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TDS The 2024 Suicide Support Group

went to the dark depths of my soul and let all this pain out on this hectic mushroom trip last night. In that darkness i found gratitude for been alive and a new fire to live on and rise above everything.

The light in my soul guides my way grateful for all the things i have today and the struggles i had been through how nice it is to just slept on a bed and not the concrete and have food to eat. Thank you everyone for always been so kind. I think i came out stronger and just have tears in my eye walking around today with fresh new eyes to keep fighting the good fight.

My mind is stronger than ever but i will not put myself through that again.
 
TripSitterNZ said:
went to the dark depths of my soul and let all this pain out on this hectic mushroom trip last night. In that darkness i found gratitude for been alive and a new fire to live on and rise above everything.

The light in my soul guides my way grateful for all the things i have today and the struggles i had been through how nice it is to just slept on a bed and not the concrete and have food to eat. Thank you everyone for always been so kind. I think i came out stronger and just have tears in my eye walking around today with fresh new eyes to keep fighting the good fight.

My mind is stronger than ever but i will not put myself through that again.
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That is wonderful to hear mate <3 I have had a number of trips like that in my time, and as intense as they are at the time, they are always so valuable and poignant afterwards. I hope this feeling stays with you for a long while. Take it all in and bask in the glow <3
 
While i felt awesome yesterday putting things into action is harder than the starry eyed idealism world i see on psychedelics. The realities of what was bought up i need some time to unpack it.
 
If you're talking to me i can assure your that you will not! :mad: I'm so ahead of my time that my participation to this topic would only be legitimate if it was called:

The 2022 Suicide Support Group For Maniacs Who Do That On Schedule​

:cool:
 
iTry91 said:
Cut my arm earlier not good.. not been a big self harmer in that way I've cut down on alcohol an small amount diazepam haha light weight I am coincidentally who knows I'm scared I'm gonna kill myself but I know I have to wait to do it anyway. Bluelight is the best
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I hope you're okay, please try to get some sleep, let me know how you're doing tomorrow okay? <3
 
iTry91 said:
Cut myself with a fish gutting knife it's my inner thumb can't bend cause keeps opening up what could I do to help it do yous think? It's not a medical emergency been since days
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If it's been a few days and it's not closing over, you should get it checked at the ER. It may need to be cleaned out and stitched up. How deep is it? Are you having any trouble moving any part of your hand, fingers or thumb?
 
iTry91 said:
I want to say loads of things but let's move on. I will apologise for lowering myself to the shady level. In fact where is his original post or am I just the worst cun
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It's all good hun, you didn't do anything wrong at all. Yep let's just move forward <3
 
Ei vittu voi mennä näin.... Sorry, wrong language.... that means "Fuck, it can't go like this"

Why? I posted some serious shit elsewhere. A friend or a "friend" came ringing my doorbell, wanting to help me. I think that he came only because i was 20 euros in debt... okay i promised to pay yesterday but i did not, due to an insane heat wave.

It does not matter. Humans cay say whatever the fuck they want. This is different now... He is separating from his girlfriend, a teacher woman. That teacher woman has 2 American bulldogs. I am a 100% cat person but just with their existence, those bulldogs have taught me how awesome dogs can be. Yeah the kid boy bulldog is a professional shoe thief, and he can't help that. I can't lose them.

Fuck, i can't, i absolutely can't lose those dogs from my life. I wanted to say that to the woman, but she was in a hurry. Look, i can't take this. Fuck humans, they are different and their money is different. I need these animals. Flipping the bird at the whole universe right now. If i was suicidal when i woke up, that was lightweight shit. Now i truly am suicidal. Fuck. I can't... I can't deal with this. Too hard, way too hard and difficult.
 
Ghost fart said:
Ei vittu voi mennä näin.... Sorry, wrong language.... that means "Fuck, it can't go like this"

Why? I posted some serious shit elsewhere. A friend or a "friend" came ringing my doorbell, wanting to help me. I think that he came only because i was 20 euros in debt... okay i promised to pay yesterday but i did not, due to an insane heat wave.

