Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

[deficiT]

Right now, the lack of funds seems to be working in my favor. Once I start getting money I really have to be mindful not to carry cash on me. Just about every time I go out in the city, someone's trying to sell me crack or whatever. It's not really ideal honestly. Someone was selling yesterday and it definitely triggered some of my desire to use. "Nickels and dimes on the hard". Luckily I was with another sober friend and didn't have any cash, I'm just worried about what I'm going to do the next time if I'm alone and have money on me. If I'm not in the right space, it could fuck me all up. But i figure, if I'm doing well enough to not try and buy alcohol with my little bit of money, I'm doing well and making progress.

Anyone else ever dealt with this? When you're trying to do better but you're constantly surrounded by drug use?

 

[tokayeahok]

Right now, the lack of funds seems to be working in my favor. Once I start getting money I really have to be mindful not to carry cash on me. Just about every time I go out in the city, someone's trying to sell me crack or whatever. It's not really ideal honestly. Someone was selling yesterday and it definitely triggered some of my desire to use. "Nickels and dimes on the hard". Luckily I was with another sober friend and didn't have any cash, I'm just worried about what I'm going to do the next time if I'm alone and have money on me. If I'm not in the right space, it could fuck me all up. But i figure, if I'm doing well enough to not try and buy alcohol with my little bit of money, I'm doing well and making progress.

Anyone else ever dealt with this? When you're trying to do better but you're constantly surrounded by drug use?

i live rurally so it’s not like i have people standing around offering drugs but when i drive into town, about once a week, i drive past gas stations i used to use in or get straws from, grocery stores i used to get cash back at with my mums debit card, dope dealer neighborhoods or houses i’d buy from, and honestly it does get triggering. i just try not to give in and do my hardest to let the thought pass by, like a cloud man

 

[tokayeahok]

woke up, took my gabapentin and kratom, had the worst night terror of my life last night. been up 30 minutes and it’s still plaguing me. it was intertwined with me being on pills again, being shot in my stomach & fully feeling it, & my family all being in it. it sucked lmao. so just waking up, had a good birthday yesterday, gotta walk extra today from all the food i ate LMAO

 

[thatmf]

Right now, the lack of funds seems to be working in my favor. Once I start getting money I really have to be mindful not to carry cash on me. Just about every time I go out in the city, someone's trying to sell me crack or whatever. It's not really ideal honestly. Someone was selling yesterday and it definitely triggered some of my desire to use. "Nickels and dimes on the hard". Luckily I was with another sober friend and didn't have any cash, I'm just worried about what I'm going to do the next time if I'm alone and have money on me. If I'm not in the right space, it could fuck me all up. But i figure, if I'm doing well enough to not try and buy alcohol with my little bit of money, I'm doing well and making progress.

Anyone else ever dealt with this? When you're trying to do better but you're constantly surrounded by drug use?

Definitely. It seemed like more people than usual were trying to hock me some gear when I was quitting, one friend literally asked me "oh why?" as to why I was quitting and I explained why and they kinda just shrugged it off. But it'll take a while to actually not give in when someone's sellilng to you. They say relapse is part of the process, which is true at times, but also figuring out how to say no and stick with it is important also. I fricking found some in a baggie somewhere outdoors and I was like "no way jose". I think when you can say no to free crack etc you get enough confidence to say no again and again. Eventually your dealers will give up. Just don't give up yourself

 

[deficiT]

Hi.

Alcoholic on his first day off the Devil's poison. Relapsed about a week ago after six weeks sober.

Used to have my own recovery thread, but decided against showcasing my life like that, so i'm just gonna report here and at least try to share the positive bits of the day to try and fight depression, if nothing else.

Today i managed to get some socializing in after isolating too much lately. Just cigarettes and coffee too. The guys actually politely encouraged me to quit drinking instead of the usual the usual pep talk, fake pity or belittling the problem. A cute chick gave me the eye on the way home, so i guess i don't look as messed up as i feel. A good day once i got off my depressed ass.

Broke and running out of basic necessities, but i can probably still get someone to loan me some money, and soup kitchens exist.

Good luck to everyone.

Good luck dude, stick with it. It definitely gets better.

