i hate fucking cocaine.
you wanna know why?
because i havemt gotten to try it, and EVERYBODY else has. Mofuckers are so cool doing cocaine seems like, cool snorting expensive cocaine, its acceptable so everyone else has tried it whereas me, ya boy llama, never has money/always has never had moeny, so i cant afford to get any cocaine, and i've never been offered/actually seen anybody doing it, just know some mofuckas who have done it and can/will hook it up if i've got the cash, but goddammit i just want to try one FUCKING line and thats it, shit pisses me off. Like rly? RLY come on....why cant i try at least "cool" drugs even though i'm not cool at all IRL, why. and i swear on here or in some IRC "wot you've never even done cocaine and you do stimulants a lot/consider yourself an experienced stim user" yes mofo, because when i had the chance, i bought methamphetamine instead, and hell i went through a lot more shit to get methamphetamine, and have bought it more than once now even though northeast US has no meth, and have smoked it 5 or 6 sessions now, but "i cant believe you never tried cocaine".
Fuckers, it honestly bothers me, like a. i never have money and its BS but i digress, b. antisocial=dont get out much=never done cocaine, but being strapped for cash (and due to personal bias-methamphetamine looks far superior, and is far cheaper....and can be smoked, as is....because crack cocaine isn't cool like cocaine) i've bought and smoked half grams of methamphetamine twice now, but i swear it seems like people all think "oh who HASNT done cocaine", shit makes me feel liek i stand out.
What the fuck, all i want is one goddamned line, thats it. y cant i haz. I guarantee i'd just start smoking a bowl of dat glass 15 minutes later anyway long as i had it, no way cocaine has shit on glass.
i hate how cocaine is "cool", when it appears to be a mostly shit drug for those who are too scared to use methamphetamine, and who have money to blow and dont give a fuck about value for money.
Oh and fuckers who like how its socially acceptable and shit, as opposed to methamphetamine, the real man's stimulant.
Goddamnit, sometimes i just get very angry about that, because its like fuckers, is it THAT goddamn hard to throw ya boy llama just one line, rly? I'd pass you the pipe if i was smokin probably and i'd probably share my glass if i had enough and someone wanted just a little bit (and if i liked that person), like come on.
It cant be that hard to save some cocaine, hell it cant be harder than it is to not smoke more and more when you're smoking glass/saving glass, and i've managed to do that. Hell i mean in my limited use of it, i've "saved" some to smoke later, just stop smokin/finish whats already packed, hit the resin if you want, then put the bag away, and then put the pipe away, its easy as shit, specially cause i'm high every time i've smoked to some extent anyway, so its not like i dont have a decent, hell even if mild still really good rush that's gonna last for at least the next half hour if not an hour or two, and ill be able to chill and hold off till that wears off or if i;m not as hig as iwant, just go to slepe after and wait for tomorrow to smoke again....
no way someone can say in response "WELL YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO DO COCAINE HOW YOU DO ALL YOU HAVE AND HOW YOU CANT SAVE ANY FOR LATER OR ANYTHING", because if i can save some glass for a friend to get a bump to try it (true story) literally portioning it while i'm smoking even though i know that i'm gonna wish i had kept that and smoked it myself, i still threw a diggity a bump and resisted the urge to just instead of drive to his house after i finished the pipe i was smoking, to just pack what i had wrapped up for him and smoke it, because i woulda been so fuckin high if i did that and i knew it, but selfishness did not prevail and crackers did get what i portioned for them, even though i really wanted to just keep it.
Why cant fuckers do that with cocaine?
surely smoking methamphetamine is a lot more addictive than snorting powder cocaine, you cant smoke meth just once no sir, i'm sure powder cocaine once leaves less of a lasting impression than smokin glass does, less reinforcement and less memories of "omg that was the best feeling i've ever felt i need more more more i wanna feel that all the time whenever i can get this shit i will gotta do it again that shit is fucking unbelievable i feel so fucking good right now i could do anything" than smokin meth does.
the world deals llama a shitty hand, so llama jsut does nothing, be sedentary, ingest amphetamines as often as he possibly can and in as high doses as he can, and then just does what he's supposed to, follow the schedule, the shitty grouping of shitty classes until its time t og ohome, and be completely alone and with no real fulfilling activities to do, so he just finds solace in the same few websites, same few songs, same few PS3 games, doign the same actions over and over again because of being stuck alone without a companion to suggest things to do or to add personality to an activity, nope. Just follow the schedule like you're told, feel frustrated and wish you had a job and friends and shit, but fail when ya try, but keep following the schedule.
and then just not really take action towards a job, or friends, or change too mcuh, because you realize that there's a barrier preventing real full change like you'd like to see, and the barrier you cannot get around at the moment and cannot escape from being controlled/affected by the barrier anyway...
fuckers need to understand that their whole get a job whining aint gonna work whe n i got nothin to spend money on damn near, and also cant even have enough freedom to care about having money all that much.
and because i've literally always been without money, never was given an allowance or any money ever on any steady schedule when everybody else;s parents gave them some spending money, nope, not me, so i got used to never having money and thus dont really care about money that bad atm. only thing i really want money for is drogs, and even then, i dont want to buy drogz on an often basis all that much, seeing as i've never known what thats like in any sense of the word, so....
life bothers me a lot at times. makes me wihs i could just have as much speed as i wanted, and then maybe i would "make an effort", or actually follow my schedule happily instead of hating it, but doing it most of the time, and then maybe i would be happier since i wouldn't be bothered by all the BS i've been through, and having to go without what others all have for years....
rant. srs post is srs.
and i'm gonna fall asleep real soon too, less than 14 hours after eating 200mg dexedrine.
life is hard
If you want to see me I'm broadcasting regularly :D
