Hi guys, I am new to the forum and I have some questions that might be answered here. Sorry if this is too long. Basically in the last several months I have become very anxious in general. At first it was only associated with high stress situations but recently it has become kind of an everyday thing. It isn't so severe that I can't leave my house or be in social settings, but everyday situations put me into a panic-ey and uneasy state for some time. This persistent feeling of stress is a distraction and I feel that I cannot get as much done as I should be able to, I think much less clearly and easily loose my attention. I also become snappy and very irritable at these times towards anyone, my family, my girlfriend, and this really hurts me. It is quite peculiar because sometimes it isn't even caused by a specific stress in my mind like school or money or relationships etc., although sometimes it is, but just seems to come and go on a daily basis. I was diagnosed with aspergers as a child but have subsequently been told that I am remarkably normal for being such (although I’ve heard that this diagnosis is being removed from psychology?). Too many sensations like light or sound seem to cause it, as well as being in overwhelming situations. I rarely have panic attacks but they do happen.
I don't know what all this equates to, but I would really like it to go away. I really value my ability to just think clearly, which because of this I don’t take for granted anymore. I want to work in sciences and this might be a problem. Also I don’t want to be mean and short with the people I love, and shirk away from people I don’t know. I’ve been to psychologists, but the solutions offered there, although valid, don't help with the way I just become sensationally overwhelmed and spun into disfunction
I recently started acupuncture and experiencing Chinese medicine, and I find that this appeals much more to the way I think than the clinical style of therapy, and i feel better at least and more positive in general as a result. STILL, my anxiety persists and Iv found that the only thing to relive my brain of this pain is using benzos, which i obtain illicitly, or worse, opiates when i can and feel the need to. Smoking pot doesn't really contribute to or take away from my anxiety, although I do it frequently. Because I have to resort to self-medicating, which is risky and expensive to me now, I'm going finally see a psychiatrist. Iv never been to one before and I’m a bit anxious/curious/cautious, so here are my questions.
I know that benzos are what help me and lift this burden off of me like a hundred pound weight. dia/clon-azepams in particular. How do I approach my doc about this preference? How do I not sound like a fraudulent drug seeker? I can’t tell him or her that I know what or why first hand, right? I am truly committed to changing this part of my brain, or whatever it is through my current treatment, I just need some help to begin getting there, so I can study down, get a job, be merry with my friends etc.. I also know that I do not want an SSRI, or anything like that. Is it bad that I also enjoy the effects of these drugs? I’m not just trying to be high all the time, and I understand that physical/psychological tolerance will even things out, but to what extent? That was a lot of questions, and I’m not sure this is the right place to put this so my apologies if it needs to be moved, but maybe y'all can help me out with some knowledge or experiences about this. like I said, I just have never been to a psychiatrist before and don’t know what to expect.
