neoblazing
Bluelighter
A powerful read and I hope people realise that this is all to comman in new users and still afters the strongest of willed people.
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MDMA &
Empathogenic
Drugs
Welcome Guest! -
The Agony of the Ecstasy.
- Thread starter GrabHold
- Start date
oops, i meant either its because you're a decade older and have kid, you deserve it, and should know better...
mdma was meant to precede into psychedelic psychotherapies, not into suicide by scotch
and what you're talking about is something like, one pill for every three days, or 1and a quarter pills a day, are you surprised?
I know my post was tasteless. I'm a greenlighter as well.
mdma was meant to precede into psychedelic psychotherapies, not into suicide by scotch
and what you're talking about is something like, one pill for every three days, or 1and a quarter pills a day, are you surprised?
I know my post was tasteless. I'm a greenlighter as well.
yuppu-
You brought up an interesting point. I should have known better.
Here's the problem with your statement. I did know better, the first year. But as I mentioned I did not stick to my plan. As I used more and more my thoughts about dosage and frequency changed. After all I am (was) an intelligent and successful man. Or in other words, I could handle it, hold my lucrative job, and still manage to save some money.
I'm guessing you are a teenager. Ahh, to be young and inexperienced. I'm not lashing out at you, just making a point that everyone that has lived through the teenage experience automatically knows.
Quick show of hands, how many teenagers here know everything?
Note* When I was a teen my hand would have gone up to that question. I seemed to know more than everyone else, including my parents...
As a teenager we lack wisdom. We only gain wisdom by learning from others experiences or mistakes (with an open mind) or by living life ourselves.
I am not here to criticize anyone. I am here to share my experiences with anyone whom wishes to read about them. Take what you will or nothing at all. The choice is yours...
If I could offer one small piece of advice to everyone here:
--One should check in with themselves, menatally and physically, every single month, it's too easy to get caught up with life and to forget to take care of yourself--
Had I done that I might have avoided the hell that I (thankfully) lived through. I hope at least one of you learns from my experiences...
GrabHold
You brought up an interesting point. I should have known better.
Here's the problem with your statement. I did know better, the first year. But as I mentioned I did not stick to my plan. As I used more and more my thoughts about dosage and frequency changed. After all I am (was) an intelligent and successful man. Or in other words, I could handle it, hold my lucrative job, and still manage to save some money.
I'm guessing you are a teenager. Ahh, to be young and inexperienced. I'm not lashing out at you, just making a point that everyone that has lived through the teenage experience automatically knows.
Quick show of hands, how many teenagers here know everything?
Note* When I was a teen my hand would have gone up to that question. I seemed to know more than everyone else, including my parents...
As a teenager we lack wisdom. We only gain wisdom by learning from others experiences or mistakes (with an open mind) or by living life ourselves.
I am not here to criticize anyone. I am here to share my experiences with anyone whom wishes to read about them. Take what you will or nothing at all. The choice is yours...
If I could offer one small piece of advice to everyone here:
--One should check in with themselves, menatally and physically, every single month, it's too easy to get caught up with life and to forget to take care of yourself--
Had I done that I might have avoided the hell that I (thankfully) lived through. I hope at least one of you learns from my experiences...
GrabHold
MazDan-
Regarding your question about what else I was consuming at the time.
Alcohol (weekly - sometimes daily) and pot on occassion.
I cut those things out towards the end and just stuck with ecstasy in the hopes that I could continue my love affair and turn it around.
LOL... Yeah that was a good one. My favorite excuse actually. I only used that one like twenty times...
GrabHold
Regarding your question about what else I was consuming at the time.
Alcohol (weekly - sometimes daily) and pot on occassion.
I cut those things out towards the end and just stuck with ecstasy in the hopes that I could continue my love affair and turn it around.
LOL... Yeah that was a good one. My favorite excuse actually. I only used that one like twenty times...
GrabHold
dankstersauce
Bluelighter
GrabHold said:
^^damn isn't that the truth. I went through kind of the same thing you did, except my drug of choice was heroin. Sometimes it sucks, i wanna run around and tell everyone. Everyone who's in their honeymoon stage with their DOC. But after being clean from heroin for over a year i've realized that SOOOO many people think having imaginary boundaries will keep them safe and there isn't anything i can do to change their mind. Even though most might not listen or take it to heart, being able to share your message of hope is probably one of the more important things you can do in your situation.
At first i was like wtf another article titled "the agony of ecstasy"....just because i've seen like a million articles/threads titled the same thing....but i'm glad i read it, welcome to bluelight
well that story is a classic example of how not respecting will fuck you over, GrabHold - I feel for you I really do, I feel for your wife more - the shit she put up with, man she must be one tough girl!
You say at the start you're college educated, but taking that many drucks is fucking moronic, shit, you're not even sposed to take that many asprin a week, let alone eccies what the fuck did you think was going to happen.
I say this every time I hear stories like this
1) Never blame the drug - it's not at fault.