 

[tokayeahok]

Hi.

Alcoholic on his first day off the Devil's poison. Relapsed about a week ago after six weeks sober.

Used to have my own recovery thread, but decided against showcasing my life like that, so i'm just gonna report here and at least share the positive bits of my day in order to fight depression.

Today i managed to get some socializing in after isolating too much lately. Just cigarettes and coffee too. The guys actually politely encouraged me to quit drinking instead of giving me the usual pep talk, faking pity or belittling the problem. A cute chick gave me the eye on the way home, so i guess i don't look as messed up as i feel. A good day overall, once i got off my depressed ass.

Broke and running out of basic necessities, but i can probably still get someone to loan me some money, and soup kitchens exist.

Good luck to everyone.

proud of you mate. day at a time. always nice being checked by the lasses as well

 

[tokayeahok]

doing well today, wrote some tunes this morning, went on my walk, made kung pao beef for my mum, had a milkshake. was a decent day, hopefully i’ll get some good sleep. have been having the worst PTSD-esque night terrors.


hope all is well

 

[tokayeahok]

woke up and about to crack on with some more coffee and working on some electronic music stuff again. gotta go get some more kratom when the shops open up at some point.

then gotta go walking as well, usually i hate walking but will still do it lmao

 

[kiely]

woke up and about to crack on with some more coffee and working on some electronic music stuff again. gotta go get some more kratom when the shops open up at some point.

then gotta go walking as well, usually i hate walking but will still do it lmao

I have been walking also. It does make me feel good.
Awe you sound like you are gifted with a music talent.
That's so nice.

You get more narcan ?! Just wondering. You don't have to
say anything if you don't want to. It doesn't usually happen

and usually an isolated incident probably but I hope y ou feel
much better because I would all get those really bad nightmares

when I stopped doing my almighty norco's, not really but just a lot of them;
but then the nightmares finally stopped.
It took a long time, it seems.

My nightmares just made me very anxious at the time but they
they finally went away. And they seemed to last a while also. But

everything does with me. I guess I am the slow motion locomotion.
But I don't know sometimes bc with me it seems that everything takes

forever and a day. Then some. I guess we make the best of it. I didn't understand
the nightmares that much but they did go away. It's so peaceful

that they went away though and the other ailings from all that. So for now. Sorry to blabber on.
I just wanted
someone to talk with and really wanted to say hello and all, also.

Alright ttyl. Stay awesome. Do you like push ups, sit ups and yoga sometimes
for something different?! But yeas, thanks for sharing your strength.

Stay healthy and positive. Oh that's what I'm trying to do now.
It will work. k later.

It's pretty outside right now, but the cold is coming in. Be careful and safe. bye.
I can walk farther than I did twenty years ago but it just hurts more now. lools.
bad. Today I am supposed to take medicine. And I can't find any. And I can barely
remember to take it when I have to. So I guess I am out and have to call it in. Again.
thanks for posting.

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Up drinking coffee & kratom, I just ran out of tramadol way early this month & definitely in withdrawal … kinda disappointed in myself. I am prescribed them for legitimate pain but take them too fast. I don’t know … sometimes I have to try to remember how far I’ve come as I quit drinking alcohol & cocaina six years ago, & don’t take tons of roxi’s & other opioids anymore… but how far am I really if I can’t handle making the monthly tramadol last (sometimes I think if I’m prescribed more it would be better but then I don’t know if it’s just the addict in me… or is it?) … it’s so confusing having actual pain problems & a history of addiction.

I don’t know guys, sorry I’m rambling guess just being honest & stuff. I went to my PTSD group yesterday but don’t talk about this stuff there

Anyways hope everyone’s doing okay
Hugs to all

 

[tokayeahok]

I have been walking also. It does make me feel good.
Awe you sound like you are gifted with a music talent.
That's so nice.

You get more narcan ?! Just wondering. You don't have to
say anything if you don't want to. It doesn't usually happen

and usually an isolated incident probably but I hope y ou feel
much better because I would all get those really bad nightmares

when I stopped doing my almighty norco's, not really but just a lot of them;
but then the nightmares finally stopped.
It took a long time, it seems.

