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The Dark Side Check-In Thread ver. 2009 > 2008

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Mariposa

Mariposa

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Sep 8, 2002
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24,740
Location
California Republic
Hi everyone,

Now that we're beginning a new year, I hope that all of us are feeling better and more hopeful. I recognize that many of us are not. Since this is a forum that fosters close relationships with many of us confiding in each other and building friendships and support networks on and off Bluelight...

here's a place to check in.

Are you worried about a certain Bluelighter's well-being? Have other Bluelighters told you that they are worried about yours and you want to alleviate their concerns? This is the place to let us know you're OK or ask if they're OK.

I'll start. I had horrendous holiday depression, I went off my meds, and my anxiety skyrocketed. I was also misusing alcohol (though that was so before the holidays). I'm pleased to report that I'm feeling better now that I'm back on my meds (75 mg Wellbutrin IR morning and afternoon; 1 mg Klonopin 1-2x daily; and 1 mg Xanax for panic attacks as needed). The holidays were a real test of will but I am looking forward to a brighter 2009.

I haven't used alcohol in 5 days. I'm allowing 2-3 drinks for NYE maximum. Not in a program - using a modified form of Rational Recovery. As soon as my last booze session wore off, the slight tremor I've had for years stopped and it hasn't come back.

Marijuana - as needed, but not at work/while studying (it was never my problem).

I understand that Gorgoroth, a lot of people are worried about you. Can you please check in here or in the thread PIP started just for you and let us know you're alright?

Best to everyone for a better 2009. Bluelight is growing and thanks to the generous donations of our members, we aren't going anywhere.
 
Im doing much better I have 6 days clean from heroin and I feel great . Im getting back into just smoking pot and tripping every couple weeks , which is great . I cut ties with the girl I was getting high with and ever since then I havent used . Misery loves company and once I started hanging out with my real friends again I realized thats the only reason she was getting me all those drugs . I dont need people like that in my life . I struggle enough on my own.
 
Thats great Cosmic_Charlie :)

This has been the worst year for me yet but the past is the past and I am looking forward to a better, productive, exciting year. Oh my birthday is tomorrow :p
 
I am in a horrible position with being dropped by the sub doctor and facing horrible withdrawals I guess, I have nothing for my nerves and am scared to death. Life just sucks right now, but unfortunately, I am still here and alive.
 
2008 has been a rough year for me, but I have learned a lot from it. Most of it has been about drugs - partying, and emotional coping, and on-and-off physical addiction. I have had a hard time staying off drugs, but I have been about a month off off everything except alcohol (excepting a Christmas treat). I am doing okay... a lot of depression, and anxiety - worrying about the Earth, the economy, what's going to happen to me later on with school and work. I am extremely afraid of dying and think about it every day, so I am definitely not suicidal in any way. Have developed a sense of spirituality from reading Buddism and metaphysics-based books and having conversations with more enlightened people than I. I am meditating and exercising, eating well, trying to be in the moment but not succeeding very well yet. I have heard despair is a step before enlightenment, if that is true then I am close, but I feel like I have a long, long way to go.
 
2008 was a pretty depressing year for me, but sober. probably why it was so depressing. now i'm back using, but am not exactly happy because i know i've got a shit storm ahead of me getting off of dope again. i just can't be a junkie anymore. i have some things that i want to do. i'd like to move somewhere in the northwest. who knows, maybe even hawaii, where 3 of my good friends moved a year and a half ago. get a decent job, enough to pay for rent and food, learn to surf, have a girlfriend, love life without the need for drugs. i don't want these to be just pipe dreams. i know they'll stay pipe dreams if i keep using.

Hey Pillthrill, I've found that making a major move, to a whole new cultural area/state/city, always makes me happy/happier. It's a whole new set and setting to soak in and keep you busy and your mind moving. I'm not sure of your situation, but perhaps this could benefit you.
 
Glad to hear you've put down the bottle, Mariposa. I've just managed to stop drinking as well, and for once I actually think I'll be able to hold myself to it. Normally I can curb the booze only when I have cannabis (which I only started abusing, rather than using, last year) .. I've been out of greens and just started using meth as a result, oops :\
I believe my alcoholic friend is still sober as well. He's been unemployed 3 months, getting divorced & just lost his car/license (2nd DUI) so I'm letting him stay with me, hopefully he can get back on his feet soon.

I've never felt so insecure @ the start of a year, but I haven't lost my job yet ..
 
I'm checking in, I guess, more along the lines of checking in SOBER, with sobriety, several months of it, ahead. Just though I'd let you guys know, maybe this will be my way out of TDS, maybe bigger issues that I've been covering up with arise, let's see.

Note, I'm happy I'm sober and not in any terrible withdrawals because I only smoke weed habitually, and it really gets me down, I pre emptively quit smoking cigarettes like 2 months ago, as I knew that would be my main challenge, and hey, it still is, I had 2 cigarettes last night. But that was 2008, we're in 2009 now, woo hoo! lol...
 
Great thread idea Mariposa <3

I'd also really really love to hear from gorgoroth...

paranoid android, have you heard from him lately??
 
Pillthrill said:
That is not a choice, it is not even a financial choice that is available to move from my parents house at this point. Its called losing your job. Its fun. So things that people suggest like travel, move out...yeah, no.

2009 I cried myself to sleep. Still no answers to my questions, or shall I say excuses...
Click to expand...

well i didn't mean drop everything and move out this second. i'll be damned if i get financially close to being able to move within a couple years. that's not adding in my problems with drugs.
 
Checking in...
I'm clean since last year haha, (I know it's only the 5th today, but it's cool to say since last year). I had some fun times New Years Eve. I'm doing well :)
 
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