• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

TDS The 2024 Suicide Support Group

sedgewick1 said:
As I'm taking out the trash, I get pushed up against a car and cuffed. 5-6 cars descend on the house and like 15 DEA agents, sheriff deputies and local police get out. They toss the house. It dawns on me. These morons think the RC chems are precursors and I'm running a lab! Nothing comes of it. My neighbors must love me.
Click to expand...
Nothing boring or mundane about that let's be honest! :ROFLMAO:
 
Just wanna post to everyone in here I've always been a bouncy hyper happy person but I have hit some real had bumps when it comes to depression especially bad was one I had this year it became more intense in waves to then it would be back to feeling shit but being able to manage it sucks ass but after getting some of my shit together I don't know if that has anything to do with it but it's seems to have gone away completely after like 5-6 months... So just remember it does pass even if it don't feel like it ever will I didn't think my last flare up would I was starting to lose hope and then considering stupid things I think if you make it to 25 and past your good because when you get past that age on average you seem to cope better with suicidal thoughts, depression etc statistically your most likely to commit suicide in your early twenties I remember reading it in an article and when I did so many things clicked in place in my brain and seemed to make sense..
 
Ganjcat said:
Just wanna post to everyone in here I've always been a bouncy hyper happy person but I have hit some real had bumps when it comes to depression especially bad was one I had this year it became more intense in waves to then it would be back to feeling shit but being able to manage it sucks ass but after getting some of my shit together I don't know if that has anything to do with it but it's seems to have gone away completely after like 5-6 months... So just remember it does pass even if it don't feel like it ever will I didn't think my last flare up would I was starting to lose hope and then considering stupid things I think if you make it to 25 and past your good because when you get past that age on average you seem to cope better with suicidal thoughts, depression etc statistically your most likely to commit suicide in your early twenties I remember reading it in an article and when I did so many things clicked in place in my brain and seemed to make sense..
Click to expand...
Nearly 50 feel like 90.Guess many ailments,but not visit doctor(except for script).Too mental unstable to hear some scary diagnose.A nearly month was ok,but this bad feelings starts again.May be hit the ceiling with bupe?I dont know.When this bad things hits me no drug can help me.Alcohol dulls the shit to some point.May be I am somebody else.Dont understand very well threads that used to read in BL.....not only about the language skills..not sure in anything.dont know even why write this.may be ill a little bit.Think about death regularly.Pre-X mass depression.Wish you all the best
 
Pumpkin2021 said:
@sedgewick1 ...I'm 63 and also retired. Worked all my life and I also have to fill my free time. At first I loved it. The stress was gone, no more punching the time clock, no more trying to make it to work on slick roads in the dark ( afraid I would hit the deer ) no more shitty bosses and shitty co-workers. Then the laziness set in. One day I just decided to make this the best years of my life ( whatever I had left ) so I got up, found hobbies and tried to occupy my days with meaning. Started walking my dog more often, made an account here, planted a garden...and so on. Winter is here now so there is more time in the house but I can live with that now. I sit on my butt a bit more when it's cold outside but never get in bed. The bed is a trap for folks like us. Try as hard as you can to not look at your age as a negative. You made it this far...try really hard to just start engaging more with whatever can occupy your time and make you feel less depressed. Wanna hook up? jk jk :Mario party:
Click to expand...
I retired in 2015. I was 59 I guess. I was pretty active for a few more years in retirement. Prior to retiring many years back I had a 20 year stretch where I jogged and went to the gym nearly every day . One day I just felt fuck it I don't want to do this anymore. Current malaise, 0 motivation, and just wanting to die has crept in quite gradually. I'm so fucking weak now. Just last week I felt out of breath in the shower just lifting my arms to shampoo my hair. I literally had to hold the wall to catch my breath. I've fallen numerous times getting out of bed and having these weird dizzy spells. My legs start doing these strange back and forth jerking and I collapse. I just see no way out of my current predicament.

This is what I used to be able to do when I first retired. All done on PCP when it was working for me. I recorded it mostly to show and have some record that I wasn't crazy/psychotic/manic to think PCP was a wonderfully creative drug when used responsibly. Makes for decent background music I think.
 
Nas47 said:
.May be hit the ceiling with bupe?
Click to expand...
Yeah, been on it like 15 years and it used to give me a bit of a lift. Suddenly it just stopped and I felt a weird kind of ennui. Hard to describe, but feeling like 90 might be pretty accurate. Eventually found mini-doses of dissociatives helped a lot.
 
