the bluelight preconception, pregnancy and parenting l337ness thread

[voxmystic]

Twice I felt that I was making a baby during the act. Turns out I was right both times. Weird?

 

[drugfukkdrockstar]

Weird and fascinating! I am so torn now, I feel i should be thinking about possibly conceiving about now because i am hitting 30 this year and i do plan to have at least 2 kids one day ... but i also have so much to do this year. Bah, i need to stop thinking.

I am so happy with how things are now, but not sure if i am ready to let go of my freedom just yet. hmm.

 

[Conscious21]

^ I know what you mean about the loss of freedom. Even though I'm excited to be having a baby (much more so than when I first posted a few weeks ago, yay!), I am still aware that my relationship with my husband will never be the same once this baby arrives.

While you're thinking about it, you can always start doing things like squirelling away some extra cash (because babies are expensive little critters!), having a look at your lifestyle to see if it is healthy for a pregnant mother, and making the most of 'couple time'. Then if you decide you are ready in a month or a year or 5 years, you won't need to stress about those things so much.

I have a theory (yet to be tested I guess!) that it is *being* a mother that makes you *ready* for motherhood. The changes that have happened not just in my body but in my mind and priorities and spirit in the last few months mean I will be ready to look after our little boy even though I wouldn't have been ready if he was just dropped into my lap two months ago

 

[Conscious21]

You are so gorgeous Lacey! Even in that 8 month pic, yep there's definitely a baby in that tummy, but your face doesn't look like you gained any weight, I don't know where you put it all! I hope I have the same commitment you've had to losing the baby pounds afterwards, good on you

 

[User Name Here]

Twice I felt that I was making a baby during the act. Turns out I was right both times. Weird?

I definitely didn't feel like that, but we have a good feeling it happened on Christmas/New Year's vacation around. We even have it down to the time and place but I won't go into details for y'alls sake. I was on birth control, what did I have to worry about? 8)

I had NO idea I was pregnant. I've mentioned this before but the only reason I found out so early was because of a bunch of pregnancy dreams. I was several days from when my period was supposed to start and despite not reading too much into dreams, I decided to buy some tests. It's interesting because the only other times I've wondered about being pregnant (maybe two or three times), I always waited until several weeks after my missed period before confirming. While I'd say I have a normal period I have missed them before so it was never a big deal when I was kinda late, but for some reason I really wanted to know this time.

I probably wouldn't have known until I started throwing up a lot. My boobs get tender before my period and my back hurts too so I could've easily mistaken those super early signs for PMS, but the puking? That's not normal at all.

I was actually not 100% despite two positive tests because the first ultrasound I had was in the ER after a wreck and it showed no heartbeat (I was no more than five weeks). Because of some insurance snafoos I was unable to schedule an appointment to confirm the pregnancy until around week seven when I took the urine test at the doctor's. By then I was puking nonstop so I definitely knew =)

 

[LoveAlways]

Wow, check out this article http://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/112145/birth_rape_is_real

People who blame the victim in rape cases are instantly rebuked, and counseling is suggested for the women so they can cope, find ways to work through the ordeal and the post-traumatic stress, and have support.

No one would dream of telling a woman who was talking about her feelings about her rape, "Stop complaining and just be grateful that you're okay." And yet for as many as one in every twenty women who suffer from PTSD from birth trauma and birth rape, that's exactly what they're told: "Shut up and just be grateful you and your baby are healthy."

We are treating mothers in ways that we wouldn't dream of treating rape victims, though often the trauma and lasting effects are quite similar.

One woman talks about how her birth ended up resulting in her severe PTSD, from a cascade of abuses of her body without her consent and despite her objections. She was told she had postpartum depression, but didn't feel that was quite right. A psychologist pointed to PTSD -- she was relieving the scene in her head constantly, having flashbacks and crying spells, feeling stress when she thought about it, trying to redo it in her head repeatedly.

This kind of thing happens all the time. Like I said above, as many as one in every twenty women had such a negative birth experience that they are left with post-traumatic stress disorder, and in more severe cases, are able to honestly use the term "Birth Rape." After all, the definition of rape is unwanted, forceful sexual actions against a person, correct? But people react strongly against women who claim to have PTSD or birth rape trauma. For some reason, people insult women who have traumatic experiences by telling them they're exaggerating or shouldn't feel that way.

The intent was not likely malicious; you solicited the services of the doctor willingly; it is not sexual; it denigrates ‘real’ rape; you got a healthy baby at the end of it; you should have said ‘No’ more clearly; you should have been more educated; be glad you’re alive -- women used to die in childbirth all the time; if you didn’t want hands or instruments up your vagina, you shouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the first place; it was for your own good.

