• Life Advice & Visual Arts Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    🌌 Share Your Dreams! 🌌
    📸 15 Years of Photo Contests 📸
  • LAVA Moderator: Shinji Ikari

the bluelight preconception, pregnancy and parenting l337ness thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
he was really responding to me last night on facetime, laughing and trying to touch my face on the screen, he accidentally hit hang up once too. his hair is growing longer, the black appearance is making way for more pronounced brown. he really does look like me now, except his exceptionally gorgeous eyes and nose.

people thought i was mad when i suggest the wife go to her parents for three whole months. i would have to agree with them now, the generosity means fuck all to wifey.
 
DarthMom said:
i love the name olivia, i always said that would be my little girls name, but alas, i now have a good friend named olivia, and she is one of the butchiest blackest chicks i know, so the name has been ruined for me. :D i think it will now either be a mia or a max. maximillion actually, we love how obnoxious the long version is.
Click to expand...

Congrats on your pregnancy. I hope your baby is a healthy one. :) I know we've had our differences, but my congratulations are sincere. :)

My mother's family is now on Maximilian the 5th - it's a name that's carried on for generations. I am the first grandchild and was almost named Maxine. I won't be continuing the pattern if I ever have a child. It is unlikely that the littlest Max will be having children, as he is severely autistic. His mother underwent experimental fertility procedures in her mid-40s; luckily his fraternal twin is not autistic.

I love the name Mia for a little girl. Olivia is a very nice name as well, Geggers :) Since you're undecided on a name for a male child, perhaps consider naming it after hubby? <3

I've had some names ruined on me because of ex-boyfriends. Still not planning anything anytime soon, but once I am settled, I am considering being a foster parent. I think it will be a good thing to do for humanity. The child will likely be of high-school age and will already be settled into his/her name, so no changes there.

My thoughts are with all of you who are expecting and new parents. Lefty, I hope that you and your wife can work it out so that your family can be home together soon. <3
 
My husband's family has a tradition going back at least 8 generations where the male gives his son(s) the initials JM which I like. However, we are not having children. If we were then my maiden name starts with M so it would work as a middle name.

Last week, my husband asked if I was sure I did not want kids. I am very sure. He said he has felt the need to have babies for the last few months. If this need continues, we will have to go separate ways. I would not hold him back from his needs to have a family beyond what we have nor will I sacrifice my own future to make him happy.

I like the romantic idea of creating and caring for a life together but the reality just does not jive with where I see myself in the next coming years.

We have been together for 7 years. He said maybe he will change his mind back to no kids. He was neutral when we met. I was very clear on what I wanted. This makes me very very sad but I respect his needs.
 
Perpetual Indulgence said:
My husband's family has a tradition going back at least 8 generations where the male gives his son(s) the initials JM which I like. However, we are not having children. If we were then my maiden name starts with M so it would work as a middle name.

Last week, my husband asked if I was sure I did not want kids. I am very sure. He said he has felt the need to have babies for the last few months. If this need continues, we will have to go separate ways. I would not hold him back from his needs to have a family beyond what we have nor will I sacrifice my own future to make him happy.

I like the romantic idea of creating and caring for a life together but the reality just does not jive with where I see myself in the next coming years.

We have been together for 7 years. He said maybe he will change his mind back to no kids. He was neutral when we met. I was very clear on what I wanted. This makes me very very sad but I respect his needs.
Click to expand...

If you don't mind me asking / saying- what about the years 'after' the next coming years? What made you decide that you 'never' want children? If you have been with your s/o 7 years what is stopping you taking it further and having a child / children? PLEASE - if this is too personal a subject (after all it has F/A to do with me/the internet) but I'm just curious on your reasoning.

Also I would love to hear a woman's view on this - you have made it 100% clear you don't want children. If you found your s/o was either,popping holes in a condom, switching your birth control medication etc (IE lying about your birth control method) what would you do?

Again if this is outside of your comfort zone please ignore me.
 
