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TDS Ideation & Crisis Support

snortyjones said:
whats your question
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You quoted yourself in post # 402... a few posts above this one. I think you meant to quote another members post and not your own. Thought maybe you were trying to quote ibitsam midlet. Just thought you might want to re-quote it so she will see how much you care.
 
snortyjones said:
You are a divine Being created in the imagine of God,
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And this has what to do with the price of eggs if I may ask?

These arguments are enough to drive anybody (well me) over the edge.

If there is validity to these arguments then somebody tell me this:

Count up the number of miserable and suicidal people and then ask yourself well how come this God stood by while watching them go down mentally or physically and brought them to this point. For damn sure I could have done better job given the same resources and supposed omnipotence.
 
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Pumpkin2021 said:
You quoted yourself in post # 402... a few posts above this one. I think you meant to quote another members post and not your own. Thought maybe you were trying to quote ibitsam midlet. Just thought you might want to re-quote it so she will see how much you care.
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#402 i,m not computer savy, could you please delete it for me sir
 
snortyjones said:
#402 i,m not computer savy
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That's the post number that was being referred to. If you look on the right hand side of all posts you'll see a "#" with a number to the right of it. So in this case you scroll up to #402.

Or I could have saved us both some time and just included a link to post no. 402 as below:

TDS - Ideation & Crisis Support

Hi friends! i thought long and hard before posting this (or replying to an unknown post instead) - i don't want to give any idea to nobody but then i thought i have nowhere else to raise this subject and i do want to ask for guidance if possible.. so... for many years I have been fantasizing...
bluelight.org bluelight.org
 
snortyjones said:
#402 i,m not computer savy, could you please delete it for me sir
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It's all good snorty. Doesn't need to be deleted at all. If you are good to go so am I. Just for future reference if you look at the top right corner of all the posts they have a number on them.
 
dalpat077 said:
And this has what to do with the price of eggs if I may ask?

These arguments are enough to drive anybody (well me) over the edge.

If there is validity to these arguments then somebody tell me this:

Count up the number of miserable and suicidal people and then ask yourself well how come this God stood by while watching them go down mentally or physically and brought them to this point. For damn sure I could have done better job given the resources.
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Hey easy my friend.Who are you,me or anybody to knows the Ways of God.Everything have a place and time.Next time this suffering and suicidal people would have their happines.Tommorow or in next life.I really do believe that in early christians do exist believe in reincarnation...I dont know.Probably what you saw that is to have to harvest.Or just a destiny.Any of us dragging his own cross to Golgota.And I am ordinary sinner,not really christian in practise.Often talk upon and judge not only people,but God himself.Ordinary motherfucker
dalpat077 said:
And this has what to do with the price of eggs if I may ask?

These arguments are enough to drive anybody (well me) over the edge.

If there is validity to these arguments then somebody tell me this:

Count up the number of miserable and suicidal people and then ask yourself well how come this God stood by while watching them go down mentally or physically and brought them to this point. For damn sure I could have done better job given the resources.
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Nas47 said:
Hey easy my friend.Who are you,me or anybody to knows the Ways of God.Everything have a place and time.Next time this suffering and suicidal people would have their happines.Tommorow or in next life.I really do believe that in early christians do exist believe in reincarnation...I dont know.Probably what you saw that is to have to harvest.Or just a destiny.Any of us dragging his own cross to Golgota.And I am ordinary sinner,not really christian in practise.Often talk upon and judge not only people,but God himself.Ordinary motherfucker
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For the record: you’re quoting me and responding out of context. I am not the one that brought religion/God into this or threw some lame religious rhetoric at somebody who clearly has thought about, or was thinking about, suicide. If you look nice back on the thread.

But I will give you credit for your your novel and refreshing response i.e. makes a nice change from the usual “it’s all just a test (of faith)”. That’s the usual cover all bases religious response.
 