2) respect drugs and they will add a wealth of happiness, disespect them and they will fuck you over.
You say at the start you're college educated, but taking that many drucks is fucking moronic, shit, you're not even sposed to take that many asprin a week, let alone eccies what the fuck did you think was going to happen.
I say this every time I hear stories like this
1) Never blame the drug - it's not at fault.
2) respect drugs and they will add a wealth of happiness, disespect them and they will fuck you over.
the same thing happened to me although not to the extent it did with you... my memory is shot to shit and i did have chronic paranoia for like 2 years.... i also have quite bad anxiety.. although i have abstained from e for around 4 months now and those three things mentioned are gradually getting better... i wish i had seen a post like this when i first started my 'honey moon' period.. although as you mentioned being young and stupid i wouldnt of taken any notice... all i can say is if your out there and just starting its fine to do it and party and have a good time or whatever but just try and do it in moderation..
Tenchi
Bluelighter
Wise words, bowl 
swifty-
First, nice ass!
Second, for some reason, my message keeps getting lost on a few of you...
You said, "...wtf did you think would happen..."
Again, that is the very point I am trying to make. Re-read all of my posts and you will find the answer to that question.
Thanks for reading and for your post!
GrabHold
First, nice ass!
Second, for some reason, my message keeps getting lost on a few of you...
You said, "...wtf did you think would happen..."
Again, that is the very point I am trying to make. Re-read all of my posts and you will find the answer to that question.
Thanks for reading and for your post!
GrabHold
pillheadz
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2007
- Messages
- 53
wow thats very powerful man... i really hope your getting better.... i was just like you... but maybe you had it a bit harder... but i know what you mean about the paranoid and trusting people.... i got the point where i trusted no one not even my parents.... its a hard world to live in when u aint got anyone to trust.....
DragonFly31
Bluelighter
Thanks for this... even tho I knew my use of E was very detrimental to my health, I did not imagine it could possibly get this bad...
I mean, it got pretty bad for me, but not as bad as it was for you.
It was some luck I stopped in time.
I mean, it got pretty bad for me, but not as bad as it was for you.
It was some luck I stopped in time.
easyzstreet
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2007
- Messages
- 111
thank you for the post.
scatterbrain
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Messages
- 317
The last time I dropped was July 30 @ the Electric Daisy Carnival. Anyways, I made a decision that I'm taking a very long break. Surely it'll be at least one year and from there I'll see what happens. I've been in the longest rut and I'm soon going to get out of that phase.
I felt I could relate to you in some aspects: my very first roll was @ a rave in 2000 and just like yourself, it tripped me the fuck out that I could feel such intense emotions and feelings. Now, I'm broke. But I used to have a great career and the most I made in a year was close to $80,000 (overtime though). I attribute my E use to losing that career; it really fucked with my head. You said, "Wisdom is sometimes earned at a very high price." That hit home with me.
So the past couple of weeks I've been completely sober: no alcohol, weed, cigarrettes, not a damn thing. And I'm actually proud of it. Funny too because it seems as if I'm being tested. I've always wanted to try pure capsuled MDMA. Some acquaintance I know calls me out of the blue and offers to sell me four capsuled MDMA pills. I could hear it in his voice that these pills were really good. You know something, I tripped myself out when I declined to buy those capsules. In the book "The Power of Your Subconscious Mind," the author says that when your desire to quit a substance is greater than your desire to continue, you're already 51% cured.
Just a few hours ago, I met up w/ an old roommate @ a bookstore and we were shooting the shit about E. His friend, some girl, never dropped E and wants to give it a try. I told them my story and how I it seemed I was being tested. She was like, "call him up.. I don't know anyone and I really want to try E. call him." I explained that if I could go back to the very first time I dropped my first E, I wouldn't have taken it. For anyone trying E for the first time, I look at it as a gamble: consider yourself lucky if you experience the effects fully but don't have the urge/desire to drop again... but there's a chance E may take a firm hold on you, and you'll get caught up in it. I'm not one to hook up any newbie with E because I'd feel like shit if they were to get caught up in it like I did. .. this is much longer than I thought it would be..
(by the way, if you want to quit smoking a highly recommended book is Allen Carr's "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking." If you're skeptical like I was, go to Amazon.com and read the hundreds of reviews)
I felt I could relate to you in some aspects: my very first roll was @ a rave in 2000 and just like yourself, it tripped me the fuck out that I could feel such intense emotions and feelings. Now, I'm broke. But I used to have a great career and the most I made in a year was close to $80,000 (overtime though). I attribute my E use to losing that career; it really fucked with my head. You said, "Wisdom is sometimes earned at a very high price." That hit home with me.
So the past couple of weeks I've been completely sober: no alcohol, weed, cigarrettes, not a damn thing. And I'm actually proud of it. Funny too because it seems as if I'm being tested. I've always wanted to try pure capsuled MDMA. Some acquaintance I know calls me out of the blue and offers to sell me four capsuled MDMA pills. I could hear it in his voice that these pills were really good. You know something, I tripped myself out when I declined to buy those capsules. In the book "The Power of Your Subconscious Mind," the author says that when your desire to quit a substance is greater than your desire to continue, you're already 51% cured.
