The Benzodiazepine Thread Version 5

[infectedmushroom]

It doesn't sound normal. It should definitely be helping to quell some of that anxiety. Tolerance is mainly built to the recreational effects - i.e. sedation, hypnosis, etc. however not to the therapeutic effects like anxiety and panic. (I don't have a direct source for that, i've just read it on a few drug message boards.)

If you were on high doses of codeine for an extended period of time though, it probably won't feel like it's doing much - but it should atleast do something.

If you can, try Diazepam instead. It lasts longer. Alpraz's half-life is something like 6-12 hours.

 

[catching fish]

Fuck I really can't stand how hard it is to aquire benzo's nowadays. And I have to say a big fuck you to the people that doctor shop or use them to get high because I have debilitating anxiety and panic attacks and I need pills but so many people have ruined it for the people that are in desperate need of relief at times that I buy off the street and let me tell you it's fucking expensive doing it this way but I haven't got a choice.

I can't imagine all that ice you are banging is helping your anxiety issues.

 

[Halif]

Fuck I really can't stand how hard it is to aquire benzo's nowadays. And I have to say a big fuck you to the people that doctor shop or use them to get high because I have debilitating anxiety and panic attacks and I need pills

Keta-Man: Not sure what your anxiety levels were like BEFORE you were taking stims, but if you had a pre-existing condition then doing ice isn't going to help it. Also, I can't help but feel a sense of entitlement in your post which runs contrary to your comment about "fuck the doctor shopperr" because this sounds a lot like manipulation of medical staff in order to get benzos:

I asked for something to help me deal with the possibility of contracting HIV, I did not mention benzos at all because that would set alarm bells off in their head but at fjrst they said no which infuriated me because my reason is perfectly adequate to get something. Eventually I accused them of neglecting my needs due to my history of heroin addiction (a drug I haven't had in longer than I can remember) so he prescribed a measly 7 10mg Temazepam tabs

Dude, I did NOT have anxiety before I fucked myself on stims and played around with benzos. Now, even after ditching the stims long ago, I have serious anxiety and am completely dependent on a diazepam script. It sucks, and it's my fault. I take what the doctor gives me and I just have to be thankful for it because bottom line is I brought it on myself, and I have not one excuse to make for it because I knew all about benzos and their related issues.

The drugs are CAUSING the problems. Only taking less and trying to wind it down as much as you can will bring you any closer to a life in which you're not a slave.

 

[spacejunk]

Ketaman, I'm sorry to hear about your potential exposure to HIV - I hope everything is alright man.

I don't mean to jump on a bandwagon here; but I see a pretty big contradiction in your post as well as folks like Halif.
I know you're probably under a shitload of stress, but it's also pretty clear from your posts lately that you're hitting it pretty hard.
Well done in getting off the smack - but be careful of those benzos....and the meth.
I know stress+downers makes for forum posts that are all over the place...but all the same;

Fuck I really can't stand how hard it is to aquire benzo's nowadays. And I have to say a big fuck you to the people that doctor shop or use them to get high because I have debilitating anxiety and panic attacks and I need pills but so many people have ruined it for the people that are in desperate need of relief at times that I buy off the street and let me tell you it's fucking expensive doing it this way but I haven't got a choice.

At least I don't have to worry about it for a few days but Temazepam sucks so ill be necking handfuls. Should have asked for nitrazepam, I wonder if they would have given it to me but I know it works so much better in much smaller doses compared to just about every other benzo.

I don't mean to have a go at you - I empathise with you and can only begin to imagine the horror of the situation - the HIV fear - and the attitude of some doctors when it comes to anti-anxiety medication.

But it's worth pointing out that you seem extremely well-versed in the various benzos and their effects - as well as admitting to buying them diverted from legitimate scripts. Just for anxiety? Or for "come-downs" too?
Surely this sort of thing is part of the so-called "problem"?
TBH I'm not sure that prescribers adhering to strict rules in giving this stuff out is always such a bad thing.

