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Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

Ds said:
Church service was good today. We've been going over Moses and I could relate there some. How God has us at times take the long road through life rather than take short cuts. The long way would avoid conflict and issues versus the short road.
I know recovery is a long road type of deal, the other time's I had got sober were the shorter routes because I wanted my family back, materialistic things back, a girlfriend, all that shit, however now I know that I didn't place my life in the care of my HP to give me my life back, and all those other times, I'd relapse.
I've been looking at the bigger picture. That I do not want to live a miserable life, and slowly getting some stability helps me with my overall positivity on what to expect later.
I'm again a week clean from tobacco. I smoke a single black and mild during the week, which is actually a huge change from a pack of Newports a day. So slowly getting some air back into my lungs.
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Proud of you man you're doing great. What you said about finding stability and choosing not to live a miserable life is true.

It's sad but i find to truly avoid it all i need to not be so accessible myself. It involves cutting off people who i liked even, had a good laugh with, but they just don't fit in with moving forwards. Also, it's like i can no longer interact normally. I'm constantly paranoid anyone from the past drug scene calling me or messaging are trying to set me up. Then the ones who are not even if i meet up with friends its a slippery slope for ending up drinking, which leads to more. Or someones always got benzos. Solitude is the only way for me at the moment. I have 3 good friends i speak with, none of those stay here anymore, 3 who are local, but are liabilities. I have to be quite detatched from what's going on now and stay in my own lane. It's tough when you want more from life but have to sort yourself first.
 
I still smoke pot and use some pharmas now and again. But very few people i'm friends with local i could go chill with and it not wind up a disaster. I feel quite isolated, but there is no other option but solitude and sort myself out. I went from living a nice life had my own place, a girlfriend, enough money i was comfortable. To now i'm fucked, blew everything, no money, no job, i still have the car and some other stuff i bought which is worth a few quid, but i wont part with any of that.

Came up with a hustle the other day and washed a few peoples windows, only charged £5 a house but just to get a foot in i thought rock bottom prices. Bungalows only and just went door to door with the bucket and window cleaning equipment then just hit them all with the offer. Had 5 people on a street take me up on it. So made £25 in like 1.5-2hrs. Felt good just doing some honest work and chatting to normal people.
 
Enjoying a sober weekend (still I'm vaping weed). Supposed to be starting training in becoming a recovery volunteer hopefully in the near future which could effectively lead to a job which is kind of cool, although my other-half slags me for it 😂 Tbf the recovery community is a bit cringe at times if u ask me - here anyway and I'm probably being a bit of a fanny lol becoz I'm not teetotal (dabble in psychedelics mainly - edit - also had a lapse recently too) I don't think I'm the right fit sometimes but I'm guessing I'll just have my own style. Should be cool. Recovery is going good. Mindset changing again towards alcohol, and writing this will hopefully keep me accountable as well. Hope I can stay sober again for a long stretch at least. My focus has improved within the last week, even if only slightly, don't know if the k helped or it happened naturally, its helped lots just to function better and enjoy things a little more again like reading and practicing instruments. It's good to be able to talk/type again and read. And feel.
Warm wishes to everyone here and beyond
Take care x
 
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Jnowhere said:
AngelsandFariesarereal: Sorry to pry, but when you wrote: kind of hoping for maybe better days; I could not get that out of my head. That maybe the saddest thing I have ever heard. I got all kinds of issues but that statement is so sad. What is wrong?
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Thank you for being so kind. It’s all such long story, I don’t know if I could write it all rite now … & sometimes it’s hard to talk about. On days that I feel a little stronger sometimes I write about some stuff here & there.
Bless you for asking & caring 💜
 
Jnowhere said:
I am 47 and was enabled, long story but my family is a sad case of potential destroyed and addiction and then their is my dead mom. I hate to say this but I know sadness and dysfunctional issues
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I’m so sorry for your losses. & that you can understand the sadness & dysfunctional issues too, you have my empathy & understanding.
For me it’s just me & my cat rite now in life
Be gentle with yourself, grief is so complicated
Sending you support, blessings & many prayers 💜
 
Well just had an appointment with the doctors. I've been put back to the place with the best addiction councilling I had previously. Also local community mental health team.