I never really thought of it considering thats how my husband passed but lately it's on my mind daily. I don't think i would act on it but just having the thoughts daily is starting to scare me. I fked my life up and ruined relationships and i can't do anything to change that and thats a hard pill to swallow. The sad part is noone would really miss me. My family know i suffer but it's out of sight out of mind type deal and they never call to see how i am. nothing seems to be looking up
 
dalpat077 said:
For the record: you’re quoting me and responding out of context. I am not the one that brought religion/God into this or threw some lame religious rhetoric at somebody who clearly has thought about, or was thinking about, suicide. If you look nice back on the thread.

But I will give you credit for your your novel and refreshing response i.e. makes a nice change from the usual “it’s all just a test (of faith)”. That’s the usual cover all bases religious response.
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May be I was quotted you out of context.To believe or not to is personal choice.As to test of faith(which are indeed incorporated in all religion) I agree.Personally always fell on this test,despite deep in my self i know that nothing is just like that.This are difficult mater and my language skills made such debate difficult to me.Have a peace
 
About the only thing that keeps me from ending it all this time of year is the thought of leaving my daughter behind.
I constantly battle with the thought she is better off without me. Im trying my hardest to make things right but feel im making them worse.
I dont even do drugs anymore. 3 years off meth, my DOC. I cant even manage to find a home for her to feel at home in. GOD knows ive tried but nothing ever seems to work out.
 
I recently came out of a hospital after a suicide attempt. The knife wound from the blade I used was about a centimeter away from the carotid artery. Literally, I very well could have died.

The reason was kind of fucked and complicated. The point I actually attempted suicide happened on a whim, if you will.

It all started an early morning on October 5th. I had taken a sort of oath to stop drinking for the month and the reasons were mixed. Mostly it was for my health, but there was another underlying issue that isn't easily explained by science. See, the truth is, I had been heating up, internally, for quite some time - periodically and so on. That morning, I went to grab a tea, having compulsive issues and whatnot from psychiatric meds. I finished my tea by the time I got home, but turning the corner to get onto my street, I blew by someone with extremely negative energy.

NOTE: I am not suggesting in any way shape or form that some of this information is to be taken as if literal experience. The factors listed here - be they psychic or supernatural - are only to be taken with a grain of salt.

At this time in my life, my daydreams had taken on a sort of life of their own and I had not been able to escape the daydreams; as serious as they became, some of them were pleasant; this one was not.

A simple thought form allegedly coming from the passer-by asked me a simple question as I tried to throw the day dream away: "How do you deal with shit like that? (how do you simply move on from an instance even if it angers you)?" The thought form was apparently referring to the fact that I had nearly side-swiped the driver. I am an aggressive driver after-all and will sometimes swerve into other lanes in order to protect myself (be it my energy or my person). Usually these drivers are rather arrogant individuals, from what I can sense, but I digress...

Immediately following the question in mind, I told the thought form, simply this: meditate. For some reason the very thing I was dealing with in mind became so hostile and irate over this simple response that I immediately began hearing voices, voices that in their throes against me referred directly to the overheating problem I referred to above and began to say the obvious: "You're going to burn alive... starting with that leg." (the voice referred to my lower right leg in that moment)

I wanted to simply crawl back in bed and await a sort of respite from all of it. In truth, the overheating problem hadn't been getting better up to that point. I made a choice that, in the end, ended up saving my life, despite the irony.

While in the hospital I was not allowed to smoke or drink. This, in-turn, led to my recovery. It's hard to explain in layman's terms how being in the hospital away from cigarettes and alcohol saved me from boiling alive, but in actuality it really did and I have become accepting of this over the last couple months out of the hospital.

Other details to the event, I thought I would note, rend as such: When I got into the hospital, to the point I left, there were no newcomers. No new names I had to learn. I was out of the hospital within a matter of less than two weeks. and the fact of the matter is I owe so much to the people who helped get me out of their swiftly. New age philosophers like Einzelganger, my brother, and my parents, just to name a few.