Benzodiazepines will not give you anything more than very short term "peace of mind".
What they will give you, is a nasty bunch of rebound side-effects, including - ironically enough - anxiety.
And really insidious, very dangerous addictive potential. It seems like some Drs aren't even well informed about benzo physical dependence and the dangers in detoxing too quickly.

So....I really don't mean preach or to kick you when you're going through a tough time - please don't take it that way - but for a harm minimisation board, you report some pretty risky behaviours with a disturbing regularity. You clearly know what you're doing - you're not a dumb guy by any means - but it's hard not to look at your posts over time and not be a little concerned for your wellbeing.
I mean that in complete sincerity - not being patronising or condescending.
Your honesty and perspective on AusDD is invaluable - particularly the insights you give straight BLers into the gay drug/party scene (and the different types of potential harms that arise).

I hope things all turn out ok - please look after yourself in the mean time. Binging on drugs (of any sort) is not going to do your anxiety any good, unfortunately.

But I don't think blaming anyone - except perhaps the pharmaceutical companies who have long supplied us with these "safe" drugs to calm our varying levels of traumatised consciousness; then take them away again when they realise the dangerous potential in the toxic crap they have been happily profitting on for decades.

Take care of yourself, Ketaman.

 

[Halif]

So well said, Spacejunk.

You know, I've been reading Ketaman's posts since way before I became an active member and I'll always think of him as being a 'core' member.

A couple of times I've almost written something but stopped myself because I didn't want to seem like I was being rude or attacking, but Spacejunk has fuckin' nailed it.... I realised that it scares me to read your posts sometimes because you describe some heavy, heavy drug use and it's frightening because I have this -

Man, I didn't even want to type it because it's so morbid, but it's the fucking reality -

I have this fear of seeing BL'ers, who I've come to know via their honest posts, appear in one of those shocking messages that announces a person's death by drug OD or complication.

Please take care, Ketaman.

 

[spacejunk]

^ it's not a morbid concern - it's genuine.
Anyone that posts, lurks or pays any attention at all to the EADD (European and African drug discussion) subforum would be aware of the absolutely heartbreaking year or two that online community has endured, with so many people - particularly popular, respected, long-time members and mods - dying.

We've had more than our share of tragedy and loss at AusDD, but nothing on the scale of what EADD has suffered lately.
One death is too many - as is every preventable overdose, accident or drug related misadventure.
That's a big part bluelight's reason for existing.

When someone posts here regularly enough for you to be somewhat acquainted with their life story, their personality - they stop being a random user name on a screen (for me, anyway) - enough for obviously reckless behaviour or addictions running out of control to be of concern.

I hope you don't take any of this the wrong way, keta; but people here do give a shit and want to see you take control of your life and your drug use - not just to avoid harms or serious danger, but to be a happy, healthy member of the (bluelight and more general) community.

 

[Halif]

I hope you don't take any of this the wrong way, keta; but people here do give a shit and want to see you take control of your life and your drug use - not just to avoid harms or serious danger, but to be a happy, healthy member of the (bluelight and more general) community.

Yep, Couldn't have put it better. The people who have gone hard, lived ten lives in the space of just a few decades; these are the people that we need to stick around because nothing grabs people's attention more than hearing/reading the words of those who have gone far out but managed to make it back.

That experience is invaluable and is sadly lacking from people who are in positions of power; politicians, law-makers and so on. Do their words make you stop and listen? Are their words alive?

We need people with real experience who can voice their journeys with the authority which comes from first hand experience. People will listen then.