I recall knowing/feeling I wasn't into having a baby in my teens and that thought has solidified into my adult years.
I understand the time, effort, and money that goes into a child. I feel that I would lose too much of who I am and who I want to be if I had a child. The negatives continue out way the positives for me.

I love watching the progression of a human being that I have very little to do with. I am a loving and caring aunt.
I work pediatrics for a living and I am reminded of the joy and of what I feel negative about having children daily.

I said to him before we got married that if you feel the need for children and it is essential you your being, I would let you go and try and find this but it cannot be with me. I used to worry about not being able to give him children in the first few years of or relationship but I stopped....until now. Worry is useless, IMO so now I will wait to see what comes next.

Although I do not truly feel divorce is imminent, I have always been secretly prepared for it.

My husband would never sabotage me into getting pregnant. I am pro-choice and would make the right choice for me.
 
PI, would you consider adopting an older kid?

Funny, i'm the complete opposite. I have felt the strong clucky urges for several years. Now the boy makes me feel like i'm finally doing what i was put on this planet to do. Feels awesome. But this is also why the distance has been so difficult.

As for names, i would never consider passing on names. To me that's repulsive (no offense meant, just an opinion).

Any GEG or DM updates? :D:D:D
 
Sometimes I feel like having a kid around. Just to do things like read them some Shel Silverstein or something. But then the reality of having kids, changing diapers, and all the other practical stuff that comes along with parenthood snaps me back to reality. One day I'll have runts of my own, but for right now it's just a fleeting feeling that is quelled by visiting friends with kids. That way I can peace out when they start getting whiney and annoying.
 
diapers are easy, bro. for the first few months, they hardly smell (bad) too.
 
Oh PI what a shitty situation to find yourself in. And your husband to find himself in too, I guess.

When you've been in a relationship that long you learn to compromise on so many things, it must be so painful to find that something you can't compromise on no longer fits you both.
 
Thanks for your support, guys. I hoped that this was the appropriate thread to post in. I did not want to start my own as I did not want to much attention drawn to this. L2R, I don't want children period. Big or small. Foster or adopted. My husband and I had a rational conversation about this last week and we are not fighting about it. Life is going on in our household. He asked me not to dwell on it but I felt it was necessary to let it out to strangers on the internet to feel better. He is unsure if he feels recently clucky due to fact that he just pulled thru 8 tough weeks of depression/anxiety (medication was no longer working) and his blood work revealed severely low testosterone. He feels that he has so much to give to a child and I understand that. He would make an excellent father. Only time will tell.

Now switch this around to the good vibes of the members who are expecting!!!
Honestly, I love the look a beautiful pregnant woman.
 
Perpetual Indulgence said:
Thanks for your support, guys. I hoped that this was the appropriate thread to post in. I did not want to start my own as I did not want to much attention drawn to this. L2R, I don't want children period. Big or small. Foster or adopted. My husband and I had a rational conversation about this last week and we are not fighting about it. Life is going on in our household. He asked me not to dwell on it but I felt it was necessary to let it out to strangers on the internet to feel better. He is unsure if he feels recently clucky due to fact that he just pulled thru 8 tough weeks of depression/anxiety (medication was no longer working) and his blood work revealed severely low testosterone. He feels that he has so much to give to a child and I understand that. He would make an excellent father. Only time will tell.

Now switch this around to the good vibes of the members who are expecting!!!
Honestly, I love the look a beautiful pregnant woman.
Click to expand...

PI - I hope that buy now you know that I would never mean offense /discomfort with my posts. I was simply curious! Like you say lets move this thread towards the new mums / dads to be :).
 
Oh no offense taken. I wanted to let it out there and I did. I respect and appreciate the posters in here I follow.
This thread can be the good and the bad that goes with preconception, pregnancy, and parenting.
 
thanks for sharing, pi-ster. it's an interesting potential predicament.
 
I don't know about everyone else but I think the thread would be all the more interesting to include opinions and viewpoints from those for/against/thinking about/ scared of/ not sure about/ trying to decide on/ feeling pressured into/ etc etc relating to parenthood.

I'm not sure what it is but though I do feel the make a baby urge I really get the idea/feeling that some people just don't automatically go YAY BABIES!

