You get to a stage where you become unhinged mentally. Rational and sensible thought processes get replaced by delirium and confusion. It can be quite scary, becoming confused when 5 minutes ago you had a grip on things, but it also allows for complete immersion in the experience.
I get a lot of the above while on MXE, i didn't really consider it much before as i do it alone but i thought i'd be considred odd if someone was watching me. I'm wondering how this manifests itself in other people's experiences.
I always want to post my experiences on BL after having a session but the general confusion stops me being able to word it properly or formulate my questions the right way.
My experiences of MXE are varying so wildly at the moment that i can't say whether i like it or not. I have nice, warm, meaningful trips that reinforce my love for the chemical and then i'll switch to a cold, confusing experience that knocks me back and makes me feel stupid for thinking i had the drug all figured out. The thing is, although i don't have scales to be accurate, i've stayed low on dosage and am not pushing it hard.
The "warmth" part of the effects seems to be key. I had a strong experience recently where i also used nitrous on top and went to the edge of, i guess, a "hole" and entered a place made up of all of the bad trips i've ever had on different drugs. I had myself convinced i was not real, nothing was and that i had fucked up reality. This exact trip on K several years ago made me give up drugs for over a year. But the thing was i was able to keep myself relaxed due to the warmth/opoid effect/whatever it is part of the MXE experience. I came back to myself in the room and sobered up in second. I was smiling and happy rather than full of fear, this experience had made me want to take MXE again some time.
Today i had a small single dose, no nitrous with it. I didn't really get much at all from the experience except towards the end where i felt agitated, thought i was enetering that place near the hole (i wasn't, i had only just dosed enough to get a slight wobble in my step and i wasn't experiencing anything near that level anyway) and felt i had to go to my bed and get under the cover. This thought then convinced me i had done this many times before and was definitely in a loop, reality was an imagination etc. As soon as i got into bed the whole experience ended, the drug stopped almost instantly and i was left with a racing heart and confusion. There was no "warmth", i have no afterglow.
At first my experiences were almost exactly 4 hours on the dot, positive and flowed nicely, had a sort of strange stimulated end to them and then followed with a positive afterglow where i would reflect on things that had come up.
Now they seem to be shorter, about 2 hours total, less flowing and i'm not getting the afterglow.
MXE's effect on my bladder has changed over time too. I definitely noticed an increase in needing to piss when i started taking MXE, a real change. That has passed now though.
Not sure what i'm trying to say, just putting some of my thoughts into a post.