It was also the love of my cousin that helped me get through it in the long run. Explaining to her, as I tried, seemed impossible at first. I just felt deep down that no one would ever understand that I chose the lesser of two evils, so-to-speak, when it came to "ending my life". Eventually when she understood, I felt so much love and relief. In truth, she and I have hurt each other deeply over a long and fucked up history involving family going one way (politically, religiously or what-have-you) and verily, she had attempted suicide herself partly because of me. Reaching out to her after I attempted suicide was one of the best things I ever did.
 
I have attempted suicide twice, both times when I was absolutely off my box. Both times I was rescued by someone who loved me and rushed to hospital. When I came round and was forced to sober up a bit, I was grateful. I have had lots of problems since, drugs, booze and depression but I have started to fight back. Sick of being fucked up and shit on! I see people getting on with their problems all around me, and if at least one person wants me to stay alive then I will try my best to do so.

Sorry, I’m withdrawal and this is as much for me as anyone else…
 
TheGreaterFool said:
I have attempted suicide twice, both times when I was absolutely off my box. Both times I was rescued by someone who loved me and rushed to hospital. When I came round and was forced to sober up a bit, I was grateful. I have had lots of problems since, drugs, booze and depression but I have started to fight back. Sick of being fucked up and shit on! I see people getting on with their problems all around me, and if at least one person wants me to stay alive then I will try my best to do so.

Sorry, I’m withdrawal and this is as much for me as anyone else…
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Hang in there! There is nothing in this world worth taking your life over. Do you have family support? Antidepressants and or therapy? You definitely have support with all of us here at Bluelight. You can talk to us. It gets better man. I've been in the same boat too and I'm very happy to have stuck it out. Be well!
 
Hope it's not out of place or distasteful to ask the below but I've been involved in many discussion of this type (not necessarily here) and I've seen countless posts by people that have made serious and planned attempts and almost without exception the end story is the same i.e. they're glad and happy that they failed and are still around to be telling the tale. And what I'd like to know is if this is just some type of psychological phenomenon or have their lives truly done a 180 for the better or is it because, their perspective on life has changed which makes things SEEM better when actually the underlying reasons and circumstances have not changed one iota or what? Or is that people around just started giving a shit or actually listening (in which case my default reaction is well fuck them i.e. nobody goes from "normal" to actively suicidal without there being signs that something is going off of the rails but nobody gave enough of a fuck, or were too busy or too caught up in their own shit, to ask and I mean REALLY ask and REALLY listen i.e. not some half arsed casual conversation while their minds were miles away and on other things and having to watch the time).
 
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xaddictx said:
Hang in there! There is nothing in this world worth taking your life over. Do you have family support? Antidepressants and or therapy? You definitely have support with all of us here at Bluelight. You can talk to us. It gets better man. I've been in the same boat too and I'm very happy to have stuck it out. Be well!
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Thanks mate, therapy never worked out. Nor the AA/NA support groups. I know I’ll be done with it all this time, just need to get to the point of being able to sleep and I’ll be out of the woods… bloody RLS is killing me though. 5th day in a row of it. I hope to join you in sobriety soon!
 
dalpat077 said:
Hope it's not out of place or distasteful to ask the below but I've been involved in many discussion of this type (not necessarily here) and I've seen countless posts by people that have made serious and planned attempts and almost without exception the end story is the same i.e. they're glad and happy that they failed and are still around to be telling the tale. And what I'd like to know is if this is just some type of psychological phenomenon or have their lives truly done a 180 for the better or is it because, their perspective on life has changed which makes things SEEM better when actually the underlying reasons and circumstances have not changed one iota or what? Or is that people around just started giving a shit or actually listening (in which case my default reaction is well fuck them i.e. nobody goes from "normal" to actively suicidal without there being signs that something is going off of the rails but nobody gave enough of a fuck, or were too busy or too caught up in their own shit, to ask and I mean REALLY ask and REALLY listen i.e. not some half arsed casual conversation while their minds were miles away and on other things and having to watch the time).
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I see your point here, there were signs with me that I was going off such as me
 
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