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The April getting/staying sober thread vs Moonwalking ( backward steps )

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@ usedtobe.. drop that shame and guilt.. all it will do is drive you to use.. so you're a drug addict and you've done some insane things, thats the past usedtobe. (me too and I forgave myself to save myself:D.. huhh thats kinda good is that original?), Can't change the past but you can make it rite by getting sober and living a whole new life=D. It starts now.. in an amazingly short time from now your life will be good and getting better everyday.. you're worth it and so is your daughter. Have you ever thought of the amazing chance you have right now? Yeah you didn't die like so many others, you are here and have the opportunity to begin a brand new life.. if you're doubting your ability to get clean.. if we can do it so can you.. its a little rough in the beginning, but it gets really good really quick.. think about how many amazing lives you have lived.. here comes another one.. welcome to BL and welcome to the beginning of a whole new life.. hang in there, you're doing great, you can do this, you have done it before.. cameras rolling... action on usedtobe's brand new life<3

usedtobe said:
This is my last chance. .
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death is the only thing that can make this reality. As long as anyone is still kicken they have a good chance.

usedtobe said:
I feel like I am going to lose everything anyway so what's the point.
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freedoms just another word for nothing left to loose.. WOW sobriety, a beautiful daughter, a new life, and freedom.. sometimes the most blessed don't realize it at first.. YOU CAN DO THIS<3
 
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@rx prn...I got 12 years by totally imersing myself in NA. My sobriety gave me a beautiful life...but I took it for granted, became complacent, and began to use almost a year ago. I cannot go to meetings at this time and admit to my use, as my ex would find out and I would lose custody of my daughter. Also, I work in the addictions field, so I would face certain job loss. Anonymous is not so anonymous. @neversickanymore...thank you for your kind words. I feel so alone. I am afraid that I will lose my daughter anyway at this point, and the hopelessness and fear is so unbearable that I keep using. I used H again today but saved my subs. I need to do this, I just don't know if I can. Sometimes I want to die, but I will not leave my children with that legacy. How can I get through this? I want sobriety so bad, but I am so mentally weak that I can't even get a day clean. Has anyone else felt this trapped and hopeless. How did u get through it? I want to start the subs tomorrow. If I don't there will be no tomorrows. Help.
 
I noticed by reading a lot of threads in here for the past few hours (can't sleep) that lots of you guys have gotten clean fairly recently...in the past few months or so. It inspires me that you have such postive attitudes and support for each other. I don't want to discourage anyone with the fact that I relapsed after so many years clean. Had I stayed more connected in NA, I might still be clean. The program does work and long term sobriety is possible. Right now I just want ONE DAY of sobriety. Please everyone stay in touch and help me get back on the right road...thanks
 
^ Why not try fresh in May? In a few hours ill be making the May sobriety thread ;) (almost did it today but realized 30 days in April, not 29- oops!)

Well have your back 110% of the way. <3
 
@rx prn...thanks. I am going to start the sub detox tomorrow. I will need everyone's support.
 
Ugh I think I just came down with a stomach virus...my plan is to wait until tomorrow morning to start the subs...24 hours after last use. But can I do this if I'm sick with a stomach virus on top of it? Guess I have no choice. I am out of dope and really do not want to get anymore.
 
usedtobe what does your sponsor suggest doing.. does your x go to aa as well.. could pretend to be an alcoholic for a little while and then just transition over to NA.. or go back to NA and not worry about the key chains.. have to get clean and if that worked for all those years then do it again.. since you are in the addiction field.. are you being honest with yourself, you need to get clean now, are you sure you're not continuing doing the wrong thing for the right reasons? you can do this, take the subs and please quit making excuses to continue your active addiction. The only thing you should be afraid of is continuing to use<3

EDIT: fear is an emotion.. addiction uses heightened or false emotional response to dive use.. I'm afraid I will loose my daughter because of my use, so I use. Addict thinking;).. the only way those fears will come true is if you continue to use. get yourself into withdraw and take the subs.. you haven't lost anything and won't if you take the subs. That jump is manageable.. go girl you have everything to gain/save=D
 
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@neversickanymore...thanks again for reminding me that the worst thing I could do is keep using. Yes my ex goes to NA. So can't talk about this in meetings. What do u mean by "doing the wrong things for the right reasons"? I can't think of a
ny "right" reasons for anything that I do anymore. I feel horrible right now...physically and emotionally. I am trying to pray again...I stopped praying long before I picked up. I know my daughter needs her mother...and she loves me so much, I feel I don't deserve it. Why am I sio scared?????? Wish I could type faster...think I'll get off this phone and log in on my ancient laptop. It's gonna be a long nite and hopefully some people will continue to encourage me through this nightmare.
 
Hey anyone out there? I am getting scared. I am a poor excuse for an addict..
 
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feralkitten said:
I swear I'm getting "stop being afraid to ask for help" tattooed on my hand.
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same here

usedtobe said:
@neversickanymore...thanks again for reminding me that the worst thing I could do is keep using. Yes my ex goes to NA. So can't talk about this in meetings. What do u mean by "doing the wrong things for the right reasons"? I can't think of a
ny "right" reasons for anything that I do anymore. I feel horrible right now...physically and emotionally. I am trying to pray again...I stopped praying long before I picked up. I know my daughter needs her mother...and she loves me so much, I feel I don't deserve it. Why am I sio scared?????? Wish I could type faster...think I'll get off this phone and log in on my ancient laptop. It's gonna be a long nite and hopefully some people will continue to encourage me through this nightmare.
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Stay strong, usedtobe!

Just believe in yourself, and choose happiness whenever possible. <3
 
usedtobe - Do you drive? If so, maybe it would be worth it to drive to a meeting a bit of a ways away? I think you will feel a lot better if you can just let some of it out anonymously in a meeting. You are feeling trapped right now, like your main tool that you have long associated with being clean/sober is no longer available. I imagine that is very scary. But maybe just try and go the extra distance to find a safe meeting.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUjI3tslL_4&list=PLB6A0627DCB725444=D or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqIbBeKPfIs&list=PLB6A0627DCB725444 or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkwJ-g0iJ6w&list=PLB6A0627DCB725444 or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXeY696gZW4&list=PLB6A0627DCB725444

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It's International Workers Day, which means I've just nailed April! Woop woop!

Everyone who made it through can be very proud of themselves. Those who joined us late, or found it a struggle, well May's another month and a fresh start. :)

New thread here.
 
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