When I realised I was going downhill and was losing control of my mind and destroying myself, I reached out for help in the system. I can tell you that that experience left me feeling more isolated than I've ever felt in my life because while some people meant well (and others blatantly couldn't care less) it was clear that none of them had the slightest clue about what's like to use hard drugs and feel yourself spiralling out of control. It's terrifying. And sitting down and admitting that you've lost control and are afraid and ashamed of where you've wound up - well speaking for myself, that was extremely confronting because I've been the pillar of support in my family for years now. For months I was so numb to the damage I was doing to myself that it took my mother's tears (she never cries) and plead of "please don't die" to force me to realise that I was on the way out and needed help. Life has never been the same since my father's death (at 53, alcohol related), and the thought of subjecting my mother, brother, and girlfriend to a repeat of that trauma, except with me aged just 33 at the time, was too cruel to fathom.

Then, to realise within just a few minutes that the counsellor/psychologist/psychiatrist has NO experience with drugs other than theory, and to realise that they are speaking in cliches... that's soul crushing. I waited years to make that step to admitting I had fucked myself up really badly and needed help, and then the realisation that it wasn't going to be found there was devastating.

That's where this board comes in. The contact I've had with members here via PM has been at times so profound that I can attribute my turn for the better to those conversations. One paragraph from some members here had more impact that hours of appointments with specialists, because there are BL members who have done the hard yards and MADE IT back. This is so important when you think you've reached a point from which you cannot come back... to know it IS possible and to hear that others have done it. Life changing. Within the next 12 months, I hope to be able to say that I've made it out of the cycle and can potentially help others find their own way out.

 

[the_ketaman]

I can see the point you guys are making but the main reason they wouldn't give me benzos is because they were concerned that they would piss off my therapist but she was all for it because I've been working so hard on my issues through drug counselling, CBT, multiple stints in rehab and detox (4 rehabs, 1 detox) and a million other mess and she agreed that I just need a break. They kept telling me benzos are not a permanent solution which i understand and agree with 100% but they can certainly give someone break. And when your at the point where life is becoming less and less worth living each day due to the constant anxiety related to multiple recent suicides among friends, family doesn't exist for me anymore, my old friends are nowhere to be found, only using "friends" are ever nearby and a simple break could change things so much then benzos surely are a reasonable option. I wasn't rude or being a smartarse to the doctors, my head was at the point of exploding and I didn't want anyone else to suffer because of meth and bad decisions I'm losing the plot anyway. I'll let you make decisions for yourself, you're an adult (I hope) so just be smart

 

[spacejunk]

^ good response.
I'm sorry to hear things have been so dire.
And I'm sure I'm not alone in wishing you well and hoping - like Halif said above - that you can find a way to make life meaningful again.

All the best, k man.

 

[lotte26]

I just had Temazepam prescribed for sleep.... Ambiem had crazy side affects for me. So doc gave me tram... I know my benzos and I think this one sucks. An idea what doc might prescribe when I tell him this one does nothing for me ?

 

[catching fish]

I can see the point you guys are making but the main reason they wouldn't give me benzos is because they were concerned that they would piss off my therapist but she was all for it because I've been working so hard on my issues through drug counselling, CBT, multiple stints in rehab and detox (4 rehabs, 1 detox) and a million other mess and she agreed that I just need a break. They kept telling me benzos are not a permanent solution which i understand and agree with 100% but they can certainly give someone break. And when your at the point where life is becoming less and less worth living each day due to the constant anxiety related to multiple recent suicides among friends, family doesn't exist for me anymore, my old friends are nowhere to be found, only using "friends" are ever nearby and a simple break could change things so much then benzos surely are a reasonable option. I wasn't rude or being a smartarse to the doctors, my head was at the point of exploding and I didn't want anyone else to suffer because of meth and bad decisions I'm losing the plot anyway. I'll let you make decisions for yourself, you're an adult (I hope) so just be smart

Hey mate - sorry I wasn't trying to be a dick. Like the others, I just thought what you said about the difficulties of getting benzos was a tad brash and hypocritical.