I have another thought on the matter but i'll wait til I'm more sober and not on my phone
 
i'm not really into it. i'm ~too young~ for it anyway. there are too many things that frighten me. the hormonal changes that occur in your brain, permanently. having kids literally causes brain damage. a thing inside your body taking all your food, making you sick and mood swingy and GROWING out of your control. it can break your ribs. it can kill you. i don't like the idea of being so connected to a man. i mean forever connected. who deserves that? not many, that's for sure. it's like your body is colonized by a man. i have racial hangups about it too, since i'm mixed and all of my partners have been of a different ethnicity or white. i'm hesitant to give birth to a person who is going to have so many racial identity issues, if my experiences are anything to go on. i am unsure if i want to bring a child into the world where they will experience anything like i did. i don't want to have to explain the word nigger and why people hate them for no reason, and why their father isn't treated that way etc etc. Things that I had to deal with.

on the flip side, i walk around whole foods or whatever and see such beautiful quadroon, octaroon children and i admire them and their beautiful statuesque mothers who all have my skin and hair. i think of all the traditions i am preserving and for what? if i never have kids, why am i bothering memorizing these things? i want to teach children about the moon and the stars and how to make daisy chains and build may poles and how to cut open a persimmon to find out about the seasons and mardi gras chants and hand games and how to shoot guns and how to make bread and so many other things.

my partner is touching 30, and he wants to be a father. as i'm head over heels for this person, we've talked about having kids, and i have left the option open. but honestly, i'm scared. scared of babies with their drooly mouths and wobbly heads and too soft bodies. scared of pregnancy and a giant belly that makes me look like an island. scared of the magic and mystery that is a child growing inside of you.


so, i'm undecided.
 
^ I was never really excited about kids but I was never afraid of them heh. FWIW my wife is a small person. Tiny tiny. She's gone through two without anything worse than gnarly morning sickness that did eventually go away. Though, she has always wanted children.

Born and raised white in Orange County, CA so I won't comment on the racial issues but don't let fear keep you from having children.

on the flip side, i walk around whole foods or whatever and see such beautiful quadroon, octaroon children and i admire them and their beautiful statuesque mothers who all have my skin and hair. i think of all the traditions i am preserving and for what? if i never have kids, why am i bothering memorizing these things? i want to teach children about the moon and the stars and how to make daisy chains and build may poles and how to cut open a persimmon to find out about the seasons and mardi gras chants and hand games and how to shoot guns and how to make bread and so many other things.
Click to expand...
Zaclty dawg. Kids are just the ultimate catch 22. One of the most selfish (if not adopting) and selfless things you can do in your life, IMO.
 
Damien said:
Born and raised white in Orange County, CA so I won't comment on the racial issues but don't let fear keep you from having children.
Click to expand...

it's not fear, really, i guess it's more..anger? sadness? whatever. i'm not entirely thrilled with what i got in the parentage department, and i'm almost furious that i couldn't just be one or another, and i don't want to inflict that on anyone else, that anger. would this go away if i decided to have children with another mixed person? not likely. i guess that i'm saying i'm debating on if it's worth it or not to be a coloured person in america. seeing as i don't think it's anything to write home about, i don't think i want to subject another person to the tiny daily humiliations, insults, and pain that goes along with it if i have any say in it. i don't think that i can give a child the life that i would want them to have, if i bore them myself. society wouldn't let me, and that's a fucking shame.
 
I'm sort of in PI's man's situation. the wife has told me as of right now she doesn't want kids, but I think she's open to the possibility in the future. so slightly different I guess.

I have always felt like I wanted kids, I know I'll be a good dad, I love the little bastards. It's scary to think I may be in a marriage with someone who doesn't think like that and may never want a child, so I understand his questioning. I guess only time will tell for sure but eventually, I would really love it if I had a little mini dP.
 
The difference is that I was very clear on my no kids stance 6 months into our relationship. It is scary but enjoy the ride.
If we separate 2-5 years from now, I won't regret our time together.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top