man and I'm not bisexual. People who are straight are not bisexual. People like myself who are gay or women who are lesbian are not bisexual.

I've never had sex with a person of the opposite gender at all. I have some gay male friends who told me how they have but this happened when they were teenagers, young adults, and in the closet and trying to be "straight" and it doesn't make them bisexual since they've never had any sexual attraction to women but thought that if they had sex with women it would somehow make them straight.

You don't have to have had sex with the same and opposite genders in order to be bisexual. I have bisexual friends and some of them have never had sex with a certain gender, or haven't had sex with a certain gender in awhile but they're still bisexual since they're sexually attracted to both genders. Also you don't have to fall in love with both genders in order to be bisexual but some bisexuals can fall in love with both genders.
 
Hey all, It's great that this thread was put up by Herbie, as it just goes to show how deep the compassion goes here at TDS. I personally am not gay, nor bi, I'm as straight as they come, but I am secure enough with my sexuality that it doesn't matter to me what your preference is as we are not here to judge anyone. TDS opens their arms hearts and minds to everyone, there is no discrimination of any kind and that's the way it should be. We all have the same feelings and can get hurt and be down the same as anyone. I think it's nice to see how TDS does not shun nor turn anyone away do to race, gender, sexuality, or what ever. We are all here for the same reasons for the most part I would have to guess and alot of that has to do with acceptance, something that all addicts for the most part find very trying. What I find to be more awesome then this post, is that the people that have been open about their sexuality felt comfortable enough to discuss it with out fear of retribution. Hopefully others who may have been too embarrassed or feel shamed to discuss their preferences with others will now see that they too have a place to feel accepted and they no longer need to hide from it.

I just think this is great, I hope this reaches out to everyone that TDS does not discriminated against anyone and everyone has a right to be accepted for who they are no matter what.

This is just one more reason to love it here in TDS. (((((((((GROUP HUGG!!!))))))))))
 
Love the thread. Several of my family members are gay/lesbian, and my sister of 22 years just became my brother in December, and I have heartfelt compassion for those that find it necessary to struggle through and hide from society, family and friends based on their sexual orientation. The worldview is changing, no doubt rapidly, but tolerance isn't yet ubiquitous and I am very, very glad to see this wonderful forum provide yet another beacon of light for those of you who have the strength and courage to be yourselves.

Continue to live and love.
I'll definitely keep my eye on this gem-of-a-thread. Three cheers for herbavore for getting it going!!! =D =D

~ vaya
 
badfish45 said:
I was very happy to see that this thread was created. As some of you may know, I have recently come out about being bisexual. I remember first telling my brother and he said that he felt the same way at my age but for him he became gay. That worried me, but then I gave it some deep thought and I realized the emotional and physical bond I feel for girls. At the moment, the only feelings that I can experience from men are physical, as I have never attempted to make an emotional relationship with one. I am indifferent on the subject, and perhaps one day I will, but for now I am much more geared towards women. I do intend to again sexually experiment with men at some point.

I am happy that I accepted myself and came out.
Click to expand...

I'm always amazed at how mature this bad ass fish is right here! :)
 
badfish45 said:
I was very happy to see that this thread was created. As some of you may know, I have recently come out about being bisexual. I remember first telling my brother and he said that he felt the same way at my age but for him he became gay. That worried me, but then I gave it some deep thought and I realized the emotional and physical bond I feel for girls. At the moment, the only feelings that I can experience from men are physical, as I have never attempted to make an emotional relationship with one. I am indifferent on the subject, and perhaps one day I will, but for now I am much more geared towards women. I do intend to again sexually experiment with men at some point.

I am happy that I accepted myself and came out.
Click to expand...

Good for you. Took me 35 years before I could even admit my bisexuality to myself, despite knowing from my mid to late teens at least I had a definite curiosity in that direction, let alone admit it to other people. I'm still not 'out' to my mum or sister, though the topic of bisexuality has come up in conversation now and again so I'm sure they already know but ultimately I don't feel it's all that important for them to know anything specific about my sex life, heterosexual or otherwise.

I'm pretty much where you are I guess in that I couldn't contemplate an emotional relationship with a man preferring the company of women to a large extent, my attraction to some men being entirely sexual. Quite how bi I am at any one time moves from very nearly straight to really quite gay and back again all the time. No point analysing it overmuch. I just accept where I am at any one point in time and deal with it.
 