These are all things told to women who are suffering after their birth and find the phrase "birth rape" to be fitting for their own personal experience. As one brilliant woman said, they're telling women "it's not RAPE rape ..." as if that explains it.

But another brilliant woman also shows that the same argument is used against women who claim to be raped by their spouse or significant other -- that it's not the same, it's not rape, it's her fault. What about when the definition of rape extended to being raped WITH something, such as items? People said then too that it's not rape ... as if somehow being assaulted with an object is somehow less traumatic? Where people get off telling a victim that what SHE feels is incorrect and that THEY can better define her experience for her, I'll never understand, and it makes me angry that people even try.

If you can't understand what kind of things can cause this type of feeling, let me give some examples:

During a cervical check, my midwife suddenly announced she was going to do a membrane sweep. I said no, but she did it anyway, and I started yelling, "No no OW OW OW!" and was kicking up the bed to get away from her and the pain, but she ignored me.
Her midwife rammed a hand up into her vagina to manually dilate her cervix. Even as Lynsey squirmed and screamed, “No! Get off of me!” while dealing with the excruciating pain of another monster contraction, she was laughed at and mocked for being a “bigger baby than the one she was trying to push out.” Desperate for the attack to stop, she lashed out and tried to kick the woman away, only for another midwife to firmly hold her feet down.
She inserted her hand into her uterus and without any warning or offer of anaesthetic and began scrapping blood clots from the side of the uterus. “She reached deep up inside and started scooping them out while pressing really hard on my uterus. The resident insisted I was feeling sensation and not pain." She entered very roughly over and over again. The experience was so painful that she experienced flashbacks to an earlier sexual assault.
And those aren't even some of the worst. A healthy mother and a healthy baby are the outcome everyone hopes for, but there is so much more to it than just physical health. The mother's MENTAL health is incredibly important and absolutely should not be dismissed. To tell a woman that she should be grateful because she has a healthy baby is to tell her to shut up and suffer in silence. She IS grateful for her child, but is now trying to deal with postpartum normal emotions while sorting out emotions from an abusive situation. We cannot keep dismissing what happens to women, and sweep it under the rug, and blame the victim.

 

[drugfukkdrockstar]

Woah that was a full on read LoveAlways - thank you for sharing, that is something all women need to be aware of.

 

[User Name Here]

That's an interesting article and I definitely feel that women are pressured into way too much during birth (something that makes me very angry) but I really don't like "rape" being used in such a scenario. It's almost insulting to someone like myself who has actually been raped. I can only imagine how helpless some women feel in such a situation but there's no way it's like being raped =/ Let me emphasize the fact that I understand such attention during birth is unwanted and even forceful in some cases but I just can't equate that to actual rape.

The last part of the article was almost hard to read... I would seriously sue someone if they did that to me. You can damn well guarantee there would be a lawsuit faster than you could say the word, especially if there were witnesses. In fact, it's a good enough reason to bring a video camera along with you no matter who's aiding in your birth (from midwife to doctor).

I fully intend on giving my doctors a heads-up as soon as I roll my ass into the hospital. I've already decided on a hospital birth for two reasons: 1.) I have epilepsy so I am considered "high risk," and 2.) I am not ruling out an epidural. If it weren't for these things I would LOVE to do a home birth but it's simply too dangerous. With that being said, before anything is discussed I will inform the doctors and nurses that *I* will make the calls on ANY meds that enter my body and will NOT be pushed into taking anything. I've already recited what I'm going to say over and over and over.

It's a damn shame that anyone has to go into such a beautiful moment with such a mindset. I shouldn't have to worry about unwanted drugs or exams performed without warning. It really upsets me that any woman has had to experience something like that =/

 

[drugfukkdrockstar]

Im leaning more towards the women are being bullied more than raped, but isn't rape being bullied? It's a control thing... maybe it is a form of rape?

 

[User Name Here]

A little bit of a subject change:

I am currently at 11 weeks and 3 days yet I haven't gained a single pound. In fact, I've dropped from my normal weight of about 130 to a mere 119 due to all the nausea. Now I've read lots of stuff about how this isn't unheard of and even talked to my GP who informed me that it's not a problem unless it lasts into the second trimester and I don't gain any weight. However, I've also read that by the end of the first trimester, it's good to have gained about three or four pounds and I'm way off the mark. It's starting to make me nervous as I'm only 'x' number of days away from the 2nd trimester. I look tinier than I have in years and people are starting to notice. My bump is finite at best which is kinda depressing because I wanna look pregnant already!

