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The Breaking

(Wordy)

(Wordy)

Moderator: BAD
Staff member
Joined
Oct 23, 2005
Messages
1,545
Location
VIC, AU
That was the night
you shattered & melted,
glass filled with ice
slipped from my hand.

I mean, I was

just flaked in a booth, dimlit bar,
3 friends,
drugs between us making mistakes

& I
didn't want to know
where you were
how you were captured
what painkillers in your stomach
what beds caught you
when you fell.

I fell til 7am,
riding cabs, throwing money,
a dirty hive trapped me -
there I was glued guilty to a girl,
dosed up & drinks,
flailing mothlike at the lights,
self-destructing.

Now there’s nothing left to unearth,

except how I played
with the death rattle,
& in her eyes, death that pretty young thing,

I saw a way in.


(c) Stu Hatton 2002

http://wordyness.blogspot.com/2005/06/breaking-2002.html
 
Last edited:
Beyond the use of words there is a feeling in the way it is laid out that feels like its all falling apart. Like Im catching patches of a story as it ends. I really liked this bit, I think it holds a lot more than what I can read from it:

& I
didn't want to know
where you were
how you were captured
what painkillers in your stomach
what beds caught you
when you fell.
Click to expand...
 
Nice piece, with rhythm and it tells a story. The way the lines are broken conveys a lot of feeling (as well as giving it a strong flow). Very dark and serious but earnest and honest too.
 
(Wordy) said:
a dirty hive trapped me -
there I was glued guilty to a girl,
dosed up & drinks,
flailing mothlike at the lights,
self-destructing.
Click to expand...

Holy crap this is a great piece. It flows beautifully and these lines in particular really stuck with me. :)

-plaz out-
 
Thanks for the feedback. :)

This is actually an old poem (circa 2002) that I've reworked at various points over the past few years. And yes, as Dastrix noted, there's a story behind it... it was written at what was probably the most confused time of my life.

Hey vurt, not sure if any of it seemed familiar, but it's actually one that I posted on TS in the days of the 'Writings, Ramblings and Whatnots' thread! It was quite different back then though.
 
This poem has just been accepted for publication in Page Seventeen. =D

For anyone who's in Melbourne, the third issue will be launched on Saturday 29th April from 3.30pm, at the Queen of Tarts café, Belgrave. Infamous Melbourne poet Sean M Whelan will be MCing, and I will be doing a reading of 'The Breaking'.
 
The Page Seventeen issue 3 launch was yesterday afternoon. It was a great occasion, with some captivating readings. Issue 3 is now available at selected bookstores in Melbourne, or can be ordered and posted anywhere in Australia.

See here: http://www.pageseventeen.com.au/order.htm
 
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