My nightmares just made me very anxious at the time but they
they finally went away. And they seemed to last a while also. But

everything does with me. I guess I am the slow motion locomotion.
But I don't know sometimes bc with me it seems that everything takes

forever and a day. Then some. I guess we make the best of it. I didn't understand
the nightmares that much but they did go away. It's so peaceful

that they went away though and the other ailings from all that. So for now. Sorry to blabber on.
I just wanted
someone to talk with and really wanted to say hello and all, also.

Alright ttyl. Stay awesome. Do you like push ups, sit ups and yoga sometimes
for something different?! But yeas, thanks for sharing your strength.

Stay healthy and positive. Oh that's what I'm trying to do now.
It will work. k later.

It's pretty outside right now, but the cold is coming in. Be careful and safe. bye.
I can walk farther than I did twenty years ago but it just hurts more now. lools.
bad. Today I am supposed to take medicine. And I can't find any. And I can barely
remember to take it when I have to. So I guess I am out and have to call it in. Again.
thanks for posting.

thanks man yeah i’ll be getting some more narcan here soon, i personally don’t see another incident happening soon but will get some just in case. thanks for that man.

 

[thatmf]

May have done myself a mischief talking about finding a baggie of crack

Anyway hope you guys are ok. Or as ok as could be! Or good!

I had a super rough week but time to forget about it, got a nice weekend ahead. Seems like demons are popping up left right and centre. Time for sageing soon I think. Had really nasty night terrors last night, with sleep paralysis as well (I can usually wake myself from a really bad dream/nightmare).

Got a call back for a course, the one I was planning on starting was through a very dodgy provider. So gonna be starting in a month at a school that's pretty well-reputed. Not all is lost.

Narcan is amazing, I've been planning on picking some up just in case I stumble on an OD at some stage. Hope you all have a lovely weekend

 

[thatmf]

Up drinking coffee & kratom, I just ran out of tramadol way early this month & definitely in withdrawal … kinda disappointed in myself. I am prescribed them for legitimate pain but take them too fast. I don’t know … sometimes I have to try to remember how far I’ve come as I quit drinking alcohol & cocaina six years ago, & don’t take tons of roxi’s & other opioids anymore… but how far am I really if I can’t handle making the monthly tramadol last (sometimes I think if I’m prescribed more it would be better but then I don’t know if it’s just the addict in me… or is it?) … it’s so confusing having actual pain problems & a history of addiction.

I don’t know guys, sorry I’m rambling guess just being honest & stuff. I went to my PTSD group yesterday but don’t talk about this stuff there

Anyways hope everyone’s doing okay
Hugs to all

Yeah it's definitely complicated. I tried tramadol recreationally in my late teens, I think it was only once though. My doc won't prescribe me anything decent for pain, not even codeine. I think I could handle it but it's on the risky side for me I guess.

Maybe you do need a stronger dose from my experience tramadol isn't something that stacks up. But if on the other hand if you're having trouble taking your month's supply too early (or however many you get at once dispensed), you could always ask to have it supplied every x weeks. But then you can't have more when you have more pain really.

So it's kinda lose-lose. I don't think it's unwise to ask your doc if a higher dose would help

 

[tokayeahok]

One day sober.

Had a craving for an afterwork beer while i was at my volunteer job, but it passed pretty quickly. I don't really want to get drunk anymore because i hate the way i act under the influence and have already developed some health problems from excessive drinking, but having a few beers lets me forget about how shitty i feel mentally and enables me to have a social life. Too bad i'm just not cut out for moderate drinking.

My depression has eased up a bit from last week, but i'm bored to death. Working out usually gets me in a better mood and is good motivation to stay off the sauce, but i can't even get a proper training session in right now due to a shoulder injury. I did take a walk, foamrolled and did some light shoulder rehab stuff, though.

I used to write and play music, but quit due to realizing i never really had much talent for it. I have no desire to release anything or perform live anymore, but right now i wish i hadn't sold my guitar. It would give me something to do while my shoulder recovers.