Just a few hours ago, I met up w/ an old roommate @ a bookstore and we were shooting the shit about E. His friend, some girl, never dropped E and wants to give it a try. I told them my story and how I it seemed I was being tested. She was like, "call him up.. I don't know anyone and I really want to try E. call him." I explained that if I could go back to the very first time I dropped my first E, I wouldn't have taken it. For anyone trying E for the first time, I look at it as a gamble: consider yourself lucky if you experience the effects fully but don't have the urge/desire to drop again... but there's a chance E may take a firm hold on you, and you'll get caught up in it. I'm not one to hook up any newbie with E because I'd feel like shit if they were to get caught up in it like I did. .. this is much longer than I thought it would be..
(by the way, if you want to quit smoking a highly recommended book is Allen Carr's "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking." If you're skeptical like I was, go to Amazon.com and read the hundreds of reviews)
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DragonFly31
Bluelighter
A friend of mine, with whom I lived for two years, always watched me take E, while never wanting to take it.
One night, as we went to a party, he came along for the first time in nearly two years and dropped his first pill, a good one too.
He loved it. As anyone loves his first time. Undescribable.
And then, he NEVER took another pill. I proposed him many times after that, the answer was ALWAYS no.
I have admired him greatly for that, and still do.
This goes to show that it is possible to take E without becoming 'hooked' to it, one way or another - although I failed to control my use.
Now I have learned my lesson, though.
One night, as we went to a party, he came along for the first time in nearly two years and dropped his first pill, a good one too.
He loved it. As anyone loves his first time. Undescribable.
And then, he NEVER took another pill. I proposed him many times after that, the answer was ALWAYS no.
I have admired him greatly for that, and still do.
This goes to show that it is possible to take E without becoming 'hooked' to it, one way or another - although I failed to control my use.
Now I have learned my lesson, though.
Wow... thank you for sharing this with all of us i'm sure there is good amount of people that are in the same shoes you were i do include myself in that group as i have abused this amazing and wonderful drug, nor proud at what i'm saying not writing but when i'm in all of my senses & look back at what i have done i do thank God, for not letting them go out of proportion.
Thanks again for your personal story and good luck in life!!
Thanks again for your personal story and good luck in life!!
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niro-
You and everyone else are more than welcome.
I am not a counsellor but do believe my experiences should be shared with everyone.
If anything I set the bar. If you or anyone get anywhere close to what I have described - seek medical attention.
I started with my Primary Care Physician. The only help he could provide was with guiding me to a therapist / psychiatrist(sp?) experienced with drug abuse. From there they really didn't know what to do with me as I was the first case they had ever had come forward. SCARY - since I live in a densely populated area.
I wish the best for you and for everyone. Life is short and fragile - respect life - not drugs.
GrabHold
You and everyone else are more than welcome.
I am not a counsellor but do believe my experiences should be shared with everyone.
If anything I set the bar. If you or anyone get anywhere close to what I have described - seek medical attention.
I started with my Primary Care Physician. The only help he could provide was with guiding me to a therapist / psychiatrist(sp?) experienced with drug abuse. From there they really didn't know what to do with me as I was the first case they had ever had come forward. SCARY - since I live in a densely populated area.
I wish the best for you and for everyone. Life is short and fragile - respect life - not drugs.
GrabHold
Hey all.
I left one very important piece of information out until now. Mainly, it was due to embarassement. I've never owned a drug testing kit. I always trusted my dealers. I only ever had two spanning years. I mean, they were my "friends", I got a great deal - believe me - and they told me they were pure MDMA.
Does that sound familiar to any of you?
If it does, time to rethink your game plan because you just might be all fucked up. Who knows. Maybe theres some heroin, cocaine, speed, sperm, yep - who knows maybe sperm from some fucker that has HIV and thought his spunk would make a nice binder - and then - press them into those lovely sweet little pills we love so much and then deliver them (immediately). Only those higher in the chain really know whats in them when you stop and really think about what your taking...
Who likes roulette?
GrabHold
I left one very important piece of information out until now. Mainly, it was due to embarassement. I've never owned a drug testing kit. I always trusted my dealers. I only ever had two spanning years. I mean, they were my "friends", I got a great deal - believe me - and they told me they were pure MDMA.
Does that sound familiar to any of you?
If it does, time to rethink your game plan because you just might be all fucked up. Who knows. Maybe theres some heroin, cocaine, speed, sperm, yep - who knows maybe sperm from some fucker that has HIV and thought his spunk would make a nice binder - and then - press them into those lovely sweet little pills we love so much and then deliver them (immediately). Only those higher in the chain really know whats in them when you stop and really think about what your taking...
Who likes roulette?
GrabHold