Has anyone else experienced this?? God I hope I start feeling better and start gaining weight soon. I can't keep anything down... I tried eating three dinners tonight and threw up each one. I finally got down some ravioli and my pre-natals but other than that and some cereal in the a.m. that has been it. That's about my daily food intake too (if you exclude all the things that come back up).

It's starting to make me feel like a bad mom.

 

[User Name Here]

Im leaning more towards the women are being bullied more than raped, but isn't rape being bullied? It's a control thing... maybe it is a form of rape?

I would think "bullied" is way more of a fitting term. "Rape" has always had a sexual connotation to me but I suppose it means something different to everyone.

However, I'm willing to bet that any woman who has said she was raped during an exam hasn't actually been raped =/ While I can't speak on their behalf as I've never had such an exam performed, I can speak on the behalf of women who have been assaulted and I just can't imagine the two being similar

It doesn't really matter when it comes down to it though. What these women have experienced during birth is unacceptable and extremely traumatic, maddening, and disturbing on so many levels. No one should have to experience that sort of thing, especially not while bringing another life into this world!

I wonder how much of an impact such a birth has on the baby too. I can't imagine being born into such a stressful environment being healthy in any way. Whether or not it's truly detrimental, I don't know, but it just doesn't seem like it would be good.

 

[drugfukkdrockstar]

Oh my goodness hun!! You poor bugger... can't keep anything down still?? I have heard it's common for women to lose weight. What's your doctor say?

Maybe you should do some research on what foods women have generally been able to keep down?

 

[User Name Here]

It sucks so bad... I throw up about four or five times a day, sometimes even more. It's really starting to take a toll on me. All I wanna do is stay in bed and sleep as much as possible so I don't have to be awake and feeling so awful. I don't wanna seem like I'm copping out of anything but I almost can't handle this anymore so I've been missing a lot of errands and whatnot. I can barely even bring myself to perform basic chores. I'm exhausted and nauseas all day, every day.

If this doesn't end soon, I don't know what I'll do! Fortunately I have an appointment scheduled for next week so I'll discuss it with my OBGYN then. I've heard of women taking promethazine during pregnancy so I imagine it can't be too detrimental in any way. I know it works for me so it might just be what I need. Of course I'll avoid taking any meds at all costs but at this point I might be endangering my baby by not getting enough food in me

So far foods I can usually keep down include apples, grapes, peanut butter sandwiches, saltines, ravioli, and White Castle burgers that you buy in the frozen food aisle (I don't even like these normally but eat them all the time now and for whatever reason their smell and taste doesn't make me retch and heave like everything else does... ha).

 

[drugfukkdrockstar]

Geezus that sounds terrible. I certainly have no clue, but i also would be concerned about not getting enough food in me for the baby, if i was going through what you are. Your pregnancy sounds like hell!!

It's bizarre how pregnancy can make women eat things they wouldn't normally eat!

 

[User Name Here]

Pregnancy in general is just plain bizarre At least it has been for me. For the first few weeks it was like nonstop PMS with the tender breasts and bloating, and now I probably come across as a bulimic. At the risk of sounding just plain awful, I now see what bulimia is about. That shit works... Heh.

I think it's interesting how different pregnancy is for every woman. I love hearing about everyone's individual experiences hence my fascination with pregnancy weblogs. I am still in love with stfuparents.tumblr.com, by the way. I officially "came out" about my pregnancy on FB today and posted a link to that weblog along with the comment, "I swear I won't update all of FB every time my child has a bowel movement, giggles, or does something extremely typical." Lots of people hit the "like" button haha.

*so sick of people on FB updating everyone on completely inane things in general*

I don't care if you had Taco Bell for lunch or if your kid likes his or her new playdough. Seriously, no one does except for you. Gah. This kind of crap is what Twitter is for. Speaking of Twitter, I don't get it. I don't understand it at all. This is totally my pregnancy bitchiness coming out right now so pardon the hostility BUT who cares if you just went shopping and bought some shoes or put gas in your car? WROIJOGJSLJKLWJRAEWOIR.

I'm done being a bitch now =)

 

[Samadhi]

It sucks so bad... I throw up about four or five times a day, sometimes even more. It's really starting to take a toll on me. All I wanna do is stay in bed and sleep as much as possible so I don't have to be awake and feeling so awful. I don't wanna seem like I'm copping out of anything but I almost can't handle this anymore so I've been missing a lot of errands and whatnot. I can barely even bring myself to perform basic chores. I'm exhausted and nauseas all day, every day.