Obviously I understand where you are coming from given that it seems that you've had a pretty rough trot lately. I do agree with you in the sense that if some people (like yourself), are truly in a very dark place and considering harming themselves then I feel like doctors should be more inclined to prescribe at least a single-fill script for some benzodiazepines, regardless of their past or current substance abuse. Is it a magical cure? Of course not. But the truth is that it could potentially help them get themselves together and maybe take the edge off their intense stress and frenzied state of mind for at least a week or two. Just remember man, no matter how dark things get, the sun will always rise again. My thoughts are with you brother.

I think there needs to be a better administrative system in place for 'dangerous' medications. Here is my suggestion and how I think it could be applied to benzodiazepines:

Imagine if you received a script for diazepam. The details of that prescription are saved onto a database. This database can be accessed by ALL doctors. That way, the next time you went to a doctor and tried to get another script for diazepam or another benzodiazepine - the doctor could just check the database and see the details of your prescription history. That way the doctor could:

• Check the date of your last prescription and know that you aren't 'doctor shopping'.
• Confirm that you have had this medication prescribed before, the reasons for it being prescribed, and who the prescribing doctor was.
• Make sure you aren't taking any other medications that may have contraindications

Obviously it is just a muse, but I think something like this would hopefully take some of the guesswork and discrimination out of the picture. Sorry if this didn't make sense, I started taking my dexies at 6 am this morning and took 10 mg of diazepam a while ago to ease the fried feeling in my brain.

Speaking of diazepam - I had an experience today that might cause some of you do shake your heads and sigh. I visited my family doctor today to get the results of an ultrasound I had last week and to get some blood work done. While I was seeing him I asked (subtly) if I could get another script for diazepam for anxiety. This doctor gives me a script of 50x5 mg diazepam every three or four months, but I think his memory is starting to deteriorate as he is over 70 years old.

Anyway, he must have forgotten that he gives me diazepam occasionally, so gave me a bit of a run down about the medication as if it were new to me. This is the paraphrased version of what he said:

"Valium can be very effective for anxiety if used in the short term. It can be habit forming if used long term, but it is safe to take it twice daily for two to three months at a time. Any longer than that and anti-depressants should be used."

Ignoring the anti-depressant comment - this GP actually told me that using Valium twice daily for three months in a row is completely safe. I was pretty taken aback. Obviously I didn't say anything because he was giving me my meds but I thought a few of you might appreciate it.

Peace,

CF

 

[opi8]

Being an advocate for privacy, I would hate the idea of something like that.

Being a realist (with a hint of conspiracy theorism/realism, whatever your outlook), I understand that there are at the very least, already plans to implement such things and even more intrusive systems than just what medicines, when and why. It is what it is and we all live it.

Generally, people will never care until it's too late because if it hasn't affected them yet, why would it? Well, all it takes is one person in a position of power some time in the future to misuse the powers he or she has been given. History repeats.

 

[catching fish]

Quick question - Is Rivotril commonly prescribed in 2mg pills? Or is much more common in .5 mg?

Strange that it doesn't exist in 1mg.

Also, does Rivotril only come in quantities of 100 at a time?

 

[the_ketaman]

I always get Rivotril in 2mg nothing else. I always get brand name too coz the generics suck Imo. I think clonazepam should be used for panic attacks/anxiety in Australia. I buy it off the blackmarket and find it superior to diazepam and alprazolam. Atm my 2 favourite benzos are Nitrazepam and Clonazepam, I need so much valium/xanax to get an effect, it seems like when I try a new benzo, cross-tolerance isnt as much of an issue. I need a lot less clonaz/nitraz compared to the equivalent amount of valium/xanax., its quite bizarre bht vals and xanax are the 2 most abused benzos out of all ive used and clonazepam and Nitrazepam have only come jnto the picture in the last year. Another one which loses its valuability quickly is temazepam but I understand its a metabolite of diazepam so that makes sense. A bottle of 25 10mg Temaze lasted me 2 doses. First time it hit me like a brick wall at 80mg, next ti e 3 days later with the rest of the bottle I got nothing. Benzos and my body work in weird ways. Im not physically dependent and have been twice for short periods over the last 8 years but tolerance never goes away its fucked!