Doctors also said it was great to see me and that's the best they had seen me in years. Looked into my other problems, offered a physio and a CT scan for those.

Appointment with the addiction councilling is this week. Physio next week. And community mental health team just waiting on a call back.

So all in a positive experience/productive morning.
 
Jnowhere said:
I am 47 and was enabled, long story but my family is a sad case of potential destroyed and addiction and then their is my dead mom. I hate to say this but I know sadness and dysfunctional issues
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Then just remember, not to forget as we do

That means you also know struggle test pain challenge, which results in growth.

It's really crystallising for myself suddenly.

Like April past, finally I was really recovering after long run from 2021 v consequential injuries and 365 life battle no shit.

I worked hard. Passed my exams I did make errors. But I LEARNED from them so, were they really, Errors I ask?


So April I was mobile energized able. Life was about to get too comparatively easy for me.

Well what use is that?

I went to a top University for free too, but not to Graduate.

I went there to grow, expand. Joint Philosophy and Psychology seemed ideal and were.



Anyway, it is life I aim to graduate in.

And for me that appears to mean really having about no comfort zone but forward view critical thinking heart.


So April, the Universe says rightly too, no sir. You got up from THAT impossible challenge somehow.

How bout this? Fluke random real bad accident night bin broom hard concrete.

Full re-exacerbation of internal system injuries sustained and developed from Halloween 2021.


Never had a rug pulled so hard. Serious test ever since.


Otherwise I'd be v different now. Sillier, imaginatively happier. Prob little more integrated into society which would be a major personal spiritual anchor now.

And more. Foot off gas.


So I never gave hoot about "qualifications" but no point coming all way through life then zip back to comfort zone day dream.

It's test and challenge. Stay easy comfy this world means less development.

Always room to move out of that zone but as Shakespeare was alluding to from one side of that coin with "All the world's a stage" the world or I'll stick with "universe" for now seems to have everything arranged.


And I have suffered through eternity of bitter hell nearly 20 years now. Last 2 not anything I ever hope to experience again any incarnation any time.

My spine is honestly literally shivering atm exactly when I typed that and my mind reverts.



Yet I am really adorning this new personal perspective. Accepting the realisation.

I'm never in "control" knew that long ago.

But however hard and bleak, whatever "agents" have enacted on me to truly damage my vessel ex-vitro, I am no victim.


Playing my role. Learning. Looking....forward! Cos no f way do I like anymore, looking back.
 
Jnowhere said:
Sad, that is my greatest accomplishment in a long time.
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Perspective my friend.

Now this way, you don't live feeding off lowering others masquerading only as a heart empty caustic git hey?

Exactly. That's filth.

Accomplishments come in many arrays.


Don't beat yourself. I'm beyond useless myself practically. And in many 3D real world senses but my communication ability is optimum still.


So you are accomplishing more than you might consider. Keep on!
 
I am here chairing an 8pm HA meeting. It's been a very long day at work, and I honestly wanted to stay at the house and go to sleep early tonight because 5am comes around fucking early.
I have made a commitment to do this though. This is my home group, the meeting that I attend on a regularish basis. I have a trusted servant position with the meeting, and feel somewhat obligated to chair.
That being said. I really need a meeting. I've been in my head all day . Creating resentments. Which as 'they say' is the number one offender.
So I'm going to lead the discussion tonight on 'resentments' & how people deal with them when they arise. I'm interested to hear what some people might say, because even though I've 'prayed' about it, it still bothers the piss out of me.
I don't want to go get high over this but being consumed about this resentment probably won't be good in the long run and I just might could get high over it.
 