Nas47 said:
Nearly 50 feel like 90.Guess many ailments,but not visit doctor(except for script).Too mental unstable to hear some scary diagnose.A nearly month was ok,but this bad feelings starts again.May be hit the ceiling with bupe?I dont know.When this bad things hits me no drug can help me.Alcohol dulls the shit to some point.May be I am somebody else.Dont understand very well threads that used to read in BL.....not only about the language skills..not sure in anything.dont know even why write this.may be ill a little bit.Think about death regularly.Pre-X mass depression.Wish you all the best
Click to expand...
That's one of my fears getting older then one day getting his with another flare up worst than the last one I am surprised I'm even still here honestly the last time I was deep in depression I had suicidal thought everyday and they just got stronger and stronger the more depressed and hopeless I felt I don't know how I made it I really don't but I thank God that I did.. For now..
 
sedgewick1 said:
I retired in 2015. I was 59 I guess. I was pretty active for a few more years in retirement. Prior to retiring many years back I had a 20 year stretch where I jogged and went to the gym nearly every day . One day I just felt fuck it I don't want to do this anymore. Current malaise, 0 motivation, and just wanting to die has crept in quite gradually. I'm so fucking weak now. Just last week I felt out of breath in the shower just lifting my arms to shampoo my hair. I literally had to hold the wall to catch my breath. I've fallen numerous times getting out of bed and having these weird dizzy spells. My legs start doing these strange back and forth jerking and I collapse. I just see no way out of my current predicament.

This is what I used to be able to do when I first retired. All done on PCP when it was working for me. I recorded it mostly to show and have some record that I wasn't crazy/psychotic/manic to think PCP was a wonderfully creative drug when used responsibly. Makes for decent background music I think.
Click to expand...
Wish you sucessful recuration my friend.Seems like PCP and analogues are dangerous stuff.Dissoss not atractive.But this a incredible stories.Wish you all well.Must right a book.
 
user name1 said:
so this last month I had been obsessed with suicide to the point it never leaved my thoughts for a moment, like some kind of suicide OCD if you can call it that.
although i am suicidal I can't shake the knowledge that I don't have the courage or the impulsivity required to pull that off -
until an hour or 2 ago that is, I was shocked that it never even crossed my mind for some reason but I have found the way to go. I am very reluctant as to write what that method is... (is it ok if I will?)
Click to expand...
I never know whether to post on this topic because my take is usually unpalatable.

It's not suicide OCD. I think there are very few (including professionals) that don't quite understand the suicidal mind.

I have a theory developed over the last two years and which I've posted about before but that entire thread got deleted after it ended up in a boxing match.

Somebody who has reached that point and where it's a very real and doable solution all of a sudden has an additional choice in life that others don't. And try as you might: it doesn't go away. In other words: "normal" people if faced with a choice to solve a problem can choose, say, between option 1 and option 2. The suicidal mind always has the third option. And it's ever present. True it may become a self fulfilling prophecy or undermine moving forward.

Also posted before: by rights it should be liberating. And I guess to a certain extent it is. Think about it. You already know the absolute worst that can happen to you because you've already made the decision and have maybe come close to an attempt. In THEORY: that should free you up to do anything you like and that you maybe otherwise would never have even considered doing. Unfortunately it doesn't work in practice for the simple reason that by the time you've reached this point you are so mentally fucked that you couldn't be bothered with anything.

And something else that's perplexed me (although it actually shouldn't by rights);

You eventually start seeing everything very differently from others. When I ride around the neighborhood with others: they'll see the beauty of the mountains or the parks. I'll see trails or bushes or benches and be doing a recce of how visible they are to Joe Public and the surrounding areas (the thought being that if you're going to do this the last thing you want is to be stopped or interrupted).

So I dunno if this is of any help. All I'm saying to you is that you're not alone and have not "developed" some condition. It's a monkey on your back that once it's there it's very difficult to rid yourself of and takes some mental gymnastics to put it in the back of your mind. It's in no way different from addiction or a habit. Now there's an interesting take on the issue and possibly worthy of some research and a published peer reviewed paper! Not unlike a Cocaine "habit" i.e. no physical addiction or dependence but that psychological monkey on your back addiction? That type of thing.

And as I posted on another thread somewhere around these parts very recently: once you get into the nuts and bolts of a method and read about others that have tried and failed or even read about others that have tried an succeeded it gets pretty real. Sometimes too real. And can act as a deterrent in and of itself. And you also gotta be real careful when researching this shit i.e. there's a bunch of misinformation out there (like everything else I suppose). And oddly enough ESPECIALLY when it comes to attempting to use narcotics or pharmaceuticals. That is shit that's been fueled by sensationalist media. And the problem is that a botched attempt can for real cause permanent damage. How many people that thought they had things shit in life would be happy ending up losing mobility (stroke) as a result of a botched attempt?

One of my few philosophical posts (very uplifting shit this ain't it). :ROFLMAO:
 
Last edited:
dalpat077 said:
I never know whether to post on this topic because my take is usually unpalatable.

It's not suicide OCD. I think there are very few (including professionals) that don't quite understand the suicidal mind.