It does not matter. Humans cay say whatever the fuck they want. This is different now... He is separating from his girlfriend, a teacher woman. That teacher woman has 2 American bulldogs. I am a 100% cat person but just with their existence, those bulldogs have taught me how awesome dogs can be. Yeah the kid boy bulldog is a professional shoe thief, and he can't help that. I can't lose them.

Fuck, i can't, i absolutely can't lose those dogs from my life. I wanted to say that to the woman, but she was in a hurry. Look, i can't take this. Fuck humans, they are different and their money is different. I need these animals. Flipping the bird at the whole universe right now. If i was suicidal when i woke up, that was lightweight shit. Now i truly am suicidal. Fuck. I can't... I can't deal with this. Too hard, way too hard and difficult.
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I'm so sorry to hear this Japi :( I am a big animal lover as well, and I have been a veterinary nurse for 18 years so I truly appreciate the impact animals can have on our lives. My best friend's cat died 5 months ago and he is still suicidal over it. His cat was his whole world, it meant everything to him. Now he feels like he has no reason to live.
So, I understand.
Is there any chance you will be able to visit the dogs after they break up?
 
n3ophy7e said:
Is there any chance you will be able to visit the dogs after they break up?
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I don't know... I just don't know. That is what i wanted to ask yesterday, but the woman was in a hurry. No time to speak. I don't know anything anymore. And i would like to not care. Just not give any shits about anything anymore. But i care, and it hurts to care.
 
@n3ophy7e Oh, and i thank you, from the bottom of my heart, because you are a superhero. World needs superheroes. Like veterinary nurses. I also know a forensic nurse. Another superhero. Then they say that "i am not a superhero, just doing my part" or something along those lines. They can say whatever they want. They are superheroes and the debate ends there.
 
Ghost fart said:
I don't know... I just don't know. That is what i wanted to ask yesterday, but the woman was in a hurry. No time to speak. I don't know anything anymore. And i would like to not care. Just not give any shits about anything anymore. But i care, and it hurts to care.
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It really does hurt to care <3 That is absolutely true. But, would you want to not care?? I think that high level of care, love, concern etc for things is what makes us so passionate about things. I know that I wouldn't want it any other way, even though it really hurts sometimes.
 
It is done. It is over. It is dealt with. Usually, everything that is fucked up, everything that is wrong in this world, is my fault 100% This time it is not. Actually easier that way, so i do not have to mentally beat myself to the fucking ground.

I just wanted to let bluelight know, that this forum is great and the members here are wonderful. Thank you. You are exactly the ones, exactly the kind of people. who have made my journey here easier.
 
Ghost fart said:
It is done. It is over. It is dealt with. Usually, everything that is fucked up, everything that is wrong in this world, is my fault 100% This time it is not. Actually easier that way, so i do not have to mentally beat myself to the fucking ground.

I just wanted to let bluelight know, that this forum is great and the members here are wonderful. Thank you. You are exactly the ones, exactly the kind of people. who have made my journey here easier.
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Oh, I'm sorry Japi. I wish I could give you a hug right now. How are you feeling?
 
n3ophy7e said:
Oh, I'm sorry Japi. I wish I could give you a hug right now. How are you feeling?
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Hug would rock! I love hugs. Does not even matter if it is a man or a woman, i just love doing that.

It does not matter how i feel. Nothing matters anymore. One mission, one agenda, one thing left to do.
 
n3ophy7e said:
And what is that?
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alcohol + (i won't say) + (i won't say)

I think i have made you worried. Kinda. I apologize. I just had to open up somewhere. Anywhere. And i don't get this. I had to leave from my home yesterday, i was unable to tolerate this dungeon. Ended up downtown. Park. Beer of course. And a dude i know, from France, called me and was cheerful and filled with empathy. That shit ruined a perfectly good misery and sorrow :)

And what i don't get, huh? People who KNOW that i am unable to do anything for them, are exactly the ones who help me the most. And if there is a so-called "friend" and i give all my money, all my dope away, then they run.
 
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