some thoughts from a recent 2ci trip....
Quote:
How did I become so jaded? Where did I get the idea that nothing matters? Things effect me so deeply that I distance myself from the present moment. I have been afraid and I do not believe in myself. Even those words, I now realize, I have never even thought about what they mean. To "believe in" one's self. Not some abstract notion of hedonism. But to actually BELIEVE that I exist. To actually feel the present moment, and BE in it. I can no longer let fear hold me back. I am missing out on so much. I can just tell, there is this huge world of....SOMETHING that I have closed myself off from. And I didn't do it intentionally. It's almost like it's part of who I am, to do that. But I need to let go. My best friend knows that, and told me in so many words. How does he know? Connections with other humans. Wow. This is how things really are. I feel like most people, if they could feel what I am feeling, would simply nod and say, "yea, see?" The problem is, why do I have to be tripping on psychedelic drugs to feel it? My life is a stack of preconceived notions that must be sorted through. No scratch that, abolished. Knocked over. Forget even the idea of "notions". Everything I know is wrong. I've been approaching life backwards. I must find a path to unlock the present, in every day life. The infinite, colorful, electric moment. Stripped of interpretation. I will INVERT my thinking, and UNTIE the knots underneath which I've hidden myself away. I AM a beautiful person. In fact, everyone is beautiful, inherently.