If this doesn't end soon, I don't know what I'll do! Fortunately I have an appointment scheduled for next week so I'll discuss it with my OBGYN then. I've heard of women taking promethazine during pregnancy so I imagine it can't be too detrimental in any way. I know it works for me so it might just be what I need. Of course I'll avoid taking any meds at all costs but at this point I might be endangering my baby by not getting enough food in me

So far foods I can usually keep down include apples, grapes, peanut butter sandwiches, saltines, ravioli, and White Castle burgers that you buy in the frozen food aisle (I don't even like these normally but eat them all the time now and for whatever reason their smell and taste doesn't make me retch and heave like everything else does... ha).

I really feel for you

My sister in law had really severe nausea throughout all 3 of her pregnancies - she had hyperemisis. The only thing that her doctor could do for her is prescribe her anti-emetics and if things got too bad, hospitalise her overnight and pump a heap of saline into her to rehydrate her. There are options for making sure you're getting all the nutrients you need - i believe you can get pregnancy multivitamins in suppositories (no, not nice i know, but it doesn't digest in your stomach so you don't feel sick). You are getting some nutrients though (from what you are eating) - and it's amazing what your body can do, with little food.

One thing that i've read and also been told (by my sister-in-law among others) is that if you keep something like crackers by your bed, and eat one slowly before you move out of bed, that can help? I've also read that having a light snack late in the evening can help too as it means that your stomach isn't emptying completely overnight. Again, this is only things i've read and have been told by women who have gone through it. Everyone is so different.

You're not past your first trimester yet, if i recall - or just reaching/past it? Your nausea will hopefully settle - hyperemisis is not overly common. I really hope it settles down soon.

 

[User Name Here]

I appreciate your response, Sam!

Hypermesis is indeed uncommon as it affects only [about] 1% of pregnant women, at least from what I've read. I am indeed in my first trimester still but only a week and a half from number two so I'm starting to stress a bit

Thank you for the tips! I am willing to try ANYTHING. I hadn't thought of suppositories yet but I might just have to consider them because I desperately need all of my vitamins at this point. That's actually a good idea, come to think of it. Now is it pretty? No way. A pretty good idea? Oh yeah

 

[tiggerific]

A little bit of a subject change:

I am currently at 11 weeks and 3 days yet I haven't gained a single pound. In fact, I've dropped from my normal weight of about 130 to a mere 119 due to all the nausea. Now I've read lots of stuff about how this isn't unheard of and even talked to my GP who informed me that it's not a problem unless it lasts into the second trimester and I don't gain any weight. However, I've also read that by the end of the first trimester, it's good to have gained about three or four pounds and I'm way off the mark. It's starting to make me nervous as I'm only 'x' number of days away from the 2nd trimester. I look tinier than I have in years and people are starting to notice. My bump is finite at best which is kinda depressing because I wanna look pregnant already!

Has anyone else experienced this?? God I hope I start feeling better and start gaining weight soon. I can't keep anything down... I tried eating three dinners tonight and threw up each one. I finally got down some ravioli and my pre-natals but other than that and some cereal in the a.m. that has been it. That's about my daily food intake too (if you exclude all the things that come back up).

It's starting to make me feel like a bad mom.

I felt like that most with my first pregnancy. I was desperate to show and did not till I was 5 months. I was sick constantly and lost weight in the first 3 months, the doctor was about to prescribe anti sickness pills but when I got 14 weeks I stopped feeling as ill, and started managing to keep food down. It took a bit of time but started gaining eventually.
You are not a bad mum, your baby and you are currently adjusting to hormones and thats it. you will get there soon enough.

 

[voxmystic]

I feel ya, UNH! I've been battling either nausea or heartburn or both for this entire pregnancy. In fact, just reading about White Castle burgers made me feel a little queasy....

I've amost forgotten what a meal is like. I can't handle more than a bite (or a sip, in the case of smoothies, which are a staple nowadays) every 5 minutes or so, so that's what I do aaallllll day.

Your baby will get the nutrients it needs. The problem is that it will take them from your bones, muscles, and organs, if they aren't available in your blood. Scary.

I was prescribed Zofron for nausea, but I only took one, and it didn't work. Keep us updated if you find something that does...

 

[User Name Here]

While I hate to hear that some of you may have been sick as well it also makes me feel a little better at the same time (as in I'm not the only one )! Vox, I'm so sorry you're having a hard time too =/ I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy... If I go a few more weeks without progress and start trying anti-nausea drugs, I'll keep everyone updated on whether or not they work. I hope you feel better soon, Vox!