I have a theory developed over the last two years and which I've posted about before but that entire thread got deleted after it ended up in a boxing match.

Somebody who has reached that point and where it's a very real and doable solution all of a sudden has an additional choice in life that others don't. And try as you might: it doesn't go away. In other words: "normal" people if faced with a choice to solve a problem can choose, say, between option 1 and option 2. The suicidal mind always has the third option. And it's ever present. True it may become a self fulfilling prophecy or undermine moving forward.

Also posted before: by rights it should be liberating. And I guess to a certain extent it is. Think about it. You already know the absolute worst that can happen to you because you've already made the decision and have maybe come close to an attempt. In THEORY: that should free you up to do anything you like and that you maybe otherwise would never have even considered doing. Unfortunately it doesn't work in practice for the simple reason that by the time you've reached this point you are so mentally fucked that you couldn't be bothered with anything.

And something else that's perplexed me (although it actually shouldn't by rights);

You eventually start seeing everything very differently from others. When I ride around the neighborhood with others: they'll see the beauty of the mountains or the parks. I'll see trails or bushes or benches and be doing a recce of how visible they are to Joe Public and the surrounding areas (the thought being that if you're going to do this the last thing you want is to be stopped or interrupted).

So I dunno if this is of any help. All I'm saying to you is that you're not alone and have not "developed" some condition. It's a monkey on your back that once it's there it's very difficult to rid yourself of and takes some mental gymnastics to put it in the back of your mind. It's in no way different from addiction or a habit. Now there's an interesting take on the issue and possibly worthy of some research and a published peer reviewed paper! Not unlike a Cocaine "habit" i.e. no physical addiction or dependence but that psychological monkey on your back addiction? That type of thing.

And as I posted on another thread somewhere around these parts very recently: once you get into the nuts and bolts of a method and read about others that have tried and failed or even read about others that have tried an succeeded it gets pretty real. Sometimes too real. And can act as a deterrent in and of itself. And you also gotta be real careful when researching this shit i.e. there's a bunch of misinformation out there (like everything else I suppose). And oddly enough ESPECIALLY when it comes to attempting to use narcotics or pharmaceuticals. That is shit that's been fueled by sensationalist media. And the problem is that a botched attempt can for real cause permanent damage. How many people that thought they had things shit in life would be happy ending up losing mobility (stroke) as a result of a botched attempt?

One of my few philosophical posts (very uplifting shit this ain't it). :ROFLMAO:
Click to expand...
hey dalpa,
thank you for your brilliant insight.

as i read your words i felt as though i could've write it myself though not nearly as eloquent (forgive me but i'm not sure if eloquent is just f or the verbal words or for the written as well, anyway i meant it) .
it's so weird as i just been chatting with a friend on the issue of having this powerful "third option" (BTW third option is really a great euphemism or code for you know what :) ). i must admit that it made me feel real good reading your stuff, nodding my head in confirmation as i read - and although every time someone tell me that i'm not alone it makes me shudder and feel so much lonelier and alienated, for some reason it positively didn't this time - it made me feel actually less alone and i think it did because i felt the sincerity behind your words so i guess there's always a first!

much love,
jona
 
snortyjones said:
whats your question
Click to expand...
You quoted yourself in post # 402... a few posts above this one. I think you meant to quote another members post and not your own. Thought maybe you were trying to quote ibitsam midlet. Just thought you might want to re-quote it so she will see how much you care.
 
snortyjones said:
You are a divine Being created in the imagine of God,
Click to expand...
And this has what to do with the price of eggs if I may ask?

These arguments are enough to drive anybody (well me) over the edge.

If there is validity to these arguments then somebody tell me this:

Count up the number of miserable and suicidal people and then ask yourself well how come this God stood by while watching them go down mentally or physically and brought them to this point. For damn sure I could have done better job given the same resources and supposed omnipotence.
 
Last edited:
Pumpkin2021 said:
You quoted yourself in post # 402... a few posts above this one. I think you meant to quote another members post and not your own. Thought maybe you were trying to quote ibitsam midlet. Just thought you might want to re-quote it so she will see how much you care.
Click to expand...
#402 i,m not computer savy, could you please delete it for me sir
 
snortyjones said:
#402 i,m not computer savy
Click to expand...
That's the post number that was being referred to. If you look on the right hand side of all posts you'll see a "#" with a number to the right of it. So in this case you scroll up to #402.

Or I could have saved us both some time and just included a link to post no. 402 as below:

TDS - The 2024 Suicide Support Group

As I'm taking out the trash, I get pushed up against a car and cuffed. 5-6 cars descend on the house and like 15 DEA agents, sheriff deputies and local police get out. They toss the house. It dawns on me. These morons think the RC chems are precursors and I'm running a lab! Nothing comes of it...
bluelight.org bluelight.org
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top