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The Dark Side Check-In Thread ver. 2009 > 2008

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Pillthrill, I am really happy to see some positivity coming out of you :)

Here's to a great 2009! I am 7 days clean from suboxone and doing really well. I finally have a good job and am rebuilding my relationships with my family. Plus I work out every day after work and am getting in shape. I am turning into a fitness fiend!
 
its snowing like a bastard and the computer at work keeps freezing, got loads to do but aint getting nothing done...
 
2008 sucked, i lost my job because of a dirty ua, was forced into intensive outpatient rehab by my professional organization, was kicked out of rehab and cut off of my suboxone, my car died for good, and i get to start 90 days of residential rehab in 2 weeks.
 
Agreed.

Although 2008 was a banner year for me, I have high fucking expectations for 2009.
 
I have to put my whoring money in the bank this year instead of in my viens,
so I can go back to University in 2010.
This year is gonna be lots of working and no partying, but it will be worth it to be at uni again and have a future.
 
Have had psychosis, alcohol binges, opiate indulgence, and some family problems this last month; but I'm feeling stable and optimistic right now. Do need to re-engage quite a few relationships that I have been neglecting in real life. Also, definitely need better nutrition and regular exercise.
 
Last year I quit smoking (cigs) and made a big dent in my opiate addiction. I went from daily use (quit around April) to an occasional binge every month or so.

This year my plans are to lose 10-15 lbs (gained from quitting smoking) quit opiates completely and hopefully go back to school.
 
Thank you I got locked up again 6 days ago and got out yesterday. It sucked but it made me realize that i need to stop drinking so much . Everything happens for its reason :D
 
Pillthrill said:
Checking in to check out.
I'm alright really other than being asked to no longer post of DS isn't a good feeling. Apparently I just simply refuse to get better, so I shouldn't post here. And I had pretty much retreated here from the rest of BL to ppl I thought I could trust and who could understand. Do a place where its ok to not be ok.
Don't any of you worry. I'm seeing a psych doc, I take my medication like I'm told, and I'll be getting back therapy soon. I can't say there will be instant change for me. It takes time to build trust and what not before you can get down to work.
I may pop in now and then and see how people are. And I would like to know how things go for DW. If you need me, I'm only and always just a PM away. Much love to all of you who have loved someone who you didn't have to, who was no more than a stranger to you.


(Mod: I figured I was allowed one last word, no blame. I just wanted to say my goodbyes before I just leave. Tends to not go over so well with some DSers to have someone drop off the face of the earth)
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Best of luck with eveyrthing.
 
I am entering a quarter of high stress with too much work and a full courseload at school. I'm trying to handle the stress well... I think I'm doing all right so far...
 
Your joking me Pillthrill, you really have been banned from posting in the darkside, that ludicrous. I have never heard of such nonsense. You cant post because your not getting better. Did I miss that rule somewhere along the line. I ahve always been drawn to your honesty candid and often highly caring responses.
No REALLY...
 
pillthrill said:
Let me be more clear,apparently its my attitude. I got upset about being told I'm not trying to get better, when clearly you can see there are several things I am doing to improve my mental health.

"If you don't want to hear anyone's advice, and if you don't want any help, then stop posting. "
I just didn't take someone's advice and the mod didn't happen to like it too much. I kinda feel that mods speak for all, and if I'm not wanted, I'll leave. Just think of me as the TDS angel PMing those I think I can help now and then lol I'm not banned, just pretty much asked to leave.
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Pillthrill, TDS is not all about you. When someone continuously makes themselves the center of attention it exhausts people, and invites attacks, online and in real life. I don't mean this to be hurtful, I think its a dynamic you haven't grasped. If you see yourself as a part of things rather than the center of everything I am betting you will see incredible improvements in your ability to enjoy life and relate to other humans who also are not having an easy time of things.
 
This is the last time I am going to address this situation:

Pillthrill, this is the Check-in thread. If you have a problem with me or any of the other Bluelight staff, take it up with an admin. Stop derailing threads in TDS. You can claim that you're not trying to make threads about you, but actions speak louder than words.

Do not distort my words. If a website upset me as much as Bluelight upsets you (a quick visit to your blog shows that much) I would not visit such a website. Especially if a website was causing me to become extremely unstable and worsening my mental health (as you have repeatedly claimed Bluelight does). I did not ask you to stop posting, and for you to say so is an obvious distortion of my words. I simply said that if you hate it so much here, leave. You yourself said you did not visit Bluelight for advice or help, but for information. Bluelight is a social drug forum, and there are better, more informative websites (and forums) focused on mental health and borderline personality disorder.


Normally, words such as this would be reserved for a PM to Pillthrill. However, other Bluelighters have PMed me who are concerned about the situation. I feel as though I have right to share my side of the story.

This is the last post I am going to make regarding Pillthrill's behavior in TDS.
 
Pillthrill 2.0

I took this from another thread but I think it needs to be heard here too:
Hi,
You may already know me. But I would like to reintroduce myself and make a fresh start. I know that life doesn't have do overs, but there are second chances for those willing to grant them. The truth is I REALLY don't want to leave BL, there have been days where BL was all I had. I have made friends here and I care to help them and hear how they are doing. I hope that they may feel the same about me.

I understand that not everyone may be happy to see me back, I have prepared myself for that. But I will do my best to show the true person I am, a kind, giving, honest, understanding, non judgemental, sensitive, loving person.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I don't have my flaws I do, but I am willing to make an honest effort to just how I'm human that's all. I know you all have you're own very painful complex lives to deal with and don't need more to deal with. I'm just asking to a second chance to help others, and show the better, and hopefully steady recovery.
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As for checking in. I'm doing well. I haven't been depressed or suicidal in days. I'm not sure if its the medication or the new person in my life (more on that later.) I did see the psych doc. We talked and we told me that just because I have suicidal thoughts doesn't mean its instant impatient which scares me and creates distrust in the people that are 'caring for me'. I also scheduled a therapy appt in the same trip with a new therapist.

Now to the new person in my life. I went on a date with a guy that my ex had forbidden me to talk to. We just connected. He could handle me with my mental illness. He some how can see through all that to the warm, caring, wonderful person I am inside. Plus he likes to cuddle as much as I do. :) He doesn't make me feel bad for cutting but wants to help me stop. He wants to help me with what my therapist tells me I need to work on. We will be having our 6th date this weekend and the other day he said he thinks he likes me more than he should. But as we got to talking we are on the same page its more than like but for sure not love. Our communication is GREAT and so as he said we are pretty much on the same page, same word, same letter?

Who wants to see pictures?


Sean001.jpg

Sean003.jpg

To answer you're burning question,yes I was high, he wasn't though. My DOC for some reason doesn't work for him. But I had to pick the picture I look best in, not the one he did. lol
Sean007.jpg

This picture makes me happy. LOL :D
 
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It has been a tumultuous few months, transitioning from 08 to 09. Based on how things are going, 2009 will either be the worst thing ever, or perhaps a new beginning to a good life. I hope I can make it work.
 
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