 

[catching fish]

Thanks Ketaman. When do you find out the results of your HIV scare? How did it happen if may I ask?

I've always been a bit sceptical of the benzo conversion charts, but the two I checked out say that 2 mg of Clonazepam is equivalent to 40 mg of Diazepam which surprised me.

Is anyone able to confirm that Rivotril only comes in bottles of 100?

Cheers for your help,

CF.

 

[the_ketaman]

It becomes definite around the 6-10 month mark. Afaik im hepc neg and ive had scares where I was certain in my mind that I was infected so im taking a day at a time rather than panicking non-stop. It doesnt help anyone as my psyche deteriorates and other people are unfairy brought in because they love me :/

<snip>

EDIT:in the benzo thread the assumptions I made above are not right. Im putting a bad word out for benzo use. I use them for the right things but I also use them on come downs which im sure not everyone agrees with me but they help me be nice and stop my family worrying about me coz people dont look so hot after a little play with substances and benzos can stop that as the reasons we look like shit is because we dont shower, eat/drink, sleep and many other things like vitamins etc.... but im just wanting my mum to know im fine and she doesnt need to worry, so if im calm(not noticeably intoxicated) then she will think im doing fine )

 

[slortaone]

Quick question - Is Rivotril commonly prescribed in 2mg pills? Or is much more common in .5 mg?

Strange that it doesn't exist in 1mg.

Also, does Rivotril only come in quantities of 100 at a time?

its rarely scripted, its for very rare cases. 2mg is rare, the orange 0.5mg are alot more common . and yeah, there is no 1mg tablets. 0.5 or 2mg only.

i can also say 100% that they are only available in quantities of 100. like i said, its for rare cases, i think its epilepsy its mostly used for.

 

[the_ketaman]

All the people I know tht are on rivotril are on it for epilepsy. And all 2mg tabs, never seen anything weaker.

 

[mindseye888]

Gave up on visiting the Dr and been downing etizolam and Diclazepam when needed...I'm a happy boy these days!

 

[the_ketaman]

Id be happy with etizolam too. I cant decide whether Clonazepam, Nitrazepam or Etizolam are my fav but I think Etizolam as its genuinely euphoric but its the last benzo maybe aside from xanax that id want to withdraw from due to the added SSRI properties of Etiz.

I tried proper Rohypnol yesterday. Only 2mg unfortunately as I didnt feel anything as I was expecting. My benzo tolerance is fucked and im not even physically dependent, its such a massive shame. I just got a bottle of 50 2mg vals and ill be lucky to get 2 doses out of it but ive been chugging the gf juice so im hoping 50mg does the job. Yesterday I had an extremely distressing incident for everyone involved) in my house where the ambulance and police had to be called and it really shook me up so I really need these to work. I had just IV'd a point of pure as crystal just before things went wrong so it double-fucked my head and being still affected from the incident and the drugs, theyre a godsend especially at the dirt cheap price I got them for. I just wish I didn't need so much! I just dont understand how I can have such a monster tolerance without being dependent and having decent breaks often. With opiates and pot its only a matter off days before id OD on my previously regular dose. But months off benzos makes very little difference.

Right now im trying to quit benzos and crystal so I can get into rehab to get off methadone and last time I applied for this particular rehab I wasnt suitable because I was dependent on xanax and was prescribed seroquel. Crystal and benzos have been so destructive in my life but benzos have also been a lifesaver. Its hard when something that helps and improves my quality of life can also be incredibly destructive. Im just lucky that im one of these people that needs multiple daily doses for months to become physically dependent on benzos hence why I only ever take xanax once a day when I have it. Ive known people who have become dependent after as little as 2 weeks on their first benzo binge so please be incredibly careful and aware. People including myself not long ago have no idea how dangerous these things are.

Im about to dose, and im hoping to god I get what im wanting out of them.