At least i ate well today and am going to sauna in about an hour, so it's not all bad.

proud of you bro. i know it’s baaaaare hard to get through that cognitive dissonance that our problems try to convince us of otherwise. i, too, sold my guitar - to pawn it for opiates a few years back and got a new one not too long ago; maybe 8-9 months ago. keep making art, it helps a lot. i just started 2 songs myself in the last few days on my computer that are already promising it’ll come back, the spark.

 

[thatmf]

I don't miss anything about being a musician and actually cringe when i listen to my stuff now. I'm generally a lot less obsessed with music nowadays. I mostly just listen to whatever the Youtube algorithm throws on my playlist while doing household chores.

Having an instrument would still work to keep me occupied right now, so i might call up a couple of friends and try to get a loaner tomorrow.

Thank you for your kind words.

Same here! I deleted most of my plug ins and instruments since I was paranoid about viruses at one stage. Just have no motivation for making EDM, it's a trigger. I'm thinking of just jamming on my keyboard now and then to let stuff out And best of luck in your sobriety, you can do it!

 

[tokayeahok]

Same here! I deleted most of my plug ins and instruments since I was paranoid about viruses at one stage. Just have no motivation for making EDM, it's a trigger. I'm thinking of just jamming on my keyboard now and then to let stuff out And best of luck in your sobriety, you can do it!

if any music in that field is a trigger for me it’s definitely phonk & that stuff soudiere & yung vamp were pushing on soundcloud 2016/2017 ish. let’s swap tunes man

 

[tokayeahok]

Two days sober.

Felt like shit for most of the day due to not getting any sleep last night. Ran out of coffee too, but a friend made me a cup to keep me going until bedtime. Borrowed a bass from him too so i'll have something to keep me occupied while i wait to get admitted into rehab.

Feeling a bit anxious about the state of my life. I wanna get a job, start paying off my debts and maybe even move to a different part of town, but i know nothing is going to happen overnight.

i’m so happy for you. here’s some good advice that helped me with what you’re going through. breathe mindfully and tell yourself that it’s okay, and that those affairs and debts will get paid. your life choices will start to reflect in due time and things will find a way of evening out. the universe has weird ways of handing us the things we deserve when we do good, yanno? all those things will come with the decision you’re making now to get clean

xoxox

 

[tokayeahok]

just joined the discord - which is super fun bc i love discord. just got back from my 3.5mile walk or so, started a music commission for a client for some engineering/mixing stuff. took my meds & still on antibiotics for my infected tooth lol.

just in the bath relaxing and enjoying my afternoon. not much going on, honestly. just hanging around

hope all is well with you guys

 

[tokayeahok]

Three days sober.

Ate at a soup kitchen, picked up a bunch of cigarette butts to extract rolling tobacco from and stole some coffee. At least being broke gave me a reason to go outside.

Visited a friend for a cup of coffee and ran into another one while i was out. Was good to have a bit of human contact. I've been extremely introverted since i was a child, but too much time alone will make anyone go nuts. I spent 6 weeks sober by simply isolating myself at home before my latest relapse, and i think having too much time to dwell on my own thoughts was a big part of the reason i slipped up.

do you have a place to stay rn buddy???

gosh if sounds like you’re really struggling, but you should be really proud of yourself. really really proud.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hi, madness, mtu,

Sober from meth and hard drugs for about 14 months. And cigarettes. Been drinking a couple times a week, probably at least 4 drinks when I do, and vaping nicotine in large spurts, throwing it away, buying another, quite a compulsion.

If it wasn't for my now prosocial living environment I'm afraid I wouldn't be okay.

Gambling and masturbation have been troubling as well. Impulsivity is a thing, too, that I've been getting better at controlling, but to be frank, I know it sounds stupid to most people but boredom is very uncomfortable for me still.

As a young kid I remember getting so frustrated and always telling my mom how bored I was. She'd give me the same 4 or 5 ideas, none of which i remember to satisfy the feeling. Usually ended up playing video games, which is fine, but analyzing it right now it almost seems like a cop out to avoid trying to see and understand the nuances and complexities in life that I am still trying to find to this day, to find fulfillment ect.

I'm afraid my dysthymia has the best of me, at the moment.

Maybe another big life change is approaching.

Thanks, peace