The Agony of the Ecstasy.

[Le Junk]

Good for you dude! If you're intent is to quit coke forever I wish you all the luck in the world. You can do it!

Later,
GrabHold

Thanks. It's getting easier with each passing day. But with the quality of what I was able to produce on demand via cleaning, it made the road to recovery even more difficult. You have bad days, and my freakin' blow was an immediate anti-depressant. That's what calls you back. Feelin' blue? Do two lines and within 2 minutes you'll forget all about it. Tough stuff.

By my putting countless hours into the research of purifying cocaine, I literally built my own prison. I turned crappy ass blow that was easy to walk away from, into old school blow that made you feel on top of the world. It was identical to the plateau stage of pure MDMA......identical! That made the road really hard to follow, but I'm doin' it.

Honestly, if it weren't for my wife, I'd still be doing it allllll the time and possibly have ended up dead from an OD by now. I am 42 years old now. So heart problems can come into play alot easier than they might have 10-15 years ago.

But thanks and I wish you the very best as well. I think you got the worse possible longterm effects from E than most. Since 1984, I've been using E regularly, and have consumed way over the required limit nearly 95% or more of those times. My shorterm effects were awful though. Terrible Tuesdays would last for up to three weeks, and with excessive use, meaning most of the time, I would experience a CNS electric type of shock thru my whole body while just walking, bending over etc. about 3-4 days after overindulging. Scary stuff.

Best of luck, bro. Hey, and don't even think about going back either. The shit all sucks nowdays and you've already been there, done that anyway, so why risk everything for a simple repeat?

later, Le Junk

 

[GrabHold]

Thanks. It's getting easier with each passing day. But with the quality of what I was able to produce on demand via cleaning, it made the road to recovery even more difficult. You have bad days, and my freakin' blow was an immediate anti-depressant. That's what calls you back. Feelin' blue? Do two lines and within 2 minutes you'll forget all about it. Tough stuff.

.

I can't imagine what that type of feeling must be like. I never used coke - it fucked up some relatives of mine when I was a teen. I learned from their mistakes.

All I can say is push through it. I've been clean and sober for 1.5 years. I needed thearapy to do it though.

By my putting countless hours into the research of purifying cocaine, I literally built my own prison. I turned crappy ass blow that was easy to walk away from, into old school blow that made you feel on top of the world. It was identical to the plateau stage of pure MDMA......identical! That made the road really hard to follow, but I'm doin' it.

Do you have a degree in biochemistry or related field? If not - and you have no degree - go back to college. You can do good in this field - right? Yes - albeit - in a different capacity - you would feel at home here - right?

Honestly, if it weren't for my wife, I'd still be doing it allllll the time and possibly have ended up dead from an OD by now.

I hear you loud and clear my friend. My wife doesn't use any drugs - not even alcohol - And has been clean since before 2000 (drugs - something like since 93). She put up with alot from me over the years. Even still - just yesterday - when I felt paranoid when she went to the store - you know - wtf???? Crazy thoughts when completly unwarranted.

...I think you got the worse possible longterm effects from E than most...

Hopefully! And I mean that with all of my being. I don't want anyone else to abuse it as often as did. The road leading out is filled with peril...I would rather be in IRAQ. This drug is not safe to use at the levels I was using at. Period.

...don't even think about going back either. The shit all sucks nowdays and you've already been there, done that anyway, so why risk everything for a simple repeat?

I wish I could but know I can't. I couldn't put my wife, my son, my parents and my in-laws through that kind of hell again.

This is the wisdom I learned at a very expensive price. As I'm sure hundreds of thousands of people will learn over the next few years as well. For those - at least - that abused it like I did.

...I'm thinking about purchasing stock in pharmaceuticals - specifically - companies dealing with anti-depressents. This boom will be larger than the current Baby Boomer Boom about to unfold in the US. I see lots of money to be made here!



Later,
GrabHold

 

[Le Junk]

.

Do you have a degree in biochemistry or related field? If not - and you have no degree - go back to college. You can do good in this field - right? Yes - albeit - in a different capacity - you would feel at home here - right?

Later,
GrabHold

Chem, not biochem, but I already do extremely well at my job, so no career changes are in the works anytime soon here. I work for myself and make a great living doing it. How do you think I was able to drop over $100K into just cocaine purification research/development over a three year period? And honestly, I'm embarrassed to say this, but it was probably even more than that. Very sad, very sad indeed..........

Le Junk

P.S. If you want to take a look at what I've accomplished over the last 3-4 years, see my thread in OD entitled "Cocaine purification...........the absolute final thread". That's about where I lost my wife for good.......

 

[daily_amphetamine]

Wow, that sounds almost exactly like what happened to a friend of mine. Addiction to E, making bad decisions while rolling, not wanting to eat, eventual psychosis and the need for anti-psychotics. He's not on any meds right now and says he doesn't remember what it like to feel "normal". He life is getting back together now for him and I'm happy all is well with you too.

 

[GrabHold]

Wow, that sounds almost exactly like what happened to a friend of mine. Addiction to E, making bad decisions while rolling, not wanting to eat, eventual psychosis and the need for anti-psychotics. He's not on any meds right now and says he doesn't remember what it like to feel "normal". He life is getting back together now for him and I'm happy all is well with you too.

I hear what your friend is saying. Especially about the "..remember what it('s) like to feel "normal"...".

I wake up everyday and say to myself, "what can I do better today than I did yesterday?". I turned into a lazy bastard and deal with that on a daily basis.

We can all agree that e affects your short term memory right? Well if your short term memory is affected what will you long term memory be like? Don't things pass from your short to your long-term memory? I'm here to say that my long-term memory is hosed.

I hope your friend's situation doesn't get as bad as mine does...

GrabHold

 

[DaCubanRaver]

yuppu-

You brought up an interesting point. I should have known better.

Here's the problem with your statement. I did know better, the first year. But as I mentioned I did not stick to my plan. As I used more and more my thoughts about dosage and frequency changed. After all I am (was) an intelligent and successful man. Or in other words, I could handle it, hold my lucrative job, and still manage to save some money.

I'm guessing you are a teenager. Ahh, to be young and inexperienced. I'm not lashing out at you, just making a point that everyone that has lived through the teenage experience automatically knows.

Quick show of hands, how many teenagers here know everything?

Note* When I was a teen my hand would have gone up to that question. I seemed to know more than everyone else, including my parents...

As a teenager we lack wisdom. We only gain wisdom by learning from others experiences or mistakes (with an open mind) or by living life ourselves.

I am not here to criticize anyone. I am here to share my experiences with anyone whom wishes to read about them. Take what you will or nothing at all. The choice is yours...

GrabHold

I am very happy to hear you are recovering and I wish you the best, but I have to say this post really aggrivated me.
"I'm guessing you are a teenager. Ahh, to be young and inexperienced."
You should never play the age card especially when it comes to drugs, because surprisingly some teenagers do have experience. We aren't "know-it-alls" but there are some things we do know about. Some teenagers, such as myself, aren't all about getting high and going partying. We *do* research and read up on what chemicals do to our body. I've been recreationally using MDMA for 3 years come this middle of August, and I just turned 18 this year. I have not once abused this drug, nor will I. Most of my friends are "dealers" so I get the high quality pills for extremely reduced prices, so I do have the possibility of abusing. I just dont. Please don't bring up age as a justifiable way to put down someones statements. Some of us experienced teenagers will get annoyed.

 

[GrabHold]

...please don't bring up age as a justifiable way to put down someones statements. Some of us experienced teenagers will get annoyed.

Fair enough, I apologize.

GrabHold