I always identified as purely straight until I was in my twenties when I met and fell in love with a woman. We started a relationship and I came out to my family and friends. I had another very serious relationship with a second woman when the first ended. I never questioned but that I was gay. Then I took a trip across Canada on the train and fell in love with the male waiter on the train! Since then, I have laughingly referred to myself as a lapsed lesbian, but I seriously prefer to simply describe myself as a sexual being and leave it at that. (I don't know why I hate the word BI so much but I do--it sounds so scientific--like biped! =D) Sometimes when the issue of sexual orientation comes up, I just say I'm fluid. Of course this is all somewhat moot since I just celebrated my 25th anniversary with my husband. He has always been aware of my sexual fluidity as is my entire conservative extended family. They still hadn't gotten over the hippie artist part so when the lesbian thing came along they just lumped it all together into, "she's weird, but she's nice!" I feel lucky to live in a community where sexual orientation is openly expressed. (My boss is an out lesbian working as a principal in the public school system---not something that could happen in many parts of this country, sadly).

Recently a very close person in my life has transgendered. Her bravery and courage have inspired me so much in every area of my life. Gender, even more than sexuality, is something people feel the need to narrowly define. Anyone that goes against that meets with so much anger and hatred. The amazing thing to me is that all the fear and prejudice and societal repercussions in the world do not deter people from speaking their truths about who they really are. <3<3<3

I received several PM's thanking me for this thread from people that said that they still were afraid to come out--even here in the accepting community of Bluelight, an anonymous internet forum. This illustrates something about the stigma that persists in how the world views gender and sexuality choices other than straight and male/female. So, here is to courage and mutual support! In this area of our lives and in all others.<3
 
herbavore said:
I received several PM's thanking me for this thread from people that said that they still were afraid to come out--even here in the accepting community of Bluelight, an anonymous internet forum. This illustrates something about the stigma that persists in how the world views gender and sexuality choices other than straight and male/female. So, here is to courage and mutual support! In this area of our lives and in all others.<3
Click to expand...

It sucks that in this day and age it should still even be an issue at all, let alone an issue that causes people to lives their lives denying who and what they are, to wider society, to their nearest and dearest, and sometimes even to themselves. It's often suggested that the world has come on in leaps and bounds and these days it's much easier to be out than it was in former times but I genuinely wonder just how far the world can be said to have come given the daily struggle those who fall under the LGBT umbrella often face to live their lives openly, freely, without fear of consequences or judgement. Not far enough to make campaign groups like Stonewall, LGBT societies and even threads like this redundant just yet at least anyways. Time the world just got over it FFS. Who gives a shit what someone does in bed or who they choose to be with? Really? Come on.
 
Almost all my sisters are bi except of course my little sister. I'm not even sure if she likes guys yet let alone girls... I love how my sister got away with having chicks over even though I knew she was seeing them lol... I love when I was a minor and if I had wanted my boyfriend to spend the night that would of never happened :P anyways never had a problem with any gblt and I am straight but I can't deny that certain females are hot but I doubt I could date one. Other than that glad to see TDS made this thread :)
 
"Homosexual" is certainly not a label I would use to describe myself, but neither would "bisexual" or "heterosexual". I think sexuality is wonderfully complex, and a lot of people tend to over-simplify it either for their comfort or for the comfort of the external world. I am a male who is attracted to males, not really any women, so you might think "homosexual", and often when asked if I am gay, I will just say yes, even though there is so much behind how I feel. Ideally I would live as a woman when I felt like it, and a man when I felt like it. It is very odd, but I have this fantasy of living out a variety of different and varied personas of both sexes, and all ages. I cannot do so because of the fact I live with my family. The weird part of all of it is that I really don't mind waiting to be on my own completely and living how I wish. I don't want to be a woman physiologically, I am fine being anatomically male, and I wouldn't even want to live as a woman exclusively or a man exclusively as I have indicated. I am not confused, despite what others might tell me, and am perfectly fine with who I truly am, and who I will be. I have one life, I want to live as more than one person. I don't have DID, because right now I am one person, but to create and live out personas seems very attractive as an option. I think life is wonderful, even when it doesn't seem it at first glance, it is, because there is hatred and disgust in life, but that IS life. Life has blessed me, I really believe that. I am not religious, probably spiritual, but I know what I have, this life, is glorious. Just the happiness I know I can attain explains it all, on some level. I am going off on a tangent, but in short, yeah I like dick. ;)
 
xstayfadedx said:
Almost all my sisters are bi except of course my little sister. I'm not even sure if she likes guys yet let alone girls... I love how my sister got away with having chicks over even though I knew she was seeing them lol... I love when I was a minor and if I had wanted my boyfriend to spend the night that would of never happened :P anyways never had a problem with any gblt and I am straight but I can't deny that certain females are hot but I doubt I could date one. Other than that glad to see TDS made this thread :)
Click to expand...

this made me laugh tbh. strait people have zero rights in the modern world. :)
 
n3ophy7e said:
This describes my sexuality precisely, so I completely understand :)
Click to expand...

I feel the same too, one month I'm convinced I'm gay, another I feel pretty much straight, can be confusing but I'm used to it more now. Glad a thread of this type has cropped up btw :)
 
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