Ds said:
I am here chairing an 8pm HA meeting. It's been a very long day at work, and I honestly wanted to stay at the house and go to sleep early tonight because 5am comes around fucking early.
I have made a commitment to do this though. This is my home group, the meeting that I attend on a regularish basis. I have a trusted servant position with the meeting, and feel somewhat obligated to chair.
That being said. I really need a meeting. I've been in my head all day . Creating resentments. Which as 'they say' is the number one offender.
So I'm going to lead the discussion tonight on 'resentments' & how people deal with them when they arise. I'm interested to hear what some people might say, because even though I've 'prayed' about it, it still bothers the piss out of me.
I don't want to go get high over this but being consumed about this resentment probably won't be good in the long run and I just might could get high over it.
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Good luck at your meeting, hope you have a good one. Sometimes when I feel myself upset about something & trouble letting it go, I take a notebook and journal about it … I just let the words flow & if I’m angry I’ll really write about it & let it out in the writing. I find sometimes it has helped & other times it kind of helps me process things.
Anyways … I figured I’d let you know that when I saw what you wrote. You could try it if you want if you’re feeling stuck about it, but if it’s not something that works for you or you feel … then you know how it goes … take what works & leave the rest
Big hug 💜
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
Good luck at your meeting, hope you have a good one. Sometimes when I feel myself upset about something & trouble letting it go, I take a notebook and journal about it … I just let the words flow & if I’m angry I’ll really write about it & let it out in the writing. I find sometimes it has helped & other times it kind of helps me process things.
Anyways … I figured I’d let you know that when I saw what you wrote. You could try it if you want if you’re feeling stuck about it, but if it’s not something that works for you or you feel … then you know how it goes … take what works & leave the rest
Big hug 💜
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why don't you try hand painting? Seriously

is some else vs other methods, Dali once said is like piano in art world.
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
Oh that sounds nice, thank you for the idea Shady :) 💜
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you ruminate some on it.. so to say

here we go batman GIF
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
Good luck at your meeting, hope you have a good one. Sometimes when I feel myself upset about something & trouble letting it go, I take a notebook and journal about it … I just let the words flow & if I’m angry I’ll really write about it & let it out in the writing. I find sometimes it has helped & other times it kind of helps me process things.
Anyways … I figured I’d let you know that when I saw what you wrote. You could try it if you want if you’re feeling stuck about it, but if it’s not something that works for you or you feel … then you know how it goes … take what works & leave the rest
Big hug 💜
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Thanks, that really means a lot. I've been slacking on my journaling. I work a 12 steps program, and one of the steps, step 10, is pretty much write down any resentment, or if I had harmed anyone, or whatever. I find myself hard to do that. It's not that I don't want to, it's just I have other ways to do my 10th step, which usually involves me calling a close friend who's also in recovery, and I'll do it verbally, and usually we fuck with one another about it, but usually I feel better after saying what I say to them.
Someone mentioned at the meeting that me having a resentment towards someone is like me drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. 'ill show them'. Times where I've got high and fucked up over a resentment and shit I'll show them.
I have a wonderful dog. Her name is Ruffles. (Her real name is Chloe, but I call her Ruffles, and I also have a cat named Scruffles). My dog, especially. Shows me that unconditional love. Where when I'm feeling shit, she will love me back to life. I'm happy to have her in my life.
 
Jnowhere said:
I just woke up up 10 minutes ago. Something ain't right with me
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Does that mean, you had anywhere possibly over another 7 minutes sleep extra? Just curious. I like explanations for things that's all but you can take it entirely rhetorically.
 
I still need to do some chores around the house too. I have a habit of tossing whatever is in my pocket on my dresser and not sorting through it. And those wads of change, crinkle dollar, dead vape, receipts all seem to gather and collect.
Just dealing with clutter is something I have issues with. I can work with folding clothes, making my bed, vacuuming etc, but those little 'rat nests'. Maybe need to invest in a type of system that helps me organize it a bit better.
 
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